OUTRO: Smooth Moves

0:00Keyzie:For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Doggett. 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horekia. G'day, females. Oh, Keezy, hey? Oh, Keezy. What did I do? What did I do?

0:20Mike Minogue:Oh, boy, oh, boy. Holy shit. We all know I did nothing. You're out there flirting up a storm you were, man. Shocking, bastard. Absolutely shocking. What the hell do you mean I'm out there flirting up the store?

0:30Keyzie:It's actually a really interesting tactic that he has too. The people he's flirting with, they'll say something and he'll go, oh, I've got a really interesting fact on that. Yes. And here's my interesting fact. Did you know?

0:42Mike Minogue:That is a fucking interesting fact though.

0:44Keyzie:Yeah.

0:45Mike Minogue:Do you want to hear it?

0:45Keyzie:I've heard it. We already heard it before. What was it? About the Galapagos turtles and they ate them. Oh, that was a different one that you heard. That's such a great fact. But they really wanted to take them back to the UK, but they couldn't because they were just so yummy that they had to eat them. They were delicious.

0:59Mike Minogue:Literally at one point they were like, okay, we've got 50 on the ship. Yeah. And then, okay, just don't, just leave fucking one, please. And then they got there and they'd eaten all of them and they were like, we couldn't help ourselves because giant tortoises were so delicious. It's good stuff. And what was the other fact you had? I miss the other fact. No, don't worry about it. No, I want to know now. Is that what your sort of technique was previously? I'm just checking your fact. I'm not ignoring you or just doing my work or anything like that. You're all right. I'm doing a fact check. Is that your sort of style back in the day?

1:30Facts. You'd sort of hit some chicks with some facts.

1:32Keyzie:Hey, ladies, check this out. No, and if it was. In 1792, when Jase was a boy.

1:39Mike Minogue:No, because if it was my style, I wouldn't have ended up with my wife. Oh, yeah. She would have thought it was funny. She just goes like, so I don't care. Right. She also does this thing where she can't wrap her head around how long ago something was. And so whenever we go, like when we're in Europe, being like an ancient town, and it'd be like, so how old is this place? And I'll be like, oh, it was built in the, you know, 400. BC. And so she'll say, oh, yeah, BC in a lot of cases. And then it'll be like, how many pops was that? Like her pop?

2:11Keyzie:Right, okay.

2:11Mike Minogue:How many times would he have to live and then die? And then I'll be like, that's like your pop being born and then dying 27 times or something. And she'll be like, wow, that's so old. What a great way of doing it. Yeah, very good way of doing it.

2:25Keyzie:For some reason it just doesn't click with you. Can I admire your wife? She's a backbone. She's a massive backbone. She's not a backbone. And she gave me a 10 for our dinner.

2:34Mike Minogue:Unlike her husband. Yeah, because I'm honest, Jase. How'd the fact go? You found it? I'm just finding it here, yeah. The story comes from the age of pirates, wheelers, and early explorers. Me hearties, me hearties. Mainly the 1600s through early 1800s, when sailors regularly stopped at the Galapagos Islands and took giant tortoises aboard as live food. Me hearties, me hearties. Peak tortoise harvesting happened in the 17 to 1800s. Why none of it made it back to England? There wasn't really a conservation mindset. The animals were viewed as mobile larders, so they took them on the boats to be eaten.

3:16Crews slaughtered them en route, so very few ever reached England alive. So they were considered to be live food that they could just, you know.

3:24Mike Minogue:Yeah, 100%. They were like jerky.

3:26Keyzie:They'd just scoop them out of the shell and chew on them. And then they'd just take the shells back.

3:30Mike Minogue:And then they'd use the shells to carry water and stuff. But they'd be like, yo, we need to actually study these and have it on record at the, you know, history, natural history. Hundreds at a time. Yeah. And they'd stack them up. They would. They'd stack them up. They were intended to be transported to Europol colonies, but most were just eaten during the journey. Yeah. It's shocking behaviour, man. But they must have been delicious. Great flirting stuff. Yeah. It was good flirting stuff.

3:51Keyzie:Yeah, it was really good. Especially because I'm getting Fonzie vibes from you today, Casey.

3:58Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast.

