OUTRO: No Snacks

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0:16Keyzie:G'day fellas. Hello. Took me until yesterday to come good after my late night on Saturday. Oh, what was that again? A mate's birthday party, surprise party. Yes. Yeah. We didn't do anything on that either.

0:30Mike Minogue:Yeah, no, we didn't. We didn't. What time was that that you finished? Midnight. Midnight and it ruined you for the week. Yeah. Wasn't that weird?

0:37Keyzie:Yeah. I was talking yesterday actually about - But I had about 10 zero percenters. Yeah, that's - 10 fucking Corona zeros. You just punched them, eh? Because you just need something to do. I was so tired. I was ready for bed at nine. Yes. I was done. Yeah. So I was on the old espressos. Yeah, nice. It's a treat. It's good times. My wife has got into the habit while she's doing this play because she gets fatigued before the play. So she's been pumping a Red Bull and it's not good. Like it's good for her performance, but then she gets home and she's angsty. She's angsty and that directly affects me.

1:24Keyzie:Right. Because as you can imagine when you're married you tend to sleep together.

1:27Mike Minogue:Right. And your job's to be angsty, right?

1:29Keyzie:Well, I'm usually angsty anyway. Yeah. But if she's a bit... I woke up the other day and she was down by my knees. Fellas? Yeah, please. Well, if you get there, what do you mean? Well, you know, normally when you lie side by side in bed, yeah. I know how it works. And it's actually happened the last three nights. The last three nights. Jace was holding his hands up to show me with his hands what two people lying side by side. Show him side look like. But actually the last three nights, she's ended up at the very other end of the bed, curled up. Repulsed. Oh, well, maybe. Repelled. But like curled up.

2:09Keyzie:And I wake up on the night and put my arm across and I go, douche. I actually put the music back on. Douche, douche. I go. I can't do it. I try and find her and I'm like, hang on. What the? Hang about. And I look down and she's curled up at the very bottom of the bed like a cat. That's odd. Curled up in a blanket? And what has she got to say for herself? Off the knot with a blanket, actually, Kizzy. Has she taken dumps on the bed like bird shit crits? No, she's not doing pees. Very confusing sentence, that. She's not doing pees. Not doing pees?

2:42Mike Minogue:Has your wife taken dumps on the bed like bird shit crits? Like, if you've just listened to this for the first time, it's just like, cool, I don't know what that means. I remember when I used to work at Crowd Goes Wild, Mark Richardson used to bomb a Red Bull during the rehearsal before the show. It was at 7. Oh, really? Every weeknight. It was at 7 p.m. And it was the same thing. You start to get a bit tired at about 6-ish. Yeah. As Mogey is right now. Yes. And then at 6.45 on the dot, Red Bull, do the show, high energy. And then he was just like, and then you just can't sleep. And then you just kind of feel like shit straight away afterwards.

3:16Mike Minogue:Yes. Right. But because you have to perform. Yeah. He always did it because otherwise it looks shit on TV.

3:20Keyzie:I always feel very tired at about 2 o 'clock every day. Yeah, right. Genuinely, I just go, oh, God. Every day is the same. But I've taken to not trying to spike myself with Red Bulls and coffees. It's fine. It's just that. Yeah, yeah. It's fine. Yeah, totally it is, which is why I'm trying not to do that. But my wife's been doing that. But, yeah, she's been right at the bottom of the bed. It's quite disconcerting.

3:43Mike Minogue:It is weird. I quite like the – and having that coffee machine there is good too. My thing is that she just –

3:49Keyzie:I might pump one after the potty, actually. You just reminded me, Kesey.

3:52Mike Minogue:It's literally just have a coffee as I'm walking into the studio, usually, is my thing. Yeah. And then it's like, boom, sweet. And then that way it's not too late. It won't keep me up. And then sweet. Before I got here, I thought I was dying from hunger, you know, where you get so weak. And I had... I can't imagine you dying from hunger. Well, I hadn't eaten at all. Well, I had one of those protein shakes. But then I had an eating. and so I had three scrambled eggs in the office there. Nice. But I still felt weak, you know. Do you have it like a kitchen set up at the office, do you? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, nice.

4:26I've got a kitchen now. The more I look at it, it is just an apartment with a strange podcast studio in it. It's very weird. It is. Especially before we put in the other office walls. Yeah. And then it really was. It was just a bedroom. But that didn't do it for me. So then I had a cupcake as well on top of that. and then two pieces of chocolate, and then I came in here and had a coffee, and then by then I'd sort of come good. Had plenty of water, man? I've had heaps of water, man. I go real good on my waters, man. Same, I pump a lot of water as well.

4:57Keyzie:I probably pump the most water out of anyone I know.

