OUTRO: Regarding The Files

0:00For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Doggett. 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horeke. G'day, fellas. Here he is, old part-time hoody Jay. Oh, fuck off. How are you? How are you?

0:21Keyzie:It feels like it's been a while.

0:23Mike Minogue:Yeah. It has been a little while, hasn't it? It has. The last time I was in a conference room in Fiji. That's true. Yeah. Yes, that's right.

0:31Keyzie:That's right, Keezy. You do realise, Keezy, it's not raining in here, eh? I think Keezy's a little bit volny. Generally, if you see a man wearing a hoodie in the middle of the day, inside, and you haven't shaved, that's normally hangover material. How are we feeling there, Keezy?

0:48Mike Minogue:Had a couple of big nights. Had a five-day weekend. What is it? Hang on. No, a four-day weekend. Four days. Yeah, yeah. Did you? Because I had a wedding on the Friday in Christchurch. Oh. So then Saturday, Sunday, Monday, today's Tuesday, and I had a big Friday night, big Saturday night, small Sunday. Oh, yeah. So I had a two and a half-er. Yeah. But I'll be sweet, you know me. You'll just pile on through. I always deliver, man.

1:14Keyzie:The postman. I guess we can get into this when we do the show, but I'm keen to know how your emceeing went, your dual emceeing. Oh, yeah, we'll be doing that.

1:23Mike Minogue:I didn't know about that. Yes. Yeah, I saved that content for last week. Good stuff. Yeah. You know. Are you sure you don't? Because there's a lot of stuff in the show. Yeah, I mean, it's a very busy show. We can spread it out across the week, though, Kezi, because it was busy today. Yeah. You know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Save it for tomorrow. Because all we do it today and we move some other stuff around, I am keen to hear about it. Yeah, we'll save it for tomorrow. Oh, you're good. Yeah, yeah. That's something to look forward to, guys. Yeah, totally. Are you hoping for a disaster? Not at all. No, and I don't think it could be a disaster.

1:52You're a very experienced public speaker. Yeah, but my wife is a shambles. What do you mean?

1:57Keyzie:They were emceeing together. It was a double emceeing. You and your missus? Yes. Oh, my God. That's why I'm saying I'm intrigued. You must have been a nervous wreck. Nah.

2:07Mike Minogue:But the interesting thing was, I worked this out. We've never worked on something together because our styles very much clashed in terms of the build-up to emceeing because I very much leave everything to the last night or last day, write a few jokes, I'll be sweet. She's like, no, I want it committed to my memory. Does she often do that? What MC? Speak at MC and stuff. She's MC'd three or four weddings. Yeah, right. Like with her brother and with her cousin. Yeah. Right. Okay, cool. She's like the bubbly one of her friends. Right. So she always gets asked.

2:36Keyzie:Yeah, it's like in my family, if there's any sort of family event going on, which there isn't anymore. Sweet. It was always me that had to talk because I was the actor. Yeah. And my brothers were like, no, I'm not fucking doing it. and so it was always left to me to do this. It's quite good though, isn't it, that people are that clear? Yes. I'm not doing it. Yeah, well, particularly my eldest bro, he's like, he fucking hates speaking in public. Yeah. So he's like, it ain't happening. Even at his own wedding, he was like,

3:08Mike Minogue:yeah,

3:09Keyzie:let's just make this quick, shall we?

3:11Mike Minogue:I think it's like, because Minaya on Brekkie, he's got this thing, don't fucking ask me to MC a wedding just because I'm on the radio. I'm not fucking doing it. I just want to get pissed. Whereas I'm like, it's a nice thing that I can. You can do both. Well, But it's a nice thing that you can do for them that takes 10 % of my brain power, whereas a lot of people fucking hate it up there. You know what I mean? Whereas I don't actually give a shit. Oh, yeah. Well, you've just got to keep the good vibes going, don't you? Although I would rather not because I've done enough of them now. Totally. I think I've done four or five weddings now.

3:41Yeah.

3:41Mike Minogue:And to be honest, I did one. The very first one I did, I was like, I'm never fucking doing that again. Right. Yeah, I sort of had a similar. Yeah. Not because it was bad, but because I felt it was bad. I felt. That they were happy. but I thought, you know. I didn't realise it was sometimes when you're the MC, a slight bit of wedding coordinator gets thrown onto you and in that first wedding quite a lot of it did and I was making calls on how a wedding should run and I had no experience. And I, yeah, fucked a couple of things up.

4:07Keyzie:I remember I did MC one wedding down the deep, deep South Fair and I told one joke that, you know, I have to be honest, before I said it I was like, well, should I do that joke? It was one of those dodgy ones. But I went, yeah, let's just go for it. Race-based or sexual? It was very sexually-based. In hindsight, highly inappropriate. For a wedding, yeah. Yeah, and then I just went, oh, bugger it, I'll do it. And then there was this old lady who was about three metres from me, and I remember her just clutching her chest and going, oh, my goodness. She grabbed both of her breasts. No, she just clutched.

4:46Keyzie:She put her hand on her. She did have an ample bosom. I remember that. I bet you do. And she was like, oh, oh, my goodness. But I imagine your wife. I can't remember, but I know. Have you seen the jugs on this one down here? Oh, my giddy-ard. It was really, I don't know what I was thinking in terms of saying it. Well, you're probably pissed again. But I can imagine your wife starting with, my husband and I. No. Chris. Christopher and I. You've heard her talk, eh? Yes. But I was thinking she'd be very fervent. My husband and I. My husband and I. Oh, do-do. Christopher. And then you in the background going, back, babe!

