OUTRO: Jase is a House

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0:15Keyzie:Yeah, that's correct, man. G'day, fellas.

0:17Mike Minogue:G'day, mate.

0:18Keyzie:How you going?

0:19Mike Minogue:Interesting day for me today. Yes. Because it's pissing with rain. Oh, it's raining, guys. But I chucked all my wet weather gears on. I've got my waterproof boots, pants. Did you get on your motorbike? No, jacket, no, umbrella, but just parking and walking down to your office, which is in the centre of the Auckland CBD. It's like a 20-minute walk. CBD, be it. CBD. And in the pissing down rain, there's something about being dressed appropriately for the weather and getting out there, which I quite enjoy. You liked that, did you? I loved it. Because you weren't getting wet. No, and I'd step in like - Being in your face, homeless people.

0:49Mike Minogue:In your face, water. I'd step in like extra deep puddles just to see if my socks would get wet.

0:56Keyzie:It's very precarious because it has been absolutely pissing down all day when you're crossing the road because there's very large – You're still in a puddle when it went up to your neck. There's large pools of water there and the cars zoom in past. It's fought with getting sprayed.

1:10Mike Minogue:He used to do like a triathlon to get back to the car park.

1:14Keyzie:But, yeah, shit, she's pretty grim, eh, fellas? Nothing you can do about it, so moving on. No good up north, man. No good up north. Yeah, it's not good. It's fucking flooding like a bastard. It is. I feel for my extended family went on a big camping trip about a week ago, and I don't think it was great. What's the story there? Are we moving the Christmas holidays? How do you feel about that? Not the Christmas holidays, but the end of year holidays. Well, I mean, I was saying to my wife today, isn't this supposed to be kind of primo summertime? but actually, the more I think about it, Feb and March are the best weather.

1:56Keyzie:Really? Yes, I think so, yeah. Absolutely. It used to be back in the day when I was growing up, and you, Jase, that yes, it was much earlier, even October. Yes. But now they have definitely moved the seasons, and February, March is the one. So what I'd like is to work through. I think in the UK they have it, and you have Christmas Day off, Yeah. Boxing day off, back to work.

2:20Mike Minogue:New Year's Eve. New Year's night, New Year's Eve, you work, New Year's day off, back to work. Because you can go to work and have a piss up after work. That's fine. And then you have February off.

2:30Keyzie:Yeah. See, that sounds good. See, that's better. I had a mate that came around today because he's fixing up a few broken windows at the old Hoity J household. Smashed windows. No, they're not smashed. It's like cracks in them, but we never bothered to replace them. And that's what he's doing. Right. He's worked through the Christmas period, and now he's looking for Feb, and they're going to do a big sort of tour up north. Because it's kind of slightly annoying combining these two things, one of which is your end-of-year holiday. Yes. Which is your family, and you can have a vacation, a holiday, a period of non-work.

3:08Combining that with fairly stressful family time. Yes. Not necessarily, but, you know, the travel and the catching up and all of that. I think separating those things out would be good

3:17Mike Minogue:That would be great, yeah Just back to your point of when you were younger It was hotter in October or whatever Did you know that 46 BC I heard this fact a long time ago, I just googled it Basically Because there's a reason why years have a leap year Every fourth year Because our 365 days a year doesn't perfectly Align with what the seasons are doing And in 46 BC it had gotten so far Out of whack that Julius Caesar was like all right, we're stopping here, we're pausing it here, and we're not starting next year until it aligns again properly. And so I think they added, hmm, let me just, let me, ah, that's right.

3:53That must be the amount of time it takes to go around the sun.

3:56Mike Minogue:Yeah, and it's slightly off kilter with how many days there are, so that's why there are leap years, but even that's slightly off kilter. Right. So that year had 445 days, an extra 80 days. What a backbone. So that the winter solstice was once again at the end of the year or whatever it is for them. Yeah. Yeah, so.

4:10Keyzie:I'd love to add 80 days to my year. Really? Think of all the additional shows you could do. Hey, just on that front, you were talking about family stresses. I was woken up at midnight with an absolute shocker of a nightmare. I subsequently woke up at 4.30am and that was it.

4:31Mike Minogue:Was the nightmare similar to nightmares you've had in the past? No. What you've told us about?

