OUTRO: Dream Homes

0:00For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Doggy. Four to seven every weekday on Radio Hodaki.

0:15Keyzie:Oh, g'day, fellas. Backbone. Hello. What? What a day. Just to let everyone know, we did a bit of filming this morning with the whole Radio Hodaki team. and it's not giving too much away to say that we were down on a lovely little beach in the sort of local area. God, it was beautiful. Hearn Bay. Hearn Bay, yeah. Absolutely stunning. It was fun. Stunning. It was, actually. I like doing stuff like that. Feels good. Did you guys get that? And I don't often get this urge. With that water coming in, how good would a swim be? No. Oh. You know, just plunge in. Because I know that there's so much shit in there.

0:56Keyzie:Well, this was the interesting thing because we were talking with Jerry about that. And apparently there is a lot of shit in there. I mean, it looks clear, but it's got lots of shit in there. Yeah, the water was very clear. That's the way they get you. Yeah. You get your thing and it's clean, but it's full of shit.

1:10Mike Minogue:It'd be cold if you did go for a swim. Cox's Bay, just around one more further from there, the big one. That's literally the first beach in Auckland to get closed. Yes. It's like, oh, Cox's Bay is closed because of poos. Look out, everyone. And then the other one's closed. Is that because - The poos close to it at Cox's Bay.

1:26Keyzie:All the rich people around there don't care and just go, we don't care. They just either poo straight in the water or their poos just goes directly from their mansions into the water. They fling them over their back fence. Yeah.

1:39Mike Minogue:Yeah, 100%. I think it would be the opposite. I think the rich people would be like, I paid$20 million for this house and there's poos out there. Well, that is funny, isn't it? So for people outside of Auckland, that area is the most expensive real estate in the country. Yeah. There and probably Remuera as well. Yeah, Remus is pretty pricey. I don't know why it's so pricey there because I don't have the views. No. I think you need the view when you're dealing with$20 million. But how much did you say that house was, Jase? 14, 15 mil? 14.7 mil. When we left there, the guy that was at that house, I don't know if you had this, stuck his head over for the fence and went, G'day, Maggie.

2:14Yeah. Did he?

2:15Keyzie:He said, hoity jizz. And I was, where did that come from? Really? Yeah. I get the feeling he was the gardener. Yeah, he wasn't the owner. I think so. No way. That was the vibe. Parnell as well, very pricey. Nah, different league though. Yeah. Oh, over that hillside? Yes. Where you get a bit of a view? Yeah.

2:35Mike Minogue:To be fair though, both those spots, amazing. Like you go to those streets and you go, shit, this is a nice street. Oh, yeah.

2:41Keyzie:I mean, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's a very attractive area for sure.

2:45Mike Minogue:Would you rather live there, Jase, or Glen Eden? Um, Glen Eden. Whatever. You'd rather live in Herne Bay, come on, man. Well, I did live in Hearn Bay for a little while. Yeah, but I'm talking now, not in the 60s or whatever, like right now.

3:02Keyzie:Look, I've got to be honest with you. I'm not. It's a very attractive, very lovely place, but, you know, whatever. And it's just so profoundly expensive that I don't even consider living there. Yeah. Well, no. Because it's just. It's not a choice. It's not a choice for me. Yeah, it's like there's no way in a million years I would ever be. unless I won Lotto. Yeah.

3:27Mike Minogue:Or if you did like two more seasons of Dog Squad.

3:29Keyzie:And even then, if I had the money, I still don't think I'd live there. Nah. I'd go somewhere else. Where would you go? Dunno. Dunno, but it wouldn't be Hearn Bay. My father-in-law lives in that area. It is very, very, a very nice area.

3:45Mike Minogue:Let's say you won 30 mil, right? 30 mil, cash in hand. How much would you spend on your house, your main house where you live? Dunno. Maybe 3 to 5 Yeah I think about 3 to 5 as well To be honest I reckon I'd go Remuera Like I love that Like the houses down there are sick They're massive I hate Remuera I hate Remuera No but I'm sure You used to live there didn't you? Nah not Remers It's too far away I find it a nuisance to get to I want a view And like you say The houses are big But I've lived in a big house And I now know I don't want to live in a big house Neither Because you have to clean it.

