OUTRO: Just The Tip

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0:14Keyzie:Oh, g'day fellas. Oh, I shouldn't have done that. I've got a massive headache at the moment. That really hurt. Backbone. Hello. How are we going team?

0:22Mike Minogue:Why were you talking about white linen pants just then?

0:24Keyzie:Oh, because I just saw someone wearing white linen pants and it reminded me. You know how I told you that story when I was doing teacher training and one of the kids said I had weird pants?

0:34Mike Minogue:But that girl, that young, attractive girl who looked past, she didn't have weird pants. She just had white pants on.

0:38Keyzie:Yeah, well, that's what I mean. I saw those and it reminded me of my weird white linen pants. Is that because you used to wear women's pants to go with your women's shoes, which I see you're wearing today? Yeah, did you see that? Put that in your phone there, Keith.

0:51Mike Minogue:The only reason you're wearing those is because of my notepad list. No, no. It was time. Bullshit. It was tough. Bullshit. It was like, I have to start wearing these now.

1:02Keyzie:Yeah, well, no, I'm secretly hoping in this, you know, weather that they're going to get a bit fouled up, be a bit dirty. You know what I'm saying, fellas?

1:11Mike Minogue:Yeah, man, I'd probably just get rid of them if that was me. I went and had a lunch today. I was telling Keezy about it. It was at a Michelin star restaurant, Jase.

1:22Keyzie:I saw Mogey. Actually, there was an article just released that New Zealand, for the first time has released Michelin star something or other. They paid Michelin, who also make tyres, to come down here. $6 million they paid them to come down here and review New Zealand restaurants to give them a Michelin star. So they came down here. Well, it's a waste of fucking money. But anyway, good on you. They came down there. They've got to do it for three years. Right, OK. I wonder if it must have been plus expenses, surely. So, yeah, they ended up handing a bunch out. But I'll tell you what. Yum. I'll tell you what.

2:04Do you know what? The food that we had before, I enjoyed the food before Inglebert more.

2:09Mike Minogue:Wow. And that was just a cheap and cheerful Japanese place. Yeah. It was like, this place was fine. Nice. Yeah. But Michelin star is all right, blow my mind. I'll tell you what. I wouldn't be going back there in a hurry. No, I've been there. It's not that great. It's okay. It's okay. Yeah, it's fine. but it's not like, oh, man, it's not like hot pot. And you're paying for it. You're paying for it. Yeah, totally. And there was a huge pause on the tip. Huge pause. What do you mean? Well, you know. So it was on the machine, right? And then I paid. God. Look, I loved your restaurant. It was really good, however.

2:46Mike Minogue:Yeah. And then I got the ping number wrong. So when you do the tip thing They sort of look away Yes And then I got the pin number wrong And then the next time I put it through He just clicked straight past it So no tip Because knew I didn't want to give a tip So previously you'd been fishing for a tip But you're paying It costs like It was a Have you heard of a business lunch man? Oh no So I was thanking some people So it was like 400 and Almost 500 bucks Yeah There ain't no tip No, fuck no. There ain't no tip, man. The tip is in your margins. I'm not – and they were lovely, but no one was giving me a shoulder rub.

3:30Mike Minogue:I fucking hate being asked for a tip. It does my head in at the moment. It's annoying.

3:34Keyzie:It's annoying. And what I've discovered about me, and my wife's the same, flash restaurants just aren't for us. Right. Well, this place isn't, to be clear. Yeah, but you know what I mean? And, like, we are very much middle of the road, sort of cheap and cheerful kind of Asian.

3:52Mike Minogue:Why are you gesturing at me when you say that?

3:54Keyzie:Well, you know, because you were talking about it. Yeah. And I've had many experiences at flash restaurants that have been fucking horrible. Yeah. And also I've found with flash restaurants, or your more upmarket ones, they are more discriminatory against non-drinkers. Right. Like if you go to a really flash restaurant. That's where they make their money. Yes, and you don't drink. Suddenly the service goes bonk, drops down, and it's not as interesting to them. Is it because you're wearing your boots? I haven't worn them to a flash restaurant, but these boots would go very well in a flash restaurant.

4:33Keyzie:You reckon? Yeah, because they'd go. I don't know. Styly dude. Look at this out of it, bastard. He must be rich. He's obviously got cash.

4:40Mike Minogue:You know the perfect restaurant they'd be at home at is one of those ones where it's completely pitch black and the waiters are all blind?

