OUTRO: See The Line or See The Bagel

0:00For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Doggett. Four to seven every weekday on Radio Hoda. Oh yeah. Yeah, g'day fellas. We're back, aren't we guys? Yeah, we sure are. Four weeks to go until the end of the year, guys. Isn't that crazy? Not the end of the year, the end of work for the year. Yes. Is it four weeks? Yes. Four weeks. Was that literally today?

0:29Keyzie:Yeah. We got an email from Kate saying exactly a month today. Well, she said exactly a month till Christmas. Oh, right. But, yeah, we've got four weeks of work left. Yes. Yeah.

0:39Mike Minogue:Because it's the 24th of November, Jase, so in a month it'll be Christmas Eve. Yeah. Isn't that cute?

0:46Keyzie:Really looking forward to that, actually. Christmas Eve? I'm excited to have you around, man. Just Christmas. Just fucking chilling, man. Yeah, man. You know what I mean? I've told you about this before. I have this fantasy often. when I'm driving into work. Is that with the three up? Is that the three way? Oh, no, not that one. What were their names again? And it's a four way. Oh, right. I'll just keep on driving. The three tenors in Hoity J. Just head out to the old coast there. And then what? You can't swim. Solomio. What do you mean? I can swim, Keezy. You can drive to the coast.

1:22Mike Minogue:I think that's his point. You just keep walking to the ocean.

1:25Keyzie:Not that I need to swim. I just bathe. You know, I do little dolphin dives and just float.

1:32Mike Minogue:Okay, the thing with that is then what do you do?

1:35Keyzie:Fish, read, eat. Right. And then walk. That night, what do you do? You build a fire? I'm talking about the batch here. Oh, the batch. Oh. Yeah. Because I look at a day like this and I go, fuck, you'll be pretty. It's a bit high tide now too. Primo. Primo.

1:54Mike Minogue:I'm panay, man. I feel like you get sick of the batch after a while though. No, I wouldn't. Really? Not me. But the longest you've been there is like two days.

2:02Keyzie:No, not quite. Really? Probably about ten days. Really? And you loved it? And it was bliss. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Bliss, man. But anyway. Bit of fishing, man. You'd be in your element. You'd be loving it. My wife did a terrible thing to me last night. A terrible thing. Filth. No, it wasn't filth. I don't mind a bit of filth.

2:21Mike Minogue:What'd she do to you, man?

2:23Keyzie:She booked this gig ages ago and said to me, do you want to come? And I went I guess so. Sure. This is you trying to watch more things this year, right? Yes, that's right. Make an effort. So you're still a prick about it, but you go. Yeah. Because we were meeting one of her friends, or one of our friends there as well. And then I was like, oh, it could be just a girls' night out. Oh, yeah. That's a good idea. And it was the Jubilation Choir.

2:54Mike Minogue:Fuck that.

2:55Keyzie:At the Hollywood Theatre with a Nikamoa woman from Fur Patrol. Julia Dean. Yeah, Julia Dean. That sounds better now than what it did when you said the name of it. But for the first half, it was just the Jubilation Choir singing blues numbers and ditties. Blues. As a choir, I don't know about that. Isn't blues guitar based? Well, not, you know, sort of old slave songs. and things like that. Is that blues? That is the blues, yeah. That's where the blues come from.

3:30Mike Minogue:It's like pain in those words.

3:32Keyzie:And from the first note, when they all came out, you guys would have just loved it so much. I just went, and my wife looked at me and just cracked up laughing. I was like.

3:46Mike Minogue:See, this is the issue, right? You're now next year. Next year you're going to be like, nah, I'm not saying yes to things anymore because that was shit. But the things you're saying yes to, you know they're going to be boring.

3:55Keyzie:I just wasn't paying attention. No, some of the things I've gone out to have been really good, but this wasn't one of them. And all credit to the choir. They were fine. It's just not your cup of tea. It's just not my cup of tea. I ran into a couple of people that you work with on your secret project on Friday night at the Screen Awards and were chatting about you. Yes. Chatting about old Hoity Jay there, and they were saying, what a joy you are to have on set. Really? Oh, come on. I'm perfectly nice. And how you're like, I said, I'll do my Hoity J impression if you like. And they said, oh, you go on.

4:27I said, ask me a question. And they said, do you want a coffee? And I went. And they went, oh, my God, you nailed it. Like the idea of getting a coffee. Yeah, somebody doing something for you. Okay.

4:47Mike Minogue:The Horaki Big Show Weekdays from 4 On Radio Horaki The Horaki Big Show Podcast

4:55Keyzie:They did very well I think at the awards I think they did yeah Won a couple of awards by all accounts That was good, good night too, really good

5:02Mike Minogue:Do you ever worry about your reputation?

