OUTRO: The Illusion of Choice

0:00Keyzie:For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Doggett. 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horeke. Oh, g'day fellas. Mac Bane. Hello. How's everyone going? I spoke to my brother today and he's got some mates that he works with that are huge Big Show fans. They're in the filth, are they? He was like, they're fizzing that the fellas are back. Oh, how good. Oh, really, today? Yeah, today. Oh, how good. Yeah. Are they cops as well? Yes, they're dog handlers. Are they? Yes. And they listen to the big show all the time, apparently. Fuck, yeah.

0:45Keyzie:Sick balls. Sick balls, fellas. It's interesting that, you know, my family doesn't listen to the show, but. But your wife does. Only if she has to. And your brother does. She always does. She's often texting on the show, bagging you. If she's driving home from work, but she's no longer working. Yeah, she doesn't have to go up anymore. She's like, whatever. Yeah. I have to listen to those losers.

1:10Mike Minogue:For some reason, I had it in my head that she sits at home listening to the show. No. Right, okay.

1:15Keyzie:It's like when she was driving home from work, she'd go, ah.

1:18Mike Minogue:You said, I have to be careful. My wife's driving home from work now. Yeah. Yes. Whereas now, you were stoked because it's just no holds barred, you said. And you could finally start speaking the truth.

1:29Keyzie:Even more. How weird is this? We've been going, what, a minute? And my throat is already beginning to hurt. And that's from the lack of speaking in my week off. It is good, though, isn't it?

1:41Mike Minogue:Like not speaking for a week.

1:42Keyzie:It's great. It's great, but it's hurting. Right. Why don't you take it easy? I want people to be more concerned about me, please. Yeah, you need to sit back if you want, man. Yeah, okay. Away you go then, fellas. Mogi's got handfuls of throaties. I haven't got handfuls. I've got this one because I forgot my four boxes I've got at home. Have you still got a throat issue? I've got a throat issue, Kees. I probably sound a little bit nasally. It sounds like you've had it nasally. Yeah. Yeah. Just a bit. Yeah, probably. But I've worked out what it is, and I think I'll be good by the end of the week.

2:11Mike Minogue:Wow. Okay. Sweet. So that's good. That's a real positive for old Mogi. Are we allowed to know what it is? I've been overdoing the Otravin. Oh, three days max. But I have been following that. Yeah. But then I was like, last night, just a runny nose, but the soreness had gone. Yeah. I just had a really runny nose, but everything else was feeling good except for that, and then I was like, I can't be in bed with a runny nose or not. I want a good sleep. Otravin, bang, sore throat instantly. Wow. Instantly sore throat. And it's been sore all day today. So just got to get off it, Jase, you know? Yeah, sure.

2:43Because it's a steroid, right?

2:44Keyzie:Is there anything more annoying than lying in bed with someone sniffing? I can think of a billion worse things. Yeah, so many more things. Way worse things. That's up there for me. is if someone's sitting beside me and going... Oh, yeah. Who is doing that? Now, I do that. That's what I do. My wife hates it, absolutely hates it. Yeah, I can relate. Especially because there's a place in your nasal passage where she goes, blow your nose, but it's like, well, it's not really... It sits back in your head. You know what I mean? It's not just like, I can just blow my nose. You can't access it. It's easier for me to go...

3:19Keyzie:We had someone... I don't know whether it was outside our apartment or next... But we never hear anyone out next door doing the big throaty hoik. The hoik. Hoik too. Like, he did it once. Spin on that bone. And it was a really phlegmy, meaty bastard. And my wife and I were in bed. And we were both like, oh, that's gross. But he did it like four or five times. We were like, what the fuck?

3:44Mike Minogue:But the good thing about that is you have to get the phlegm out, man. And the best way is to spit it out. And the best way to do it is stand out on the street outside your window. Honestly, outside Jase's apartment. What's your address again? It is the best place I've found to do it. It's number one. Yeah, listen. It's like a pilgrimage spot. People from all around the world go outside Horty Joe's window. That's right. And they either do that or they have a go at themselves.

4:08Keyzie:Speaking of taking not meds, but stuff that you shouldn't take too many of, I did that very thing last night, Moggy, with Quickie's lozenges.

