OUTRO: CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

0:04Ho Ho Ho Raki.

0:06Keyzie:Now fellas, why isn't that being used? Do we know? Why isn't this being used? No, Ho Ho Hauraki you'd think would be a slam dunk considering how much we love wordplay here at Hauraki and how much we love Christmas.

0:19Mike Minogue:Yes. How would you spell it? H-A-U-H-A-U. I think so, yeah. H-A-U-Raki. Or H-O-H-O and then H-A-U. Yeah. You know? Yeah, Ho Ho Hauraki.

0:28Keyzie:But it is our Christmas special And we're not going to try and pretend that it is Christmas Day What did you do today on Christmas Day, Phil? It's good to catch up with you on Christmas Day Oh wow Yeah, yeah I want to know Say it's 3.42 I'm maggoted In the Mogey household I've had about four grams of coke Yes Yeah, I'm absolutely off-chop Four grams

0:49Mike Minogue:So what, you drop back on Christmas Day? Yeah, go easy Because it's a bit of a family day What time did you hit the piss? Look What time? I'll get up But my daughter, obviously, it's a big day for your kids. Yes, very much so. I just need to remember this, Keys. Are you right? When you have kids, Christmas is no longer about you, okay, man? Right, okay. To be honest, I'm ready for that. Oh, it's so good. I'm ready to – I love buying presents for people. I'll tell you what. It's far better, isn't it, once you've got kids. Christmas. Yeah. Christmas is great when you're a little kid because it's all about you and you're a greedy piece of shit.

1:22Yes. But then when you have kids, oh, they love it. Yeah. Oh, they do. Oh, they love it. My daughter loves it, and she loves being with her family. So we'll be up at probably 6 a.m. Yes. Breakfast, big breakfast, and then you're probably into the mimosas, I think, straight away. Straight into white Christmas.

1:38Keyzie:Yeah. It won't be a white Christmas, sadly, Keezy, but I'm going to be down in Wellington at my cousin's house in Parimata, I think, is where he is. Yes. And that's right on the water, so we'll be out in the kayak. Oh, lovely. New house he's got there. Yeah, I can't wait, man. I mean, I'm there already, and I'm loving it. It's been a great day. Keezy, man, what are you doing? Well, you're washing her. Is she in her Christmas jammies? Oh, now, you're saying she's got some shocking lingerie. Christmas jammies, that's right. She's only allowed to wear them at Christmas.

2:09Mike Minogue:100 % true. Well, I washed her Christmas jammies the other day because it got to like the 4th of December. She's allowed to wear them in December. You're a freak, bro. Hey, man, she... But she's never home, so has she had a chance to wear them? She likes the rule. She likes it because she's like, oh, yeah, I get to wear my Christmas jammies. And Daddy's laying the rules down as well. And it's not like I'm laying the rules down. You know what I mean? I just said, oh, what if these are your special Christmas ones, you can only wear them in December. She said, oh, that's a good idea. What's on them?

2:33Mike Minogue:Gingerbread men, candy canes, and little Christmas trees.

2:36Keyzie:So does she walk on the 4th of December? I do. She walks into the bedroom and she sees - I didn't say anything about the bedroom. No, but she sees her Christmas jammies folded on the bed and she's like - And there's a note on them. Yes. It says, dear wifey, put these fucker things on now. And it's like, oh, God, they're so weird.

2:59Mike Minogue:No, what happened was she was wearing – no, I did a load of washing and I washed her jammies and she was like, oh, my God, I need to get you to wash my Christmas jammies. Because she hasn't worn them for like a year and they might be a bit dusty or whatever. Sure. And so I took them and washed them for her and then I folded them, laid them out on the bed with a little note that said wifey on it. Yeah. And then it said, hey, don't forget, as soon as December finishes, these go back in the draw. I don't care how many days you forgot, that's on you. Right. And there's a picture of a fist on it. Ah, yeah.

3:30Mike Minogue:That's the one. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast.

3:41Keyzie:Where's Keezy on Christmas Day? With her folks, your folks?

3:45Mike Minogue:No, so my folks, we always do early in the year because Christmas, well, my mum doesn't really do Christmas. Okay, yes. And it's not a huge deal at our house. But it's a huge deal to your old man. I'm sad about your old man missing out on this. I don't think it's good. I don't like that. No, no, 100%, which is why the weekend before we always do a big thing, a big brekkie thing. I always buy presents and blah, blah, blah. My brother does too, and it's a big, you know. Yeah, right. It's a big thing. And then my mum's gifts have just got like non-Christmassy stuff on it. She hates Christmas. No, she likes it.

4:11Mike Minogue:But she's just, it's her religion that she doesn't believe in Christmas. Oh, good on you. That was good. So she was happy for the old man to get involved in it. 100%. Loves it. Loves the fact that Lucy has Christmas pyjamas, loves all that stuff. Yeah. So we do a Christmas thing the weekend prior, which in my family traditionally is a mini bike day because we've got these 50cc motorbikes that we grew up riding. And my dad's still got his from the 1960s and stuff. And all his brothers and the cousins come around. We have a big race day on them. Do they? How many? I think there's about 20 bikes.

4:43Mike Minogue:Shit. There's about 12 of us that ride them and race. You guys are all coked up to the eyeballs. We're all coked up. Not coked, speed. Speed, yeah, nice. And we just get stuck in it. Yeah. And it's like my dad's broken his ribs twice on minibike race day.

