OUTRO: Rent-A-Jizz

0:00For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok. Or Raw Doggy. 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horeke.

0:15Keyzie:Oh, g'day fellas. Hello. The time, 5.47am and I tell you what, O 'Keezie came in steaming today. Wow. Straight into the office. Come on, fellas, let's get this done. He said CP.

0:32Mike Minogue:Well, because I was running late, and I was conscious that we have 10 minutes to do the outro. You're right, man. You're right. You're right, you're right. Yeah. Sorry I was late, guys.

0:39Keyzie:I mean, I'm a big advocate of that, because you guys just fucking loll around all over the place. Catch up with each other. Mogi's on the couch. Keezy's doing a crossword, and it's like, can we do this, please? We're catching up. I was actually lying on my side with a sort of a come-hither look of my eyes on the couch there waiting for you, fellas. And any time the door opened, that's what I was doing, but it was always the people at Flavour, unfortunately. Right, okay. I've gone down somewhat in their estimation, fellas. Definitely, indeed. Well, you might have gone up in their estimation for all you know.

1:13Keyzie:God, did you see old Moggy on the couch deck with his come-hither eyes looking all hot and sexy? With his morning squinters. I ran into one of them yesterday. They were fuming. Fuming that they don't get. Heaps of holidays I said how's it going Oh you know Doing the work We don't get heaps of holidays Who said that?

1:34Mike Minogue:One of them The youngest member Or the older member I'll tell you later Yeah okay Yeah yeah But I mean look You get holidays By negotiating for holidays That's right It's got nothing to do with me And the show's been going For like a year or something More than that Yeah probably You know because They've changed it up a lot They do change it a lot And so every Do you know why man They don't get enough holidays Yeah Maybe You just got to stick it out man You do man Remember last year, Hoody J didn't go on holiday once. Hoody J's been here forever. He gets no holidays. Yeah, it's amazing. He insists on that in his contract.

2:03That's the thing. It's a negotiation thing.

2:06Keyzie:The deal is with me and holidays. Look, I'll do less holidays. As long as the fellas get more. As long as the fellas get more and you pay me less. Yeah, that's right. That's the deal. What do they say? He drives a hard bargain. Oh, okay, okay. Speaking of holidays. Hip-hop holidays? Have you ever been on a hip-hop holiday, Jase? No. What about a hip-hop holiday? No. Speaking of holidays, booking a car yesterday. God, what a fucking palaver. Why are you booking a car? Because we're driving from Sydney to Melbourne. Why don't you just fly straight there? Well, no, because it's a roadie man. Oh. He's a roadie man.

2:48Keyzie:I sort of see you on a bus. Well, yeah. The only thing about a bus. With all the other seniors? is that my youngest daughter would not be a fan of that, I don't think. You know what I mean? I don't even think she's going to be a fan of the roadie.

3:02Mike Minogue:Jase, talk us through booking a car and why it's a palaver because every time I've done it, it's pretty fucking easy. The only thing that's palaver... Sorry, Jase, to interrupt.

3:12Keyzie:That's fine, man. Just do your thing. The only thing that's palaver is the cost. I hate the cost. Well, it's not cheap. I'll give you that.

3:19Mike Minogue:But aside from the cost, Moggy, if I could just jump in here. That's the first thing. It's actually pretty straightforward.

3:25Keyzie:That's the first. Are you saying my wife's a deer brain? No.

3:29Mike Minogue:Not explicitly.

3:29Keyzie:You're putting those words in my mouth. Not explicitly. Stop trying to put your filthy words in my mouth. You're going to have to read between the lines on that one. I won't be putting my words in your mouth, Keezy.

3:37Mike Minogue:I know. You're putting it. It's disgusting.

3:39Keyzie:See this? Oh, I thought it was going to be your downstairs.

3:43Mike Minogue:For the listeners, it was a fist.

3:46Keyzie:So talk us through. Why was it a palaver? It's just all the fucking insurance. and there's all these fucking hidden things everywhere. Are you talking about costs, though? Yeah, I am talking about costs. It's a fucking rip-off. And you just go, what the fuck?

