OUTRO: Taste of an Oily **** Rag

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0:15Keyzie:Oh, g'day fellas. Backbone. Hello.

0:18Mike Minogue:It's good stuff guys.

0:20Keyzie:It's interesting, fellas, I've noticed something in myself today. My urges. A wood? No, did I have a wood today? Oh, you've got edges. You know what it is? It's because I'm... Gross. I've got no joy in my life anymore. Oh, you do so, God. You've got vaping? No, I don't have vaping. There's nothing... Your family? And this is what my head does to me. My body is going, take a risk, Jase, while I run out of traffic. Try and run over the road. So I've got... Right. That's funny, we went for the same thing there, Keezy. I've got a little bit of money set aside, and I'm getting twitchy fingers because I'm going, I want to go high risk, put it down on something, and just let it roll.

1:10Keyzie:What are you talking about? Like gambling. Queen of the Nile, what are you talking about? No, not like gambling, like investment. Oh, wow. Oh, God.

1:17Mike Minogue:I've stopped vaping, so now I want to start investing. But, you know, you sort of put a reasonable watch down.

1:25Keyzie:Yeah, right. But then I look at the world and I go, it's all about to fucking explode. So that's a dumb move. But what it is is my urges of being extreme trying to come out.

1:39Mike Minogue:You know what you should do with that money? Go on a holiday. No, vape. Or vape. Well, I mean. Like why would you put that all into a high-risk stock? Or you could take a two-week holiday and take your family and have a really nice time. Do you need the money that would come from the site? You live on the smell of an oily rag as it is. I don't think you need more money.

2:00Keyzie:No, but the point I was trying to make was that – Poorly. Poorly. Was that, you know, that part of me that goes, oh, come on, fellas. Take a risk, man. Take a risk. Let's have a bit of fun here. Well, then why would we find something? Get some darts over an Aussie. Yeah, best of all I could do that. That's not it.

2:19Mike Minogue:Actually, if you do – I don't see the point of putting heaps of money into stocks because as Moggy says, you run on the smell of a mung rag, so it's like why would you burn? A mung rag? You run on the taste of a mung rag.

2:29Keyzie:I'm not saying I would. I'm just saying it's interesting as being self-aware of how my brain works. It goes, come on, man.

2:39Mike Minogue:What about a bungee jump? Oh, wait, nah, Keezy will just do it. No, his legs will fall off.

2:43Keyzie:It's like I'm having a third coffee today and I say to my wife, you know, another coffee, darling? And she's like, oh, no, I've had enough. And I'm like, come on, man. Come on, let's go. Let's go. What a life you're living, man. And it's like, is that where I've got to now? Where, you know, my rebellious side is having a third coffee. How close have you got to vaping, Jase? For fuck's sake. Not particularly. That's good. I have moments. Yeah.

3:09Mike Minogue:But then I just think of something else. Or go and have a vape and then lie about it. And then lie to my friends.

3:16Keyzie:Yeah, I'll go and have a vape. But no, my wife said to me I'm looking bloody good at the moment. Really? Yeah. Looking hot. Why is she – you stop vaping and she starts lying? No, no, no. You know what it is.

3:24Mike Minogue:She's just quit her job. Oh, yeah. So all of a sudden, Jase is looking very good. Yeah.

3:30Keyzie:What are you suggesting, Keezy?

3:31Mike Minogue:Well, that she needs you to look good and feel like she thinks you look good. Yeah, because you're the one bringing home the bacon. Yeah, true, true. And you're going to go and splurge it. You are looking good.

3:42Keyzie:But, fellas, you know, there's life insurance and stuff like that. She'll be fine if I cark it. She'll be better off, that's for sure. Well, it's like – Money or not. It's neither here nor there, whether I look good or not to her. Yeah, it doesn't matter if you're hanging around the phone.

3:55Mike Minogue:Exactly. Does it impact, like, will she get paid out that much because you do run on the taste of a mung rag? Is it like, will she even get that much, or will it be like, here's$100 to cover Hoardy Joe's expensive for the next year? Well, the trouble that he's got is that the life insurance will be tied directly. There'll be a line in there, a question in there. Are you a smoker? Yes. Now the problem is, of course, that Jace will have lied and said, no, he's not, because technically he's vaping. But it's a lie nonetheless. And so they will know that and they won't pay out a cent. That's my prediction.

