OUTRO: Horndog Keyzie

0:00Keyzie:For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Doggett. 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Ho-Dak.

0:15Mike Minogue:Okay, how's he there? Hey? Yeah. Have a little chat with pugs about something. What were you up to there? I know, Lauren's on the phone in the office there. Oh. And so I pretended to do like a ooooh on the phone. Yeah, right. And then you showed her your bicep, I noticed. Yeah, yeah. You showed her my bicep. Yeah. This is my bicep.

0:29Keyzie:Yeah, yeah, yeah, my right arm. I didn't like the look on your face, actually, when you were chatting with pugs about Lauren.

0:36Mike Minogue:Sorry, I was chatting with pugs about Lauren. Yeah. When was that?

0:40Keyzie:Well, you were saying she was on it. When was that? You were talking to pugs and you were looking at Lauren in the office there and you were, I don't know, quite leery. Oh, it's disgraceful. But, you know, I mean, you're a young fella and.

0:53Mike Minogue:So you're saying because I'm a young fella it's okay. No, I'm not saying it's okay, but, you know, you've got hormones. The behaviour gets a bit out of control. I think that's what he's saying. Do you reckon, do you guys ever think when it comes to hormones, right? To what? Hormones. Can you say that? The chemicals in your body. Oh. Do you ever just think like the only reason I feel like this is because of some chemical? No. Oh, 100%. I think all the time. Oh, no, 100%. I just go with it. And that's like when you have kids. Yeah, right. Everything is programmed. So everything that they do, all the stages they go through, is just triggered in their DNA.

1:29Now is the time that this happens. Now is the time that this happens. And that just triggers stuff inside of you that makes you feel a certain way. But it's not how you actually feel. It's just hormones. So a psychopath, it's just the lack of having those things. Right, that's the difference. The machine's just a little bit broken. A little, little bit broken. I love hormones. It's been a while since you've had to deal with hormones. Oh, mate, I get waves of hormones.

1:53Keyzie:I doubt it. I sure do, man. I'm still fizzing All the synapses are still Snapping away their keys I thought you were a ram cast I thought someone needs to put a bullet in you But I'm an old ram cast in the back paddock Constantly having a go at himself

2:09Mike Minogue:See but this is the interesting thing Rubbing himself up against an old tree root Yeah a tree root He's gussy Or in a knot in the trunk

2:19Keyzie:And with like Massive testicles Oh yeah So good. And whenever anyone appears or you, I just, you know, the big balls swing over. Yeah, that's right. You know what I mean? Yeah.

2:31Mike Minogue:That's what you are.

2:32Keyzie:That's what I am, man.

2:33Mike Minogue:It explains your behaviour around here, actually. It's disgusting. It is disgusting. Absolutely, yeah. But do you ever just like, you know, because, you know, if you're really revved up, right?

2:40Keyzie:Are you meaning horny when you say revved up? You're horned up.

2:43Mike Minogue:You're ready to go. Yeah. It's literally just chemicals in your body. Yes. And your animal desire to procreate. And that's what's amazing about getting older, Kesey. and you won't know this because you're still a young man. It's not a mistake, is it, Jase, that your testosterone dips off. From 40 it starts plummeting. Because shagging and having kids is for young people. It's not for old people. So old men aren't meant to be interested in having sex, so they get rid of the testosterone. Nature has designed it so you get rid of the testosterone so you're not interested anymore. Yeah, right. But the problem is now you can get testosterone supplements.

3:15It keeps you in the game, Kesey. But really you just need to let it go. It's over. Would you say in all seriousness that you're not interested anymore? Oh, in terms of how much, compared to how much I was interested. Right. Absolutely, I would say that. Yeah, that's interesting. There's definitely not the motivation. Like you used to be, in the 20s, you used to be, oh, fuck, I've got to get laid. I can't remember the last time I thought that.

3:38Keyzie:Yeah. Oh, no, I certainly haven't had thoughts of, God, I've got to get laid. Well, that's what it used to be. It used to be shocking. But I was always in relationships. so I was always kind of having relations. And certainly there's a drop off. You're in a green pasture. But I'm still, you know, there's still a bit of life in the old bone. No, there's a bit. Can you not say the old bone? But it's nothing compared to what it was in your early 20s. It diminishes. I remember being like maybe 15 and just feeling so powerful and so horny and just so full of juice. You know what I mean? Yeah. Very visceral.

4:25It was a very, is that chips?

4:28Keyzie:No, I can tell you a disgusting story. You feel about chips now the way you used to feel about ass then. Yeah, yeah.