4:23It sucks.

4:23Keyzie:But you have to clean it. My ex-girlfriend's parents lived in Remuera, and their house was something to behold. I'll give you that. But no appeal for me, Remuera. Why? Apart from the nice houses. What is there in Remuera that would be... The town's no good.

4:39Mike Minogue:I literally said because the houses are cool. Where are you getting$30 million from? I'm winning it. I'm winning$30 million. You're not winning$30 million. You're not going to have that kind of luck. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast.

4:59Keyzie:This is the thing that... I'm going to win it with betting. Fellas, this is the thing that baffles me. Baffles. You know, as human beings, we have this thing, and it happens within my own family dynamics, but in society in general, you know, it's always like step up, step up, step up, step up, property-wise. And it's like getting a bigger and bigger and bigger house. And it's like, why do I need a big house? Yeah, that's right. I don't need a big house. I don't want a big house. Can I just say, Jase, that the world is obsessed with growth. Absolutely. Economic growth, business growth, all these sorts of things.

5:34Can't we just get to a point where we're all happy, things are going well, and we just be grateful when we do a good job and leave it at that? Thank you. Instead of constantly trying to grow and get more and more and more.

5:45Keyzie:And so my wife and I, we're both on the same page on this. We're going downsize. I'm going, if I had my way, I'm going massively minimalist. And even just having a tiny little pad somewhere that we could go back to in dire need and the rest of the time just fucking hooning around. I thought you were saying die in there.

6:10Mike Minogue:Well, I probably would. I'd probably die in there. But I think downsizing is what you're choosing to do because going bigger isn't an option. Well, I could. Because you're broke. Because you haven't won 30 million like Keyes. Like I won 30 mil. Yeah, that's true. Why would I downsize? You know, I'm going up, baby.

6:27Keyzie:Well, it also depends location, location, location. Well, you go to Ravio Era, for example. And you could get, my wife and I could probably get a much bigger house in a small New Zealand town. Sure, go move to Huntley. Move with your mum in Huntley. You know what I mean? Yeah, go for it.

6:41Mike Minogue:We could do that if we wanted to. Sure, man. The world's your oyster. Totally it is. But, yeah, long story short, remember where it is, and it's not because of the location, the people, blah, blah, the view. It's because every time I drive past certain old houses, you go, holy fuck, that is a cool old house. But then in that case, I mean, what are we talking about here, Keezy? Where would you, if you could then pick that, let's say you won 300 million, and you could pick that house up and put it anywhere, where would you put it? Jesus Christ, man. Well, if you're going to be a fucking arsehole about it, I guess I'd put it...

7:19Mike Minogue:In Remuera? My favourite... I'd leave it there! My favourite house in Te Aratu, on the peninsula, and local Taddy Pen people will know this, is a house that was boated over from Remuera, an old mansion. An old weatherboard mansion. It's on the hill and it has a view and it's got this big property and it was like 100 years ago, it was boated over. So you're saying Te Aratu? So I just put it where my current house is. Yeah. My current granny. That is the worst answer you could have given.

7:51Keyzie:I genuinely dislike the peninsula. It gives me weird, horrible vibes, that peninsula.

8:00Mike Minogue:I don't like it. Isn't it funny, right? You say that, right? And you say the same about Herald Island. Yeah. Herald Island was, yeah, it was spooky. Yeah, everything's really spooky. It makes you woozy and stuff.

8:09Keyzie:It was run down. Yeah, run down. It's fancy as out there. I have walked around extensively on the peninsula, and there's a lot of shitholes there.

8:18Mike Minogue:And you live in the city and every day see someone get stabbed or get someone jacking it outside your window. Drug deals or jacking it or somebody with a WP. I've cracked the code on that too, by the way. And yet the peninsula's dodgy. You know what I mean?

