OUTRO: Pretty Privilege

0:00Keyzie:Come on, for fuck's sake. For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok. Or Raw Doggy. 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horek here. G'day, families. Hello. Hey. Where's your jacket, Mogi? It's outside there. It's Jacket Wednesday. Jacket. I jacket every day. Do you? Doosh, doosh. No, I don't. Yeah, you do, man. Probably down to once every 10 to 14 days. Oh, bullshit. Jeez. Is that all? Is that what I can look forward to? That's what you can look forward to, man. It's good. It's not – see, the thing about you as a young fellow there, Keezer, you're scratching an itch.

0:45You're scratching an itch. How do you go with itch? There's no itch. Right. The itch goes away.

0:50Mike Minogue:I quite like having the itch, though. Wow. Yeah. Does it? Jase, he's a dirty old dog. Shocker. Yeah, man. Well, I know. I mean, I... Jace is a filthy bastard with a high-sex drive and an enormous penis. That's a story he's carved out for.

1:05Keyzie:I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm a dirty old dog. Oh, you are? Oh, I agree I'm an old dog.

1:11Mike Minogue:Yeah. I actually reckon he's quite... But I've got some new tricks. I reckon he's quite vanilla, to be honest. Do you? Do you really? I reckon you put this sort of image out there, as Moggy said, but in reality I think you're quite a vanilla, low-sex drive, dud root, small-penis kind of guy. But, new jacket though. Yeah, new jacket. You could not be further from the truth, Keezy. So what's the opposite of everything you just said there, Keezy? What you said earlier. Big penis. I've got a tiny penis. High sex drive. Huge sex drive. Amazing in the sack. Amazing in the sack.

1:44Keyzie:Best chicken soup in the world. Well, I don't have that when I'm having sex, obviously. Sure you do. Why not? Well, because I'm focused on - It helps you with your sickness. I'm focused on my lover. Do you reckon you could make chicken soup while - You like that? No, not like that. You like that? No, not like that at all.

2:02Mike Minogue:Do you reckon you could make chicken soup while doing it? Or is it quite an involved thing? Why would I, Kesey? The best of both worlds, Jase. That's a stupid question. Yeah, it's the best of both worlds. Chicken soup and jagging it. You can have your cake and eat it too, man, you know?

2:18Keyzie:So do you think, could I make chicken soup while I'm making love? Yeah. No.

2:25Mike Minogue:Couldn't you?

2:25Keyzie:No.

2:26Mike Minogue:I reckon you could if you had to.

2:28Keyzie:No.

2:28Mike Minogue:Gun to your head. So I'm standing next to you with a gun to your head. If I could give you a vape and I'd say, Jase, if you make chicken soup and make love at the same time, you'd do it.

2:37Keyzie:Where am I putting the cutting board? On her back.

2:44Keyzie:Pugs, come on, man.

2:45Mike Minogue:It's funny because in my head I was like on her back, but I had a mouth full of coffee.

2:53Keyzie:Mogi's off. He's done. Yeah, he's finished. It's over. Oh, jeez. But no, I couldn't. You don't think you could? No.

3:02Mike Minogue:Is it because the chicken soup is too involved?

3:04Keyzie:Because it's too stupid. Or the love?

3:06Mike Minogue:You chop up the celery?

3:07Keyzie:Because it's too stupid. Here you are, darling. She can hold the bowl. Hey, Mogi, can you make it a bit brighter in here, please? Jesus. This is as bright as it gets. Sorry, dude. What the? It's for the lighting, Jase, because we're on YouTube, you see? And our 10 viewers. What's up with you saying 10 viewers, man? Yeah. Did you see that, man? Because I see us on YouTube and it's got 10 views. Jase.

3:29Mike Minogue:I'm going to check how many views the latest one has. Can you have a look, man? What are you fucking assholes been up to today?

