OUTRO: How To Pitch TV

0:00For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Dog It 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horeke. Good stuff. G'day guys. G'day fellas. I was having a think about your new TV show, Jase. Yeah.

0:23Mike Minogue:And if anyone's listening and doesn't know what we're talking about, listen to yesterday's outro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the idea for that one, what was that one called? Jase. Hoodie Jizz's Brothel Rampage. But it's where Jase goes around. That's a working title. It's a working title. That's what we use when we apply for funding. Yes. But you go around rural and provincial New Zealand and you talk to backbones. Yes. And then you finish off the day. In a brothel. In a brothel. So 80 minutes of it, 18 minutes of the 24-minute show or 22, like really wholesome and great. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, and then just ploughing away at the local brothel.

1:01Now, I had this idea many years ago, Jase, it was when they legalised or decriminalised, certainly, brothels. Yes. Was that quite recent, was it? Oh, it was 2002 or one or three. Oh, wow, that recent. Far out. Yeah, I think it was pretty recent. Okay. I feel like it was. Something like that. Maybe 97, 98. Kesey will find out for us for sure. Anyway.

1:23Mike Minogue:Why am I going with Google? Well, I've got to talk. It's too hard. And the idea was, because it had been decriminalised, wouldn't it be great to do a brothel review book? Now, this would be a TV show. Now, what you could do is you'd go around, you'd review each brothel, you'd go from place to place, and you'd give it a – well, actually, Buzzy's system, the Buzzy rating system, would be absolutely perfect. Sure. And I thought back in the day that would have been a great thing to do, and then that was sort of pre-internet. But, yeah, you'd be able to have it up there so people would be able to have a look and see what the reviews were, what the ratings were for each brothel.

2:01The only thing that I could sort of see would get in the way of it was that sex workers are constantly changing their names. Right. No, Crystal, Rihanna.

2:10Keyzie:But, I mean, would you be that specific? Would you be that specific? Not down to the person. No, it's got to be the brothel as a general. The brothel as a post, yeah, because you couldn't do, for example, I don't know what the term is, but streetwalkers. Right. Well, you won't remember this. I do, and Keezy probably will too. Do you remember when we first started doing this show? You were wanting Keezy to do brothel ratings. What was that? It was a lot of brothels and strip clubs. Don't worry.

2:40Mike Minogue:Shucks made up a fake thing, what is it called? Like a trip advisor on Instagram of me rating brothels and strip clubs. Mogi's gone full circle. We're back again. Yeah, except it's me. I don't remember that, but now it's Jase doing it. It's me doing it. How good would the TV show be? I'd be so mad. Because it would be like, can you imagine this, Jase? It's like Gordon, you'll be like Gordon Ramsay, and it's like a kitchen nightmare sort of a set-up. Right. But you're an expert brothel creep. And you go from brothel to brothel, and you're just sort of like, no wonder you guys are falling apart.

3:13Look at the state of this, for example. They've always got a pool table in their kies, as you were telling me. Do they actually? Yeah, dude. I have no idea. Really? Yeah, they have their weird set-ups. Brothel.

3:25Mike Minogue:Is it for people that have come in as a group and then the others don't want to do it, so they'll just play pool for a bit? Well, the thing about a brothel, Keezy, and I guess it would extend to a strip club, is there's a million ways to rob a man. Right. And so any self-respecting brothel is going to have a bar in there. You want to keep your Johns in there as long as you can. Right, okay. The longer they're in there, the more likely they are to make a terrible decision. Right, okay. So it's like a bar set up inside. Yeah. You've been to a strip club, right? Yeah, I've been to a strip club. Yeah.

3:58So those places that charge you 23 bucks for a beer, if you refuse to engage with the strippers or the ladies, they're still creaming it off you in other ways. As it were.

4:11Keyzie:The only time I've actually been into a brothel was for that very reason was because the bar was open. That's right. They're an interesting place. One of the saddest places on earth. They are.

4:22Mike Minogue:I don't know, like Sky City Casino at like 2 in the afternoon on a Tuesday is pretty sad. Or also at 3 in the morning or any time.

4:29Keyzie:But I tell you the positive side of that pitch. Kesey was telling me today about someone who was in the elevator and the person who works for a television network said, all right, you've got to the time the elevator gets to the top. The elevator pitch. Yeah, the elevator pitch. And it's like I could do that very easily. It's Heartland essentially going around, meeting all the backbones, ending up in a brothel at the end of the night. That's right. I mean, that is short, succinct. You know what you're getting. You know what you're getting. It's Heartland meets pornography.