4:34Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Beast Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show Podcast. It's just pure hormone. It's just chemicals in your body. Yes. It's fucked. And I don't like that I am basically swayed by these chemicals and programming. The other thing is they make you think that you take drugs and drugs make you feel this way, right? So if you took ecstasy, for example, or MDMA. For example. Oh, man, look, this was making me feel amazing. But all it's doing is activating triggers in your body that makes you release the drug that makes you feel like that. So the serotonin, the huge flood of that is what makes you feel like that, and MDMA just triggers the release of it.

5:16That's right. So it's itself. It's not even introducing this new drug into your body. It's just making you release what's already inside of you. That's right. We get fucking stressed up, man.

5:26Keyzie:Here's the thing that I've found, Keezy, as you get older. Yeah. Right? Okay, Jase. So you're full of hormones. Yeah. And it really does, and you're horny. Let's just say you're horny. You're a sick bastard. You're really, really horny. You're a mad girl. And that's all your brain can think about. Yeah. Right? You're like, I need to have sex.

5:45Mike Minogue:Yes. With anyone.

5:47Keyzie:You don't care who it is. Me. Yeah. You know, you can become really annoying to your partner who might not be in that mood. Yeah. Who isn't in that mood. What happens with age is that as you age, what I've found is you're more in control of that. And so you go, oh, I'm a bit horny, but I can, you know, give or take. Too bad. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what you want. It doesn't matter if I have sex or not. I'm able to think of other things despite the fact that I'm horny. Whereas back in the day when I was horny, that was it.

6:18Mike Minogue:That's because you were hornier.

6:20Keyzie:That's right. Maybe. You're misremembering it. It's because of the diminishment of the horniness. Yes. Yeah. Teenage horny.

6:27Mike Minogue:And early 20s horny is like next level. You're not learning to control a superpower and now you're good at it. Your superpower gets worse. It's waned. You're like old Wolverine. if you've seen the movie Logan and he's just a shadow of a form of... He's still got stuff in there. He can still kick some ass. Yes. But not like he used to be able to. Yes. And you feel sad for him and it makes you cry at the end.

6:49Keyzie:The compulsion certainly isn't as strong. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you were a shocking bastard. I mean, I was. I mean, I was a horndog.

6:59Mike Minogue:But doesn't that make you think, fucking hell, man. Like when you have a kid, it's like, God, I know what dudes are like because I was like that. You know what I mean? Yes. And you're just like, you should.

7:07Keyzie:Oh, well, especially when you've got four girls, yes. 100%. It's like, you filthy little fuck. Yeah. Get away. You've done well there, actually. Yes. None of them had a kid yet. No. And I tell you what, my wife is just aching for a grandchild. Why don't you give her another child, Jase? Fucking hell. Can you imagine? That's a great match-up. You being horny and she winning another kid. I could not think of anything further from what I would want to be doing What you're going to say is worse

7:40Mike Minogue:Do you know what could be quite funny radio Is if Jase calls his wife on air And just tells her that he's been thinking about it And they should try for another kid

7:51Keyzie:Yeah I'm sure my wife would really be into that

7:54Mike Minogue:No it would just be interesting to see how she responds And let's do that on air Obviously she'd smell a rat straight away And be like oh this is a radio gag But it'd be quite interesting to hear what she says.

8:04Keyzie:Well, I know what she would say. Go fuck yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

8:09Mike Minogue:100%. It's interesting, though. It's good stuff.

8:11Keyzie:Well, you see, just very quickly, while we're on that subject, you know, you're a massive horn dog, you're saying, Kesey. Me? And horny all the time. And then you have kids, and that changes the equation, too. You stop being horny. No, no. No, you don't. No, you don't.

8:26Mike Minogue:Right, so I'm still horny? You can just put it on the back burner for a few years. What does putting it on the back burner mean? No sex for you. Does it mean what I think? Oh, okay. Well, certainly not with your wife. I mean, you've got all those other options still. But, yeah, certainly the wife. Yeah, she's not interested anymore. The issue I've got here is. Which is completely fair enough after everything you've put her through. I mean, who do you think you are? Yeah, yeah. The issue I've got here is we've got Georgia from ZM just eating chips in the B studio, and I think she's worried that you guys are saying true things about me.

8:54Oh, is this meant to be? Yeah, no, you're not like that, man.

8:57Keyzie:Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, this is just make-believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just pretending that Keezy's a massive horn dog.

9:08Mike Minogue:Who do you reckon is the biggest horn dog in this room right now? Oh, Mogey.