In short
Love languages and self-validation—how partners’ compliments, physical affection, and words of affirmation affect people, and why loving yourself matters more than external validation.
Guests/backgrounds
Keezy, Jase, and Pugs (hosts of The Hauraki Big Show). They discuss their marriages/partners and personal habits (e.g., nail biting as anxiety, physical touch preferences).
Key claims
People have different love languages; words of affirmation and physical touch can be crucial. You can’t love others if you don’t love yourself. Relying on partner validation can leave someone feeling “volnese” if responses aren’t consistent.
Notable examples
Jase’s wife compliments his looks when he dresses up; Pugs wants more “hot/pretty” feedback; Keezy says his wife is affectionate but not physically demonstrative; they joke about needing acknowledgement at home.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOLove Languages and Compliments
0:22 to 4:36
The hosts discuss the importance of compliments in relationships and their own experiences with love languages.
“Oh, I was just doing what Mike usually does when he...”
Self-Love and Validation
4:36 to 10:38
The conversation shifts to self-love, personal validation, and how it impacts relationships.
“Weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki The Hauraki Big Show podcast If we can bring it back to me Especially if I've made an effort When was the last time you did that?”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Keyzie:Red leather, yellow leather, red lorry, yellow lorry.
0:03Mike Minogue:Red leather, yellow leather, red lorry, yellow lorry. Lorry. Lorry.
0:07Keyzie:For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok. Or raw dog it. 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horeke. Oh, g'day, fellas. Backbone.
0:25Jason Hoyte:Hi, Jase. What was that, Pugs? Oh, I was just doing what Mike usually does when he... Right, okay. Backbone! You're looking good, man. Thank you. Jase, thanks, man. Who are you talking to? Keezy.
0:37Keyzie:Don't take...
0:38Jason Hoyte:Are your eyes on the piss or something?
0:40Keyzie:Don't take Keezy's credit. I mean, he doesn't get a lot of praise for looking good with his ears and all that. You found the end there, Jase. That's good, man.
0:51Mike Minogue:I actually do get a lot of praise for looking good when I'm at home. Oh, yeah. My wife quite often tells me I'm handsome.
0:57Keyzie:Yeah, well, I mean, I guess she feels she has to justify her choices.
1:02Mike Minogue:No, not to me. She says stuff like.
1:04Keyzie:Well, no, to herself, I mean. She just goes, oh. If she says it enough. Oh, you look really smart today, darling. No, she says.
1:13Mike Minogue:Something will stick. She says I look handsome. She always says that. And I always say she looks beautiful. Yeah. And do I mean it? Of course I do.
1:24Keyzie:Well, I certainly would if I was saying that to your wife.
1:27Mike Minogue:Oh, same, and likewise. Why are you crossing your fingers?
1:30Keyzie:It's an interesting thing. I wouldn't call it an imbalance in our relationship with my wife. I call her beautiful all the time and hot and sexy.
1:43Mike Minogue:And she doesn't do it as much back.
1:45Keyzie:She doesn't do it very much at all.
1:47Mike Minogue:Actually, my wife and I had this conversation because I think she likes, not loves it, but like words of affirmation, which is a love language, Pugs. Don't know all of them, Keezy You're fluent in all of them Especially acts of service
2:02Keyzie:Yeah, totally Gross You're what I call a servicer, Pugsun A servicer Yes, thank you, I've heard that before You've got a servicer shirt on too, but carry on, Keezy
2:12Mike Minogue:But basically, she one day, ages ago, was just like I always say you look handsome and you don't really say it back a lot
2:19Keyzie:Yeah, well, I wouldn't call her handsome though Well, I think she's handsome Women could be handsome, that's the thing
2:24Jason Hoyte:It was very much like an olden times sort of thing. She's a handsome woman.
2:27Keyzie:Do you say she's a handsome woman because they have a more manly vibe to them?
2:34Mike Minogue:I mean, maybe that's how it went back in the day. So you're trying to say, Pugs, that that's just a unisex term for looking good? Yeah, pretty much. And so what about pretty? Is that the same?
2:43Jason Hoyte:Yeah, dudes can be pretty. I'd love to be called pretty. You are pretty. By my girlfriend.
2:52Mike Minogue:One photo shoot, Keezy. Actually, two photo shoots. I had one today.
