OUTRO: Dumb F*** Expertise

0:00Mike Minogue:Hey, Ken. Jerry, man, I'm worried about you hearing, man. Or his headphones really loud. Too loud, man. Oh, God. For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok. Or Raw Doggy. Four to seven every weekday on Radio Hoda Aircast. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. That's the way we do it. You okay, Jase? Yeah, I'm good. You seem a bit down now.

0:29Keyzie:No, I'm fucking great. I'm just sort of bizarre out by this weird weather we're having. It's been very odd. It's freaky, eh? It's moody is how I'd describe it. Moody as fuck.

0:41Mike Minogue:It was weird because I was outside filming and then it was fine and then went into a room for an hour and then came out and it was a hurricane and I didn't have an umbrella and I had to walk 15 minutes back to work. Yeah. And as I was walking past the sky tower, got struck by lightning. Did you? It did.

0:57Keyzie:Yeah. Oh, man, are you all good? I'm fine. It was interesting. I was saying to Keezy just before that I was at home. It was 1 o 'clock. Yeah. And suddenly it was black. It was like 10 o 'clock at night. And then everything was, nothing was moving. It was completely still. And then there was the most enormous thunderclap. And Jizz just went everywhere. Oh, your cat. Yeah. All over the walls. Like she was standing in the middle of the lounge. and I was saying to Kesey, you know how cats do that? Literally jump straight up in the air? Yeah. It was like fucking hell. Yeah. Even I got a bit of a...

1:35Keyzie:Even you. I mean, jizz all over me as well.

1:39Mike Minogue:Did jizz almost hit the roof? No. Didn't jump that high? Cats can jump fucking high, man.

1:44Keyzie:I actually quite enjoy watching videos of cats freaking out and jumping on people and smashing the shit out of a place, you know, pulling everything down around them. It's good stuff, man. It's one of the main reasons, Steve, Instagram. Cat shit

2:00Mike Minogue:Do you want to talk us through your last 15 minutes? I don't know Do I want to do it here or do I want to do it on the show? On the radio Yeah I don't know That's why I've got my phone Because I was just going to put it into the show Maybe on the radio I don't know Shambles I don't know Well it is a shambles case And I'll tell you what I might as well do it here It'll kill five minutes Yesterday I went to leave And I was like Oh fuck I forgot my sonny So I come back in Thanks baby I come back in can't find my sunglasses come back and wear your house into the studio here so when I was leaving the studio here last night couldn't find my sunglasses leaving here Pugs is helping me his missus is helping me can't find them fucked if I know where they are then I'm backtracking I'm thinking did I ride my bike here with my sunglasses on I'm thinking to myself I don't remember rain hitting my sunglasses because it was raining right I don't remember that I feel like I'd remember that but at the same time I do have the worst memory in the world yes So then went to work today.

2:57I was like, oh, they must be at work. Go to work, go and have my eyes tested. They didn't test my brain. Yeah. Go shopping, Kesey. I got some shorts, man. Oh, nice. Thank God for that. Went and put them in the car on the way back in my car park.

3:11Mike Minogue:Right. So I've got my key right at this stage. Yeah. Then I go back to the office, bugger around all day, go back. Now I'm off. I'm leaving. To come here. To come here. Get up to the car. No key. Oh, you fucking bastard. I'm going to walk all the way back, which isn't too far. Go walking back. Still, it doesn't matter. It's annoying, though. Oh, it is annoying. It is, because it's fucked my timing now. That's when I said I'll be 10 minutes late. I've got to be 10 minutes late. So actually on the way there, I was like, oh, that's right, my sunglasses. And I had a look at the office, not at the office.

3:46I stopped off at a place where I got something to eat yesterday, said, have you guys seen my sunglasses? They said, where do you leave them? On the table outside. I said maybe. They said oh they'll be gone. Yeah. He goes oh yeah they might forget it. So then I went that's when I found out the car. No good. Go back to the office. Search high and low for the car key. Nah. Fuck knows. What the hell? Fuck knows where it is. Absolutely no idea. So then I leave and I'm walking past the hotel around the corner where I had to get the key to get access for some tradies a day before to another building down the road.

4:16So I go past the hotel. They've got the keys. I'd been in there to pick the keys up off them yesterday. This is your office, Keith. No, another office down the road. Another office, right. And then so I went in there a couple of times yesterday. I thought, I was walked past, I thought, oh, fuck, I'll go in there and see if they've got my sunnies. I'm just throwing Hail Marys at this point.

4:37Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. I go in there, I say, and I'm running late now, Keith. She goes, yeah, I've texted you guys, fucking lost my car keys. Yes. Go in there. I say, I've lost my car keys. My sonny. She says, oh, yeah, what kind? Oh, she goes away, first of all. Then she comes back. And she says, what kind? And it's like, have you got any sonny's, man? Fuck's sake. So I tell her the kind. When did you lose them? Yesterday, like I told you. Where did you leave them? Just here. She comes back. She got my sunglasses. Right. Okay, that's good.

5:15So those sunglasses, I bought them about a week ago, having lost the previous pair. All right? Yes. So now I've got those sunglasses back. Now what they've done is they've tied a tag there, so I've got fucking elastic right in the corner in the hinges, which is a prick. They should have put it there. But I'm very grateful to have those. At least you've got them. I'm very, very grateful because as I said to them, you've saved me having a very difficult conversation with my wife.

