OUTRO: TattleTales

0:00For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Doggy. 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horete. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

0:17Keyzie:You excited, Keyzie? Friday, mate? Oh, man, it's the 90s countdown, man. How fucking good. Oh, it's just meaning he's going to get on the piss. Oh.

0:24Mike Minogue:I'm excited about that. You've got a dinner tonight, haven't you? Yeah, nice dinner. I was just told Jason where I'm going and then he said it was shit. Yeah, that's so good. No, I didn't say it was shit. Well, you just think it's a bit bland. Yes. And then I asked Jase. It's not shit, just the food's bad. And then I asked Jase if he enjoyed playing doubles, and he said, no, it was all right. No, well, he wouldn't have because he blew the last seven points. Oh, because he lost, yeah. No, because he blew the last seven points. Because, you know, if you've run out there, we're 10-5 up. We're dominating, weren't we, Jase?

0:47We were, mate. First to 11. Yeah. First to 11. And then Jase went for seven consecutive slams. And missed them all. Just started setting them up for him, and he couldn't help it.

0:59Mike Minogue:Because, you know, it's funny. It's good, though. It's such good fun. I love it. We should be playing that against Breakfast. That should be what we're doing. We should have done that. It should be me and you, though, just based on that game. Sure. But around Robins, singles, all of that, you know?

1:12Keyzie:Yeah, it'd be great. Seed the whole thing out. Are they taking the table away today? I'm imagining because it's a bit of a pain. They're giving it away. Oh, giving it away. Nice. Yeah, but as soon as we got back. So it'll be there for a month.

1:23Mike Minogue:As soon as we got back from Jase blowing a seven-point lead, Yeah. He told me a story about him being in the finals at his school and beating a guy after he blew a nine-point lead.

1:32Keyzie:It was a seven-point lead, actually. Same thing. Yeah. But I was saying it was a young fella called Toby, and he was really good at sports. He was just one of those guys. He was only a little bastard, too. And I've talked about Toby before, but he was ultra-competitive, like would lose his shit on the soccer field if we started losing. Right. Kind of character. but really good at the same time. And I thought I'd already lost. It was 2013. And I was like, oh, okay. And so I didn't really care. And he just started getting really wound up. Right. And so I just kept playing. You didn't care. Yeah, I imagine that was the case.

2:08I just kept playing and I won. That's how it goes, man.

2:11Keyzie:Yeah, I didn't care. I don't even care if I lose. Actually, I had a similar thing, which is really weird. I was also playing against Toby as my best mate in the tennis finals at primary school. Yes. And you had a thing where if you're in the final, you could invite a mate out to be the umpire. Right. So the girls played their game, or two actually, and the girls played their final and they asked me and Toby to come out and be the umpires. But we sort of fucked around and didn't take it as seriously as we should. So then we invited them out to be the umpires for us when we ended up in the final.

2:43And I beat Toby in the first set handily. Yeah. And then I was up 5-2 I think in the second for the win, Keezy. I feel like I'm there, man. I've got goosebumps. And our mate Gretchen, she started being a real pain in the ass with the umpire, very much mirroring what we had done against her. Yes. But taken marginally further. But I was enjoying it because I was winning. Toby, on the other hand, had an absolute shit fit and went in and told the teacher and asked to have the umpires replaced. Wow. Well, this resulted in a complete swing in the momentum of the match. Actually, it was one set and I was up 5-2.

3:20The whole thing was one set. Yes. And that resulted in a complete swing in the competition, and he beat me 7-5. Wow. Yeah. Fucking Toby. Telling the teachers, eh? He told the teachers. It was a shameful moment for him. He may have won the match, but he brought great shame on his family.

3:35Mike Minogue:Yes. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. Nowadays, you don't get to tell on someone as much. I could. So, for example, could I go tell, like Todd, for example, tell on you guys for being mean to me? Absolutely. He wouldn't care. Even if he did, he wouldn't really know what to do. No. But, like, you don't get to tell on people as much as you used to. Well, it's interesting because – Well, you do get a lot of opportunities to talk to management, which you don't get when you're a student. So it's like, well, I'm going to talk to management about this.

4:12Keyzie:And especially I've always found it curious, you know, particularly in this culture keasy. Culture keasy. Culture keasy. When old Mogi and I bully you all the time, there hasn't been more pushback. You know what I mean?

4:23Mike Minogue:You know what it is? Is that I'm deeply secure in who I am as a person. That's what it is.

4:27Keyzie:Totally, man. And your sexuality.

4:29Mike Minogue:And my sexuality. 100%. 100%. So I can go on the radio and say I'm banging dudes on the side, man.

4:35Keyzie:And that's great.

4:36Mike Minogue:And it's OG.

4:39Keyzie:I was watching this really weird thing today, and it was this guy who was gorgeous.

4:44Mike Minogue:Was it me?