4:19Mike Minogue:Do you get, what's it called, acid reflux? I get terrible. Terrible, yeah, terrible. After your six dumplings.

4:26Keyzie:Reflux. And I was just pounding them last night when we went to the comedy show, and I was like, I probably shouldn't have too many of these. Were you all G? And then I got home last night. You were treating them like sweets, weren't you? I was, I was. And I was getting, like, stabbing pains in my kidney. And I was like. God, I've missed this. It's been a week since I've had this shit. And I was like, fuck, I wonder if it was all those cookies I was pounding. Terrible for you. Yeah. Not the chalky sort of ones you normally get, but like a little cube. Oh, they've got a different one. Yeah. That's good.

4:58Keyzie:I've got some if you want. Yes, please. Have you got half a dozen?

5:00Mike Minogue:I've got about four left. Mogulet, handfuls of them. What does raced efflux feel like? Burning. I don't know if I've had it. Burning. Like burps that get stuck in your esophagus. And it's quite high? Yes.

5:13Keyzie:It's like a burning tube down your chest. You know the ads where you see the cut through of a person, You know, the diagram of a person and there's a beating red throbber in the middle of their chest. It's pretty, they've nailed it. They've absolutely nailed it.

5:26Mike Minogue:And then a fireman comes with like a white liquid coming out of his hose. That's right, and just sprays it down their throat. Sprays it down their throat.

5:32Keyzie:I suffered through that for so long. A fireman pumping semen down your throat. Yeah, but then I went, God, what a change. Good to be back, fellas. Massive acid in my chest all the time. And then Gaviscon.

5:46Mike Minogue:That one goes into all the cots.

5:49Keyzie:It was a bomb. It was for the popo.

5:55Mike Minogue:And a fireman. Did you get it from, yeah, 100%. Did you get it from, and firewoman. Did you get it from the six dumplings? No, I get it all the time. Right. Yeah, it's an age thing. Is it an age thing? It just burns. Once you get into your 40s, man.

6:08Keyzie:But Gabber's gone is the, it's the bee's knees. Oh, that's right. You reminded me. I used to be sculling that shit all the time. Remember that? Yes, we both were doing it. All the time. Well, I got it from you, Mogi, because you were doing it. And I went, I'm going to give that a crack. It's so good. It's bloody great. It's amazing stuff. I haven't had that for a while. Fucking good. I haven't need it, I mean. Yes. God, we've always had something to complain about. I didn't want to fuck it now.

6:29Mike Minogue:Oh, it's good stuff, fellas. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. How was the comedy last night? Great. Really good. Really, really good. Genuinely really good. Because I was a bit like, I was a bit like, oh God, awards ceremony. Long Night The radio awards Fucking bang on And on and on This was the The second half Which was the awards Lasted There was a musical performance From Two Hearts Very very good And then there was like 15 minutes of awards And it was done Right And it was see you later That's how you do it

7:03Keyzie:It was fantastic Because I was thinking The same thing I was like Fuck if these awards Bang on for it Because it was two halves Moogie Yeah I'm not a fan of the intermission No I'm like just get it Fucking done And but yeah Two Hearts and then it wasn't even, yeah, probably about 10, 15 at the most. Yeah, with a little bit of fucking around and chit-chat. And it was like, thank fuck for that. We're out of here. And it was great. But they were good. It was really good.

7:26Mike Minogue:Really good because it was the five finalists for the Billy T sort of up-and-comer award, which was quite interesting. And then it was the three. Which was quite interesting. Which is interesting because it's these people that are just like on the cusp of becoming probably a household comedian name in New Zealand, but have been, like the guy that won it, Bec Sandys, who used to book a lot of gigs for comedians, She was saying he's been doing comedy for 10 years. Right. And he won the Up and Coming Award. Right. You know, but she was also like, I saw him when he first started, totally different to now.

7:53Mike Minogue:And the thing I loved about him is so the judges were there too. And there was a group of about 10 judges, I'd say, Jase, maybe. I don't know. Yes. One of whom was Susie Cato. Right. Mother of the nation. Well, you know, she certainly raised me and a lot of other people my age. And this guy won the billion. Did she breastfeed you? No.

