OUTRO: The Life of a Thespian

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0:15Keyzie:G'day fellas. How are we all going team? Good days? You got your Carter's cap on man. Oh yeah, I do. Just a random cap. I was wearing mine over in Fiji. Got given it by old Nosey, didn't we? Yes. And it's good, except I wear a cap so rarely that I don't know how to put it on straight. So if I check it in the mirror, it would always be on the piss. So I look like old side slide. You look like Vanilla Ice. A bit skewer. Yeah, well, I'm not big on the flat top. I prefer a curved sort of baseball-type cap. An A-frame. Is that what it's called? Yeah, I think so. Right, yeah, I prefer an A-frame. but I'll be honest, the flat top's growing on me.

0:59Yeah, same here. Flat peak. Is that what it's called? Yes. A soft cock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The old flat top afro.

1:05Mike Minogue:Yeah. Yes, because those kind of hats, I used to only wear those hats back in the day. Right. Either sideways, how fucking lame is that? You're a sick person. Are you being serious, Keezy? Yeah, 100%. Because that's what the fashion was. Everyone did. Yeah, true. Like Cody the Skateboarding Dog on Simpsons. With Homer Voices at, yeah, sort of like that, Like backwards or to the side, and I'd be listening to Exhibit and Dr. Dre on my iPod. But mostly Smash Mouth. No, I actually... You got into them later on in your life. No, I had to pretend I didn't like them. Because everyone was into hip-hop.

1:38Mike Minogue:Yeah. Which I was.

1:40Keyzie:I don't know why, I've always been into hats. Right back as far as I can remember. And one of my girls is the same, I just wear hats all the time. Well, it's good to have a hobby, man. Yeah, I guess so. That's so cool, man. If you started dating today, that would be on your Tinder and Grindr bar. I love a hat. Yeah, I just always have. Seriously. If you don't like hats, you just bark it up. Seriously, I'll be honest with you. When I get up in the morning, if I can't find a hat, I'm distressed. Right. Because my hair's all over the place, and I like to just put a cap on, and that makes me feel slightly in control.

2:14Mike Minogue:It's bad, though, because you've got great hair. Yeah, my hair's fine. And you always wear a hat. Yeah, I know. No, it's not fine. It's cool. It's all swish back and long and stuff, and you always wear a hat. I've got great hair, man.

2:23Keyzie:I think I'm getting a little bit of a ball patch in the back of my head from wearing a hat because it rubs all the time. You're in your 40s now, man. It starts backing up. I know. It's a shocking bastard. Here's a fact. You can write this in your notebook.

2:37Mike Minogue:I don't have a notebook.

2:39Keyzie:Or your diary. Oh, yeah. I will never lose my... Well, I'll always have a good head of hair. Well, I'll tell you what. It's backing up from your eyebrows. It's moving back and it's a tide that is going out. as is mine, but mine's sort of like a bit peaky, you know? Yeah. But yours is just an even tide just flying back. Yeah, it's just a wave. You're going to be somebody that's going to, you're eventually just going to Costanza, and it's going to be like Moses has walked through the centre of your head. Maybe, maybe. That's a dream. But you're only 42. But by then I won't care, you know what I mean?

3:10Keyzie:And my wife would just think I'd look hot as an old fella. Oh, yeah, she'll have dementia. Oh, fuck. But, yeah, it's a weird thing. Good day, fellas. Good day. Yeah. I've had a shock in sleep. Tired bastard, weren't you? Again, you've had a couple of bad nights sleep, man.

3:27Mike Minogue:Really bad. Too much hitting the piss the last few weekends as well. I need to have a weekend off. I had a meeting with Keezy today, and he was just giving me filthy looks the whole time. Yeah, fuck off I was. No, what I have to do with that gaming podcast is sometimes I come in and I literally don't speak until we start recording. Yeah. Because I do drive, my chat comes on in the afternoon. Yeah. Yes. Don't know what it is. No, I understand that. Good chat. I could hear it all through the wall. That's why I knew about you taking the weekend off. You're hanging out with your missus. You're not drinking piss.

3:56You've been sleeping badly. I've heard all this shit before.

3:58Mike Minogue:Did you hear, yeah, extremely casual games, by the way. Check it out. Did you hear how I woke up at 5 a.m. this morning? No, because I've only just seen you today. I saw the mogey.

4:08Keyzie:Well, didn't you have a meeting with him to tell him?

4:10Mike Minogue:At 5 a.m.? No, no, no. So what happened was I woke up at 5 a.m. this morning, right? Bolt, not, didn't sit up, but I bolt awake. Oh, yeah. because I smelt my wife making caramel for a sticky date pudding. Sticky date, yeah, that was it. Literally, and then I said, feel free to... You know, hey, the joke is, well, it could have come from anywhere within a 100-kilometre radius with a honker like that. Yeah, I made that joke for myself just to beat everyone else to it. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. But yeah, I've never woken up with a strong smell of like, why is Lucy making a sticky date pudding?

4:52Mike Minogue:And then it was like wide awake. She wasn't. Yeah. So we're having pudding for breakfast. Right.