2:55Keyzie:Just in terms of, yeah, but you see, the thing about my wife is she'll take it on board and go, oh, you know, but she doesn't get fussed one way or the other.
3:04Mike Minogue:Totally.
3:04Keyzie:And I don't either. But I do. You need it. I need, you know. Yeah, I need it as well, yeah. Occasionally she'll say something like, oh, you look really nice in that shoot.
3:15Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stuff like that.
3:17Keyzie:You know, and it's like, okay, but can we spice it up a bit? Can you say I look hot sometimes? I mean, I know I don't look hot Yeah, you do What are you talking about, man? But it's like And then she said to me Because I brought this up a little while back And she said I think we just speak different love languages Have you heard that phrase before, Pugsun?
3:36Jason Hoyte:Definitely Nah, because whatever love language they're speaking I'm meeting, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah And when I say them, I mean my partner You're speaking all of them Pugs is
3:45Mike Minogue:He's early into a relationship Where whatever her love language is He's finding it and he is speaking it back.
3:52Jason Hoyte:She does like words of affirmation, actually.
3:55Mike Minogue:Tax and service, gifts. What? Does she like gifts?
4:01Jason Hoyte:She's not really too emotionally attached to gifts, to be honest. So that's not a love language then.
4:05Mike Minogue:So, yeah.
4:06Jason Hoyte:She, in terms of compliments and stuff, like obviously I let her know all the time. What do you say? As do I. Don't need to get into the nitty gritties. We all let her know, to be honest. I don't blame her. I mean, she should be praised as much as possible. But even then No matter how much I do say it There is still the occasional Do you think I look nice today? Do you think I look pretty today? Yeah, that's fair enough What are you doing today? Usually outfit related The Hauraki Big Show Weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki The Hauraki Big Show podcast
4:42Keyzie:If we can bring it back to me Especially if I've made an effort When was the last time you did that? Like, you know, sometimes if I put on like a suit jacket or something or I'm going out, she'll go, oh, hello.
4:59Mike Minogue:Like to Pugs the 30th. You had your blazer on. Oh, man, you were on fire. You look good, man. You're looking handsome.
Read the full transcript
5:05Keyzie:No. The shoes I can tell you. The white sneakers. With a nice shirt underneath. You know, it's funny because I'll do like that. I'll dress like that sometimes in the office to be going somewhere and people would be like, holy fuck.
5:17Jason Hoyte:Yeah, you'll grab a blazer off the rack in the Studio V there.
5:21Keyzie:But my wife, she's very supportive and very loving. Don't get me wrong. She's just not big on the chat.
5:29Mike Minogue:And because we all are. We're all in media, right? So we need to be told that we're great. Yes. And so do you want me to maybe have a word to your wife and say, hey, can you just prop Jase up a bit? Because he's feeling a bit down in the dumps.
5:40Keyzie:He's feeling a bit volny.
5:41Mike Minogue:Can you tell him he looks pretty?
5:43Jason Hoyte:Do you guys think there's anything worth us working on loving ourselves a little more? So while it's nice to hear from our partners that validation is like, Can we not get pervy here, Pug? I think loving ourselves is really important. I'd like to think that I love myself. How do you do that? Well, just by not relying on things so much and validation from others. Totally. I think it's important.
6:05Keyzie:It starts with the self. You can't love other people, Kesey, if you don't love yourself. That is bang on, Jase. You can't help other people if you don't look after yourself.
6:17Mike Minogue:I hear you, big dog.
6:19Keyzie:That's why I never help anyone. Because you hate yourself. Because I hate myself.
6:23Mike Minogue:That is true, though, isn't it? Yes, it is. Because I personally, I am quite pleased with myself. Is that weird to say?
6:31Keyzie:We can tell. Yeah, we know, man.
6:33Mike Minogue:You know what I mean?
6:34Keyzie:I mean, you come in just the way you walk into the studio every day. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The new jeans from the weekend shopping before the photo shoot. Oh, fucking Keezy's pleased with himself. There he is.
6:44Jason Hoyte:Sauntering it. Yeah, get with his poor number.
6:47Mike Minogue:Oh, don't bring the boat number to this. No, what I'm saying is this show in particular, 50 % of breaks end with Keezy doing a steamer or having ears on the piss or having meat patty nips. Yeah. You can't put up with that shit unless you all G with yourself. That's a very good point. You know what I mean? I really respect that. And I'm happy with the fact that I've got giant nipples and my ears are massively on the piss. And so am I. I'm on the piss too. All the time. So, you know, like, so good as gold over here, man. Whereas Pugs. Yeah, man. He bristled today when I said his shirt looked like he worked at Turner's.