4:36Keyzie:No, not like that. Okay. But it just tells me my subconscious is all up the fucking wazoo. Why? I'll tell you the dream. I know it's tedious talking about dreams. No, no, it'll be patently obvious. It is. It is. Now, in my dream, I had all my girls home for Christmas, right? Okay. So I had my four girls. But my wife was actually somewhere else in the dream for Christmas Day. Oh, she's a shocker. And then three of my girls said, oh, Dad, we've got actually something else on. We're going to go to this thing.

5:15Mike Minogue:Oh, Hody J's worried about being left alone.

5:18Keyzie:And I was like, oh. Yeah, they've got something better on. Well, look, I was trying to be a backbone about it and just go, well, of course. You know, you go and enjoy yourselves. But one of my girls was still with me for Christmas Day. And then I was sort of doing a bit of gardening. I walked up to the driveway and my one girl that was staying with me, she said, oh, and she was all glammed up. And I said, oh, where are you going? And she said, oh, I've been invited to this thing.

5:45Mike Minogue:Oh, my God.

5:47Keyzie:And I could tell in my dream, right, I could tell in my dream that she felt really bad about it, that she was going. She would have been having fun with you just gardening. She was hoping that you would be distracted by your gardening. She'd make a clean getaway. Clean getaway. And then here you come. This is where it's funny, right? And so she was going, and I was like, oh, all right. My wife was away. Anyway, this big car turns up with about, it's like an eight-seater, and the car turns up, and the passenger door opens. And I look in the car, and in the back sort of four seats, there's like four adults, one of whom is my wife.

6:29Keyzie:and she wouldn't look at me. She was just staring at the ground and then my daughter got in this car and fucked off and I didn't mention anything to my wife because I thought, oh, this is going to be awkward if I pretend like I've seen her and she was trying not to be seen. Oh, my God. And then she drove off and then I was just standing on my driveway going. So are you currently obviously worried

6:52Mike Minogue:about your family leaving you?

6:53Keyzie:I don't know. I don't know what it was to do with. It's the abandonment. It's the leaving of the family home. The place where you've been for 25 years. It's a separation thing where all of your children have grown up. And so it's a part of your family. Yes, it is.

7:11Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. You are the house in that dream. Yeah, you're the house.

7:23Keyzie:I was thinking today.

7:24Mike Minogue:You're the house, Jase. Actually, it's going to be a bit.

7:26Keyzie:We're ignoring you. Yes.

7:27Mike Minogue:Jase, you're the house. I'm the house. Now you know how the house feels.

7:30Keyzie:Poor house. But I was thinking about that today and going, actually, that will be quite emotional, I think. Yes. It's been a long time we've been there. And the great thing that you're keeping it, though. Yes, that's true. That's good. All turns to shit we can go about. Oh, it's a sad thing, isn't it? Yeah, it was. And I woke up and I was like, oh. Oh. Yeah. So I went into the bathroom and sucked in my vape for a little while. and then I did wheeze sitting down and I couldn't fucking hold back a fart and I know my wife heard it

7:59Mike Minogue:I love that that's a big deal for you and then she left and jumped in a van my wife has heard me rip ass so many times it was pretty good isn't it

8:06Keyzie:I've got to the point now where I go for my morning wheeze and I can't I can't help it

8:12Mike Minogue:yeah most people most dudes can't it's completely standard

8:14Keyzie:I just can't not fart

8:16Mike Minogue:well I'm at the point in my relationship when I say to my wife Batten the hatches Batten down the hatches Batten the hatches

8:24Keyzie:Do you want to do The little flap At your buttocks there That you were talking about Yesterday I wish I was actually thinking About the same thing I'll let you Sorry mate

8:30Mike Minogue:Well I was going to say To be honest This is of zero worth Basically if I'm having Like baked beans Or something for lunch I'll be like Oh it's going to be A bit of a nightmare Later on Just FYI I woke up early And I don't hate To hoity J You hoity J But I woke up At 3.30 And then that was me I know I'm sorry Best wake up in the world A number one 3.30 Mogi. So then I was up at four, got up at four. But between 3.30 and four, I was just ripping ass.

8:55Keyzie:Yeah, yeah. Well, I don't know. Just ripping ass. The gas must just build up. It was funny. It certainly does. Because I woke up again at 4.30 and I was like, oh, fuck. And I knew there was no way I was getting back to sleep. And I went, I can't wake my wife up here. It's the worst thing, isn't it? And I was just sort of lying there. And I was like, what do I do? And then it was like quarter past five. And I was like, ah. And then I started sort of nudging, you know. Oh. Trying to make up. You know, and then at like 5.30 my wife was awake. Oh, you're awake. You're like a dog. Just sort of nudging.