OUTRO: The Duality Of It All

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0:15Keyzie:Oh, g'day, fam! How's your coffee, Keezy? Shit. Coffee, Keezy. Mine's shit too.

0:22Mike Minogue:Well, this is our Insta. Oh, you've got an Insta. I couldn't be bothered walking over to the... You're a lazy bastard. Yeah. You're on the up, man. You're on the mend, man. I feel excellent today. Because on the Monday there, you were complaining about a hangover because you'd had six beers with friends on the Sunday. I had five crafties. I counted. That'll do, though. And the next day, I always get a runny nose. And I was like, wow, five beers. That's what it was, yeah. Five beers seems to be low. Usually I don't get a runny nose unless I'm, like, steamed. Right. That was pretty similar. Do you get a runny nose as you're steamed or the next day?

0:56Mike Minogue:Next day without five. Right, okay. It's so fucking annoying. Inflammation. Is that what it is? Yeah. So the ibuprofen might help? Yes. Well, it can't hurt, but it's an antihistamine as well. It should deal with both. I should do - Also, just knocking your drink it on the head, man, because your body's telling you you're having a shocker. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. Just have a swig of Gaviscon. I don't - It fixes everything, man. Extra strength. Extra strength. You know how you're big on the Gaviscon? I've never needed Gaviscon. Is that like a later in life thing?

1:27Keyzie:I'm not big on it. I've just bought some. Are you huge on it? I went through a period of having it and it cured my problem and then it's come back again and so I've got back on it again. Do you reckon it's -

1:37Mike Minogue:But it's taken me months to actually buy a bottle of Gaviscon. Is it because you've been eating more spicy food now than you used to now that you've moved into the city? I don't know. I don't know. It's just, I don't know why. Oh, yeah. I'm just out here spitballing. There you go. You know. There you go. Making cold. That's good to know though. Oh, yeah. Because I've taken an anathohistamine before and it didn't really do much. For a hangover? To stop the runny nose. Right, okay.

2:04Keyzie:Yeah, it's interesting. I've never heard of that as a hangover thing. Well, I get, what do I get? I get this, I've got the throat thing going on.

2:12Mike Minogue:Has the... From a hangover or just in general? Has your... Well, general. No more Ultraman, has that helped? Yes. I feel like it has. 100 % on the nasal stuff. Yeah, I haven't got that going on at all. but I wasn't, yeah, it sort of helped, but I've still got a bit of a sore throat. But I had a couple of beers on Saturday there, but I had no ciggies. Ah. I had no ciggies. Well, there's your problem. And then when I finished, I was like, oh, might have one for the road. And I got poured like a gin the size of - Mount Everest. A pint of gin. I said to the next day, thanks for the, I don't know if I needed that half pint of gin.

2:52He had a really good one. Yes. And I was like, I might try some of that, actually, as the last drink. But he gave me. A good stiffy. It was like four shots. Yeah. And then you don't want to leave it there because it's special, but also we just wanted to go home. Yeah. Yeah. So I drank it. And then I think somewhere between leaving his house and getting home, I was pretty pissed. Yeah. But, yeah, but not smoking darts. I was really happy with that because all throughout the night, there was a bit going on, fellas. Yeah, right. And I was thinking to myself, oh, Siggy would be good. I'm going to go and get some Siggies.

3:25And then I say, no, no. No. And I just didn't. And then you forget about it after a little while. You do. Jase, you won't know this because as soon as you think about it, you go and get some.

3:34Keyzie:Yeah. I haven't bought Siggies in a long time. Sorry, vape. Sorry. Yeah, so it was really good. I was happy about that. So the Siggies is obviously the main. The Siggies is my major addiction. But the main cause. And also it doesn't help. So what I'm going to find out over the next few weeks, because I can't even remember the rest of the year, but I don't think I had a sore throat until I started drinking again this year and the problem too with the ciggies when you're drinking you fucking punch the ciggies you just really get into them you're not doing your normal ciggie smoking you're doing drinking ciggie smoking which is like drink, smoke drink, smoke but then I haven't enjoyed them for over a year so they need to go I still go past people on the street with a ciggie and I smell it and go, oh.

4:22Give it to me.

4:23Keyzie:Give it to me.

4:24Mike Minogue:But then you always have one and you go, oh, that's fine. No, I have them and I'm like, this is awful. Have another one. There's a fucking great quote. Have you guys seen Black Books with the old mate that came in here, Dylan Moran? Your mate. Yes. There is a really great quote from Black Books about this guy who just does nothing but drinks piss. Yeah. And smokes darries and it's just like, you know, oh, maybe I should find it and play it because it literally sums up you guys Yeah, see if you can. Well, it is. It's really frustrating because I see people. I see people that are ripping darts and they're older, you know, and I envy them because I can't do it anymore because I get no enjoyment really out of it anymore.

5:05Yeah. It's horrible. So my body is telling me you've got to stop this. Yes. And it's very weird because I'm younger than, say, for example, let's say you are older than me, Jase. Let's just pretend. But you've never had morning after cough. You've never had the sore throat issue, any of that, until you started vaping. And now I've got it and it's like. So anyway, it feels like I'm getting a warning that I need to stop.

5:24Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. This is the quote here. It's 30 seconds from Black Books, all right?

5:36Keyzie:So what's it like then? Fags and booze. Well, to be honest, after years of smoking and drinking, you do sometimes look at yourself and think.

5:46Mike Minogue:Yep. You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of corner shop piss at 3am, you do sometimes look at yourself and think.

5:58Keyzie:Yeah. This is fantastic. I'm in heaven.