4:45Keyzie:No. And he became a male model and he became quite famous. And he wasn't gay, but he got into - Is that another one of those murder things? It is, but wait, it was really interesting. And he, anyway, got involved in gay pornography and stuff. And he wasn't into it, but it was really lucrative for him. Are you sure this isn't me? And, anyway, long story short, his life kind of unravelled and fell apart. He had a wife who was pregnant and stuff, and he was still doing all this gay pornography. But, anyway, he ended up killing this fella. who wanted to have sex with him and then taking all his money.

5:18Keyzie:And so he gets arrested and sentenced to 50 years without parole. Right. And at the very end of the program, they said blah, blah, blah. I know what the climax of this would be. And he's transitioned to a woman. And now he's in a woman's – that was the very last 10 seconds of the show. And it was like, oh. Wow. Okay. It's quite a story. Nothing wrong with that. No, nothing wrong with that. It's good eating.

5:42Mike Minogue:I mean, apart from the murder. I mean, that's the part that was wrong with that. Well, yeah, obviously you're not taking that guy's money.

5:48Keyzie:And taking his money. That's not right. It's not ideal. You don't take people's money, man.

5:53Mike Minogue:But yeah. If you wave to that guy.

5:55Keyzie:He gives you free chicken.

5:57Mike Minogue:No, but also he's just a nice fella. Oh, sure, sure.

5:58Keyzie:Oh, is that the guy that owns the thing on the corner? Yeah.

6:00Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a nice fella. What's your plan for the... Oh, Mogi's home alone this weekend. Well, I've had a bit of a shocker today because I've had a going away lunch for Jake. Oh, yes, yes. Yes, we had a going away lunch from somebody that worked for us there, and he's off. but me and Jake had two beers at lunch. Right. So now it's just ruined my day. Why? Well, because I just want to keep drinking. Oh, right, gotcha. Yeah, yeah. I understand. But you're home alone this week. Home alone. You've been triggered. And all you've got to do is build that trampoline which takes six drops.

6:30Well, I've actually booked a man for that.

6:32Mike Minogue:So why can't you just have some? Oh, you're not on the... What? Wait, what? Why can't I keep drinking? Well, I could technically but I've got to go around to a mate's place and watch the whas tonight. I don't want to ruin it by drinking. But I don't drink during the show. I don't think I've ever had it. I've never had a beer during the show, except the live show. Yeah. Yeah, you're kiesy. You're always on it. Fuck it, hell. By the way - You drink just to keep your hands, stop your hands from shaking. Yeah, yeah. Stop the delirium tremens or whatever they're called. DTs, yeah. I feel like historically we are quite a well-behaved show.

7:09Mike Minogue:We are. For this station. Yes. Absolutely. Like, massively.

7:13Keyzie:I mean, I've been in shows previously that were, you know, a little more out there in that regard. Yes, exactly. You know what I'm saying? Matt and Jerry, early doors. Oh, don't get me started on the ACC. Well, yes. You know, so, yeah, in the context, yes, we are.

7:30Mike Minogue:Do you ever get to the point where you're like, man, Kesey's steamed and he's on air? Yes. Yes. When? A couple of times. When you're steamed on air. When you're steamed on air. Really? Like, genuinely worried?

7:40Keyzie:Not worried. Not worried. Just that you're embarrassed yourself. But like. That was only, I think, there was only one time really we had a live show. Yeah. We were pretty pissed. Wasn't that the one? It was really, it was pretty early on. Down in Auckland. Was it down in Auckland? Yeah, it was down at that bar down there. Well, you guys remember it. I don't remember it. But yeah. But you get a few and you get happy. You're like me. Yeah, just happy chat, man. Yeah, I am. I get really happy and then I start smacking people over. Yeah. For looking at me funny.

8:08Mike Minogue:Then it turns. Slowly the massages. It never turns. The shoulder massages turn into headlocks. I couldn't tell you the last time I got into a fight. I mean, I've rolled a few dudes, but that's not really a fight. It's not really a fight. It's been too one side. It's one way.

8:22Keyzie:A fight, you know, the other person has to have a chance. Yeah, that's right. Wow, I mean, none of the fights have, you know. And if you deck them in your first punch, then, you know, it's not really a fight, is it? Yeah, lights out. Yeah. Should we organise a fight? Yes, with who? Breakfast. There we go. We've got our next thing. we'll do with them. Fist fight.

8:41Mike Minogue:Fist fight. But like just so that you can say, oh, I was in a fight the other day. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because it's been ages since I've been in a fight. When's the last time you got punched in the gut so hard you were winded? When I was in like intermediate. Yeah. Yeah. It's good stuff, eh?

8:56Keyzie:I was always amazed after, because I got in a few fights when I was at school. You're a tough little bastard. But I was always amazed, you know, when I left school and stuff, that I never got my head smacked in. You probably did. You just can't remember it. Yeah, I probably just woke up on the pavement somewhere and went, whoa. But you got smacked over heaps in the moshi though, right? Oh, in the moshi, but that's different. That wasn't like picking a fight. That's a CP.