5:00Mike Minogue:I probably pump the second most.

5:01Keyzie:Yeah. I don't pump that much, just enough to keep me hydrated.

5:05Mike Minogue:Yeah, right.

5:06Keyzie:The perfect amount.

5:07Mike Minogue:Yeah. I reckon, Moggy, what might help you is like maybe one and a half bags of stolen chips? And if you just kind of grab those and pretty much eat all of them? Nah. Nah, that would help Jase. That helps Jase. I don't steal chips, Kesey. Ah, you ask if you can take one. When I go over there, I ask. Who do you ask? My wife. The lady's in the ZM office. Oh, yeah. My wife. The lady went and got the last three boxes and gifted me three bags. Oh, how good. That isn't very nice.

5:36Keyzie:My wife did a food shop yesterday. Was she killed up in the bottom of the trolley? No, but.

5:43Mike Minogue:I pictured Jase sitting in the kids' spot on the trolley.

5:45Keyzie:No, I wasn't there. She did it while I was doing the show, fellas, all right? Just shut it. Is that a new shirt? She did quite a significant. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. New boots, though.

5:56Mike Minogue:Hang on, hang on, hang on. I imagine her pushing Jase around on the trolley, and then when you go past the deli, she gets one piece of luncheon. Piece of luncheon sausage. Yes. For you to sort of suck on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As she finishes the shop.

6:06Keyzie:That's exactly what happens. And then you shit yourself. But anyway, getting back to my point.

6:13Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. Getting back to my point.

6:23Keyzie:She did quite a significant shop, so I was like thinking, oh, okay, good, and I went home to look at all the food that she'd bought, open up the fridge, and I was like, where's all the fucking food? Open up the freezer and nothing. Did you check the pantry? She went really hard on the snacks because my youngest daughter, she's a snacker.

6:45Mike Minogue:I love it when mums do this.

6:47Keyzie:And it was just a drawer full of snacks and chips and crackers and all sorts of stuff. My daughter's a shocker. She opened four different packets of things. But she's living like a king. You come home, you're living like a king. I have all this stuff. Yeah, true. It's all free. True. You don't even understand that you're being treated. No. You think that your parents just have that stuff in their house. Yeah. It doesn't occur to you that they're buying it for you. Yes. It's just, oh, they've always got that. It's so good. Yeah, you're right, 100%. It's just free shit that mum and dad have always got.

7:20There's no thank you involved for specifically buying it for you.

7:24Keyzie:I told you what she said to me one day when she was in a horror of a mood about the food. She was like, this house is just full of fucking ingredients. And I was like, well. Which is one of the all-time greats. There's nothing ready to eat. They're all ingredients. That's good. And I said, well, use the ingredients and make something. Yeah, but as if you would. No way. Exactly. Yeah, like you do. You're on straight-up to get some dumplings. That was a great call from you.

7:58Mike Minogue:Well, it is funny. Like when you're hungry, you're a bit peckish, and you open the fridge, and there's all this stuff, which could make a multitude of meals. The house is full of food, and there's nothing to eat. There's nothing to eat, man.

8:06Keyzie:Isn't that? And I used to find that every time we actually did do a shop, which was just the craziest thing. We'd do this massive food shop, and then I'd go to eat something, and it's like there's nothing to eat? Yeah. What is that? I mean, there's a fucking shitload, and it's almost like, oh, I can't be fucked having to make any kind of effort. Literally no effort. No effort at all to cook food. Yeah.

8:29Mike Minogue:So that's why I still to this day have every week Lucy gets a bag of cheese balls. Still? Yeah. And like, it's just like, it's been for years. It's the favorites list in the shopping, online shopping there. And she just adds a bag of cheese balls.

8:44Keyzie:You see, that's love, Kesey.

8:46Mike Minogue:But yeah, sure. I mean, her buying me chippies isn't love. It is. It is. That she buys you

8:53Keyzie:specifically cheese balls because she knows that you like cheese balls. Cheese balls is my love language. What do you call that there? It's a active service. Active service, yeah.

9:04Mike Minogue:Yeah. No, actually it's not. It's gift giving. Is it? Yeah. And then so whenever I'm going to open the pantry, have a look, oh, here's some cheese balls. But it's no good to you, the cheese balls, if that's her love language, which is gift giving, but yours is physical touch, then her giving you cheese balls means nothing to you. Oh, no, she opens them and then tips them in my undies. Oh, sweet. And then crushes them up. And then crushes them up. And then you eat them. And then I eat them. Sorry, did I not make that clear? But no, we've got very similar love languages, I think. I think we've talked about this.

9:38Mike Minogue:I think words of affirmation. Yeah. Physical touch is a big one. Yeah.