OUTRO: PotASSium

4:10Keyzie:That's how big the banana is, too.

4:12Mike Minogue:Yeah, but also, I don't know if you know this, Pugs, but I don't have teeth in my arse. So my digestive system, where I eat it, is part of the digestive system. That part is missing from the shelving of the banana.

4:23Jason Hoyte:You know how cold makes your muscles contract? No. What?

4:27Mike Minogue:Does it?

4:28Jason Hoyte:Yeah. I thought it was the opposite. No. No. If you had a frozen banana in your back door, I do apologise. If you had a frozen banana in your back door, would that then contract your back door and then you'd have some trouble getting it out?

4:41Keyzie:And we're talking peeled here, eh? In your back door. Huh? So what was your question?

4:48Jason Hoyte:So if you had a frozen banana and you elected to - Backdoor it. Backdoor it. Would the muscles then contract and make it even just marginally more difficult to remove it? Say you changed your mind.

5:04Keyzie:I envisage it would be like a snake eating a rat. Oh, yeah, like a boa constrictor? Yeah, it would just sort of squeeze it to death. And then all the bits of banana would float around.

5:18Mike Minogue:Float around? And in this little analogy you've got here, the snake is lying on, so his pug's lying on all, just lying flat on the ground. Snakes don't have all force. It's slowly unhinging its jaw on the back end, obviously, and just slowly making its way. I do do that.

5:34Keyzie:Yeah, and it just goes through the system and then just. It unhinges it. Yeah, it dislocates. Have you got a hinge on your anus? Yes. Well, I said. No, I'm not going to say. Yeah, come on, man. Go on, brother. No.

5:49Jason Hoyte:It's a bit like a cat door, is it? No. It's a lot of going in and out. No, no, no.

5:54Mike Minogue:Yeah, it's set to go in and out. Yeah, yeah. Like any of the neighbourhood cats can come and go as they please.

5:58Jason Hoyte:Yeah, in your nurse. It's one of the neighbourhood cats in my nurse.

6:02Keyzie:Hey, man, this is you. Well, you're shoving frozen bananas up there. I mean, where does it stop?

6:08Jason Hoyte:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show Podcast

6:17Mike Minogue:Hey, should we move on to something more

6:19Keyzie:Yeah, more palatable More pressing

6:23Mike Minogue:What did you get up to today, Jase? I was tired today, man

6:27Keyzie:Yeah? Fucking tired So was I I'm sorry, Jase Tempted to say sick and tired Ah But just went No, just be tired

6:36Mike Minogue:But also, Jase Today's your last day Then you go on your massive vacation Yeah But to be fair, you get five days because it's Labor weekend, which is great.

6:43Keyzie:That is really, and I'll be honest with you, fellas, very much looking forward to it. But then we were looking to go away, but we've left it too late. So you're not going to do that now? Well, we might find some cheeky little place to stay. The batch isn't an option?

6:57Jason Hoyte:Nah, it's been booked. Shit. We're filthy about that. Sorry, Jase, mate. Sorry, man. I really needed to get back.

7:05Mike Minogue:I love it there. Are you doing your Broken Wood read-through? Yes, next week. So it's next week now? Yes. Because it was classic Jase that when he finally gets a day off, Brokenwood hits him up and says we need to do a table read that day. Yes. Yeah. So I'm glad you moved it.

7:20Keyzie:Yeah, well, I didn't move it, and I found out why, which I won't get into. But now next week's looking chocker. So it'll be fine. But look, I'll be grateful to have five days, I'll be honest with you.

7:32Mike Minogue:Yeah, that episode of Brokenwood, because you said it's heavily revolving around you, that episode. A lot of it is. Yeah, so who dies in it and who did the murder? I can't tell you that, Kesey. Just so I know.

7:41Keyzie:Contractually, I can't tell you that. Can you chew your gun a little closer to the microphone? I'd rather stick a frozen banana up my ass than tell you that.

7:50Mike Minogue:Really? What if it doesn't leave this room? So you just say, all right, so this episode is coming. I'll bleep it. No. Jase, I'll bleep it. Can you, yeah, pugs will bleep it. So you just say. I'll literally bleep it. Upcoming season of Broken Wood. Hello, my name's Jason Hoy. In the upcoming season of Broken Wood, episode three, my character blah blah blah gets murdered by blah blah blah no would you get fired for that you'd get in a lot of shit for that

8:17Keyzie:yes yeah right you'd get in a lot of shit

8:19Mike Minogue:for that fired have you ever in your years working experienced someone doing something like that

8:25Keyzie:well you know in all seriousness and you guys will find this being the up and comers that you are they get very very I'm talking ads I'm talking filming, very, very big on confidentiality. Yeah, right. And if you're spurting off stuff and letting people know about, you know, if you just did an audition and this was the part you were going for and this was the storyline and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you'd be in the shitter.