5:39Mike Minogue:What's the value of those? Explain. I can't tell you, Keezy. Really? It's just a disgrace. They're nice ones. They're good. They're good. They're better than I deserve. Yeah, yeah. And I've left them on the Saturday I went and saw a mate. I went up to the bar twice to order a beer. Both times I left my sunglasses on the bar. Wow. It's not looking good, man. It's not. It's really not. On Sunday morning, I got the coffee. I poured a coffee, took it into my bedroom for my wife, poured her a coffee, put the coffee down beside. She comes in. We have croissants in bed. Read the paper. Yes. She goes, did you bring my coffee in?

6:11I was like, I honestly don't know. And she goes, oh, here it is. and then she goes over to it and looks in it and she goes, oh, and you poured it as well. So I had taken it in there, put it on her bedside table, poured it, put the other coffee on my bedside table, poured it, had no recollection whatsoever of doing that. Far out. That is not the first time in the last week that that's happened.

6:28Mike Minogue:When you're doing these things, are you thinking of other stuff, obviously? Oh, fuck, don't you? Your mind must be – Kesey, I can tell you, Ben, you're asking the wrong guy. I know, but I'm just trying to eek more out of this so I can try and wrap my head around it. I know. You must be thinking of a lot of stuff. A million things, probably. You don't realise you've got those shorts you bought. Yeah, they're gone. They don't even exist. They're on your head, Matt. With the key. With the key. Imagine that. Oh, my God. Yeah, so I don't know. The key is a toughie. What's a real prick about it, of course, Keyzy, is it was a broken key, so I couldn't attach it to my key ring.

7:02Right. You remember that?

7:04Keyzie:Hang on. Can I just – have you found the car keys? No. Oh, okay. Car key. Oh, car key. Car key. Okay. And it wouldn't attach to the key ring. Yes. And so Keisy and I had a discussion about that last week.

7:16Mike Minogue:We had a short discussion when you were in the room. Okay. And then so I ordered a new one. Off Trade Me. Off Trade Me. Yeah. So that turned up yesterday or the day before. The idea being I would have assumed that it would turn up and you could take the blade off your existing key and the interior of your fob to unlock your door and put it in the new one. Right. I would assume that. It wasn't one of those ones? No. Was it the blade had to stay in it? The blade stays in it. So it was a blank. So completely unusable, completely fucking useless to me. Yeah, that sucks. Chucked it in the bin. So that was$20 and four days waiting for that.

7:53So anyway, just a bit of a shambles, fellas. But on the bright side, I've got a car park. Yeah. It's just going to stay in the car park, and I've just got to get some guy to come around. I've had two prices so far,$175 plus GST or$350. For a new key. To get a new key, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

8:11Keyzie:Come on, Keezy, this is your stuff. Nah, this is unfixable. I don't need it fixed, Keezy. I've been like this for a long time. Yeah. This reminds me of when you left your passport in the hotel at Fiji. Yeah. And I had to save your ass. 100%.

8:26Mike Minogue:The good thing about Mogi, though, is he's used to being like dealing with those situations. And it doesn't stress me out. Yes. It's just I find it interesting and mildly concerning that this is going to be my life. Yes. I think you just need to slow down, Mogi. I've got too much on, man. No, but your brain just needs to go, right, I'm making coffee. Here it comes. I'm pouring the coffee. I've got the coffee. I'm putting it down. I should commentate everything. Yes. I think what I have to start doing is never taking my sunglasses off. They just stay on now. Yes. I am mash. Yes.

8:59Keyzie:Yeah. That's funny. Bing, do some mindfulness training. Yeah. Be present in the moment, Mogi. Do some work on your laptop.

9:08Mike Minogue:Do some work. Thank you, Keezy. I'll do that.

9:11Keyzie:Just focus on what? Oh, fucking look at that. One thing at a time. Focus on fucking hell, look at that.

9:19Mike Minogue:You got distracted by the rain. It's fucking pissing down. It is pissing down. What colour were your shorts? What colour? There are a variety of shorts, man. Any of them khaki? Six. Ah, here he is. Oh, Keezy. Six pairs. Yeah, but I know that they're there. That's what's slightly frustrating, because I know the key is in my office. Right. But I just didn't have time. So I think what I'll do is I'll go back. Tonight. And I'll spend some time looking.

9:45Keyzie:Yes. And often when you're, what happens when, I mean, you're saying you don't get stressed out about it, but when people are in that scenario. I'll tell you what, that's not true. They do get stressed out about it and they lose kind of what they're doing. And in fact, I was stressed out about it because, you know, by the time I got here, I was over it. Yes. But in the moment, I was. and the thing for me is really big things in my life don't bother me at all. But little things like that, they really fuck me off. Because I get really annoyed at myself. You fucking idiot.

10:17Mike Minogue:What if you start doing the old spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch? Good idea. Literally, no matter where you go. Well, interestingly enough, I'm going to have spectacles. I'm going to need to start doing it. Spectacles are important. Testicles, I'm not that bothered about. Wallet, yes. Wallet, yes. What was the other one? Watch. Oh, watch. Well, I lost that. You can also... What was that? You were wearing it the other... You know about that? Oh, it fell off. I told you. So I was moving all that shit, all that furniture, and it got knocked off somewhere. Fucking shambles me.

10:45Keyzie:It is. That's shocking. You can just buy really cheap shit. Sunglasses. Sunglasses, 20 bucks. And a watch in a week. Fuck, that's bad. That's bad. It's not good. Still got my wallet, which is a fucking miracle.

10:59Mike Minogue:Well, you're going to need it to replace all the other stuff. Oh, Casey. Good stuff, man. And hey, listen to the big show, 4 or 7 weekdays. Yeah, let us know if you're an expert in being a dumb fuck. What I can do. Yeah, yeah. Get in touch. Doge, doge, doge.