OUTRO: Beerfest Prep

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0:15Keyzie:G'day fellas. Mad dog, mad dog, backbone.

0:19Mike Minogue:Coming to you live from Forsyth Bar Stadium in Dunedin for the Beer Festival, aren't we fellas? We sure are.

0:24Keyzie:And I just want to describe this scene for all the listeners out there. Seriously, I know we tend to go a little bit overboard sometimes when we're on location, but fuck me, what a set-up.

0:34Mike Minogue:Oh, my God. Fellas? Yeah, absolutely it is. And they put a roof on special for us. Yes. Which is a bloody good idea when you've got a beer festival. Down here on the green of the field where so many great memories have been made in the sporting world, It's a made-for-purpose football stadium, rugby. Yes. And I don't know how many of these there are in the country, to be honest with you. Covered stadiums? Is this the only one? It is. Well, it's the only covered, certainly, but how many stadiums are even just purpose-built for rugby alone? Yeah, it's always cricket thrown in there or stock cars.

1:08Mike Minogue:Yeah, stockies, yeah. Yeah, your muddle or toe, your toe-dunner.

1:11Keyzie:I don't know about you guys. When I find myself in a situation like this and you're standing on the field, do you fantasise about being one of the players, having a dash down the sideline there, going for the tri-line? Generally I would, but there's so many great food and alcohol stands here, James. You just get way laid. It's on my mind, yeah.

1:28Mike Minogue:I fantasise about going for a bit of a run down the side of those stools there with my cup, because you get issued a cup when you walk in, and it says, look, full pour, half pour, or a taster. So every stool you can either pay like a few bucks for a little taster there. You'd go full pour. Yeah, chuck your finger right in my glass, mate.

1:44Keyzie:You'd go full pour every time, wouldn't you, Keezy? I've just noticed over there, straight across me, because, of course, I'm on the wagon, fellas. You won't find me with a drink of my hand today. But I've just seen a margarita stand over there. I love a margarita. You do love a margarita. I do know that.

1:59Mike Minogue:Didn't they used to call you Margarita Moggy? They did, yeah. Moggarita. Moggarita, that's right. Old frozen Moggarita they used to call you. Moggarita. So I might go and have a look at that later on, but I won't have any. I worry that you will. There's got a whole bunch of gin here as well.

2:13Keyzie:Yeah, I was surprised by that. You've got your gins, your spirits going on as well. I bet there's some pretty tasty brews.

2:20Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah. So with your wagon, right? Yeah. Is it just I'm going to save it for the summer holidays? I'm saving it for the summer holidays, Kesey. I've just got too much work to do between now and then. And because I'm not piss fit. Now, had I been drinking all year, I'd be sweet. But I'm not piss fit. So if I drink, I'm just cooked until Wednesday, Thursday. Yeah, right. It's just no good for my working week, man. I get shame. I get a great amount of shame. I still work. but I'm lucky that I've got a high, it doesn't take much to make me feel shame. Right, I guess. And so it's just better if I just don't drink at all and then I get my work done and I'll feel happy.

2:55Mike Minogue:One of the things I think I've only ever felt like once or twice maybe is that shame after drinking. Right. But that's because I don't think, and I think we've talked about this, I don't think I crossed that threshold of what the fuck did I do last night. No, no. Like I don't think I have. No, and I don't do that either anymore. I certainly did in my 20s. because I just drink it to oblivion. Yeah. And just wake up and be like, oh, God, I'm going to apologise. Oh, what a piece of shit. But now it's not that. It's just that my energy is at about 50 % for days. It's 20%, yeah. And the hangover's like four days long.

3:30I can't help it. You look at last weekend, Kesey, I'm not drinking. I go home. My wife is having a glass of Chardonnay. 2 o 'clock in the morning, I finish up. The next day, we do the cricket. I'm drinking all through the cricket. The next day, we're watching the rugby league. So I go from not drinking to drinking for three days.

3:46Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's no good. It is no good, mate. It's no good. So what I've done today is I've allowed myself a packet of darts, and that's my treat, but no booze.

3:54Keyzie:Right. Yeah, sure.

3:55Mike Minogue:Do you have a treat in hoity, Jay?

3:57Keyzie:Oh, it's just a treat being here, fellas. Oh, that's good stuff from you, man. Yeah, but I'll be a little bit honest with you. I'm not feeling 100 % myself. You look awful. It's not booze related. I've got some sort of weird gas in my stomach, and it's causing me a great deal of grief.

4:14Mike Minogue:The big C. I feel like it's either the big C or just stress-related.

4:19Keyzie:I don't know, but it's right there between my lungs. It's like a big bubble, and it's just very uncomfortable. Yeah. I can't quite shake it. Why don't you get that fella to... Squeeze me. No, to, I was going to say, pick you up some quickies, but you could do both. Yeah, maybe. You might as well get them too.

4:38Mike Minogue:Also, if you drink something fizzy, you might be able to just burp it up. Yeah, maybe. Maybe I need a burp, Chase. Take some beers.

4:44Keyzie:Can you throw me over your shoulder and just pat my ass? Pat his ass, yeah. Pat my ass, and you might help me, Keezy.

