OUTRO: Complaint-Worthy [R18]

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0:15Keyzie:How many geys are you, Jase? Yeah, well, I'm just actually looking at the three people out there on their vapes and they're all sporting different types. In fact, I think the woman's actually sharing hers with another dude, which is kind of filthy. You know what I'm saying? Is it a good way to start a conversation, like when you're out there? Yes. Oh, what kind of vape are you running? What flavour is that? Right, yes. Do you do that sort of stuff? No. Oh. I might ask what flavour are you running. Yeah. But no, not sharing. No, not sharing. I didn't ask you about that. Oh, right. I said, would you say what make?

0:46I know you're absolutely geese in your eyes out there. Yeah. Fucking hell. They're locked on the vape too. Would you ask what model they're running?

0:57Keyzie:Probably not. I'm not that interested in vapes, to be honest. But you love vaping. I was just interested that she shared hers with him. Which one? The lady shared it with the strapping bastard there in the middle. It won't be the only thing. Yes. Everyone shares that. But, you know, like if I had ciggies, then I'd probably, you know, an awful one. Yeah. You know? A whole one or just a puff of yours? Oh, no, I didn't like people sucking on mine. No.

1:22Mike Minogue:Is that a thing, though? Like, just have a puff on this? Yeah. It is? Okay. Because I know it is with the marijuana. With the joanna. But not the tobacco. Yeah. Did you guys used to do shotguns with the old joke? That was the first time I ever smoked marijuana. I got shoddy. Yeah, shoddy. I used to love those. What's a shotgun again? A shotgun is where you put the joint in your mouth back to front. Yeah, the burning end. And someone blows it. And they blow. Yeah, that's right. And so that blows it out there. And then you put your hands over each of your nose and mouth. That's very much like a first timer.

1:52Thomas was a guy. I can't remember his name. but our lips glanced. Oh, how hot. Yes. I still remember that.

1:59Keyzie:And you get a thick stream of marijuana smoke. Ejaculate. Oh. That as well, depending on what was going on.

2:07Mike Minogue:What, in a shotgun, you get a thick stream of ejaculate? Well, when you're that young, Kesey, and you're brushing lips with a beautiful Samoan boy, as I was, you know, you don't really have control.

2:19Keyzie:Yeah, it's like a, you know, it's a very sensitive sort of thing that can happen there and you end up ejaculating all over.

2:27Mike Minogue:Have you guys ever had the Forrest Gump, you know, when Forrest Gump's in the room with Jene and then - He prees all over the show. And he prees all over himself. Have you guys ever, it's called doing a pug son. Have you ever had one of those? I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not, I can't really - It wasn't as bad as Forrest, but certainly the first time I made love was a brief. It was a shambles, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But no, it's so amazing. Just even thinking or being, you know what I mean? Yeah. Were you a bit of a hair trigger your first time there, Keezy? Look out for old Keezy. He's running a hair trigger.

3:07Kick your head on the swivel. That's what other girls used to say. Neither was I. Neither was I my first time. At the old cafeteria.

3:13Mike Minogue:I was actually the opposite, man. Yeah. My first time still isn't finished yet. Still going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Jase's is still making its way out of that massive downstairs he's running.

3:24Keyzie:Yeah. This is disgusting. I'm sorry for bringing this up. Geez, I remember it very well. I do. Yeah. But I won't go into details. What was her full name? I'm not telling you her name and I'm not disclosing. Wow, you're making assumptions there, Keezy. He was at an all-boys school. Yeah, well, that's true. And these things can happen.

3:41Mike Minogue:Yes. I was going to make a joke there, but should I make it anyway? Go on. And then Pugs can beep it out if he thinks he should.

3:51Keyzie:Do you know Does that ever be beeped out? The only One of the only complaints we've ever had

4:01Mike Minogue:About lovemaking I think we should beep that out

4:03Keyzie:Is when I mentioned my school Three minutes, 30 pugs And it wasn't even a controversial thing that we were talking about But also they complained and It wasn't our power Yeah, yeah And it was just about me playing with my balls while I was doing a speech. Yeah, that's rubbish, isn't it? Yeah, and I was like, well, what's wrong with that? That's actually true.

4:23Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. You know, I saw an article the other day because the BSA is now trying to, is looking at reviewing a complaint that was made about the platform with Sean Plunkett, which is only on the internet. So up until this point, it's been if it's on the internet, you can't do anything about it. Yeah, that's right, bit of a Wild West. But this guy wrote an article about it, and he was going back through all the BSA complaints, and he said that Jeremy Wells has the most with 28. That's right. Since 1999. From Eating Media Lunch.

5:01Well, a whole bunch of different things, but that's one of them.

5:03Mike Minogue:One of them is the anal mana one. Anal mana. And the one when he was farming. Anal mana the farming. Yeah. He started like the prostitute one with the camera on the head. And now he's on seven sharp. There's no shortage.

5:14Keyzie:There was one real shocker when Hodaki used to be up on Cook Street and he was doing a Mike Hosking thing. What did he say? It was very good though, satire. It was about Māori people. Yes, that's right. And the proverbial shit hit the fan. And I remember talking to Gerry at that time. People think you've been literal. Yes. But you're satirising somebody who's a right wing. Don't you fucking get it?

5:44Mike Minogue:Yeah, but all it takes is one person to not get it. 100%. And then boom.

5:47Keyzie:But I've never seen anything like that occasion where he was getting serious threats thrown his way. What about gay old gore?

