In short
A late-show “outro” chat on Radio Hauraki about food habits, appetite, leftovers, and summer plans, framed with repeated R18 sexual/disgusting disclaimers.
Guests
Keezy (host/regular), Jase (regular co-host), Mogi (regular co-host), Pugs (regular co-host).
Guest backgrounds
The transcript gives no formal bios; they’re presented as long-running Big Show personalities.
Key claims
Re-burgers are “regular-sized” while other fast-food burgers have shrunk; Keezy struggles to finish huge burgers; families pride themselves on finishing meals; slow eating leads to cleaning the dining room.
Notable examples
Lone Star restaurant “big meals” where one friend couldn’t finish; teenage “prison eating” where others ate fast; Keezy “nursed” a breakfast burger for ~30 minutes; beach plans include fishing/swimming and building sand castles; they joke about “eating ass” and unprofessional food-masturbation gestures.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOFriday Vibes and Good Moods
0:45 to 2:27
The hosts chat about their moods and what makes them happy on Fridays.
“Keezy's got every reason to be in a good mood, don't you, Keezy?”
Leftover Food Dilemmas
2:27 to 4:05
Discussion about leftovers, particularly focusing on the Ree burger and personal eating habits.
“Do you not know that your masculinity is directly tied to how much you can eat?”
Childhood Eating Stories
4:05 to 6:00
The hosts share anecdotes from their childhood related to food and eating habits.
“when I was a young fellow and the teenagers, you know what teenage boys are like when it comes to food, and we had so fucking little of it, you know, that we were starving all the time.”
Summer Plans and Family
6:00 to 7:40
The hosts discuss their upcoming summer plans, including family visits and outdoor activities.
“Are they my defining characteristics now?”
Nostalgic Beach Talks
7:40 to 11:08
Conversations about beach activities, past memories, and family interactions during summer.
“My wife bought me some golf pants, Keezy.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Keyzie:Yeah, g'day you massive backbones, it's old Hoody Jay here, your mate. Listen, just a bit of a disclaimer at the front of this podcast, not suitable for younger listeners, alright? Keyzie was disgusting, Pugs was disgusting, Mogi was disgusting. Eyes to the front, Hoody Jay. I tried to hold it all together, but my best attempts failed. So, disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer. For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Dog It. Four to seven every weekday on Radio Raw Dog It. That's right, man. That's totally true.
0:46Mike Minogue:How are you guys going?
0:47Keyzie:Good, thank you, Keezy. How are you? I'm good.
0:50Mike Minogue:I'm really good.
0:51Keyzie:Yes, you seem in a good mood.
0:52Mike Minogue:I'm in a good mood.
0:53Keyzie:Yeah, why is that because it's Friday?
0:55Mike Minogue:It's because it's Friday. Yeah. Keezy's got every reason to be in a good mood, don't you, Keezy? Keezy's got every reason to be in a good mood. Well, I'm glad to hear her, Keezy. It's been a great day. It's been a great day. What a day it's been. Yeah, yeah. It's been an excellent day. You know one of the reasons I'm happy? I know one of the reasons, yeah. Yeah. Got a job. Oh, that's good. Yeah, quietly. Good one. Yes. Good job. Various other reasons, too. I was already in a very good mood. Were you? Yeah, yeah. What else were you up to, you little sick bastard? I had some leftover Reburger in the fridge.
1:22Oh, that'll get you going. Save it for the show, man.
1:24Mike Minogue:Put that in the air fryer. Oh, yeah. Ate that.
1:28Keyzie:I don't know that I'm happy about leftover re-burger.
1:31Mike Minogue:What do you mean?
1:32Keyzie:Well, I mean, I prefer to eat it fresh, you know, and sizzling off the plate. You can't eat a whole burger, man. You're like, wow, I actually do struggle. That's true. It's ridiculous. My Joe, it's because the burgers are so huge these days.
1:46Mike Minogue:They're not.
1:46Keyzie:You know, and it's like, God, man.
1:48Mike Minogue:See, Jase, all the other fast food joints, their burgers are tiny now. They have started shrinking, whereas Ree burgers are regular-sized burgers.
1:56Keyzie:It's good eating. Yeah. I mean, there's a fair chunk of meat in them, to be fair. Does it? Yeah. You know, it's not a – It's a hell of a log that comes out of your anus, there old Keezy, after you've eaten a Ree burger. Yeah. How do you know about that? Who told you that? My own experiences, man. But, yes, I do struggle to eat a whole burger, it's true. Well, a whole Ree burger just because they're so massive.
2:21Mike Minogue:And do you feel like a bit of a baby?
2:24Keyzie:No, it's just the way I am. I accept just that's just. Do you not know that? I'm just not. I don't have a big appetite. Do you not know that your masculinity is directly tied to how much you can eat? How much I can eat? Yeah, well, probably. Probably it is. Because if it was ass, then you'd be the manliest man in the world. If it was ass, yeah, for sure. But.
2:44Mike Minogue:Yeah, but.