8:30Keyzie:It's not dodgy. It's just I just don't like it. The vibe of the place is not my kind of vibe. And there's nothing wrong with that. What are we saying? Exactly. Well, then pick somewhere else to live. but you know, what's happened now, and I was talking to the, I was talking to the audio, the sound guy today, and I was saying, you know, what was his name? I can't remember. And he said he, he's moved quite a way out. And his wife was like, oh, don't really want to do this. And now that she's out there, shut up, we're going. Yeah. He's like, well, he was. And now that they're out there, she's like, I love this.

9:06Keyzie:I'm never going. But now that we've moved to the city, my wife is like, I don't think she's ever going to leave the city.

9:11Mike Minogue:Right. See, the funny thing about that conversation is I was actually having that conversation with the guy. And Jase has just listened to it and then come back and said that he was having the combo. Because I didn't see you talking to him at all. In fact, when I saw him try to talk to you, I saw you walk away.

9:24Keyzie:The reason that you didn't see me talking to him, Moggy, was because you were 15 minutes late. Me. Excuse me. I was early, but not as late as some. Immediately, we were all talking about it. And I said, well, I'm the opposite, mate. my wife won't leave the city now.

9:43Mike Minogue:Oh, is that what you said? Yeah, man. Yeah, no, we were all talking. It was just sort of a bit of fun. Doesn't sound right. But yeah, Remueta. Remueta. Long story short, lock it in. Oh, and. Absolute shit.

9:52Keyzie:And I've told you about this. Funnily enough, my mates and I, we rented a place in Remuera, and it was absolute. In Remuera. And it was a stunning house. The one above the butchery. No, it was five bedrooms. It had like an oak. Oh, the one that they shouldn't have rented you, and you ruined it. Yeah, and we ruined it. It had an oak kitchen. Everything was made of oak. The kitchen was oak. It was stunning. Even the oven. It was stunning. Five bedrooms, a sunroom. The toaster was made of oak. And it was$250 a week for five rooms. Wasn't it tuppence and sixpence? Well, in those days. That was the place where we got our power cut off, and we went, ah, we don't fucking care.

10:32Keyzie:What was the address? I can't remember. But here's the irony. Here we go. It was shut down, and we only got it for that price because we found out, fellas, our old school owned it. Ah. Our old school owned it. Fucking your discount. Let's let the fellas live there because there was a few do-with boys there. And now it's the entrance. It's the driveway and entrance to the prep school. Ah, there you go. They bowled it.

11:00Mike Minogue:Oh, they bowled the house. After you were there, they were like, ah. Knock it over. Yeah, there's nothing doing here. Waiheke Island probably for me. Yeah, nice. St. Mary's Bay is good around there. It is. I like being close to the city and not having to travel. Because the other thing is you have to live there. And all the stuff you want to do, the restaurants, all that sort of stuff. So if I've won all my money, I would have a place on Waiheke. Yeah. And a helicopter. Me and Ellie Williams and that toy lady would probably share it.

11:28Keyzie:Yeah, nice. And then I could still not go to all of the events that are happening in the city.

11:34Mike Minogue:Would you still do the big show? No. Oh. Would you? Nah. Nah. Chase would. Hell yes. Because he's downsizing, man. He's going to live in a one-bedroom studio. Yeah, man. Bring it on. And he'll still be doing the big show. Yeah. Bring it on. He'll be talking about, what will he be talking about? What's a classic? My chicken soup. No, we were talking about it today. Chicken soup. Absolute boomer chat. Surely they'll shuffle you upstairs to do Midnight Till Dawn on Newstalk. And you can call it the midnight steamer. I think after this year, they'll just shuffle me out.

12:14Keyzie:They'll just go, hoity. When? On your way, mate. This year. End of this year. Yeah. They'll let me serve my contract out. I think so, man. And then they'll just be show you the door. Yeah. And then they'll give me a boot up the arse. And you'll be like, what's that? And they'll be like, it's the door. And I'll go, oh, do I have to scan or anything?