4:30Keyzie:How much of that's true? None of it's true. I said I'm a smoker. Did you? Yes, when I got life insurance. And that was quite a while ago while I was smoking. And I don't smoke anymore, but I haven't changed it.

4:45Mike Minogue:The Horaki Beach Show, weekdays from four. On Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show Podcast.

4:53Keyzie:Eyes to the front, Kesey. Bloody Nora.

4:58Mike Minogue:Jason's so bad there. Do you know why it went silent? Oh, here we go. It was because the whole time he's looking at this beautiful woman. Turn it on me. Great. Of course you didn't because we're doing a job here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he spends the whole time looking at her, then starts saying eyes to the front, turns to me and says, Kesey, while I'm just eyeballing him. Locked in on Jase.

5:18Keyzie:Nobody's like me. But no, I was truthful on that. I said I'm a smoker. Because, I mean, they'd take one look at my fucking lungs and, you know, be like, yeah, there's no way this guy wasn't a smoker. That's true.

5:31Mike Minogue:They might look at it and then go, oh, hang on, but if they started to come right there, this must be the Keezy factor. Oh, no, they're going to shit again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. It's like looking at the rings of a tree.

5:42Keyzie:I did get a really strong waft of cigarette today, and it was like, oh, jeez. I did two, actually, when I was walking into work. He was ringing one out at half eight in the morning. I was like, nah, it's too early. Oh, no, that's the best one. No, no, yeah, normally I'd agree with you, but because I haven't been doing it very much and smelling it, it was like, oh, Jesus. Fuck it. You going to have a couple of durries over in Brizzy there, Keezy? I'm going to have to take my own. I know you will anyway. Yes. But I'm going to take mine over there because they're terrible, their darts over there.

6:17They're shit. Yeah. So you're going to, what is it called?

6:21Mike Minogue:Smuggle. Smuggle your ones over. Yeah. Well, they've got different ones to here. Yeah. Oh, right. Because they've got their own factories over there, and they're shit. Yeah, right. It's hard to find a good dart.

6:31Keyzie:Yeah, and it was like, who was I talking to over there? It was like, mind you, they were buying the, not the black market ones, but the really cheap. Yeah. The Chinese ones? The Chinese, yes. Not that Chinese people are cheap Not at all But they were saying They were like 12 bucks 50 a pack And I was like what You're shitting me I remember going through a few different ones Actually I did the same in Europe Because I had that cough I remember you buying I remember you buying them the last time we were over there When we were in the airport remember And they were shit And then I got rollies over there One of the years and they were no good either So I'm going to have to take Rollies and Taley's because I know everyone will be a scabbin' bastard.

7:17Actually, I'm going to have to say no. You have to get your own. Yeah, Keezy.

7:20Mike Minogue:Mogey, can I have a durry? Nope. Come on, Mogey, man.

7:24Keyzie:There's nothing worse. Keezy, put your pants on, man. Nah. Bludging non-smokers to a smoker. Yeah, I didn't mind it back in the day, but now that it's$800 a packet. Yeah, exactly. It's not cool, Keezy. It's not cool, man. You're a shockin' bastard. Buy your own packet.

7:41Mike Minogue:I think I might have done that like three times in my life. What, bludged a dart? Yeah. So you've had three cigarettes in your life? I've had friends that have spent their whole life doing that. Yeah, right. And it's annoying. I can imagine it would be annoying. I'm the kind of guy that'll pay it back, though. Like, if you ever need a dart, I'll bum you a dart. Come to me, but you haven't got any. Nah, fuck no. Yeah. Ew. This guy gets it. Why, have you got some? Nah, man. Ten sleeps, give or take. Fucking hell.

8:07Keyzie:But it does look like I'm going to be doing my own stuff over there as well as a bit of rugby league. I'll watch the Warriors. Nine sleeps. But I'm going to musicals. I'm going on a boat cruise. I'm going to galleries.

8:20Mike Minogue:Shouldn't we talk about this on the air?

8:22Keyzie:Yeah, we can.

8:22Mike Minogue:You're going to have a shit time.

8:23Keyzie:I'm going to love it. That actually sounds lovely. I bet you get beaten up.

8:28Mike Minogue:By a group of dudes in Warriors jerseys.