8:13Mike Minogue:This guy went out there and had five minutes to impress the judges And he did five minutes solid on eating ass Right And he does not look like Suzy Carter was loving it She was loving it Yeah She was like Ka pai e hoa More of that please And he won it And I was stoked because he made me laugh the most Yeah It was very funny And he just would not stop coming back to that same joke Yeah I wonder if I might have seen that guy A big shout out to him because he made me laugh I'm sure I'm on the Instas today. Yeah, there's a photo. And David Correos. Correos won the Fred. The Dag. The Daggy. Yes. You never won that, eh, Jase?

8:48Keyzie:Well, it didn't exist when I was doing comedy. Fred Dag. Well, Fred did, but the award didn't. Right. I'm just filthy that we never got five grand from the Billy T Award. Yeah. We didn't get diddly shit. What, did you get four shillings? What about diddly shit? Did you get diddly shit? I mean, I didn't get my buddy. Instead of deadly shit? I didn't get my towel until 20 years later. Yeah, and then you didn't give a fuck about it. No, it's rock hard. And now, it was 26 years later. Now, it's framed in my lounge. It's bullshit, it is. I was actually thinking about this the other day, Jase. What, the Billy Tees?

9:23Things that are framed in your house. Yes. And you'll remember, of course, Keezy, that a few years ago, I got you a Warriors jersey, which I've since lost. Oh, gee. And, Jase, I got you a... A scorecard. A scorecard. Yes. And it occurred to me when I was lying awake for some reason or another the other night that when we were around at your place for dinner, I didn't see it on the wall anywhere. No. Where is it? It's in storage. Disgraceful.

9:51Keyzie:Downstairs at the apartment. There's a few in storage, actually. And can I just say on that front, that was my wife's doing. I bet it was. I have absolutely no doubt. I would never blame you for it. I would hope that you would take a stand, but I know the power of a wife. I just went, okay, and she's like, well, where are we going to put this? And I was like, we can put it in a row, but she's not a big fan of scorecards. No, I know. And I was like, come on, man. It's not worth fighting the fight. You know, I had dinner with a mate. Dinner with a mate. That's not true. I just went to a mate's place for fucking New Year's.

10:21I had dinner with a mate. And we're outside having eaps of beers and that, and it's my first time having been there. Great mates of mine, both of them. And we're sort of looking at the house, and we were sleeping in the sleepout, and out in the sleep out they had sort of like these old rock and roll posters and there was a Johnny Cash and a Bob Marley and a Kurt Cobain and all these sorts of things. They had a bit of style and I was like, it's really cool what you've done out there. It was like, yeah, man. It's like, you know, we just wanted to give it its own sort of style, you know. Anyway, over the course of the conversation, it became apparent that his missus who'd moved into the house, he was already living there, had slowly been moving.

10:53He goes, oh, you know, this one used to be at the bottom of the stairs and I loved it there, but missus was like, you know what? It'd look really cool. And I was like, and he's a little bit younger. I said, you know what's happened here, man? He's like, what? I was like, your missus here who is sitting there with me and my missus, she doesn't like any of these being in the house. That's why it's all now out in the shed. He's like, no, no, we decided it would be really cool to sit up. And I said to his missus, tell me I'm wrong. You're telling me that you haven't deliberately, slowly, got all of these things that he absolutely loved out of his house and put them in the shed.

11:23She said that's 100 % true. Correct, yes. And he was devastated. He thought it was a decision that they'd made together, And he had absolutely nothing to do with it. What a sucker. And that happens in every single house. Absolutely it does.

11:37Mike Minogue:I had gaming posters and I had, I think I talked about it, I had fridge magnets with old cars on them. And then I came out and my wife had put them on my toolbox. She's like, oh, those look cool on your toolbox in the garage. I was like, oh, I had a cool car bloody pictures.

11:52Keyzie:When I had the hangman come over, remember that guy that came and hung my. Hung up all your posters. Yeah, the hangman.

12:01Mike Minogue:Why are you still plugging it? We did like an hour's work

12:04Keyzie:A couple hours work But yes It's crazy isn't it? It's probably a good chat on that But when men discovering They've been stitched To be fair