OUTRO: Dog Special

0:00For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Dog It. Four to seven every weekday on Radio Horeke.

0:15Keyzie:Oh, g'day fellas. Mac Man. Hello. I'll tell you what came up today for me, funnily enough. I don't wet it up. You got it, man. It was our breakfast show when we did the breakfast show again. Oh, yeah. And you were horrendously hungover. Hungover? It was this time last year, wasn't it? Yeah. Because it was after the radio awards. And then you piped up and your voice was completely fucked. You got pretty ground sex, mate. Fuck, it was funny. And then just cried laughing. What was that on? Was that Facebook you get the memories of? Yeah, something like that. Or Insta. Do you get memories on the Insta?

0:54Nah.

0:56Keyzie:I actually, with the old Facebook ones, get inundated with memories of my dog. Oh, your dog's dead. Yeah, so it's kind of sad. I get all these videos of her, like, frolicking on the beach. When she was alive. When she was alive and happy and full of joie de vivre. I get that just on my computer there with photo memories, you know. There was one the other day which was my daughter hugging our dog. Hello, Tinka. Been a while. Been a while. over on Waiheke Island. It is sad. But isn't it good that they got a chance to live, Jase? Yeah, true, man. You know? Well, actually. How good's living?

1:31Mike Minogue:We were talking about this with my parents over the weekend because we've got my family dog, Ava, really old, literally just stands sort of in the middle of the - Oh, still alive. Still alive, blind, deaf, really dumb. Loving it. And takes ages to sit down and just sort of - I can relate. When the Warriors game was on, because she's allowed to sleep on this mattress thing by the front door. She's not an indoor dog. She's a farm dog. and she's sitting over there even though she's blind and deaf yeah put her to work and then we're like I'm yelling at the warriors and she just stands up walks like off her mattress into the middle of the sort of joint living area and just goes

2:06Mike Minogue:and thinks that I'm like an attacker or something oh no yeah she's like Ava finally heard something

2:11Keyzie:the warriors are on mate and if you were an attacker you'd all be fucked yeah that's right

2:17Mike Minogue:100 % yeah there was once upon a time she was a good guard dog she'd bark whenever a car came up the drive

2:21Keyzie:Rue was a shocker like that. Anything would set her off. Oh, you should have heard Tinker. You should have heard Tinker, man. Death in the world. She was deaf as well, wasn't she? Tinker. She was in the end, yeah, when she was dead there. Yeah, couldn't be a thing. Well, I mean, before she died.

2:40Mike Minogue:But the problem with your dog, the problem with your dog is a problem. Is she's dead. Is she's dead now. Because my wife and I. That wasn't what I was going to say. The reason it barked was because you had a border collie. Yes. Oh, yeah. She was a farm dog. Yeah, they just fucking - It just got cooped up all day. Yeah, in the bloody -

2:56Keyzie:Well, she did get run a lot. That was a good thing. By who? Not you. Well, I'd take her down to the beach and stuff. You'd put a little saddle on it. You'd take her down to the dairy and get some darts. Today's the day. Today's the first day. Is it on there? Great. Is it? Dart chat? Dart chat. Yeah.

3:14Mike Minogue:It's not on there, but we will do it. Huge. First day of the bet.

3:19Keyzie:But like, you know, even still to this day when my wife and I go to the family batch Yes We always think of Ru Because we'll be walking around the beach And she used to just run her head and be filled with joy I'm thinking about getting a dog And when I say thinking about it, I mean thinking about it The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki The Hauraki Big Show podcast And have not said a word in my house Because if you even say anything close, that's how we get up with this cat. Yes. You love the cat, though. I love the cat. But the cat I'm putting downstairs in the laundry every night.

3:56Mike Minogue:I thought you were going to say she's putting down. No, not yet. Just because it wakes me up a million times a night. But just for my daughter, I think it's important for you to have a dog when you're a kid.

4:07Keyzie:Yeah, I mean, there's some really nice qualities about it, but we're done with our dog days. But you're right. Well, because your dog's dead. You cannot afford to bring it up unless you're going to get a dog. No, absolutely. Because you'll never hear the last of it. That's right. But I would also not get a dog like the dog that you had. No. That's a tough dog to own in the city. I'd probably end up, you know what I'd love is to get a staffy. Oh, yeah. I love a staffy. Great with kids, friendly, lovely. Aren't they vicious little bastards? No, they're not. They're the most beautiful natured dogs.

4:38They can fuck you up. Yes. Because they're little nuggets of muscle. But their nature is unreal. They're beautiful. But again, that's on the owners a lot of the time.

4:48Keyzie:Absolutely. Well, the worst dog is those little fucking nippy bastards. I'll tell you, one of the residents in our apartment, she's got a little French bulldog that's pretty cute. Oh, you know that's French? Yeah, because it goes, Bonjour, bonjour, Boydee Jay. How's the Jizz Palace? Les Palos de Jizz. And it's quite a cute dog, but the owners, you know, getting on in years and basically gets, I watch her walking the dog every day and she's getting let around. And it's only a little bugger. It's not a big dog, but they're quite cute, the old French bulldog. You just want one that's a happy lion there doing jack shit.