3:36Keyzie:It's been all action, actually, at my place. There was a lot going on. I talk about it in the show. And quite seriously, because there's always something going on. I went past your place today, actually. Something going on. And then today it was all on. Right. For young and old? For young and old, yeah. It was a hurr of a day in the Sibidee. I went past your house today. Yes. Yes. Yeah. You should have popped in, Mogi. Well, I went and jacked it down in that park. Now, you need to do it on the pass, not in the actual park. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast.

4:18Mike Minogue:I'm a bit worried that a lot of Mogi's chat now is about jacking it. Have you noticed that? Yeah. I just started the ball rolling at the start of this. And then there was a guy called Jack. There was another thing that happened on the path,

4:30Keyzie:apart from the guy jacking himself off, which I'm not going to tell you about.

4:35Mike Minogue:626 views, the latest one.

4:37Keyzie:Jeez, we're killing it.

4:38Mike Minogue:Well, it's pretty good, man. Wow. It's not like we're just doing it as a bonus offering, Jase. We never push it. It's a bonus offering that we're putting out there that no other shows are doing, so we just thought we'd start doing it. How long does it take from record to getting it up on YouTube there? pugs in. Look at that piece of shit. 24 hours?

4:57Keyzie:No, I think I've seen breakfast on there.

5:00Mike Minogue:No, I just looked they're not on there. So there you go, that's that.

5:03Keyzie:Okay, well that's good.

5:04Mike Minogue:Well we can delete it off there, we can not put this up if you want.

5:07Keyzie:It's all about the numbers fellas and you've got to get them wherever you can.

5:10Mike Minogue:100%.

5:11Keyzie:So yeah. Oh, you should have popped in, Mogi, I would have made you a stovetop coffee. I was busy making a fool of myself, I was on a flamingo scooter, which I've changed to now. Because it's cheaper? Because it's a New Zealand owned company. Oh right, okay. Which I was not aware of and they've got it to their eternal credit written on the bottom of the, where you put your feet there. New Zealand owned. How good. So what's Lyme? Foreign muck. Okay, good to know. If I ever do go I'm not going to because walking's very catharsic to me. Oh, we've talked about this before but yeah, sometimes if I'm in a rush like today I was in a rush.

5:50Keyzie:Yeah. God, it's humiliating. I tell you what, man, I was crossing the road today on Queen Street, and it was a legit crossing. It wasn't a rogue crossing. I just was waiting for the lights. Everyone doing the big crossing, and about four dudes, man, just hooning down in their lime scooters, and the whole crowd's just going, oh, whoa, yeah, Jesus. You just maintain your line, man. That's why skateboarders, they know what they're doing. I would have liked to have shouldered one of them, actually. It was outrageous. You would have dislocated your shoulder. Probably.

6:20Mike Minogue:One thing I've noticed that's dangerous in downtown Auckland is some of the crossings, when it goes beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, for everyone to walk, it is all four at once. Yes. And you can walk across the centre on a diagonal, but some of them aren't. And I've noticed a few times in the last few weeks walking to your office that people are looking at their phones. Yes. And they go beep, beep, beep, and just start walking out diagonally when the traffic's all coming. Yes. I've seen that quite a few times now. I've been guilty of that, of looking at my phone and hearing,

6:49Keyzie:and it's actually not my crossing. Just stepping out. Well, you kill the herd, don't you? You kill the herd. Well, you do. Those are the ones you need to lose, Keezy. Straight in front of a bus. If you're going to cross the road while looking at your phone, you know what I mean? I agree. We're all better off. I agree. It's deserved. Yeah. You know what I mean? One of them was quite an attractive young woman. Yeah. First to go. Well, I mean, the fact that she was attractive is neither here nor there. It's neither here nor there. I don't know why you brought that up. So you're saying an ugly woman should be run over?

7:16Is that what you're saying, Keezy? It's a shocker, man, honestly. I worry about this show, I really do. If this is the future of the show, I worry for it.

7:25Keyzie:Agreed. Shock and blast. So Keezy saying that an attractive woman shouldn't be run over, but that an unattractive woman should. And that, I think, is a new low for the show.