In short
A low-energy, rain-soaked day on the Hauraki Big Show leads into stories about “sex tourists,” including a Vietnam incident and planning a sex-tour trip for the host’s 30th.
Guest backgrounds
No named guests; it’s a two-person banter between hosts (Parkson/Pugsna and Chase/Pugsna).
Key claims
Gym closure affects mood; Vietnam tailoring warehouses can include paid sexual services; the host was offered a blowjob by a smiling woman while his family was nearby; toilet use cost 15,000 dong (~$3 NZD).
Notable examples
“tutu in the pool” joke; wet pants; “honing the vape” at the studio; pool lifeguard story of a cubicle/urinal covered in feces.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOMood Check and Gym Tales
0:45 to 1:58
Hosts share their current moods and experiences with gym closures.
“It's amazing the difference in going to the gym and not going to the gym.”
Weather Woes and Rainy Reflections
1:58 to 3:16
Discussion about the bad weather and its impact on their day.
“and that can sort of spark ideas in your head.”
Planning a Vietnam Trip
3:16 to 4:34
Hosts discuss an upcoming trip to Vietnam and travel experiences.
“That he neglected to go there because apparently that's quite a wet time of year.”
Sex Tour Talk
4:34 to 6:41
Conversing about the concept of a sex tour and personal anecdotes.
“I spent the entire, though I did have that situation where my daughters, which I told you about, because Vietnam is actually famous for going over there and getting clothes made.”
Bathroom Breaks and Cultural Differences
6:41 to 7:21
Hosts recount their experiences regarding bathroom situations overseas.
“And, you know, but just not in that scenario.”
Lifeguard Stories and Closing Remarks
7:21 to 13:24
A humorous story from their past as lifeguards culminating in a closing discussion.
“And I was like, douche, douche, douche, douche.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Keyzie:For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Doggy. 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horek here. Yeah man. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, um, g'day fellas, but it's just you there Parkson. You can just say fella.
0:25Jason Hoyte:Fella. G'day fella. How are you going? You know what? I've got like a Wednesday mood for a Tuesday. Yeah. In the sense that I'm a little bit, I'm lower energy. Yes. Like I'm happy. I'm all good. I'm content. I'm not like running through the roof. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that's just an energy thing. It's amazing the difference in going to the gym and not going to the gym. The gym that I was going to was closed today, so I got there and I was like, ah.
0:53Keyzie:Why would you close a gym?
0:55Jason Hoyte:It's part of the apartment complex that my partner lives in. And so when I stay there, I'll try to use that one.
1:03Keyzie:Oh, okay.
1:04Jason Hoyte:Just using all the facilities and stuff, you know. Yeah. Come on the sauna, have a little tutu in the pool. A tutu in the pool? What do you mean? Just myself, just having a tutu in the pool. Just me. So what, Pugsans in the pool having a tutu with himself? Yeah, having a tutu. Chase, this is disclaimer territory and we've barely started. No, well, I was just trying to get clarity on what you were saying, you know.
1:28Keyzie:And I've been in a funny mood today. Yeah. You know, to sort of give people a bit of a heads up in terms of a radio show and stuff like that, you spend the day sort of going, okay, what are we going to fucking talk about today sort of thing. Yeah. And today there was just nothing coming. No, not from me either. You know what I mean? And I was just like, ah. And usually, you know, with the other fellas, of course, generally speaking someone has got something going on or has some ideas or something, and that can sort of spark ideas in your head. But today, just nothing.
2:05Jason Hoyte:I think statistically you've either got four people contributing ideas compared to right now where there's two. Well, yes. You know what I mean? On that level.
2:13Keyzie:But you just have days where the well is empty. That's right. And I'm currently sitting here at the moment in wet pants. Oh, did you wet yourself? No. Were you having a tutu in the pool? No, I wasn't having a tutu in the pool, Pugs, son. Oh, right. Just for people out, you know, that won't know this, it is absolutely piss down today in Auckland. Yeah, it's a shocker. 90 millimetres of rain. Now, I walked over here and I had a raincoat on, my golf raincoat. I had my golf umbrella. Yeah. And yet I'm fucking soaking and I'm filthy about it. And then I think about the fellas You know what I mean? Oh yeah, all the Instagram updates And you go on the Instagram and you go Fuck you We were doing that when you were in Vietnam Yeah but at least there were the three of you
3:04Jason Hoyte:Yeah that's a good point actually You know what I'm saying? You're going to be doing the same when I Go to Vietnam next year Yeah, how's that going by the way? It's coming along nicely, we were originally going to do New Years And then we had heard, I had heard from Chris That he neglected to go there because apparently that's quite a wet time of year. Sure. And also it'll be my 30th next March. Right.
3:29Keyzie:And so we've moved it to there. So in terms of you going, because, you know, I've obviously recommended Vietnam, but you're going on a sex tour. Yeah, yeah. Is there like a specific? Well, that's why I asked you for recommendations, was for the sex stuff. I went there with my family, Pugsna. Yeah, which I – I mean, why would I go on a sex tour with my family? I wasn't going to take that approach.