2:45Keyzie:Same thing. I just. I just. What do you want to call it, brother? I don't. I don't know. I just don't have a big appetite. I don't know why it is Unless it's Unless it's ass Unless it's ass And then I have A huge Mate I love me some ass
3:00Mike Minogue:Fuck
3:00Keyzie:You know what I mean That's all G though right Oh it's standard man Yeah yeah Ravenous You guys love a bit of ass Don't you Ravenous Not like you Is that ravenous Is that what you've done there Ravenous yeah That's good there What you've done there Keezy man
3:11Mike Minogue:Um Fuck I forgot what I was going to say With all this Oh it would have been good man Arse chat Jase loves ass chat Tell you what I'm fucking Oh yeah Oh that's right When I was a teenager right You know the Lone Star? Yes. You know how they do big meals?
3:23Keyzie:Yeah.
3:23Mike Minogue:Traditionally? Yes. So like my family, because we're Bogans, Lone Star was like our favourite restaurant growing up. And one of my friends, Guy, we invited him out for dinner a couple of times and he'd be like, where are we going? We'd be like, Lone Star. And he'd be like, oh, nah, I'm all good. And I was like, what's wrong with Lone Star? He's just like, everyone in your family finishes all their meals and then I just sit in there, the only one who hasn't finished their meal. Yes. Because my family prides itself on finishing their meal. Finish that meal, buddy. Yeah. And he'd just sit there with heaps of leftovers.
3:52Yeah. I love taking leftovers home from the restaurant.
3:55Keyzie:Yeah, I like a leftover curry. I love a doggy bag. Yeah, a doggy bag. So you're a doggy man. Yeah. I had the thing at school where, you know, when I was a young fellow and the teenagers, you know what teenage boys are like when it comes to food, and we had so fucking little of it, you know, that we were starving all the time. but my problem was everyone, Mogi's in a mood, I can tell. Everyone would eat their meal in about two minutes. They'd do a Mogi. Prison eating. Prison eating. You get one arm around the plate to protect it. Yes, and then douche, douche, douche. And every time, me and my mate Marty, because we were always chatting, we would be there an hour after everyone else, which was a bad thing because that meant we had to clean the whole dining room.
4:46Keyzie:Just turn into each other's eyes, eh? Well, we just, we weren't fast eaters. We've always been slow eaters. And so we'd eat really fast. And then we'd fuck off and we'd be left just still eating our meal after an hour. My wife was a very, very, very, very slow eater. And then, but once you have a kid. Yes. That shit's gone.
5:02Mike Minogue:So like today I had a meal with another person and it was literally. Oh, that would be in a good mood. It was literally a little breakfast burger thing. And I fucking nursed it. And he was nursing his as well. We were both nursing.
5:14Keyzie:A breakfast burger?
5:16Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah. I wasn't expecting to eat. A couple of soft ones, were you? But I reckon if it was just me sitting there, I would have eaten it in five minutes. Right. But I reckon it took me half an hour. Just because I was stopping.
5:26Keyzie:Was the chip so good, man?
5:27Mike Minogue:Yeah, it was.
5:27Keyzie:I've seen you eat a re-burger in four bites,
5:30Mike Minogue:you absolute fucking animal. I've seen you eat ass in three bites.
5:36Keyzie:No, no, usually it's two. One's up. One's down.
5:43Mike Minogue:Do we have to put a disclaimer on this? The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast.
5:55Keyzie:So now I am racist. Yeah. I'm a jizz bot. I'm sexist and I love eating ass. Are they my defining characteristics now? Yeah, put it up. Oh, and you wear bird shirts. I am bird shirts. Oh, yeah, that's fast. Is this a bird one? Yep, that's got a stalk on it. Huge fucking birds on that one. You've got to put a wing coming out of your pocket. Right. Yeah. What kind of bird is it? I just like it because it's cool. Not cool as in hip. Cool as in very flimsy material. I went to buy some shorts today. I couldn't get any. Still, you're still struggling with the shorts. I went over to a crossroad from the office.
6:32It's Huffer. Huffer. It's got like three types of shorts. They're all fucking massive.
Read the full transcript
6:38Mike Minogue:What kind of shorts are you after the movie? It's not for me, man. Probably just what you wear, man. Just like some shorty kind of regular. Fuck, mine are from Uniqlo. It'll be like A is colour. It'll be like, what are those other ones? Helen Steins and shit like that. I can't do it online. I need to fit my shorts. Helen Steins will be your best bet. Yeah. Because they'll have like three pairs, different colours for fucking 30 bucks each. Exactly. Yeah.
7:03Keyzie:That'll be me, Jase, all right? So just brace yourself, brother, all right? Yeah, no, look, I'm all set to go. I'm prepared and ready. Shorts wear the baby.
7:13Mike Minogue:Also, we need to alert the listeners to sometimes on the show, and you'll never be able to tell, Jace will say something like, you know what teenage boys are like with food? And then you'll look over and Mogey will be doing a hand gesture of some sort that no one else can see other than us.
7:27Keyzie:Yeah, they like to masturbate their food.
7:30Mike Minogue:And it happens every now and then. The audience needs to be aware of that.