4:06Keyzie:Do you remember Fonzie? Do I remember Fonzie?

4:10Mike Minogue:How old do you think I am? And how old are you? When was Fonzie on TV? 70s, 60s and 70s. How the fuck am I supposed to remember that? I watched him in the 80s. Arthur Fonzarelli, you don't know him? I know that he's the guy that kicks the jukebox and starts playing. That's right. And it's the guy, did he jump the shark? Yes. And it's the guy who's also in Arrested Development and plays the lawyer. Henry Winkler. Henry Winkler, yes. Great actor. I know who he is, but when you were watching reruns in the 80s, I wasn't bored yet. He was also on a T-shirt. I think I told you guys about this one because back in the sort of 2000s there was a lot of graphic tees around and one of them was old Fonzarelli there Arthur Fonzarelli wearing his white t-shirt or singlet like you've got on Keezy, your wife beater as you like to call it with the leather jacket over at the top and he's standing there going thumbs up thumbs up, big smile on his face and then the caption says I fucked your girlfriend it's a great shirt Yeah, my mate used to wear that around.

5:19Was he a legend? He loved it. He was a backbone. Fuck.

5:22Mike Minogue:What do chicks think about comedy teas? It's good flirting, Chet.

5:26Keyzie:It's not as good as Galapagos facts. No, or Queen Victoria. She was wider than she was tall. Yeah, at one point.

5:36Mike Minogue:And he's talking circumference. Yeah.

5:41Keyzie:Ah, circumference. Yeah, yeah, because she was huge.

5:44Mike Minogue:No, it'd be impossible for her to be like the, just wits.

5:51Mike Minogue:I'm sorry, what was your go-to? What was your style? Other than get wasted and see what happens.

5:56Keyzie:That was pretty much it. That was the extent of my game. But back in the day, the ladies liked me because I was a performer and I was always the star of our school dramas. Hoyt J, A number one, best in the world. We've got to start playing that more. I was an ugly beast. Yeah, shit you. But the ladies, for some reason, liked me because I was funny. Looking. Looking and funny. Looking. Looking and funny. Smelling. And funny.

6:33Keyzie:And a naughty little bastard. And a vicious little bastard. I remember doing rehearsals, right? wearing corduroy pants, no shoes, and just the most ugly shirt. That sounds right. I was such a beast. I was so horrendous. And yet somehow I was demand. You know that show Everybody Loves Chris, which is about Chris Rock when he was a little kid? Everybody hates Chris. Everybody hates Chris. Everyone loves Raymond. We should do an Everybody Loves Woody Jizz. We should. And it's you at high school. But as a kid, actually, you could just play yourself. It would be great. But other than that, a kid, and you dub in your voice.

7:18Mike Minogue:I think we've got to get the Thunderbird puppet. Keasy. Come on, man. He hasn't had any work for a couple of weeks, so we need to bring him out. People are going to forget. Well, we just need an excuse, a reason. Oh, Hoity J at his new business. Yes, absolutely. Pugs. He's got a hairy chest and a medallion. Yeah, and he's selling stick mags. And he's behind the counter with stick mags. Yeah. And he's got the name of the business above him. Yeah, well, to be fair, if Pugs makes this into a video, oh, my God, he is making it into a video right now.

7:53Keyzie:Wow. Well, interestingly enough, my wife, she heard that segment, and she was like, could work. I agree. Really? The key is Jase. If Jase is in there and he's selling the cheeseburgers and the stick mags, but they've got to be in good taste. I think only topless. Nothing more than that.

8:12Mike Minogue:But hey, you don't have to listen to Mogey. Yeah, that's just my idea. That's what he's going to be doing at his competing stand across the food court from you, which is cheeseburgers and just topless.

8:22Keyzie:Yeah, yeah, okay.

8:23Mike Minogue:Whereas yours is like full frontal nudity and toasties. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

8:31Mike Minogue:Full. Because yours is burgers and. Burgers and Buzis That's Mogey I don't want to be part of these businesses By the way You will when they're hugely successful That's not me man I like to find my own success I don't want to just latch on to other successful people

8:51Keyzie:Sure you do Yeah okay Sure man

8:56Mike Minogue:How's that supposed to mean? Nothing Are you hugely successful?