4:58Keyzie:I actually had a very good sleep. It was good. That's great, man. Very nice, deep. In fact, I woke up this morning. Your story's over. Yeah, I was going to say, have you ever woken up due to a smell? Well, okay, so you could smell caramel sauce. No, but have you ever woken up due to a smell? A phantom smell? Can I say yes? Yes, I have. Really? I was just about to say, on one occasion I have had that happen to me. I can't remember, sadly, any of the details. That's so fucking weird. Yeah, I have had that, and it is odd. Fucking brain, man. It's weird. You can invent shit, man. Yeah. Anyway, so Jase, you had a really good sleep.

5:31Keyzie:I had a really good sleep, and I was fast asleep. Oh, that's good, man. And I thought my wife was right next to me. Oh. And I was just about to roll over, and then I heard, dook, dook, dook, dook, dook. and that's my wife getting the coffee out of the, you know what I mean? I went, hang about. Breakfast. It's my turn. It's my turn to do coffee. Yeah. But then she was already there, so I went, I'll leave it to her. She thought she wanted to start today with a good one. Yeah. And she, you know, she does her Pilates and stuff. I'm getting a bit sort of, now listen, you're up for Pilates. You might as well just carry on with the coffee.

6:06Keyzie:That's true, though. So we're getting out of sync. That is true. Where are you at now with your coffee? Have you got them better? Yeah, three a day. No, in the sense that you were making them and she didn't like them. Is she happier now? Yes, I think so. Good. You know, and I make sure that they're not too hot. Yeah. Because I like mine hot. Well, you know, I'm not talking piping hot. No, not the way you used to make them. But, you know, sometimes you get a coffee and it's barely tepid and you just go. Especially a milk one, like a flat wine or a latte. Yeah, it's like bullshit. Well, the standard rule of thumb here, of course, Chizbot, because you're running in a wand, right?

6:44Yes. You run the wand. It's into the stainless steel jug. Yes, yes. So the standard rule of thumb in a cafe as a barista is you hold that stainless steel jug in the palm of your hand. Yes. And when it's too hot for touch, then you take it out. Correct. That's when you're done. Yes. And that's what I do. Jason's got no feeling in his hands. That's right, yeah. Yeah, that's true.

7:04Keyzie:I've got numb hands from whatever's a mountain climber. Both of his hands are prosthetic. It's only when I hear the sizzling that I go, oh, shit, hang on. The smell of burning flesh. Yeah, I've got a big burn mark on my car.

7:16Mike Minogue:And I wake up in the middle of the morning and go, hang on, who's cooking bacon? It's Jase.

7:20Keyzie:Way out there. I don't know if you guys do this, but usually when I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is process my day ahead.

7:28Mike Minogue:Oh, do you? I thought you were going to say process your food from the day before.

7:31Keyzie:And I go, what's coming up today? Nothing. Fuck all. Bit of this, bit of that. Well, I had a read-through today, and I'm not a big fan of read-throughs, especially. Oh, but did you nail it? What is it?

7:41Mike Minogue:Because I don't know if you know that, Kesey. He's got a. What's a read-through for the listeners? A read-through is when you're filming and there's a script

7:51Keyzie:and you go and have what's called a table read. You'll sit around and read. Where all the actors sit around at a table and they read the script. And somebody will read out what's called the big print. Yes. Which is like daytime. Yeah, exactly. Exterior. Yeah, exactly. Interior office day. Woody Jizzbot sits wearing a straight-lid Carter's cap. Yeah, suddenly a depraved sick. He's always been a huge fan. That's right. So he's a brave sicko. And it's funny because I'm always like, can we just skip the big print, please? But it was fun. Big script. 180 pages. Three hours. That's more than three hours, though.

8:28Keyzie:And who dies? I can't tell you anything. And he did it. I cannot even tell you the name of the show. All he can say is it's not him. Or is it? Maybe. What a mystery. We don't know. I mean. What a mystery. The thing about Liz Casey, we'll never know Yeah you're right Even after it comes out we'll have no idea Zero clues Well when it comes out I can send it to you I can remind you

8:54Mike Minogue:I'll let you know when it's on Hang on, I'm curious So if you were to send it to me, how would you do that?

9:00Keyzie:No, I'll remind you it's on I'll send you a link There'll be a link to it To what?

9:07Mike Minogue:Oh you get sent a link to it? Does the cast get sent a link to it? Hey here's the latest episode

9:13Keyzie:No, what tends to happen is they'll say, oh, by the way, this is playing at such and such a time on such and such.

9:19Mike Minogue:Right, it's playing 3 a.m. on Bravo. Yeah. If you want to check it out. Yeah. This is Jase's big episode.

9:26Keyzie:But, you know, and normally I'd be sort of like, 3 a.m. on Bravo. Yeah. Well, I'm sure at some stage it will play at 3 a.m. on Bravo. Yeah, it's proving you.

9:37Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's interesting. But, yeah, Jase, have you ever woken up smelling something, man? Other than someone's balls? Or ripping ass?

9:48Keyzie:Yes, I'm sure I have. Oh, of course. Not only is it all the time. Not all the time. I'm sure I've been woken up by smoke before.

9:58Mike Minogue:But that's an actual smell, right? Yes. I completely fabricated it.

10:02Keyzie:But there was no smoke.

10:04Mike Minogue:Oh, really? Smelling smoke. Isn't that a stroke? Yeah.