4:47Keyzie:Yeah, but they glow though, Key Z. Do they? I bet they do. Fluorescent boots. Sir, we're going to have to ask you to leave. You're bringing too much light into it. Yeah. It's funny when I was walking into work today because there was a guy, you know, a worker with his little high vis on sitting there having a vape by the town hall. And I walked past him and he was just staring at my boots the entire time. And I was like, I felt like, can you stop staring at my boots, man? My eyes are up here. Stop looking at my boots. This is the thing about them is they draw the eye in.

5:19Mike Minogue:Oh, they certainly do for all the right reasons. And how did you feel after that?

5:22Keyzie:Especially when you're wearing black jeans too.

5:24Mike Minogue:Did you feel embarrassed after that?

5:26Keyzie:It's that thing of, as I've said, I've just got to own it now. I've just got to own it.

5:31Mike Minogue:You actually don't.

5:32Keyzie:And they're very comfortable.

5:33Mike Minogue:You don't have to. You literally right now could say, hey, guys, I've decided I'm getting rid of the boots. The trouble is it would feel like a defeat. Yeah, it would. But a defeat, we're not fighting against you. Oh, no, it would feel like a defeat to you, Keezy.

5:44Keyzie:Would it? Look at them. Those beautiful specimens.

5:47Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. I am surprised by the soles on them because for a woman's boot, they're quite butch. Yeah, yeah, they're quite butty. They're quite butty. The old owner was Dame Valerie Adams. Oh, seriously? Nah.

6:06Keyzie:Oh.

6:07Mike Minogue:Well, of those boots, how the hell would I know? What?

6:10Keyzie:Not that I would mind either way, but I mean. What if Dame Val had them?

6:14Mike Minogue:Yeah. What it looks like is you've cut the foot off a mannequin. It's that colour. Yes. It is that colour. It is a mannequin colour. But, you know, they're all G, man. They're all G. When it comes to the tips, if it's really good, which doesn't happen often enough that you want to pay for it, I add it on. Yes. So I look at what I'm paying, and then I work out if I'm going to pay extra. And then I pay extra. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't see a thing that says 5, 10, 20%. That annoys me. Fuck, that annoys me. And that's what it had. Or you can type in your own. It's like. And I had one the other day.

6:45But they're just trying to get tourists, and then it makes you feel guilty that you're not giving them a tip. It's like, no, you should feel guilty for asking. I do, yeah.

6:53Mike Minogue:I hope so. Yeah, okay. I just don't go down there. Because the other day I was at one in ****. Can you beep out me saying ****? Yeah, true. And you have to beep that one as well. Yeah, both of them. Cut out any of the especially. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to a restaurant the other day, and it was in ****. and it was owned by a particular person who was in the paper recently for having closed down a lot of his restaurants. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which, you know, I was at that one. I have never had someone serving me be more fucked off that I didn't click yes on the tip. Really? Yeah. What'd you say?

7:28Mike Minogue:I didn't say anything. Oh, you've got to say. She just like gave me this weird, maybe I'm full of shit, but I remember thinking, holy fuck, I'm sorry I didn't tip you at your very expensive restaurant.

7:39Keyzie:But, yeah, I mean, especially if you think about it, fellas. 20 %? Yeah. Fuck off. Especially in this day and age. Fuck off. It's like another, yeah, but I mean there might be people that have got money. Would you tip? They can pay that, but that's up to them and the vast majority of people wouldn't, especially New Zealand. I 95 % of the time give a tip. Not always happily. Sounds like a yarn. No, that's true. I've been with you many a time. That's true. I give tips. So we're just lying. 95 % of the time but I don't do you know if it's like 20, 15, 10 it's like fuck off I'll decide five bucks you know $2.50 you're welcome and you get it out of your little purse in coins in coins hold out your hand but it's actually your money from when we went to Fiji I put it in the bowl it's your Fiji in coins yeah but yeah it's one of those and also without being a dick about it if you are kind of knowing.

8:41Keyzie:You know, I've always had this fear that they go, that fucking Hoity J's a fucking tight bastard.

8:47Mike Minogue:But what we have to do is set a reputation as that on the show. You know what I mean? I am a tight ass. No one's going to believe I'm a tight ass, man. I don't know.

8:58Keyzie:No one in their right mind would think Hoity J was a tight ass.