5:00Keyzie:So Christmas Day, you're at your wife's parents?

5:02Mike Minogue:At my wife's parents, yeah. Lots of food. Way too much food. I'll be washing the spuds. My job's to wash the spuds out of the garden.

5:10Keyzie:It's 3.46. We've eaten. What state is Kesey in?

5:14Mike Minogue:I'm in a food coma. We've had way too much. I've started to have beers. I'm now sleepy as and kind of hoping I can go home for a nap. Yes. And then maybe a few beers later, a bit of soup or leftovers, then probably bed again. Maybe watch a movie.

5:28Keyzie:What about you, Jase? Yeah. Well, for me, I'll be at home. My mother-in-law is going to be there. One of my girls is going to be there. And my other girl is turning up at midday.

5:40Mike Minogue:Right, okay. So they're all there now.

5:42Keyzie:So they're all here now.

5:44Mike Minogue:Wow, that must have been annoying that you had to leave and come do the potty.

5:47Keyzie:Yeah, very. And I can tell you we'll have a massive lunch, massive lunch, and just stuff our heads with delicious food and just chit-chat, play music, hang out, and that'll be it. Hang on some vapes. Yeah, I'll be vaping. My daughter Millie, she'll be puffing her little rollies there. Nice. And I'll be effing and jeffing that I'm not smoking. I might even steal one. I think you should, man. Yeah, yeah. You've said yourself you feel better on the day. Yeah, I do, sadly. And, yeah, it'll just be a family day, fellas. Back in the day, of course, I'd just get steamed. But I don't do that now. What about you, Pugs?

6:26What will you be doing?

6:28Keyzie:Oh, he can't hear us. He can't hear us, man. Come through, man. Come through. So that'll be good. That will be good. And I'll just eat stupid amounts of ham. Yeah, I'm looking forward to the ham. Stupid amounts. I'm just asking what you'll be up to on Christmas Day there, Pete.

6:43Mike Minogue:Have I told you guys about the time I ate too much Christmas ham? Yes. And shat it out of both ends for 24 hours straight until I had to go to the hospital. You shat it out of your mouth. Might as well have been. No, sorry, I apologise, but you reminded me of that. I remember being at home and just picking at the ham all day. You know we're in that food coma lazy stage? Because you do pick at stuff. You put it on the floor like a chicken and you would just pick at it and bend down. I think you'll find that's pecking. But yeah, 100%, man. I was just picking it out of the container. And then later in the day, I was playing The Last of Us 1 on PS3.

7:20Mike Minogue:And then I thought, oh, what's that feeling? And then proceeded to shat myself for 24 hours straight. Yeah, good. And then I literally thought it wasn't going to end and that was my new life. And then I went to the hospital and they gave me an ice block and I spewed that up too. Nice. They just said, you just got to ride it out, man. You must have got a bug or something. And then I didn't eat ham for three years. So that's what you're doing this Christmas. 100 % that's the plan You're going to shout out Christmas Am This time with bears Where are you going to be? I'm going to be in Stokes Valley Nice In my heart where the whanau is Yeah So Oh no they were there I think I did My old man lived in Stokes Valley for years Oh true The gully there Hare Street Oh yes What?

7:55Hare Street Oh Hare Street It's a little tucked away little place there There's a little river that ran through it It's very small Is he on the good side or the bad side? I don't think there is a good side

8:03Mike Minogue:Well That's valid I'll just be exchanging gifts. I think I'm in charge of drinks and cheese and crackers and stuff. Connies. Cheese board stuff. And Connies. For my family Christmas. Yeah, man. Yeah, yeah. Bring in the Connies. Really? Yeah. Weird. I was just asking. Are you serious? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just don't quit, do you, on the Connies? Nah, nah.

8:26Keyzie:We'll do also, because you're probably the same with you. We do a family movie at the end of the night. What are you going for? It's always something stupid like Love Actually or something. Oh, that's a great Christmas movie. Are you kidding me? Love Actually rules. That's such a good film. There will be six females and one male in the house.

8:45Mike Minogue:I know, but to have a shot and say Love Actually is a stupid movie, it's a really great Christmas film. I've only got to see this film, yeah. It's great. I've never seen that. It's Four Weddings and a Funeral. Four Weddings and a Funeral is great.

8:54Keyzie:Love Actually is a terrible name for a film. I only watched that this year, by the way. Yes, it's Don't Do It to Yourself, Mogi. Oh, my God, man.

9:00Mike Minogue:Don't do it to yourself, Mogi. Try and stop it, man. All right. He loves it. That's great, Pugs, huh? Hey, thanks, guys. I recommend Bad Santa. Yes. Which I used to watch every Christmas with my mum. She loves it. Alf. Alf is good. With Little Feral. Die Hard is good. Yeah, Die Hard. You're not going to get Die Hard across the line with the ladies. No, I'm not. You do, though. My mum loves Die Hard.

9:22Keyzie:Huge Die Hard fan. Yeah, but she's... She's a backbone. Yeah, she's a backbone, Mogi. What's her name again?

9:28Mike Minogue:Marge. Marge, yeah.

9:30Keyzie:Yeah, she loves it.

9:30Mike Minogue:Hey, well... That's short for margarine, eh? Yeah, margarine.

9:33Keyzie:On behalf of the big show, just a Merry Christmas to all you backbones out there. I was going to say something shocking. Really? Yeah, Merry Christmas, you fucking losers. Is there something to do with spread? I hope you're having a great day.