OUTRO: Once A Thief

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0:15Keyzie:Oh, g'day fellas. Back row. Hello. Good stuff. Yeah. I'm over that title. I tell you what, we've just had a big feed. We won't say what we had a big feed of, but we had a really big feed, and I'm stuffed to the gunnels. That's me for the rest of the day. I just texted my wife to say, no dinner for me tonight, darling. Did you? Yeah. I'm full on what I've just been eating, plus all the chips that I'll steal. Yeah, and the chips. Well, funnily enough, I went to steal some chips, and I went, hang about. Hold up. It was just habit. And I went, no, I don't need chips. At what point?

0:56Mike Minogue:Literally ate a massive pile of chips. At what point is the chip stealing going to finish? I don't know. You know what I mean? Because it's obviously like a revenge thing. When is the revenge done?

1:08Keyzie:Well, it's not really a revenge thing. It's just I like chips and these ones are free. Except when Keezy, for example, brings in free ones, you're like not interested. That's true. I mean, when people pay for them, they just don't taste the same.

1:25Mike Minogue:You know what I'm saying? If we were to put a dollar value on the amount of chips stolen. So I know a packet of those chips goes for about five bucks at the supermarket now. Yeah, let's call it four. Let's call it$4. How long have you been stealing chips for, Jase? Two years? Yeah.

1:39Keyzie:Oh, yeah.

1:41Mike Minogue:Okay, I'm just going to do some maths over here. Yeah. Well, that's about - It's 225 days a year we work Keezy. So there you go. A thousand bucks. My friend steals - $1 ,800 a year. $1 ,800 since over the last two years. $900 a year.

2:00Keyzie:It's not bad. It's pretty good. It's not bad, but then I've shared some of those as well. Yeah, I mean, you guys have all sort of... Well, there's probably more on top, actually. You know, you guys have indulged in my thievery. Especially in the earlier days, you know. Yes.

2:14Mike Minogue:My friend steals a packet of foot oil chips every day and has done so for the past two years. How much has he stolen? $2 ,080. No, it's$1 ,800 because we work 225 days in the year. Five times 52 times two. Yeah, but we don't work 52 weeks. Oh, that's not true. Yeah, true. Actually. 225 days of the year. You're still trying to make me look bad, Keezy. You're still getting four weeks off. Keezy, what are you working out? I've given you the answer, man. I know the answer. I've told you. It's$900 a year. Per year.

2:44Keyzie:But, you know, it's been a long time since I've stolen any. Yeah.

2:49Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah.

2:50Keyzie:I mean, it's been months, months and months and months.

2:53Mike Minogue:1840. 1840. Isn't that crazy? You don't count the small bags of chips then? Nah.

3:03Keyzie:Well, they're like incidental, aren't they? And actually, they've got very slack on that front because they're literally just lying all over the floor. I'm worried about you. What do you mean, man?

3:15Mike Minogue:I worry about like with that hat today that you tried to steal, I worry that you have a take mentality. That when you come in here, you're allowed whatever you want.

3:23Keyzie:I only tried to have that hat because I thought it was a new one and he was just giving it out for you for the video that we were making. I went, I'll have that hat. He took it off the guy right back. And also, you know, there was an element of humour in it.

3:36Mike Minogue:Right, was there? I just worry about you stealing as well. I'm just a bit worried about it.

3:41Keyzie:Look, it's all harmless fun. Is it? I don't know if it is. Yeah. It's harmless fun. I mean, it's not like I'm going into shops and stealing. No, you only steal from the people you know. Your workplace. Were you guys big stealers when you were young?

3:56Mike Minogue:No, never have been. No. My mum basically, one time I tried to steal a Kinder Surprise and I got in big trouble and my mum made me take it back. Yeah. And apologise.

4:06Keyzie:I got, well, I think I've told you this, I got caught stealing at my local dairy. He busted me because I stupidly stole successfully and then went outside the dairy and started eating it. What was it? It was like a packet of chicken chips and some lollies. Chips. Grassland chips. But you sort of feel like because you got it outside the door, it was yours now. Well, exactly. He lost, you won. I was only about like seven because he knew my dad. And so he said to me, you're going to pay me double for those or I'm going to tell your dad. Did you? Yes. So you had money? No, I didn't have money, but I had to pay him.