6:06Mike Minogue:Yeah.

6:08Keyzie:Totally. It's pretty accurate. Totally.

6:10Mike Minogue:Yeah. I fucking love that show.

6:13Keyzie:Well, you know, I've spoken to my bro. So he's given up sickies now for nigh on 30 years. Yeah, that doesn't count. I don't consider him a smoker. He still says, I still crave a cigarette every now and then. Yeah.

6:28Mike Minogue:But if you gave up, like, I don't know, if you gave up something chill like raisins, every now and then you might think, oh, I could have a raisin. You could go a raisin. Yeah. Yeah. So that's, you know.

6:39Keyzie:But it's because it doesn't give you the effect. Raisins. Raisins. I mean, it's just a taste, whereas a ciggy, it creates it. And the same with piss. You drink piss and you get a buzz on. You know what I mean? So many people go, well, I mean, if you can't drink piss, I mean, it's like mushrooms. You just give them up and you go, well. Well, and the problem with it is as well, and especially when you've been gone as long as we have, God, how many times have we had this discussion? Is that I've been drinking since I was 14. I've been smoking since pretty much the same time. So say 35 years where every single time I drink, every single time I've got a drink in my hand, I've also got a cigarette in my hand.

7:23Mike Minogue:Yeah, so your body knows. So now after 35 years of creating that habit, I'm telling my body that no, no, you don't get to have half the thing that you always do when you do this. And so it's really weird. You can see why it's an addiction because it's like now you're only walking with one leg. You're just going, we're only going right foot now, buddy. You know what I mean? So it's constantly sort of in your head. It's always like there's something missing, there's something missing, there's something missing. Which is why you always give up both at once. That's right. It's a hell of a lot easier, yeah.

7:51And weirdly, when I come back to it, I come back to the drinking so that I can smoke because I never smoke a cigarette generally without the piss. Without a booze? A booze. That's why I drink seven days a week, baby. How are you on the vapes at the moment, Jase? You start to taper off? He's pretty good, actually. He's not really touching them at the moment. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. He's practically given up. Definitely less.

8:13Mike Minogue:Yeah, definitely. But what does that mean? Well, I just don't use it as much. Have you got it on you now? Yes. Boy, it's in my bag. Look at him looking around frantically for it. Shit, where is it? Did I bring it? Shit.

8:23Keyzie:But, you know, you think about it in terms of, like, I can't do it in the house. Yeah. Well, you know, in the apartment. That's good. That's good that you've had that rule. And so, you know. I find it hard to believe that you're not doing it in the bathroom. I really do. No, because I'd be paranoid of setting off the alarms. Actually, that happened the other day. My wife set off the smoke alarm, and it was like they're so high in the roof she couldn't stop it. Yeah. I was freaking out. What was she doing there? Like at home when the smoke alarm would go off, you'd get the broom and you'd just go dink and turn it off.

8:56Keyzie:But the roof in the apartment is so high you can't actually do anything. Yeah, right. But then it just switched off of its own accord. But no, I don't. And then when we go outside, I'll suck hard for a couple of seconds. I thought you were going to say rip ass. Sometimes I'll rip ours If it's just me

9:14Mike Minogue:What if we made a bet No That you go give it up for the month of July Nah

9:21Keyzie:It's really interesting because I started reading that Stop Smoking with Alan Carr And started reading it And I've just stopped reading it Can I just say It is a shit read It's like you were saying I'm going to get back to it I will get back to it And he even says in the book, it may very well be that you find yourself stopping reading this because you don't want to stop. That is you. But also, like you were saying, I'm sort of still at the point of, can you get to the fucking part, please? And I think the whole book's like that because I've started reading that book probably seven times. Oh, wow.

10:00And it's so boring, but it's him constantly talking about the trick is with giving up smoking, but you're waiting for the, this is what you've got to do. Yes. But there isn't any of that.

10:10Keyzie:It's just. There's none of that. And I would never have guessed that it could be so easy. Okay, good. What's the easy bit? Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, the hard bit is finishing the book. It's so shit. But my mum read it, and that's how she gave it. Yeah, yeah. So I will read it. I can set myself a goal of, because I'm a relatively quick reader, I could probably finish it by the end of the week. I bet I can finish it before you. Yeah, probably. Okay. And then I'll see. Where's your competitive streak? I'll see.

10:41Mike Minogue:Shall we all read it? I'll read it.

10:42Keyzie:I'll read it, and by the end of the week, I will do that, because I'm actually quite a way through it, and I'll finish it off and see what happens.

10:50Mike Minogue:I'm going to start from the start because it's been a while. I think you should start from the start too, Jason. Sounds like you've sort of broken it up a bit.

10:56Keyzie:Well, no, because he still hasn't got to the part where he... There is no part. That's it. It's like that all the way through. Okay, interesting. It's just babbling on and talking about this and that.

11:06Mike Minogue:Because he was a hundred a day smoker, Kesey How does it work then? Why is so many people Well, you have to read it to find out, Kesey Yeah, fellas, this is a big scam A hundred a day he was smoking But that's one of those ones where they're just lit But you're not smoking a hundred a day You know, you might have a puff out of them Jeff Murphy used to be like that Yes He'd have a cigarette just hanging out of his gob I knew a guy Or sitting in the ashtray just burning out

11:31Keyzie:Who I consequently work with as well who used to go through like a 50 gram of tobacco in like a day and a half, two days. Yeah. He never, and he wasn't an actor, he was a behind-the-scenes guy, he never didn't have a cigarette. Like, he was constantly cigarette, cigarette, cigarette. He never didn't have one.