In short
The hosts’ chaotic “outro” banter about a rough day—broken lifts, forgetting a phone at the office, and getting stuck doing stairs in the rain—plus car troubles (one car sold unsuccessfully; another towed for an alleged driveway obstruction). They also joke about vaping etiquette and affectionate “party tricks” among friends, including a story about a friend miming oral sex at parties.
Guests
No external guests. Two recurring hosts: Pugson (by-the-book, “rule breaker in the boot”) and Jase (the other co-host). They mention “Keezy” (advice about selling the car) and “Big Dilly” (studio helper).
Key claims
lifts are broken daily; towing was for “obstruction of a driveway” despite no obstruction; the 1997 Japanese-import Suzuki Vitara is “sick” but was sold due to age; vaping won’t kill anyone.
Notable examples
Jeffing up/down six flights of stairs; searching for glasses; “Johnny Braff” party mime-blowjob story.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Do do do. Okay. You got a deli?
0:04Jason Hoyte:It's just there on your disc, mate.
0:07Keyzie:Oh, sorry. Yeah, it was my bad instructions. I got confused. Cool. Don't look at me like that, man. Come on.
0:14Jason Hoyte:What? It's just there. All right. Listen, man. You're Studio B, man. Good on you, mate. For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, Get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok. Or Raw Doggy. Four to seven every weekday on Radio Hood.
0:36Keyzie:You shake your head at me, Pugson. Don't you get too comfortable using that vaping studio, brother? Yeah, I know. It's terrible, isn't it? But I know you're a vapist. You just don't give a fuck now.
0:46Jason Hoyte:Both of your bosses are right out there.
0:48Keyzie:Seriously, I don't. I really don't. I mean, no one's going to die from it. You know what I mean? It's vapour. and I always blow down towards my dude. No, you don't. Yeah, putz on. I've literally got... Are you in a whore of a mood because you had to tow your car today? No.
1:06Jason Hoyte:I literally am putting out a video tonight of you not blowing down at your dude. Can you not do that, man?
1:16Keyzie:It paints me in a really bad light.
1:18Jason Hoyte:I feel like you've got the brush, man. You know what I'm saying? I'm just... Why isn't it even working? Let me tell you about... You've run out of juice, man.
1:26Keyzie:No, I've got plenty of juice. Yeah. I think I'm losing my mind, Pagsane.
1:32Jason Hoyte:Okay.
1:33Keyzie:So last night, finished work, right? Yeah. And I leave work, and as I'm leaving work, it starts to rain. Okay, and I'm going, okay. I've got no jacket. I've got no umbrella because I didn't think it was going to rain that day. No, it wasn't that kind of day. It's just a bit wet. All right, I'm going to get a bit wet. My bad. Get to the lifts at the car park. Of course, they're not fucking working again. They are broken down every day now. I don't know what's going on. So I effing Jeff my way all the way down six flights of stairs to the car park.
2:12Jason Hoyte:Down six flights of stairs. Down, but wait, there's more. Right. So you're not having to climb the stairs. Just want to.
2:19Keyzie:But wait, there's more. Get to my car. Turn on my car. Go to select what poddy I'm going to listen to.
2:27Jason Hoyte:Oh, yeah.
2:28Keyzie:Where's my fucking phone? Oh, my God. I've left it plugged in at the office. Are you serious? Yes. And I told myself, I swear to God, five or six times before I left work, get your phone now because you're going to forget it. Get your phone now. So as you can imagine, old Hoity J, effort and jeffin like a bastard in his car, climb the six flights of stairs back outside. It's even heavier rain. I get wetter. I come back, get my phone, get in the car, go home.
3:04Jason Hoyte:My question for you, just out the gate, there was no reality in which you could have gotten your car, left the building, driven back to work, and come in and picked up the phone?
3:17Keyzie:Well, there's a weird traffic scenario going on, so you'd have to do a kind of real roundabout kind of route. A dry route. Yeah, but, well, no, it would be wet because it was raining pugs. It would be a wet route.
3:30Jason Hoyte:It would be a wet route, pugs. You would be in your car avoiding all the rain and this flights of stairs.