5:24Keyzie:Back, babe!

5:26Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. No, no, I won't say that. We'll save that for the radio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Save it up. But no, it went very, very, very, very well. I've got a question that probably should stay on the radio. How do we feel about the Fiji Files? Are they getting released? No. I think what happened was we listened to 30 seconds of it. Yeah. And the first 30 seconds is Jase trying to, just giggling the whole time. Yeah. But then it was speaking as well. And then it was speaking and he was just like, no, we're not doing it. And I'm 100 % on board.

6:00Mike Minogue:I don't care. And I'm also 100 % on board. I want you to know that.

6:03Keyzie:It was fun though. I even got in touch with Pugs and said, it's not happening, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

6:07Mike Minogue:So anyway, that comes out on Tuesday.

6:10Keyzie:Yeah.

6:10Mike Minogue:And he was filming it as well.

6:12Keyzie:But the only downside of that is I know that Pugs put a lot to work into that so I feel a bit guilty about that I don't think he did did he all he did was release it he recorded it he did it no but he he did an edited version so he'd obviously gone through it oh you didn't oh okay so don't have to be sorry for anything

6:29Mike Minogue:yeah no but at the end of the day I mean fuck it's pretty confronting hearing yourself quite pissed you know what I mean oh yeah yes yeah and this is the thing it's like without that because I listened to it I was like alright I'm a bit of a punisher but I can sort of live with that it's fine but without Jase in there being hammered it's not funny it needs that to be funny but I didn't get to it got to the point where I was like I don't even know why I'm listening to this because if Jase says this is okay then I'll listen to it but if Jase is, my vibe is Jase is going to say no way so let's see what his answer is and that answers the age old question of should we do the podcast while drunk or while hungover probably while hungover that's the way to do it Because then you're just reminiscing and it's not you being an absolute idiot.

7:16Keyzie:Or just sobbing.

7:18Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So sorry, everyone. That's not coming out. I've got some ideas about it. It was bloody good. It's fucking funny. We might release it as a vinyl. Oh, yeah, that's a good idea. I just spat everywhere. But the winners, Nolsey and Nate, and also that dude from Wanaka, Ryan, they heard it. They heard it, yeah. Probably don't remember it, but they heard it. And congratulations, guys. Yeah.

7:41Keyzie:You're the only two, three people in the world that did. Yes. And we're going to get Nolesy and old dear. Nate Dogg. Nate Dogg. Give it around a golfing. Yeah, man. Take him out to the tacks, eh, Keezy? Sure, man. Out to the tackeries. Yeah, boy. Yeah, yeah. The hills. Keen. But Fiji was good, Moggy? It was bloody good. I was saying off year, but yeah, just a bit long. I think if you didn't have, obviously, our trip and then a family trip tacked on to the end of it, it would have been about right. But back to back, 10 days is a long time to not be working. But yeah, it was bloody good. And the other hotel was good.

8:17Not as good. Not as good.

8:19Mike Minogue:Fine, or like good. Great. But if you hadn't gone to that first one, you'd be like, this is great. Especially the room. The room's pretty good. My daughter walked in there and she was like, God, this room is small. I was like, obviously not the one we stayed at, but the new one. But she had her own bunk room in there and plus our room. I was like, what do you mean it's small? This is not small. And then I realised, oh, actually, I don't think she's ever stayed in a hotel. We always get Airbnb. Right, yeah. So it's houses that she's used to. So she's like, this place is tiny, man. This is a dope.

8:52How much did you pay for this? So in that regard, she was right. But yeah, it was bloody good. It was beautiful every day. The boat trip was out the gate. Toasty. Bunch of stuff. Yeah, it was bloody good.

9:03Mike Minogue:So did you give her, you and your wife, give her your main room because she's used to the big room? Yeah, she gets the big room. That's just a rule. And then you guys are in the bunk room. She gets whatever she wants. Yeah. Mogi Minogi gets whatever she wants. Yeah. That's the rule.

9:15Keyzie:And you get the top bunk and your wife gets the bottom bunk. That's exactly right. Yeah, yeah. At least my daughter changes her mind at some point, and then we have to swap over, you know. But her happiness comes first. Of course. Nice, man. Yeah, man. I was telling Keesey, because we went to Devonport and stayed there at the old Esplanade. Oh. Fucking hell. What is it, a hotel? Yeah, it's one of the oldest hotels in the country. In the world. Former brothel. 103 years old? No, it's not far off that. And I was saying to Keezy, it showed all of its 103 years. How good. And it was so funny because we posted pictures of it to our daughters overseas.

9:53Keyzie:And one of my daughters, Millie, went, yuck. You'd have to fucking pay me to stay there. I'd be the same. And we were like, where's your sense of adventure, child?

10:01Mike Minogue:A century of people doing God knows what in there.

10:04Keyzie:And I thought of you, Mogi, because at 3.30 in the morning. You're beating off. Right outside, right outside our window. A bird. Beep. Beep.

10:16Mike Minogue:A fire alarm. Beep. Beep.

10:18Keyzie:Really, really loud. A fucking rubbish truck at 3.30 in the morning that was there for 20 minutes. It didn't move. In reverse. For 20 minutes. It just sat there. And I was like, both of us woke up and I was like, what the fuck is that noise? Did you go out there naked? And then they started dumping shit in there. Yeah, right. All the bins and stuff. 3.30 in the morning. It was sort of that Sunday morning. But I'm assuming that's in a township. Yeah. Yeah. But it's a piss take. It's like fucking hell. Get on with it, man. So then we made love. Hurry up. Geezy, we made love, man.