4:44Keyzie:I literally had to, Mogi. I literally had to save up and then go back and pay him the money. Double what. And you never got told off? I never got told off, no. Isn't that good, though? You've learned a lesson there. I did. And by learning a lesson, I mean you steal off everybody you come across. The lesson I learnt is don't get caught. That's right. You get caught all the time. You get caught every single day. It gets posted to social media. And the people you steal from come in here and say, can you please not steal from me? And then they talk to your boss and say, can you get Jase not to steal off me?

5:16And then they hide all the shit that you're stealing in different areas and you still steal.

5:20Mike Minogue:Isn't that crazy? What a piece of shit you've turned into.

5:23Keyzie:No, I just want to assure the listeners actually to this podcast. No, we're not joking. It's the truth. This is just all jokes. No, it is not. I mean, I knew it. I knew it. I mean, we're just having a bit of fun, aren't we?

5:37Mike Minogue:Not me, man. The Hauraki Beach Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show Podcast. I reckon it's been a year since I went in there

5:49Keyzie:and stole a pack of chips. Oh, well, I tell you what. You're not... What's the word? You're not opposed to stuffing your gob with my stolen goods, though.

6:00Mike Minogue:Have you noticed I haven't had any of your chips for a long, long time?

6:02Keyzie:No, I haven't.

6:03Mike Minogue:I literally haven't eaten any of them for a long time. Stuffing them in your gob every time. Okay. Mogi, what was the first thing you ever stole? I've got nothing. I never used to steal. You never stole anything? The only thing that I can remember that I actually ended up stealing was$2 coins out of my mum's wallet to buy heroin. Oh, yeah. No, to play Street Fighter. I did that before. I've done that before as well. And that was it. That was the only thing I ever used to steal. And I stole about$20 ,000 off it.

6:33Keyzie:Do you remember when those Space Invaders were like$0.20? Well, it was$0.40 and$0.20 to continue. Yes. was that particular game, which would have been, you would have been too old for it by the time that came along, Hoody J, even though you're young. But that was one of the great cultural phenomenons, that game. It was. Magnificent. But, yeah, no, I mean, I certainly don't have a history of stealing. Are you serious? In what way? I mean, outside of the last two years, is that what you mean? I learnt my lesson as a young fella. And what was the lesson? And as I say, I mean, this chat's just the fellas.

7:13Keyzie:It'd be amazing to see the full boxes lined up.

7:18Mike Minogue:It would probably fill up the back of a big lorry, a big truck. Here is the amount of chips that Hoity J has stolen. Well, if there's 10 boxes in a box, which there is, and you do 225 a day, so that's 22 boxes. 45 boxes. That's a lot. It's a lot, Jase. Because you can't count the weekends, Keezy, because he's not in here on the weekends. Yeah, but I bet he comes in, though. No, that's true. Exactly, actually. Because he'll be walking past.

7:47Keyzie:I do have a swipe, you know. I live in the CBD now, so we're... Fuck, that'd be funny if you were coming in here on the weekends.

7:55Mike Minogue:Wouldn't it be?

7:57Keyzie:That actually would be very funny.

7:59Mike Minogue:Do you reckon you will stop, though?

8:01Keyzie:No. I stopped months ago, Keezy. And also, what they've done is they're getting much more anal with their hiding of said chips. You know what I mean? They're kind of ruining it for you, aren't they? Well, look, there's fun in the chase, you know, of trying to find them and hunt them down. But I really can't be bothered with it anymore. Thus, you haven't seen me eating any chippies for ages.

8:27Mike Minogue:Yesterday. You had some yesterday.

8:29Keyzie:Yeah, I went down to the dairy there on the...

8:32Mike Minogue:No, they don't sell them down there. Sour cream and chives, yeah. I remember because you walked in and said, Hey, old Hoity J's scored again or something. You said something like that. Oh, did I? As you opened the sour cream and chives. You said, Hoity J rides again.