3:50Jason Hoyte:Can I say that? I wasn't going to do the sex tour with my family. I'm going with my partner, which makes logistical sense.
3:55Keyzie:And what? And she's into that?
3:56Jason Hoyte:The sex tour? Yeah. You'd have to ask her, man. Is it like a couple sex tour? Yeah, yeah. Well, actually, funnily enough, we're now going with a couple of other mates. Oh, so it's like a quadruple couple sex tour. Honestly, I'm just opening it up to all my mates and saying, if you want to come on the sex tour for my 30th, I would love to have you. Please join us.
4:17Keyzie:I'm curious in terms of, you know, your sex tours. I've never been on one. You said you've been on a few. Apart from the one with your family, you were saying. Well, obviously I didn't go on the sex tour with my family. No, no, no, sorry. You went to Vietnam with your family? Yes.
4:32Jason Hoyte:And you did the sex tour?
4:34Keyzie:No, no. I spent the entire, though I did have that situation where my daughters, which I told you about, because Vietnam is actually famous for going over there and getting clothes made.
4:46Jason Hoyte:Yeah, like you get tailoring and they'll have it ready for you the next day or something.
4:50Keyzie:Yeah, it's quite phenomenal. Like you'll go in there with a picture of what you want.
4:56Jason Hoyte:Yeah.
4:56Keyzie:They'll measure you up and de-doosh, they've made it. And men go over there all the time. I mean, generally not for sex tours, but they go over there. Then why go? And you can get like a suit made or something like that. But while my daughters were doing that, because it was in this massive warehouse, and I desperately needed to do Hoere J Weez. Now that's different to normal Weez because it's quite staccato
5:23Jason Hoyte:and that's where the name comes, like Hoere J Weez.
5:27Keyzie:Yeah, I'm effing and jeffing because it's taking so long.
5:29Jason Hoyte:And then when you finally start weeing, you go, ah. Yeah. Yeah, nice. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show Podcast
5:45Keyzie:So I was in this scenario In this massive warehouse going Oh my god there must be a bog here somewhere And then this woman went Sir, sir, sir Was smiling at me And then literally linked her arm through mine And was walking with me And I was like okay this is a bit weird But hey I'm in Vietnam Maybe that's just a thing they do
6:06Jason Hoyte:Yeah maybe I can branch out
6:09Keyzie:While the wife's not here And then she quietly said to me, without a word of a lie, you want a blowjob? And I was like, whoa. Wow. Wow. Whoa. And my family actually wasn't too far away. And I was like, damn it. Yeah. Not far enough. Hey. Yeah, nice. And then, you know, obviously I said, no, I don't want a blowjob. Oh, right. I mean, to be honest, I mean, a blowjob would have been great. You're like, I don't need that.
6:37Jason Hoyte:I'm on a sex tour. that's included in the package. I don't, you know, look, I'm open to a blowjob.
6:46Keyzie:Okay. Is all I'm saying. Yeah, aren't we all? And, you know, but just not in that scenario. Right, okay. And the weird thing too there, because, you know, a lot of people over in Vietnam are struggling, and genuinely, you know, they don't have a lot of money. Right. And so they charge for everything. And so there was a toilet there, but I had to pay something like 15 ,000 dong to use it. Which would have been what? Like 50 cents New Zealand. No, it was about three bucks New Zealand. I was filthy, man.
7:20Jason Hoyte:Did you actually calculate it at the time or you're just assuming? I did. Okay.
7:23Keyzie:She said 15 ,000. She said 15 ,000.
7:25Jason Hoyte:We've got toilets here that have that.
7:27Keyzie:And I was like, douche, douche, douche, douche. Three bucks, are you shitting me? So I did it and I just did wheeze in my pants. That is a packet of cigarettes to be fair. It was a packet of cigarettes.
7:37Jason Hoyte:Yeah. Okay, fair enough.
7:38Keyzie:But, you know, I've had one of those weird days too, man. Yeah. And I, you know, you've just got to sort of trust that it'll be fine. And, of course, you've got the pie awards tonight, so you're going to massively get on the hammer.
7:51Jason Hoyte:If you can imagine I'm like this today, imagine what I'm going to be like tomorrow. Yeah. I'm happy, though. Like, I'm just, I'm like weirdly neutral. Yes. Like, and that doesn't happen often for me. I'm usually one way or the other. Most of the time I'm stoked. Sometimes I have a shitter of a day. Sometimes you're in a horror of a mood. That's right. But right now I'm in like a weird neutral state.
8:11Keyzie:Because when I arrived today, because I, you know, I'm a sponge, Pug San. I absorb everything going on around. I'm an empath. And so I've, what?
8:23Jason Hoyte:No, it's just everyone who's not an empath has to say that they are an empath. Right. If someone goes, I'm an empath, you're like, yeah, righto. I care about people. And also, it's a burden that I have to bear,
8:39Keyzie:whereupon I absorb other people's sorrow and sadness. Yes, yeah, yeah. And so, you know, if I'm in a room, say, like at work here, and there's 15 people working, and eight of them are having really bad days or they're just depressed and down in the dumps, we're balls deep in winter, we've got wet pants on sort of thing, I absorb all those eight people's sadness, grief and pain. Right. And then I have to go on the radio and be a funny guy. That must be really tough for you. It's so hard, man, but I'm a backbone. Especially in the media landscape now when there's only four people out in the office.