4:50Mike Minogue:Seriously, I will burp you if you need. Okay, because we're pretty close now. I'll happily do that. You won't throw up on my shoulder, are you?

4:57Keyzie:No, I don't think so, though I did have quite a big brunch.

5:01Mike Minogue:Well, no, you didn't. You had half of a salmon bagel.

5:04Keyzie:No, I had two salmon poachies with hollandaise. Did you get both of the eggs? I did? You did? Well done, man. I ate pretty much all of it, just not the crust. You're a big boy. Thanks, Philz.

5:17Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast.

5:26Keyzie:It really is a really fantastic set-up. I think it's my favourite one. Really, of all the beer festivals? Yeah, of all the beer festivals. It's just, there's something about it being on really lush green grass. Yeah. everything's sort of protected. There's no wind or rain or any of that sort of carry-on. It's just a really good vibe.

5:46Mike Minogue:I'd say the only thing letting it down is that it's in Dunedin, which, as we all know, is a massive shithole.

5:50Keyzie:Yeah. Well, if you want a, you know, we often say, God, I wish I lived in this sort of time. You know, I think I would have liked this time better. If you want a good taste of 1970s New Zealand, Dunedin's the place to be. Is it?

6:06Mike Minogue:There's a lot of, like, we went for a wee walk earlier today, Mogi, while you were doing work. We went for a walk, and there's a lot of strange, weird shops. Strange busses. Oh, right. There was, I'll tell you what, because we're having a yarn about buskers. Oh, no, actually, we're doing that on the ACC commentary, the Wellington buskers. And you sort of back in the day, you knew them all by name. There was about six of them. They were part of the community. There was Blanket Man. There was Juggle Four Bulls Guy. There was Kenny Rogers. There was all these guys who walk around in a blanket with one buzzy hanging out lady.

6:37And they were busking with one buzzy. No, no, they were just the homeless people. And they were just part of it. They were buskers, but they were also homeless. Yes. But now it's just people on meth that are going to beat you up. They've lost their personality. But I was looking through Dunedin today, and there was an old bastard out there singing a song. You know, he was in his 70s. He should have been in some kind of a mental health facility, but he wasn't. He was on the streets, belting out of tune. Horrendous. With his guitar? No, no. Complete character. Couldn't sing for shit. Had a chili bin.

7:09as the container for people to put money in. Yeah, okay. Too big. Yes. But a real character. A real character. Terrible at what he was doing. Chilly bin guy. Chilly bin guy. Like, chilly bin is like, that's his thing. Yeah, that's right. And people, you know, students will come past and puke on all his money. Yeah, yeah. That sort of shit. Backbone.

7:26Keyzie:It was really funny because I know the guy you were thinking of, Keezy, there was a guy there who also had his guitar, and what's it called? His guitar. His guitar. Oh, yes. At the Octagon. Yeah. And he was strumming along. He was shit-ass, too. And then he was walking past us as we were walking down the street, and he looked at me and gave me the most shit-evil fucking look. Well, you've made the mistake of looking at him. I looked at him, and he was just like...

7:50Mike Minogue:That's what you do, Jase. Yeah, you never look at them. Because you always eye contact them, eh? When I say them, I mean... Scum. Well, no, I don't... Well, you've said it now. Kesey, shocker. That's not what I was going to say. Come on, Kesey. Well, people that are potentially not going to have a normal reaction to you looking at them. People that are looking for confrontation, you will eyeball them and do the old up and down the body and then do the other.

8:12Keyzie:Well, I don't even do the up. I just stare at their downstairs. Yeah, right. Which I don't, I mean, that's all G. You go eyes downstairs and look back at the eyes and then raise the eyebrows. And then as they're walking past, I go, button mushroom. You say that like, oh, really? And it's always Keezy. But I mean, I looked at the... Oh, Chilvin Keezy. I wasn't sort of directly staring at his eye. I looked in his eyes and I gave him a little smile. You know, like a little eyebrow. That's very patronising, man. You know, like you were saying yesterday.

8:44Mike Minogue:What?

8:44Keyzie:About, you know, walking past people on the street and doing the sort of eyebrow thing. He was making that up for the radio.

8:49Mike Minogue:Yeah, I fucking hate it when people do that. And also the people I do that to usually aren't on meth. But did you know there was a study done, and this is one of those, I heard this fact 10 years ago. and it was like where males and females, where their eyes are drawn to as soon as they see someone new, all dudes look at the crotch of both males and females.

9:11Keyzie:I, fellas, I've got to tell you this. The other day. Oh, God. Whose piece did he look at? I was in a group. This is a true story. I was in a group situation, and I totally innocently looked at a woman's cleavage Was this at work? How was that innocent? Well, I wasn't peering at it. I just turned, and the height of her cleavage was about my eye height. Yeah. So she was quite short then? She was quite short, and I looked at her cleavage, and just at the moment that happened, she looked at me. Was it at work? Not at our work. It was at our work. Oh, right. And I went from her cleavage to her eyes, and I was like, oh, no.