5:56Mike Minogue:I mean, he got serious threats down there as well. Yeah, and then what about the one where they rang up Ben Stokes, well, Ben Stokes' mother rang out to complain. Yes, that's right. That was a shocker. They put it at ear. That was a shocker. That was a genuine shocker. because that wasn't them being clever or anything. It was just sort of, oh, fuck it, let's just do this. Stitching her up.

6:14Keyzie:They didn't have a pugs on there to spoil the fun. Yeah, to go. Hang on a second, fellas. Isn't it amazing when you think, and we've never had any complaints.

6:21Mike Minogue:Well, we would have had lots of complaints, but none of them have had. We just never. When you cut the head off the sheep that was pregnant. Oh, yes. Very early doors. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The SPCA got involved, I think. Yes. And then that's why Pet Chat kind of died a death. Well, that wasn't why. We just ran out of pet chat. Yeah, if you're not going to do that, what's the point? It was because of that, though. Yeah. Because I remember Todd being like, you've got to stop pet chat, and it was on the back of that. Was it? Yes. It seems weird that we would have listened to him.

6:52Mike Minogue:We now have meat patty nips anyway, so if a pet question comes through, we're still going to have pet chat. Yes. Which is great.

7:00Keyzie:It is a precarious – it's funny, you know, because back in the day I used to freak out about so much stuff, and now I'm like, ugh, whatever. Is this a you chill? This is me chill. Wow. Can you imagine? When I was starting off, Keezy, I was not chill, believe it or not. Can imagine. And there were many times when we were doing Bougiard, I was like, oh, fuck. And I would fret about it for days.

7:22Mike Minogue:But the weird thing with Jerry, right, he's got all those complaints. And then you have a yarn to him and it's quite often the most boring shit. You're talking about cricket and day-to-day stuff and getting really into specifics. Trains. And what his favourite trains are and running a train. And then he's got the most broadcasting complaints. It's like, it's fucking bizarre, isn't it? He's up for anything, though, isn't he? Yeah, he is. He's a mad bastard.

7:44Keyzie:And if you're not pushing the edges, you're not doing your job, fellas. That's so true, man. You know what I mean? Well, you know, I think there's certainly times we're on the fringe of things. I think we get bored. There's certainly been times where I've gone, well, you know, like the slip, slop, slap.

8:00Mike Minogue:Oh, the squirting. Yeah. That's fine, though. That was just a mistake. Yeah. Yes. There's nothing wrong with that. That was hilarious.

8:07Keyzie:But, you know, I fretted about that a little bit, to be fair.

8:09Mike Minogue:I feel like you fret about the weirdest shit. Yeah, yeah, you're a big fretter. You're a big fret guy.

8:14Keyzie:Well, I mean, if you had been talking about squirting in your relationship, would you have been all G with it?

8:19Mike Minogue:We'd have been totally all G because it was a mistake and it was very funny. Right. Whereas if I was like, my wife squirted on me and I fully meant it, then we've got something that is weird. Then we've got a problem. Then we've got an issue. That is weird, you know? Yeah, yeah. That was great. Yeah, man. That's good, eh? It is, man. Go to Cirque du Soleil tonight, fellas. How exciting. Oh, Cirque du Soleil. Whereabouts is it? Cirque du Soleil. Down at Spark Arena there. Oh, it's the Spark Arena one? Spark Arena, yeah. I've been to see them a few times now. The last one I went and saw was, was it, was it, oh yeah.

8:55Yeah, I went and saw them the last time they were here. Didn't really rate it. Neither. And then I think a Disney on ice or something came, and that was really good. I remember you going to that with ****. Yeah. Mogi Minogi. Oh, Mogi Minogi there. Beep out that **** for me, would you, Pugson Man? Thanks, brother. I don't know what this one's about, but **** will love it.

9:15Mike Minogue:Beep that one too. Beep that one out as well, could you? Yeah, beep that one out, man. Yeah. Yeah, she'll love it, but I've. Who, Mogi Minogi? Yeah. Yeah.

9:25Keyzie:Oh, actually, can you beat that out? Sorry. Sorry, Pugs. Sorry about that, mate. That was good stuff. Well, you know, once you get it in your head, it's bloody annoying. It's hard. Friday tomorrow, fellas. Yeah, how good? We've got a big couple of weeks coming up here, man. We've got Halloween tomorrow. Next Wednesday, you've got your give or take. You've got your Guy Fawkes. Then we're off down to Dunedin. Done eating that. I'm going to be filming all that time too. Oh, here we go. You've got a central character in that. And I was talking to my wife last night, and it's like, you know when you get in that situation where all your weekends are filling up?

10:13Keyzie:And you're like, hang on, hang on. When do we agree to that? Are we doing that, are we? And it's like, oh, fuck. Because I kind of like the idea of my weekends being free. Yeah, I know. And I've got the commentary on Saturday there, and I sort of forgot about that rule that you've got. And I was like, oh, I'm meant to be. Yeah, anyway, doesn't matter. I'll be loving it. Dead rubber, Jase. I'll be doing a dead rubber. So good, man. The best. I love a dead rubber.

10:38Mike Minogue:I've got nothing on this weekend. Good shit, man. I'm so stoked about it. You just get pissed, Az, because you can't help yourself. I'm not drinking anything. I know you're saying that, but you'll get mad because you're a piece of shit. I'm not like you guys, man. I'm different. I'm built different. Listen to The Big Show, four to seven weekdays on Radio Horaki.