5:05Mike Minogue:Yeah, Heartland meets... Boogie Nights. Yeah. Buzzy Nights. It should be called Buzzy Nights. No, actually, Horty Jizzbots brothel rampage. That rolls off the tongue better.

5:18Keyzie:Yeah. Anyway, just an idea, man. Yeah, well, look. I'm too busy to do it, but you can have it. Fuck, that's generous, man. There you go, man. That's all yours, man. Just give me an executive producer credit. I don't want any money. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right.

5:35Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast.

5:44Keyzie:How's your gaming podcast going? I'm Keezy. I ask that genuinely. Don't give me that look.

5:50Mike Minogue:It's going really well.

5:50Keyzie:Oh, good.

5:52Mike Minogue:Yeah. Extremely casual gamers. Yeah. No, it is actually going well. We don't really make any money off it, though, so I don't know about. Yeah. So it's a labor of love and hanging out with your mates. It is, isn't it? That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah.

6:06Keyzie:I mean, if I'm going to hang out with my mates, I want to be paid for it. Right. I agree. You know what I mean? If you can get paid to hang out with your family, that's the ultimate goal. I mean, everything that comes out of this mouth is gold, and so I'm not just fucking chucking it away for free. Everything that goes in it is d***. Oh, f***ing hell. You might have to beat that out, Pugson. What's the time on that 7, 7, 7, 10? Oh, God. 7, 10 there. Yeah. There's a 50-50 chance that it doesn't get bitten back out and we forget about it. It's not that bad, but. We've done worse. Are you able to talk about your golf or you're saving it for the show?

6:47Oh, no, no. It was a shocker today.

6:50Mike Minogue:No, no, what we should do is I feel like I should talk about it on the show. Yeah, sure. Because it's not so much about the golf. It's about Hoity J. Right. As a man. Yeah, sure. Good. So I think we should talk about it on the show. Sure. I was thinking about doing it on the podcast and I was like, nah, it won't be too golf-centered. It'll just be. Yeah. Yeah. Because it was interesting. I had a shocker, basically. No, just start trying to ruin it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The story's not you had a shocker because that's the story. The story is how you dealt with having a shocker. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

7:18Keyzie:Poorly. I dealt with it. I was very proud of myself. Actually, I could have thrown it all away and I just kept going.

7:24Mike Minogue:Well, at one point you did say, and this was on hole two. Well, that's the whole round fucked. Well, it was. It pretty much was. It's like we've been there for 10 minutes.

7:35Keyzie:And I'd fucked around in the first two holes.

7:37Mike Minogue:That's him not throwing it all away. But then he played better after that. That's funny, though.

7:41Keyzie:It is fucking funny. But then old Kesey got jet lagged after it on the night pole.

7:47Mike Minogue:That was weird. I actually, like, because the jet, all it's been is fucking my sleep. I was up at four this morning, yeah. Yeah, nice. So that's earlier than me. That's good stuff. I was ten past five. Oh, yeah. It's getting later, mate. I was about quarter to three. Yeah, you're the man. But it hasn't really affected my energy levels and stuff until I played golf. Right. I was fucked for the back nine. Yeah, right. And we're just walking, you know. It's not exactly fucking.

8:12Keyzie:I'm always fucked for the back nine because I'm just unfit. Yeah. So whatever you were saying, Keezy, it's much worse for Jason, right? Or much better, depending on the situation. I'll tell you what, though. It's pulling my legs up, my little spindly legs. They're getting stronger, which is good news. Look at this little fella. You're like Forrest Gump when he was a kid. You're going to go for a run and those fucking shackles are going to fall off. You're going to break out of his braces. So that's a positive. I think it is a positive. And I've got three hours of exercise.

8:38Mike Minogue:Yeah, man, that's great. It's a big hill we're playing on, too. It's all uphill and fucking around. But yeah, anyway, Golf Chat will be saved for the show. Cool.

8:48Keyzie:Maybe the first break then.

8:50Mike Minogue:Yeah, sure, yeah. While it's fresh in my mind. Sure. Hey, listen to The Big Show, 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Hauraki. It's good listening. It's fucking good stuff. Yeah, man. That's all right, man. Nah, it's good, man. Check it out.