9:18Yeah, and they're all miserable. Even Dilly today is bloody... Yeah, he's chilling. What's going on with...
Read the full transcript
9:22Keyzie:But the other thing I noticed when I arrived today is old bloody Pugsan, old freebie Pugsan. Yeah, yeah, hard. Three bottles of wine on his desk. Three bottles of wine on his desk.
9:35Jason Hoyte:Two bottles of wine. There was a photo shoot in the studio. Yes. I don't know. I'd never seen these people before. And I was letting them in and out of the door because they had like trolleys of like photography equipment and stuff. And so I was helping them out. And then just as they were going past, I just said, oh, what are you doing with all the, you know, you play it off like a joke, Jase. Oh, what are you doing with all the spare wine that you got? You know? Kind of like that. And then I go, oh, okay. And then she comes back and she's like, you're a red wine guy or a white wine guy? And I was like, I'm a white man.
10:06Jason Hoyte:You know what I mean? Racism alert, man. Racism. Racism. A white wine man. You're a white guy, man. Come on, Puckson. I am a white guy, man. Oh, actually not entirely. Well, no, fair cop, man.
10:19Keyzie:It's radio, man. It's amazing the amount of free piss in this place. And, you know, when I'm in this kind of mood, The temptation is just to rip the cap off that bastard and, you know, slug a couple of bloody glasses.
10:33Jason Hoyte:You do very well. So you just hone the vape inside instead.
10:36Keyzie:I am. Have you refilled it? Yeah, I did.
10:40Jason Hoyte:Yeah, good.
10:40Keyzie:Did I tell you about Kevin? The dairy owner?
10:44Jason Hoyte:The dairy owner saying that you're like honing it.
10:46Keyzie:Yeah, like my dairy owner, Kevin, he said, oh, you're going through the vapes quick.
10:51Jason Hoyte:Which I then replied to you and said, that's amazing because it's probably in Kevin's best interest. To sell it. To sell it and not tell you that you're going through a lot of it and just keep selling it to you.
11:01Keyzie:Which gave me pause, really. Yeah. You know, and it was like. Is it should? But, you know, also when I'm in this kind of mood too, it's like, oh, gosh. And I'm not even doing the durries. You know, there's no piss. There's no durries. My pants are wet. The fellas are overseas pissing it up large in the bloody European sun. Pugs is getting free piss. You know what I mean? What's the point of all this shit? Are we done, are we?
11:28Jason Hoyte:Yeah, man, that's like 11 minutes. Have they got rid of the steamer and the urinal, do you know?
11:34Keyzie:Yeah, yeah. Okay, so it's safe for me to go for wheeze.
11:37Jason Hoyte:Well, I mean, it was always safe. There's two of them and only one had a steamer in it. But I did think about the person having to pick that up, and I did get reminded of my days as a pool lifeguard, which maybe is a story for another day.
11:49Keyzie:Did you ever have to deal with any steamers? That's why I thought of it, yeah. What, so someone would be in the pool and just literally do a floater?
11:58Jason Hoyte:Or out of the pool, evidently. One time, okay, I'll tell this one really quickly. I used to work in a pool in the hut, in the lower hut there. One time I was literally clocking out of my shift. So when you work as a lifeguard, you rotate around the pool to different points, to different viewpoints. I bet you did. And I was on my last viewpoint. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Your finishing point. Yeah, I was almost at finishing point. And somebody came to relieve me from my finishing point. And they said, oh, somebody's just reported something in the bathroom. Can you have a look? And I'm like, oh, fuck you.
12:37Jason Hoyte:Like, what is this going to be? And I go into the bathroom and I swear to God, this is graphic. I swear to God, an entire cubicle, shit, everywhere, except inside the toilet bowl. It was in the urinal. It was on the floor. What I love is that one of your work... Yeah, fucking stitch me up, asshole.
13:05Keyzie:So bad. Oh, someone said, there's something gone on. Could you just have a quick peek before you clock out there?
13:11Jason Hoyte:And I'm literally having to go put gloves on. I'll start gagging thinking about it and I shit you not, this happened maybe like, I want to say just about a decade ago. I would say. Absolute shocker. Anyway. That's cheered me up. That's my story. I'm glad, man. I'm glad. Hey, listen to the Haraki Big Show 47 weekdays on Radio Haraki. And look at the Insta as well at Haraki Big Show.
13:32Keyzie:Oh, don't. I mean, I don't really care. I'm going wheeze.
13:36Jason Hoyte:Okay.
From the publisher
On today's poddy, it's a 'Nam off.
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Featuring Jason Hoyte, Mike Minogue, and Keyzie, "The Big Show" drive you home weekdays from 4pm on Radio Hauraki.
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