8:51Mike Minogue:Yeah, right, and it doesn't matter what that's for.

8:53Keyzie:And not in Pugsans' shitter. It's even a – because you call it your shitter, right?

8:59Jason Hoyte:It's way more classy than that.

9:01Mike Minogue:That's not just for like a TV show like Broken World. That's for commercials and shit as well.

9:04Keyzie:And actually commercials especially.

9:09Mike Minogue:Because it's like, oh, man, I auditioned for the role of blah, blah, eating a packet of chips for four seconds. Like no one actually gives a fuck, you know, outside of the filming world.

9:20Keyzie:No, but I might say that and then someone that works here might work and have their own chip brand and go, oh, that's interesting. They're doing a campaign about chips, are they? Yeah, right. You know what I'm saying?

9:31Mike Minogue:The competitors. Yes. I see. because my wife who works for a supermarket chain in marketing, she'll often say, blah, blah, blah, we're doing this, but don't tell anyone. And I'm like, I'm not going to tell anyone that we're bringing out a new cucumber or something. I don't care. But then she worries that I'm going to go on the big show and we're so starved of good content. Yes. That my first thing is, hey, guys, I've got something here. And then I just say, hey, did you know there's a new cucumber coming out? And by coming out, I don't mean if Pugs is a shitter.

9:57Keyzie:Yeah, I was going to say, cucumber there, Pugs, aren't they? Do you freeze that as well or just straight in there? I'm on that fire, man, but I'm really excited to give it a go. You wouldn't want to get one of those spiky ones, would you? What, cucumber? Yeah. You know, like the old school ones? Little bucks on them, yeah. Yeah, with the little sort of ridges. Well, I mean, you might like that. Yeah, well.

10:16Mike Minogue:Because you've got your telegraph cucumber and then you've got your shorter, stumpier one. Yeah, yeah, with the little sharp little.

10:21Jason Hoyte:There's the Persian ones as well, which are slightly shorter. You said they're perfect. Huh?

10:26Mike Minogue:They say, you said, what you said, I heard, was nothing like a perp. The big ones hurt. Nothing like a Persian to get me purring Is what I heard you say Is your mum going to be listening to this, pug son?

10:38Jason Hoyte:What's that? I hope so I haven't heard about the Sugi yet So that means she hasn't I was having this discussion about how you tell Confidential things When you're obviously in a relationship So like my partner for example Got told something in confidence by somebody else And so then by proxy It's like how big is the radius of like Just telling that person

10:58Keyzie:Very very small

10:59Jason Hoyte:Well, that's what I mean, but it's like, you know, everybody has a different sort of radius of like, oh, I can trust this person with my life in terms of telling them in confidence or needing to process that with this person.

11:11Keyzie:What did she tell you? Because you can tell us. It's right, yeah. It's me and Casey.

11:14Jason Hoyte:Yeah, I can tell you that. And then they. I'm going to bleep that. Oh, really? Okay.

11:22Keyzie:Why? You didn't say anything, man.

11:28Keyzie:You're so annoying.

11:29Mike Minogue:Fucking hell, eh?

11:30Keyzie:I'm annoying. Yes. Fine, man.

11:34Mike Minogue:Oh, I'm sorry, Jase. You're not the annoying man. Bullshit. Sorry, man.

11:39Keyzie:You don't need to apologise for Pugs-San. I don't think you're annoying, man. Filthy bastard.

11:42Mike Minogue:I find myself constantly apologising for Pugs-San.

11:46Keyzie:Yeah, no.

11:46Mike Minogue:You one, you... Yeah, why don't you go show a banana? Yeah, you backdoor king.

11:51Keyzie:You backdoor banana bandit. Backdoor king.

11:53Mike Minogue:I haven't heard that name since high school. Hey, listen to the big show, 4 or 7 weekdays. It's good listening. Sure. And, Jase, you have a great holiday, mate. Thanks, mate. Oh.

12:04Keyzie:You all good? Yeah, no, I just dropped my gum. Oh, no.

12:07Mike Minogue:See you. Bye.