OUTRO: Brothel Chat is BACK

0:00For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Doggy. 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Hode Aki. Yeah.

0:16Mike Minogue:Ugh. Yeah. God. You okay, mate? You all stuffed up? Your sinus is all rammed up, man.

0:23Keyzie:What's going on, Kesey? You got bloodshot eyes here, brother. You're a little bit tired. You've just got, mind you, three week holiday. You must be exhausted.

0:31Mike Minogue:It is actually really tiring to be on holiday like that. Especially when you're having just, like, the time of your life every second of every day, Jason. You won't know this. No, I won't. Because Vietnam is a fucking cakewalk. Yeah, I bet.

0:45Keyzie:You know what I mean? To the cobbled streets of Europe.

0:49Mike Minogue:I've noticed that's all you know about Europe, is that there's cobbled streets. You'll have to get over there, man. Have a look. It's so much more than that, Jason.

0:57Keyzie:I really must.

0:58Mike Minogue:Wait till you see the walls. Yes. And the roofs.

1:00Keyzie:And the castles.

1:01Mike Minogue:Yeah, well, it's not really castles.

1:04Keyzie:Well, there were where Maggie went to.

1:07Mike Minogue:Of course there were castles, yeah. Just fucking around.

1:09Keyzie:Oh, guys. You know what I mean? Yeah, I do. I'm sort of over it now, though. Oh, I'm fucking over it, too. I'm having one. You had a shocker, have you, man? History-making day today, the end of Dog Squad. Is it? Yes. Did my last ever recording. I didn't know that it was the last ever. Yeah, so we think that she's done and done. I think it's okay to say that. No, it's not. Oh, fuck, man. TVNZ will lose their shit. I won't say listen to this, because I know they all sit around as soon as this drops at 7.30.

1:42Mike Minogue:What? Simon Dallow and that. I wouldn't be surprised if they did. I wouldn't be surprised at all if they did. Really? They'll be loving it. 15 seasons. It's a pretty good run. I don't know where you'd stop. It's money for jam. Apparently it's because here we go. I've heard they're getting a new voice. It just needs a bit of a shake-up. Yeah, they said the current voice lacks that sort of worldliness of someone who's been to Europe. Sure.

2:05Keyzie:I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what, fellas. All G with me.

2:09Mike Minogue:Is it? Yeah. Oh, I don't know. Fuck, I don't know. Yeah, man. Have you noticed with Jase when somebody's not all G, he'll be like, oh, it's fine. It's all G. I love it. Yeah. No skin on my massive honkers.

2:20Keyzie:I wish them all the very best following me. That's all I can say. Yeah, good luck. You know what I mean? Good luck. They did try that. Let me just say, it didn't work out too well. Did not go well. Yeah. Let me put it to you that way. That's a shame, though, Jase. Well, I can tell you, though, out of all those 15 seasons, I haven't seen a single episode, and that's not a reflection on the quality of the show because it rates in the top 10 every single year. I can tell you that much. It does, yes.

2:41Mike Minogue:I will say that I have seen... I said it, Frank. Easy bloody. 40 episodes. Really? 40? Oh, wow. 100%. Just because it's like, if there's nothing on... If it's on, sure. Yes, yes. Now, even if you can't think of anything to watch and you're like tired. I probably watched nothing. You'll just search and you'll go Highway Patrol or like Dog Squad and you know. Talk back.

3:01Keyzie:Lines of Paranormal. Now for me it's that stuff. If I'm in that site it's Sister Wives or A Place in the Sun. Well actually no. A Place in the Sun is regular viewing in our household because it comes on pretty much when I get home. Brothel chat. On Living Channel.

3:19Mike Minogue:Yes. Brothel chat. With Woody Juz. See that he would say Keezy and then he switched to Hoity Jizz. No, it was meant to be Hoity Jizz. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I just, yeah, defaulted for Keezy. If you made a show, Jase, and it was called Brothel Chat with Hoity Jizz, what would sort of the structure of the show be? Let me say straight away, I'm in. Yeah, you would be. I hope midnight, I'm watching. In your experience, would that get TVNZ or NZ On Air funding? They'd be fizzing at the opportunity to get involved with Hoity Jizz in any capacity. Yeah, man. Especially now he's been freed up from Dog Squad.

3:50They're going to need Hoity Jizz somewhere on the screen. Brothel. So what would it be like?

3:55Keyzie:I've been really inspired by you fellows, actually, and your amazing European travels. Wow, yeah, we try. Yeah, what part of it has inspired you the most? It's inspired, well, just in terms of - Oh, look at the cobbled streets. Seriously, and I think I've told you this before, my kind of dream job back in the day was what Gary McCormick used to do. Oh, yeah. What was that called, that show? Oh, Being Steamed. Well, that. Oh, I'm annoyed that I can't remember it. Heartland. There we go.

4:25Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast.

