OUTRO: Shambles City

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0:15Keyzie:That's correct. G'day fellas.

0:18Mike Minogue:G'day guys.

0:19Keyzie:How are we all going?

0:20Mike Minogue:Really good actually. You know good? I've got square eyes man, I've been on my laptop all day. Have you? Yeah now my eyes are really weird. I had a nap. Oh really? Yeah. A nana nap. Because you were up late last night. No, well, I was up late last night. You're right, Keezy, because I went to that movie last night. The Smashing Machine. The Smashing Machine. Yes. The Jason Hoyt story. Jason. You all right, Keezy? You steamed. Back in those rooting days. Yeah. And then I came home and then I worked for a while. And thankfully, Robin's back today. Batman will be stoked. He gets it. And then I woke up at 3.30.

0:56Boom. Boom. Boom. Yeah. That was me. Up I got. Did some work. Yeah, nice. You know, it's funny. I went to bed not thinking about anything. And then in the middle of that 3.30, wake up awake. Yeah. With a realisation that had been happening in my brain while I was sleeping. Process something for me. Right. Wake up. Boom. Up you get, mate.

1:19Mike Minogue:So I was doing like a background update. Yeah. That's interesting. It was. And then it restarted. Yeah. And then reloaded old mogey and up he gets.

1:28Keyzie:It's really just spiriting, isn't it, how when your brain turns on at that time of the day, you just can't go back to sleep? Can't. And generally what I do is I spoon the missus, and normally that will put me back to sleep. Yes. That's the happiest place in the world for me. Same. I can fully relax. What, spooning mogies missus? Just nestled up against the softness of their buttocks. Yeah, that's right, buttocks. Yes. And normally I'm lights out, but I was like, no, this isn't happening. Yeah. That'd be good. What I was talking about the other day, actually, how my wife, she can go back to bed, but not to sleep, to read and relax.

2:01Keyzie:In the morning, do you mean? In the morning. Yeah. Whereas when I wake up, that's me done. I'm up and that's it. I'll never go back to bed. I like the idea of it. Same. But it doesn't work. It's like when I got the paper. Spoiler alert, we're burning some great content.

2:16Mike Minogue:Yeah, because you're going to do content on this? Yeah, this is some good content. Save it for the radio. I should save it. Yeah, I think so, man. Okay, it's really good. Mogi gets the paper. Yeah, okay. So just when you hear that, then you'll realise why I saved it. It's on today's show, apparently. Is it? I'm hoping that you being on the computer wasn't monkey porn, Keezy.

2:34Keyzie:Oh, God, was it? There is some filth that comes through with that. You still getting that in your algorithm, man? You still getting, like, monkey buzzies and stuff? That was a time in our lives, wasn't it? Oh, that was horrendous. That was so bad. It's still burned in my brain. Well, it's because you got half a mongrel, and that's shocking from you, man. I was weirdly aroused by it. Not weirdly.

2:58Mike Minogue:Because usually you can only get like a quarter of a month.

3:00Keyzie:Ice to the front, Keezy.

3:01Mike Minogue:To go from like having square eyes and being a bit zoned out to straight into monkey porn ice to the front Keezy chat is like really jarring. It'd be nice if we could just like make our way there.

3:13Keyzie:I'm waking you up.

3:15Mike Minogue:Yeah, it's the equivalent of someone just like throwing a bucket of ice water on my face. What were you looking at on your computer? None of your fucking business. Oh. Oh, did you hear that? No, it was monkey porn. All day. Do you reckon the monkey porn sector of our lives will make it into your autobiography, Jase?

3:33Keyzie:I think so. As you describe each of the people that have had key moments in your life, like Keezy and myself and old Pugs. Yeah. Will that make it? Yes, I think it'll be along the lines of Keezy, bloody great fella, A real talent just concerned about his consumption of monkey porn.

3:54Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. What would you do if, like, imagine if this was the case that we were doing the show and I was great to work with, very much as I am now, and you did find out that I had, like, a hideous monkey porn addiction and, like, I'd often just disappear to the bathroom and stuff. Oh yeah, that would be a problem It would be a problem, wouldn't it?

4:20Keyzie:Well, if you were doing it during work, yeah, it would be But I mean, I wouldn't judge you Yeah, you would If you get off on monkey porn That's your thing, man No, it shouldn't be, though, it's weird It's like Pugs with the anime

4:34Mike Minogue:Yeah, but anime is at least, most of the stuff is like Humans, well, usually there's a human involved Yeah, but there's some cartoons Actually, there are some weird ones in there I remember watching some anime back in the day And they've got sort of And Pugs, you'll be able to speak to this. Yeah. Actually, Pugs, when you come in. Where a woman's downstairs is kind of like a, it was a Venus flytrap. Oh, wow. That sort of thing, but with gnashing teeth, et cetera, et cetera. It would take a man's, well, his manhood, I guess. Terrible bloody stuff you're into, Pugs.