3:38Keyzie:You see, now I'm even in more of a who-rover mood because that's what I should have done.
3:42Jason Hoyte:Yeah, I hate to be that guy because shoulda, coulda, woulda.
3:45Keyzie:But then I get to work today, park the car, go to the lifts. Oh, they're not fucking working again. F-ing and jeffing. Climb the six flights of stairs. Get to the doorway of NZME. Yeah. Where's my glasses? Oh, for fuck's sake. Have you ever heard the phrase, Pugsana, it's not the boulders that kill you, it's the pebbles. Yeah.
4:11Jason Hoyte:It's the little things. I'm very familiar with the pebbles killing me.
4:16Keyzie:And I know that people listening to this go, get over it.
4:19Jason Hoyte:No, there's people listening to this going, get in your fucking car and drive back to the office.
4:23Keyzie:Yeah, well, next time I will. Thanks for putting that in my head. Well, unless, of course, I leave my wallet behind because then the card's in there and I can't get out of the car park.
4:30Jason Hoyte:There should be no reason that you take your wallet out of your pocket while you're here.
4:34Keyzie:Well, yeah, discount sushi, man.
4:36Jason Hoyte:Oh, yeah, true. I actually really want some of that shit. Yeah, we've left a bit late here. I mean, we could cut this short and do it. I have to go to a wee hands around the corner.
4:44Keyzie:But I've heard that you've had a hoo-ha of a day. I haven't.
4:47Jason Hoyte:Well, yeah. What happened with your car? That piece of shit. Oddly enough,
4:52Keyzie:the car. Yeah. You said Keezy gave you advice and it's a piece of shit.
4:59Jason Hoyte:No, Keezy gave me the advice that I should look into selling it. Yes. And I did and it didn't sell. How come? Because it was a piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, probably. It's a 97 Vitara. import from Japan. It's fucking sick. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast.
5:24Keyzie:So why are you selling it?
5:26Jason Hoyte:Because it's old and I feel like the older you have a car the more issues it's going to get. It's probably sitting at about two, 15 ,000 Ks. It's quite a lot.
5:35Keyzie:It's quite a lot. It's done really well though. It's only had one owner before me. And you've also got a new partner now So you're looking to impress a bit.
5:44Jason Hoyte:Yeah, but this is literally the thing is that I was looking to sell the car and she was like, no, I love that car. Right. And I'm like, oh, okay, well, all good. Maybe I'll just keep it for a little while longer, you know? Sure. Had a new clear coat put on it. Looks real sexy, real shiny. Anyway, so it wasn't that car that got towed. It was her car that got towed. Oh. And so she was.
6:09Keyzie:Was parked in the wrong place or something like that?
6:11Jason Hoyte:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she was parked on the street by my place. Oh, yeah. Yep.
Read the full transcript
6:22Keyzie:Stay the night, did she? Yep.
6:27Jason Hoyte:Okay. And, yeah, essentially we literally walked out the door to go to work in her car and it was not there. The infringement was obstruction of a driveway.
6:39Keyzie:Right. But she was not obstructing the driveway.
6:42Jason Hoyte:Yes. Like, literally, the driveway was, like, this is Parnell. Literally a massive, massive driveway. And it was, like, not obstructing anything. Anyway, so I had to deal with that. But anyway, great start to me morning. Stoked.
6:56Keyzie:It is a shitty way to start the day, though. I've had my car towed a few times, and it is an absolute ball act.
7:03Jason Hoyte:I've never had mine towed. Right. Never been in that scenario. Okay.
7:07Keyzie:Yeah, but you're a bit of a goody two-shoes, aren't you? Yeah. Apart from in the boudoir. But this is the thing that people don't know about Pug San. Yeah, yeah. He's a very by-the-book kind of fella. I try to be. Doesn't like breaking the rules apart from in the boudoir. And then he breaks all the rules. Okay. All right?
7:31Jason Hoyte:Yeah, yeah. Yeah. If you didn't know that about me, now you do. You filthy bastard. Rule breaker in the boot.
7:37Keyzie:I tell you what, we could actually make the half-price sushi at this rate. What?