4:34Keyzie:I'd love to go around New Zealand. Lee Hart's show. No, not that show. And, you know, because it would always be a small town and it would always be based around something going on in that small town. Now, obviously, the interesting thing about this is, and this is, you know, for those that don't know, you go to a small town. Yes. let's say they've got a ooh it might be the Golden Guitars might be happening down in Gore and so Gary McCormick would go down there, radio personality, poet writer loves a few beers a backbone New Zealander goes down there and just gets to know the locals now the interesting thing about you showing any interest in doing that is that you don't like talking to people so that would be because all day people would, the director would be saying okay let's go over and talk to these guys and you'd be like I'd watch that I'd watch that But even you know Back in the day When they got all their Sort of celebs That used to do the Travel shows So they'd sit Like Ewan Gilmore For example Over in India And they'd make An episode of Intrepid Journeys Yeah You know Something like that Johnny Brough Went over to Jamaica Mun Oh did he I never saw that He did And he found out That he came from A long line Well not a long line But in his history they were enslavers, slave masters.

5:53Really? Slave traders? Wow. Not traders, I don't think. They just owned slaves. Mongers. Yeah, not mongers. Oh, so they just owned some slaves. They owned some slaves. Oh, okay. You know, half a dozen, I don't know how many there were. But Johnny really struggled with that when he found that out during shooting. Yes. Yeah. Well, as you would. As you would.

6:14Keyzie:or another show that I like to do is finding your birth parents. Oh. Yeah, see, that would be good. Something I quite like. I get quite choked up with those shows. That's a bit of a kick in the guts because you know my dad's dead. And so what, we're going to go to Down to the Grave. That's the only thing holding me back at this point. Yeah. I'd watch that. How about that would be a good show. We're going to go and have a chat to your birth parents and hard cut to just you with a shovel in a graveyard. That's a fucking funny video idea. I did have a red shovel a long time ago.

6:55Mike Minogue:We're reintroducing Mike with his birth parents. It's going to be really emotional. It just cuts to you in the cemetery crying. Grab a shovel, go. Well, if you're just going to be stupid about it,

7:04Keyzie:I'm not going to carry on. Well, hang on.

7:06Mike Minogue:What other shows have you got? I don't even know. I haven't heard the structure for Hoardy Jizz's brothel chat.

7:11Keyzie:Well, I'm saying. So you're in a small town. I'm in a small town. Covered in jizz. And you get to know the locals. Yes. And then I go to the local brothel. So it's like.

7:24Keyzie:And then whatever. Is that where you have a chat? Whatever happens within happens within. Well, that's quite nice. And what I like about that, Jase, is the episodes start with the call of, let's say, a magpie. the early morning call of a... Yep, thank you. Dawn is just rising over the hills there and your light turns on beside your bed and sort of like a room above the local pub. Yes, nice. Dawn is breaking here in, you know, Hawara or something like that. Not too agga. Then you get up and you go about your day. You visit the locals, the local backbones. You come to love them all. Learn some interesting things.

8:05Heartstrings are probably tugged at certain points. and then at the end of the day, you're in the brothel and you're mirroring that same shot from the start of the day and the light goes out. Yeah, like it. And then it's just, to-do's, to-do's. I like it.

8:21Mike Minogue:And it's called Hoity Jez's Brothel Chat. How many episodes are we thinking? But that last, that to-do's read is like four minutes. Yes. But we're staying that one shot from out on the street. I reckon while the names. But you're mic'd up. While the name's a little producer and stuff comes up, like produced by Mike Minogue, and then it goes away.

8:42Keyzie:No, but I reckon, yeah, the final shot, it's just a real close-up of my white buttocks. Yeah, I know what the final shot is. You know, and it's maybe through a window. And then it pans from my white buttocks and climax to a magpie in the tree. Yeah, that's nice.

9:01Mike Minogue:To it, to woo. To it, to woo. Yeah, nice. And then it's like, next week. Yeah. And then it cuts to Jason like, why he?

9:08Keyzie:And then it cuts to me. Yeah, do-doos, do-doos. That's great stuff. Good show. That's a really good show. Tell you what, you throw together a two-pager.

9:17Mike Minogue:Put the pitch deck together. And yeah, I reckon we'll take that in.

9:22Keyzie:Well, I can take it. I don't think it'll work if you all take it in. No, we'll take it.

9:26Mike Minogue:Six EPS, Jason. I reckon six EPS. Is it 24 minutes so that? 22 minutes. 22 minutes so that it can play on half an hour on TV with the ads there. And I think we say sort of once seven sharp finishes, that's where this comes on. Well, I tell you what, it's got a country calendar vibe to it. Exactly. People love that shit. Mixing, you know, real-life backbone New Zealanders with filth. Yes. Because that's what country calendar is. Oh, man. Well, that's what country calendar is missing. I'd watch the hell out of here. I've always said that. I reckon that and the reintroducing you to your long-lost parents.

10:02Mike Minogue:Two great shows