5:05Keyzie:Can I just point out here A lot of the time I do it for people's amusement

5:10Mike Minogue:Right okay You do it a lot, you're trying to amuse people a lot

5:13Keyzie:I'm not having tantrums or anything like that. I'm just like. Yeah, you're just a dark cloud. Yeah. I'm just a, you know. An energy vampire. Today, I was shockingly bad. Oh, yeah, just for a change. No, this was next level bad. And I was just nothing to do with anyone fucking over it. Right. But, you know, as again, no tantrums. but in between every take I had to fight fiercely hard to keep my patience because I was just like –

5:49Mike Minogue:You need to go on holidays. That's what you need. But it depends what it was though, what was going on because oftentimes it can be worth it. But it's been a long time. Actually, that's what they said. This person said they complimented you and they said, you know, you've been doing the Lord's work I think, with all the work that you've had to do. you've been carrying a load around here. And they actually said, that was funny. She? Okay. I'm trying to think who this might be. Actually said that no matter what, he always one-ups you. Old Jace will always one-up you. So something will be going on.

6:23You say something, he always one-up. I was like, and they said a few things. And I said, we've got that on our show. We've got a sting for that on our show. And there was like three things in a row. It was Fern. Oh, yes, Fern. Fern. She said she was talking to you in the make-up chair. She's lovely. I'd not met her before. She was nice. And your other mate there. Yes, Neil. Nah, nah. What's her name? I'm blanking on her name. She's an educator. Tracy. Yeah, Tracy. Oh, was she there? Was she? She didn't tell me that. No, it was bloody good. Bloody good.

6:51Keyzie:I enjoy working with both of those people. They're a big fan of you, Jase. They're a big fan of you. I enjoy working with both of those people.

6:57Mike Minogue:How was the Screen Awards? Because I got the email with all of the awards. Oh, yes. Congratulations to all of the award winners. and I had to scroll for 10 seconds to get to the bottom of the awards. Oh, it was a lot. Fucking hell. I showed my wife. I was like, guess how many awards there are. Tell me when you think I'm going to stop scrolling. She's like, hey, now. And I kept scrolling for like another five seconds. Yeah. It was fucked. It was really, really good. It was a great vibe. It was seated and there was food and piss the whole night. Okay, that's good. Which made a huge difference. Last year was just in stalls and it was dry, no piss.

7:29Yeah. Until after which. Yeah. Yes, I remember that. And it was an absolute debacle. Yeah. But this time was really good, except weirdly they went for about half an hour, 40 minutes, and then stopped for a 40-minute break so that they could bring all the food, all the dinner out. So that was a bit of an unnecessary. But what was really good was that they do awards in clusters. So they would announce it, the person would come up and get the award, and then they would go on. No speech. Great. So there was a certain amount of people that had no speeches. Yeah, that's not the radio awards. It was actually fine.

8:00The length was fine. That's good then.

8:01Mike Minogue:Yeah. Because everyone spoke last year. Everyone spoke after every award. Yeah, it's too much. And that was when we were just sitting like in a grandstand and I had a little presenting thing to do and then after that I was just like, fucking hell, this is so boring. Yeah, exactly.

8:14Keyzie:And especially if you've got no piss. Yeah. I mean, if you can sit there and have a glass of wine, that's fine. Because it was tables and people were drinking, you'd go around and visit people and go table hopping and have yarns to people and all that sort of stuff. So it was really good. It was good times. Yes. You won anything? Did I know? It wasn't nominated. So it would have been a shock to me if I had. Imagine that.

8:33Mike Minogue:What if it was like Lifetime Achievement Award, Mike Minogue? Yeah, that would have been good, although Sam Neill got it, which makes more sense.

8:40Keyzie:Yeah, I could see why. Just on the break there, there was another joyous thing about last night was a two-parter, and they had a half-hour interval.

8:49Mike Minogue:I can imagine you just stayed in your seat sighing. It is shocking, isn't it? Half an hour is so long, but it's just to make sure they get enough piss. Yes. Sell enough piss.

8:58Keyzie:And fucking hell, man, the line was huge. I was like, what the fuck?

9:04Mike Minogue:What, to get in?

9:05Keyzie:To get in. It was all the way down the street. And my wife and I drove past and we're like, oh, well, better go home. Yeah, we tried. It's a park about 10 miles away.

9:16Mike Minogue:There's like a, I can't remember who it was, but someone was basically, there are two types of people in the world. The people that see the line or the people that see the choir. Yeah. So you see the line, you go, it doesn't matter. We're going to go see this great choir. Or there are people, a.k.a. I'm guessing Jace, probably you as well, Mike. You just go, fuck that, I'm not waiting on that line. Yeah, 100%. It went very quickly, to be fair. And I'm not cutting the line either. But the example was, let's say you've gone to New York to the place that does the best bagels in the world and there's a big line.