5:02Keyzie:Back in the day when you had like, you know, doll, you know, not dolls, but like the$6 million man sort of doll. Action figures. Action figures. What do you do with them? Did you used to take off all their clothes to see if they were nudey underneath?

5:20Mike Minogue:Not the$6 million man, nah. Certainly not.

5:23Keyzie:Did you check if you had a willy? Yeah, yeah. And the female ones as well. I mean, we all did that, didn't we? Fellas? I didn't have any dolls. I hated action figures. No, you're not dolls. I did too. I don't know why. I couldn't be bothered with it. And then on the TV. I was out climbing trees and just being a fucking legend. Sure, man. I was doing quite the opposite. Well, you're inside playing with your toys, Jase. Yeah. Your dolls.

5:52Mike Minogue:See, my era very much was Action Man was a big thing. Yes. Was it? Because that was back in our day. Yeah, so obviously the slightly more modern version of the Action Man was still a massive thing, but I couldn't stand it. I was like, who the fuck would play with that? Well, a big one back in the day that everybody wanted, Jase, it would have been around about in your heyday too, was the$6 million man. Yes. And what he had was he had bionic vision. Yes. And what that was was a hole through his head with a little magnifying glass instead of an eye, and you look through the back of his head. Oh, and it magnified.

6:26And it magnified. Yeah. Absolutely garbage. How good is that? He thought it was the business.

6:31Keyzie:Do you remember the sound effect for that on the actual show? Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. When he was, like, focusing on something? It was sort of slow motion and then the sound of him jumping. It was very much like the Incredible Hulk, actually. It was. He had a similar thing going on. And like he'd focus on a buzzy and it would be like...

6:48Mike Minogue:I always see that noise when you're looking out the window, Jason. Is that what that is? No, his is a-o-ga. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah. A-o-ga. He loves it. Absolutely loves it.

7:00Keyzie:But I still want to... What were you looking at on your computer? I want to know. Were you doing property stuff? Yes. Come on, man. How's it all going, that stuff, man? You took us through it.

7:12Mike Minogue:Yeah, good. I said to Jase last week, don't really want to talk about it on the show. Oh, yeah, cool. And so he's dragged it out of me now, and now it's on the podcast, so that's good. That's good stuff.

7:21Keyzie:Yeah, well, that's not the show.

7:23Mike Minogue:Well, I mean, it's under the big show title. Yeah, but I mean, technically. Easy Rent a House. Yeah, you're going to go renting. Maybe. Might have to. Might have to, man. Yeah, which is weird. I don't like the idea of it, because you do it, eh? I rent it, man, but I'm poor. Yeah, see? I've made some horrendous financial decisions in my life, so that's just where we're at, man, and that's just what it is.

7:45Keyzie:Yeah. It's been a long time since I've rented. I'm intrigued to know what it's going to be like again. You know, what I'm most looking forward to is things breaking and me ringing the landlord. Straight on the phone and getting really indignant about it as well. Yeah, what's going on with this? Fix it immediately. Whereas if it was at my house, it'd go unfixed for six months. You're putting somebody in between you and the renter, aren't you? Yes.

8:10Mike Minogue:Yeah, definitely. Do you want me to be that person? Maybe. Why don't you get me and Mogi to try out to be your property manager? I'm all good.

8:17Keyzie:If you, like, take 5 % of the rent? Yeah.

8:21Mike Minogue:How's that sound? 10. You got a deal? Nah. I've seen your house. You probably get, like,$100 a week. So I'll get, like,$10 a week. Actually, I haven't seen your house. Invite us around to your house, man. This is bullshit. You're going to say that. This is bullshit.

8:35Keyzie:I will before I move out. Right, okay. As I'm moving out, you guys can come and help me load the, you know, the chucks up. Come inside and have a look and take a box to the truck on the way back out. What's going on outside there, fellas? There's a cacophony of children. A cacophony, is it? Yes.

8:54Mike Minogue:Just bloody, what's it called? School holidays. School holes, man. School holes. You guys got nothing to talk about. What's going on? As I said, I've got square eyes. My brain is a bit fried. I don't know why. Really weird. Well, monkey porn. Keezy just passed out Because of the monkey board From being so over it It's just like Out of all the days To bring up that Quite full on yarn On the bright side That's 10 minutes Yeah it is Jeez it's going to be A rough show today Yeah it is It's going to be a shitter

9:24Keyzie:I'm looking at the dock And just going Oh fuck we're struggling here

9:28Mike Minogue:Oh no that one there looks good Mogey gets the paper Oh yeah that'll be That'll be a doozy That's good man That's good shit That will be a doozy Should we start the show with it and be like, do you get the paper in New Zealand 3483? Yes, people will relate to that so much, especially our demo. I actually am interested as to who does get the paper. Oh, Jase, you're taking your headphones off. You're done. Yeah, man. We haven't even finished recording, man. You're going to get a bag of chips, man. They're all gone. Oh, did you leave the last bag in the room? Breakfast ate them. Hey, listen to the big show, 4 to 7 every weekday.

10:00I'm not happy about that, by the way.