5:30I don't want one with breathing issues. That's what a French bulldog has. It dribbles everywhere.

5:35Mike Minogue:Friends of ours had one and they spent like 15 grand on it just for it to just be able to sit there and not die.

5:42Keyzie:Apparently, if you want a dog that does fuck all, they'll greyhound. I hate greyhounds. I'm not a fan of them myself. I think they are the ugliest, shittest dogs on the face of the earth. I feel the same way. Not even close. About whippets. Not as bad because they're not as big. No. But it's in the ballpark. And I feel the same way about poodles. And people from certain countries. I cannot abide poodles. Oh, thank God. and particularly the big poodles. Oh, I hate poodles. And don't even get me started on Labradoodles. I hate the big poodles and even the little ones because they've often got shit all over their wool.

6:23Yes.

6:23Mike Minogue:But the reason Labradoodles, I could be wrong, but the reason Labradoodles are good is because the mixture of their type of fur doesn't molt as much or something. No, that's right, but I just don't like them. I just think they've got nothing, man. The look of them and they're thick as shit. They're a friendly dog. I think a mate of mine's got, his missus has got one. A labradoodle. And I think it's a labradoodle. It's pretty funny. Well. Because, you know, just nothing going on between the ears. Yeah, just dumb. I love dumb animals.

6:50Keyzie:I used to tell you about Rue and her racism. Because she would see. Well, they say it's a learned behaviour. She would, without a word of a lie. Couriers. See poodles or a labradoodle and go apeshit. Other dogs she couldn't care less. Right. Poodles, she hated them. Yeah. Would just go berserk at them.

7:09Mike Minogue:I'm trying to hold back the joke here. It's like you walking past.

7:18Keyzie:Yeah, because I'm so racist.

7:20Mike Minogue:Well, I wouldn't mind getting somewhere between a little dog, like a Schnauzer. Oh, yeah. Somewhere between a Schnauzer and a Hunterwey or a Border Collie. Somewhere in the middle there. I've seen them before. It's like a perfect-sized dog. Not a tiny the yappy thing, but not a huge bastard. I want one of those, but I don't know what it is.

7:38Keyzie:Yeah Well especially with the family and stuff growing Now's the time to You know be getting a dog Why? Well because What are you saying? Once the kid arrives What kid? You're basically homebound for the rest of your next 20 years But you get the dog first and then have the This is the thing you see Well you could do I think you get the kid first then you bring a dog in So that the kid is always A head is already ruling the roost Yes you gotta be careful even though you think oh my dog's sweet it's like well sweet until it's not do you really want to run the risk yeah with a bubby yeah probably not not even my shoes

8:18Mike Minogue:my missus the other day was like are they still making jokes about us being pregnant I'm like oh nah nah and then she's like okay cool that's great she doesn't listen to the podcast nah she hates it nah she hates it she hates what I do she fucking hates it hates what I do for a living yeah I mean my wife

8:34Keyzie:is getting very clucky Keezy so you better get on with it man. That's up to you to get on with it.

8:39Mike Minogue:Yeah, why are you telling me to get it on with your wife?

8:40Keyzie:Mate, this old ram's out to pass you with my huge bullos.

8:45Mike Minogue:Jase, do you reckon you could if you wanted to still father a child? Oh, fuck yeah. Do you reckon that you could dislodge a load if you had to? Come on, man. I'm picturing like an iceberg. Come on, man. An iceberg. That just breaks

9:00Keyzie:off. It breaks off. Oh, gross. It splashes into the ocean. Into the ocean this wave of seed. Yes, I do, Kesey. I think I could still father a child.

9:13Mike Minogue:That's good.

9:14Keyzie:What are you suggesting?

9:16Mike Minogue:It's just that we're having issues, man, and we need a donor. You were contracting out, yeah. And my wife was like, yeah, I'd love a hoity J running around. People are having them old, man. Totally. Yeah, nah, fuck. Well, you had yours quite old, wouldn't you say? I would. Yeah. But older than me, even. Even like a now sort of a thing is what I'm thinking. But, you know, because you see babies in there, and I already know that you're getting tricked, you know. I'm very aware of that and how cute they are and all that sort of stuff. And I just remember, oh, yeah, because a few nights ago, my daughter got up a few times in the night.

9:48Yeah, that's right. And it just took me back, man. It's like I fucking hated it so much. I hated it. Too old. Too old. I'd be worse now.

9:59Keyzie:Yeah. You're probably at the perfect age at the moment, Keezy. Probably getting on a bit, to be honest, man. I'd be getting on with it. I wouldn't be mucking around. You wouldn't want to piss around too much, that's for sure.

10:08Mike Minogue:Oh, you're not supposed to piss around. Because now your jizz is getting real weird. What do you mean? You've got to get that weird, deformed jizz. Who knows what you're going to end up with? It's got little bends in it and stuff. That's okay. With the jizz. Hey, listen to The Big Show, 4 to 7, weekdays. Radio Hodaki.