7:44Jason Hoyte:We're not going to get it. It'll be gone from down there.
7:47Keyzie:We could send Big Dilly down to check it out for us. Dilly can't even find the bloody hard drive. He's not going to find the sushi for us. Hey, now, make sure you check out the Instagram, by the way.
7:57Jason Hoyte:Make sure you check out all the other podcasts. Yeah, no, we're actually at eight and a half, man. Yeah, well, that's enough, isn't it?
8:03Keyzie:Is it? Okay, well, what else do you want to talk about?
8:06Jason Hoyte:Meet PaddyNip69 at gmo.com if you want an eight and a half minute long, ten minute podcast.
8:12Keyzie:Well, I mean, who's going to complain? If the fellas complain, boy, oh boy, I'm going to lose my shit.
8:17Jason Hoyte:I'm starting to do that thing where you and Mike and Chris will often do it, is like if you come in to work and there's been something going on with your day, you get out all your shit in the outro podcast. Yeah, totally. And then you're like ripe and ready for the radio show?
8:32Keyzie:Exactly, yeah. I mean, I was literally effing and jeffing when I got to work today, going, oh, for fuck's sake.
8:38Jason Hoyte:Yeah, and I've just had one of those ones where I've kind of been chasing my tail a little bit, to be honest, getting everything ready to go.
8:43Keyzie:You looked very, very flustered when I came in today.
8:47Jason Hoyte:Yeah, I was like, sorry, Jase, I'll be a lot in 10 minutes.
8:50Keyzie:You apologized to me about seven times, and I was like, Pugs, stop apologizing. You're doing four jobs at the moment.
8:57Jason Hoyte:That's not true at all. I'm running a very professional operation, and I've got Big Dillie's very capable, soft city boy hands in Studio B. They are soft hands, aren't they? They're very soft hands.
9:08Keyzie:You guys touch each other a lot, I notice. You're really into cuddles and massages and all that sort of jazz. Nothing wrong with it. I'm not passing any judgment here, but I've noticed that your group of friends are very affectionate.
9:24Jason Hoyte:Yeah, I would agree with that. I think it's quite lovely. Yeah, I... I mean, if it wasn't welcomed, we certainly would have been doing it.
9:34Keyzie:Yes, for sure. I remember when I was a young fellow for my group of friends, we used to, and this is weird, and I've talked about it before, go to parties and stuff like that and pretend to root each other.
9:47Jason Hoyte:Now, when you say pretend to root each other, what do you mean?
9:51Keyzie:Like my friend Johnny would give a pretend blowjob to me. and he was so good at it that we'd go to parties and everyone, without a word of a lie, would go, Johnny, Johnny, give Jace a blowjob. And so he would. Not literally, you know, he'd be miming.
10:11Jason Hoyte:Now, were you invited to any further parties
10:13Keyzie:where you weren't asked to do that? And we'd get into these sexual positions and pretend to have... It's weird looking back on it, But we were like 20-odd, 22, 23, just living it up.
10:30Jason Hoyte:Yeah, that is pretty weird.
10:32Keyzie:You guys don't do that?
10:35Jason Hoyte:Fellas?
10:36Keyzie:Not really.
10:37Jason Hoyte:No, we're affectionate in a gentle way, I think.
10:41Keyzie:We're not jumping straight to that, man. You're not pretending to have sex. Just suck it hard. It was one of the... Actually, we should get it on our Instagram. Johnny Braff. Is there a video? Pretending to give me a blowjob. It is magnificent. Is there a video, actually? No doubt there is. Okay, I would like to see it. Or you can just come with us and we'll go and meet up with Johnny.
11:07Jason Hoyte:I'm keen. I'm so keen. Bring Dilly for the social content. You could film it, yeah, and put it on our Insta. Speaking of which, at Hauraki Big Show. And listen to the radio show, 47 Weekdays on Hauraki. Good stuff.
From the publisher
On today's poddy, there's a hua of a mood everywhere you look.
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Featuring Jason Hoyte, Mike Minogue, and Keyzie, "The Big Show" drive you home weekdays from 4pm on Radio Hauraki.
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