4:00Mike Minogue:Actually, in New Zealand and Australia, it is kind of a rip-off. It is. In Europe, you wouldn't know this, Jase. So I'm not a deer brain? You wouldn't know. Well, you said it's a palaver. It's like, oh, it sounds like you couldn't book it. It's just a cost. Yeah, it's expensive. Fuck yeah. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. But in Europe, it's like, you know, the rentals over there are so fucking cheap, as they should be. You get a real cheap shitter for like, I don't know, $70 a day or maybe even less,$50 a day. I've got a mate. Sorry, Jase, do you want to finish your -

4:33Keyzie:Well, no, it's just, you know, things like excess and there's a$6 ,000 excess and then - $6 ,000 excess? And it's like - What did you do to it? We didn't take that deal, by the way. But they say, oh, you pay that and then you can apply to get it refunded. And I was like, I'm not fucking doing that. Oh, a deposit. Yeah, it's just bullshit. Was it in excess? Excess, yes. That's crazy, isn't it? That's a good little scam they've got going there, though. And then you can apply for us to give it back to you.

5:06Mike Minogue:But your excess you pay after you've crashed and you need to use your insurance. Exactly. But it's optional, Cassie, and nobody's forcing you to do it, man. You can take it or leave it.

5:15Keyzie:You cannot have any insurance whatsoever.

5:18Mike Minogue:No, no, no, but why would you pay it now for six grand? Well, no. That's how they get you, man.

5:23Keyzie:No, you don't pay it now, but if you were to have an accident, you would have to pay it. And then you apply. And then you apply to get it back again. It's like, fuck off.

5:32Mike Minogue:That sounds like the cheapest selection, to be fair. What kind of car do you need?

5:36Keyzie:I think we've gone for some sort of - A Toyota Starlet? No, it's like an SUV of some description. Oh, God. I've just seen you sort of peeking over the top of the steering wheel there, Mr. Magoo style. Now we've got the girls onto it and we've got to find where we're stopping along the way in the old coastal towns. I'm telling you, man, why don't you get in a bus? Nah. I've done that drive. Have you? Yeah. It's about eight hours, nine hours. Yeah, it's not as bad, yeah. But we're going to stop halfway and then our girls are meeting us halfway.

6:10Mike Minogue:Meet me halfway. Oh, nice reference, bro. You should get a little bus, but not like a full-size intercity sort of bus. One of those ones that are just bigger than a van. One of those, they used to have some kind of a porno bus over in the US where people would make love in a bus. The love bus, maybe it's called, Keezy, you'd know. For some reason in my head, it just popped in my head, it was called Bus a Nut. What is it, Pugs? The Bang Bus, Pugs is. There you go.

6:37Keyzie:Well, you know, as I said, fellas, our youngest daughter's travelling with us, so there'll be no banging on the bus, all right? Just fucking pull your heads in. Christ. I get the feeling she's going to not go. She'll have something better to do. Oh, it's a conundrum for her.

6:55Mike Minogue:She's going to hear this podcast and not go.

6:56Keyzie:Because she was genuinely outraged and disgusted.

7:05Mike Minogue:By what?

7:06Keyzie:By our cat chat. Yeah, and she said, Oh, on Instagram. It hasn't been on Instagram, has it? Yeah. Yeah, they make love. You know, when you're making love and the cat's watching you? Oh. And she said, what? Yeah. Your cat's seen it, man. Your cat's seen it and your cat loves it. And she was just disgusted.

7:30Mike Minogue:What did she say?

7:32Keyzie:I'll tell you what she said. You guys keep chatting. Okay. Keezy, how are you? I am good. That is good. This is what happens when I stop chatting. Well, no, I wake up at three o 'clock in the morning, actually. And then I got to thinking, unfortunately. A pondering. Got to a pondering. And then I got to sleep. I know it wasn't good. It wasn't good at all. It took a while to get back to sleep. And then I wake up again at quarter past four. Then at five.

7:56Mike Minogue:So not bad. Not bad. But that's my worst sleep I've had. That's pretty good. Yeah. I have just been all week out to it, which is great. And just waking up right in the middle of the deepest part of my sleep. and every time it's just like, fuck breakfast.

8:10Keyzie:Here's what she said about the video. But then five minutes later it's like breakfast rules. We're right in the middle of a sleep chat. Yeah, it's fucking breakfast chat. It's tedious as fuck.

8:18Mike Minogue:Yesterday, same thing. As soon as I stepped out of the studio there, I was like, yeah, fuck, yeah, breakfast rules.

8:23Keyzie:Breakfast fucking rules. It is good, eh? I love it. When you see everyone coming to work and you go, you sucker. Yours is based on, what do you call that, schadenfreude. You know, you take joy in other people's misery, i.e. they're coming to work and you're going home. That doesn't occur to me I'm just stoked And I keep on

8:40Mike Minogue:Throughout the day Remembering Oh fuck I don't have to go to work But the issue I have Is when it gets to 8.50pm Oh yeah Is the time I should go to bed To get 8 hours of sleep And at like 8.50pm Just sails on pass And I'm like well That's what I hate I'm doing about