OUTRO: Jase is in pain

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0:14Mike Minogue:Oh no. Yeah, it's too early for that shit.

0:17Keyzie:Jeez, here we go.

0:18Mike Minogue:Come on fellas. Old weird noises, Mogi. Don't be like that fellas, come on. It's a big day. Mogi's got his town pants on man, have you noticed that? I've got my going to town pants on fellas because I had an interview today. Did you? Interview? No. But an interview, yes. So I had to wear my smart pants and my smart shoes for the photos. What about your smart? A little photo shoot for old Moogie. Your smart face? I even had to shave my face. Corporate Moogie, they call them. Did you have a nice blazer or something that you wore? No, I thought about a blazer, but I thought, I just can't do it.

0:53Keyzie:Because it's not me. It's a very good look, I think. You know, your jeans, your nice shoes, a nice shirt and a blazer. Not on you. Mate, I fucking rock that. I know you do. I rock that. I know you do.

1:08Mike Minogue:I've never worn a blazer and a T-shirt before. I have. Is it something that like billionaire CEOs do to look sort of like chill but like rich? It's something Jase does when he goes out to Pugs' 30th.

1:20Keyzie:I still haven't found my black jacket yet that I need for my inner city look. I found a few clothes that have been close. I found one that was a perfect fit the other day, except it had shiny lapels, and it's like, no, no. Why not? It needs to be just plain. Sometimes you try and shoehorn yourself into something when it's not quite right. It's not right. Oh, no, it's all good. And then you get it home, you're like, I'm never wearing that. Yeah, totally. I'm going to find it. It's just going to take me longer.

1:54Mike Minogue:Why don't you get that jacket with the shiny lapels and then sort of half-ass colour them in with a vivid like you've done with your Reburger hat? Please, man. He's got you there. Every video of Jason Berger's Reburger hat, people comment, like, nice Reburger hat, Jason.

2:11Keyzie:He fucking loves it, bro. I know.

2:13Mike Minogue:Is it the fit?

2:14Keyzie:I think I'm dying, fellas. Oh, no. I think I've got deep vein thrombosis. I barely made it up the hill today. It's the cancer that'll get you. I barely made it up the hill. I've been in a whore of a mood. What happened? And my wife has constantly been saying to me, are you all right? You all right? I've been in a fucking - Did that help? No. Are you VT? I've been in a whore of a mood. Why? Because of your deep vein thrombosis? Why don't you go and jack it in the park? You mentioned yesterday, Moggy, that you had a toothache. Oh, yeah. And I didn't, you know - I'll tell you what, if you've got a fucking toothache - No, I don't have a toothache.

2:51Keyzie:Worse. Yesterday, because I was going to reply to that immediately with, I've had the most fucking intense air ache from yesterday. And I wonder, and I went, no, I can't do that because Mogi will fucking slam me.

3:05Mike Minogue:Yeah, for one of the sick days.

3:06Keyzie:I had a fucking massive air ache. And now I've got this fucking spot in my neck that's just throbbing and painful and down under my armpit. And I feel wiped out. You know what that is, Keezy? Deep vein thrombosis. No, because that's from sitting for long periods. Oh, is it? Yeah. Yeah, well, that wouldn't be because I never sit.

3:27Mike Minogue:Yep. No, it sounds like... Keezy's worried about you. Look at him. Yeah, it sounds like you should go to the doctor. Nah, you're all good. Nah, I'll be fine, man. Just wait it out, man. I just pump a few pammies. They're called pannies. Are you having pam-ole at your age? He's thinking of Tramadol. Hey, speaking of what, go to the doctor, Jase. Speaking of what... He's not going to the doctor, Keezy. He needs to. Those are like symptoms of meningitis and shit. Oh, yeah. Your fucking glands and stuff. Glans. And my cousin died of that. Kesey. And my brother had it when he was a baby, which is why.

3:59Mike Minogue:Yeah, that's disrespectful, Jase, given what Kesey's been through. I'm like, maybe you should go to the doctor. Right, yeah. He's not going to. Make sure you wear that hat, though. But listen, do you still have trammies? Nah, yeah, I do. Can you bring some in on Monday?

4:13Keyzie:You won't be here on Monday. Because you'll be dead. Yeah, that's true. Because you haven't gone to the doctor. Do you think you can get in touch with your wife? She could pick the trammies up. And courier them. And drop them off to the show today?

4:28Mike Minogue:What do I tell her? That I'm dying. And then she would say, oh, is he going to go to the doctor? And I was like, nah. He's got to take those trammies. He wants you to bring him some drugs.