7:33Keyzie:Yeah, yeah. They're very unprofessional. Oh, shit. Just on this, My wife bought me some golf pants, Keezy. Did she? Yeah.
7:44Mike Minogue:Did you not have some? No. Oh, yeah, you had like Chino-y things.
7:48Keyzie:Yeah, yeah. Golf pants. Well, they're kind of like trackies, but they're Addy Dash. I bought too late. It's just where you're at.
7:57Mike Minogue:You've jizzed on your golf pants. Come on, man. Come on, jizzbot.
8:00Keyzie:I've jizzed over them while I was eating ass. Isn't that what you fellas do? This is definitely going to have a disclaimer on it. That is a disclaimer for sure. That's shocking for me. I mean, even Pugs is shaking his head, and he's a filthy bastard. He's a sick son of a bitch.
8:13Mike Minogue:So were you like, oh, hang on, I'll just put my golf pants on, then I'll eat some ants.
8:18Keyzie:That's fucking disgusting what Pugs just did.
8:21Mike Minogue:What did he do?
8:22Keyzie:I am not even going to tell you what he did. He would be deeply embarrassed. He was eating that ass.
8:27Mike Minogue:You were eating ass. Oh, wow. Jesus. Good golly. That's put me off the show.
8:34Keyzie:Thank God it's not being videotaped. Fuck no. How many weeks have we got left? Three weeks now, fellas. Yeah, man. Is it? Yeah. Yeah, it is. It's December 1st on Monday. That's fucked, eh? That's three weeks to go, fellas.
8:48Mike Minogue:That is so fucked. Yeah. Bring it, man. Bring it. I am looking forward to a holiday. It's going to be good. Oh, same. Fucking. I'm going to go down to Wellington. I don't know how I feel about that. Right. It'll be good, but you know what I mean? Yes. It better be fucking good weather. Yeah, what's the weather like down there over the summer? Shit. Yeah?
9:05Keyzie:It's always shit. I remember we spent a summer there for Christmas. I want to be in the Coramandals. That's actually not accurate. We spent about seven or eight days there. That's playing with fire. And the weather was okay, but again, fucking windy. Yeah, right. And you'd be on a beach, and the last thing you want on a beach is wind. Yeah. Because there's fucking sand and -
9:25Mike Minogue:What about - A tsunami. Rain or a tsunami. Tsunami is the last thing I want on a beach. Or a pod of whales being stranded.
9:31Keyzie:Oh, no, that'd be quite cool. Then you could save them, Keesey. You couldn't save a whale? I'd splash water on it with my sand bucket. I'd keep them hydrated. You got a body chase down there. Do you guys see little castles on the sand still? I still like to build castles. I don't do anything.
9:49Mike Minogue:I lie on the beach in the sun. Hung over, I'm picking. With my nips out, and then go for a swim when I get too hot. And then if there's another bloke there, might play frisbee or throw a footy ball for a wee bit. Yeah. And that's it. Yeah. Showing off for the chicks. Showing off for the ladies. Fuck, that was like the go-to in Taronga growing up. Chicks love it. just throw the old footy around. Yeah, like out here it happens. Yeah, yeah. Out our window of the studio here, there's a couple of fellas there. Throwing the pig skin. Chucking the pig skin around like a couple of... While the ladies are sitting there vaping and watching.
10:18Keyzie:Isn't that great? Yeah, I'm looking forward to fishing and swimming. That's what I'm looking forward to this summer. I haven't seen my girls. I haven't seen them for fucking ever.
10:25Mike Minogue:Are you going over there?
10:26Keyzie:No, they're coming here.
10:28Mike Minogue:Are they staying at yours?
10:29Keyzie:No, this is the thing. They're coming here and then they're going... Oh, yeah, you've got to see them for one day. Then they're going to gigs all around the country. And I was like, oh, okay. It's pretty shit, eh? It's like, what's that about, man?
10:38Mike Minogue:It's pretty standard. It's standard, but it sucks. Well, you know, they love their music. The only people in their 20s listening right now.
10:47Keyzie:Not their dad.
10:47Mike Minogue:Who do the same thing. They're like, I'll go see the parents for a day, and then I'll go do a million things. A hundred percent. Yeah, it's just how it is.
10:53Keyzie:Mind you, one of my girls messaged my wife last night and said, I really miss you. I mean, she misses her, but I don't think she misses me very much. That sounds about right. Yeah.
11:02Mike Minogue:Trust you to take a negative from that. Oh, it's shocking. It's just... That's standard, man. It's just hurtful. It is hurtful, man. But, you know, you're not there for, you know... I don't know what you're there for, but... Have you guys tried being good fathers? What do you mean? I'm very busy. Hey, this is a big show. Four to seven weekdays. On Horaki.
From the publisher
On today's outro, we're a pack of filthy animals.
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Featuring Jason Hoyte, Mike Minogue, and Keyzie, "The Big Show" drive you home weekdays from 4pm on Radio Hauraki.
Providing a hilarious escape from reality for those ‘backbone’ New Zealanders with plenty of laughs and out-the-gate yarns.
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