7:21Jason Hoyte:I think you'll find my words where I take that as a compliment because I love Tina from Turner's. No, but you had there was some spice there when you said it. Oh, yeah.
7:29Keyzie:And.
7:29Jason Hoyte:I love this shirt. It's a national. It's a fishing competition. It's the most blue shirt you've ever seen in your life. Like I said before, Pugs. And it's a fishing shirt.
7:37Keyzie:Like I said before, it's a service shirt.
7:40Mike Minogue:It is. It's like you're going in for a service.
7:42Keyzie:Yeah, you're going in for a service, and there's old Pugsarm with his pretty fluffy hair and all his rings on and beautifully manicured nails and stuff.
7:51Jason Hoyte:No, I'm just trying not to bite them.
7:53Keyzie:Are you a nail biter? So am I. I'm a shocker.
7:56Jason Hoyte:Fucking massively. I got it from my dad. Like, yeah, it's an anxiety thing.
8:00Keyzie:I still have a mate that's so bad at it that he would chew them down to blood. Jesus, I fucking Christ. He'd have bleeding fingers all the time.
8:09Jason Hoyte:Well, stressful. Look at that.
8:10Keyzie:Yeah, it's the same shit. Cuticle shit.
8:13Jason Hoyte:But it's the skin, yeah. This is a, I got the shirt in Vietnam, fellas. I know you didn't ask. Got it from a, I went vintage. Yeah, I figured. Vintage hunting in Vietnam. Yeah.
8:21Keyzie:But just getting back to the love language. It was quite fascinating, Chad, actually. Physical touch.
8:28Mike Minogue:Yes. Yep, same here. A lot of that.
8:30Keyzie:Oh, definitely physical touch.
8:31Mike Minogue:A lot of like, you know.
8:32Keyzie:And again, again, I'm a very physical guy. You are. With everyone. And, you know, she's not so much.
8:41Mike Minogue:She's not much of a physical guy?
8:42Keyzie:Are you sure? She's an affectionate person. Right. She's affectionate.
8:47Mike Minogue:See, I would say your wife is quite a loving person. Yeah, very. And very like, yeah, but not in a physical way, but in an everything else way. Yes. You know?
8:56Keyzie:You know what I think it is? I think I'm just, and I've been really working on this, too needy. You're clingy. Yeah. Yeah, I am. Yeah, that's fine. And I have been in the past, but I'm way better with that now. You know what I mean?
9:09Mike Minogue:But she must be okay with it. She must not just be okay. She must like that.
9:13Keyzie:It's not even necessarily that I'm clingy and needy. It's just that I need validation sometimes and I need a response. Yeah, okay. And I don't always get that. And that leaves me feeling volnese.
9:30Jason Hoyte:Yeah. You want your bid for connection to be met. To be met and acknowledged. And received halfway. Yeah, I get that, man. I feel that way.
9:37Mike Minogue:Right. So this is like with even your shit steering at home.
9:41Keyzie:So like when I'm in the lounge, Keezy, I've got a semi, I'm nude, I put my leg up on the edge of the couch with my semi, I want some acknowledgement.
9:52Mike Minogue:Right, and where she sees that so often that she literally just can't be bothered even reacting.
9:56Keyzie:Oh, she'll go and make an herbal tea or something. Or go throw up.
10:03Mike Minogue:Yeah, I see. So what you want from her, just because I'm writing this down, I'll have a yarn to her later on the phone. When you do that and you've got a semi, you want her to say, oh, well done, I'm getting a semi. Or what do you want her to say? Now you're talking. You want her to say it like that? You want her to say, now you're talking.
10:19Keyzie:Now you're talking. Okay.
10:20Mike Minogue:I'll pass that on. Look at you, you stud. With your massive fatos. Yes, please. And you're like, that's only halfway. Look at those moon hoppers. Imagine if I could get it all the way up. But I don't want to pass out. Hey, listen to the big show. It's four to seven weekdays and it's on Radio Hauraki, all right?
10:41Keyzie:Good God.
From the publisher
On today's poddy, your own validation is the only one you need.
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