4:38Keyzie:And it didn't help, but I'll talk about this in the show.

4:41Mike Minogue:The Horaki Beach Show, weekdays from 4 on Radio Horaki. The Hauraki Big Show Podcast.

4:49Keyzie:Worst start to the day, fellas. Putting together an IKEA fucking shelving unit. It sounds fun as. I can't wait. I can't wait because I know how this goes because it goes the same way for me. Fuming, man. Fucking hell. Ah, it's so good. I get into a zone and my wife gets into a zone. Are you going to each other? No, my wife. You know when you're a parent, Mogan, and I used to drive my daughter crazy, when they're losing their shit and you go into parent soft talking mode? Yeah. It's going to be okay. It's okay. It's just a shelf. My daughter, Scarlett, used to hate that so much. Don't speak to me in your quiet voice.

5:41Mike Minogue:Okay. Okay.

5:45Keyzie:I've been in a fucking whore of a mood ever since. The key issue is doing it together. Yeah, here we go, man. No, that's not the problem. It's just, if you were doing it by yourself, would you have been in a whore of a mood because you also couldn't? I'm assuming it's a frustration because you couldn't do it. Yeah, there were a lot of frustrations.

6:03Mike Minogue:Isn't it amazing? Like a shelf has put you in a fucking whore of a mood. You know, my tradition, what I like to do when I'm doing those sorts of things, and I'm much better than I used to be because I had to do it quite a lot. What's going on out there? I don't know. Was putting it together, no worries. Then you look at it and you go, that shelf's upside down. Yeah. So you have to take the whole thing apart. And like one bit's just completely wrong. One bit's just upside down, you know, and that just fucking, oh, you fucking, oh. I actually really enjoy doing that shit. I love it. Bingo. Is that what it was?

6:41Mike Minogue:Is that what it was?

6:46Keyzie:But anyway, but, you know, I need my wife because she's better at reading those instructions than I am. Like, you will not meet a more illogical person in your life.

7:02Mike Minogue:It sounds like she should just be doing it without you. And I think that she would prefer that. So she's good at reading the instructions. And you're good at fucking it up. She's also staying calm. And all you're doing is everything wrong. You can't read the instructions and getting angry.

7:17Keyzie:Can I just say, she clearly didn't read the instructions. Ah, thank you. Her fault. She clearly mixed it up. Yeah, good. I hope you took it out on her. Fuck. Seriously, man. About four or five times I had to go into the lounge.

7:40Keyzie:Because I was like, I was fucking, fucking effing and jeffing.

7:46Mike Minogue:Are you kidding? How big is the shelf? It's only about this, but it's only about, you know.

7:51Keyzie:Is it a bookshelf? Six foot. No, it's like a clothing shelf. Oh, like a wardrobe organizer thing. Yeah, kind of. Yeah, right. It's just a big stand with shelves on it and you just constate it. Yeah, like a wardrobe organizer. Sounds pretty simple and basic. It does, but I must say, that's what I thought. And, you know, there are over 200 fucking screws and shit, so it wasn't just, you know. 200 screws? Totally, man. Fucking oath there was. 200. Maybe not 200. Yeah, maybe 40. No, I swear to God, it would have been at least 150. I was like, why the fuck are there so many screws? That's ridiculous.

8:31Mike Minogue:I guess they want it to stay together. I guess they knew that you'd lose so many, throw them at the wall. And the power drill? Yes, I do. Do you use the screwdriver attachment? Yes. Do you set it to drill mode or like one, two, three? Are you going to take this, man? Listen.

8:49Keyzie:Are you going to take this?

8:50Mike Minogue:When my friends did this, they borrowed my power drill, put the screwdriver attachment, but left it on drill mode. And so no matter how much resistance the screw gives you back, the drill just keeps going and turning the screw.

9:02Keyzie:No, in terms of the screws, funnily enough, I did them all by hand. Yeah.

9:07Mike Minogue:Yeah. Because it was really, it was awkward angles. Yeah, right. You know, bars and shit.

9:15Keyzie:Yeah, awkward angles, yeah. Like there'd be a pole like that and the screw would be right next to the pole. You put it together in the wrong order. The pole's going to go on second. But also, you know, I thought IKEA stuff was like Swedish. It's fucking made in China. Everything's fucking made in China. Oh, you hate China.

9:33Mike Minogue:And it's just, fuck you, IKEA. More like I don't care.

9:43Mike Minogue:That's shit.

9:51Mike Minogue:What's it feel like to have done half a day's yakka, Jase? I reckon.