OUTRO: Transfusion Confusion [R18]

0:00Keyzie:Actually, can we put a disclaimer on the disclaimer? Yeah. Don't listen to that disclaimer. G'day everyone. Hoody J from The Big Show here. Now, this isn't absolute, but we are thinking about putting a disclaimer on the - We're not thinking about it. This is - Well, are we - This is a disclaimer. Don't play this around your kids. We're putting a disclaimer on this and don't play this around your kids, alright?

0:22Mike Minogue:Yeah, it just gets a bit R18.

0:23Keyzie:It's just a bit filth.

0:24Mike Minogue:Yeah, it's filth. Well, Keyzie gets filthy talking about J. Well, J in particular is a shock. Yeah, there's some shocking stuff revolving around. Jizz. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do we have to do another one now? For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok, or Raw Doggett, 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horeki.

0:48Keyzie:Correct. Yeah. How are we going, fellas? It's a new shirt you got there, Jase. It's not new. It's my golf shirt, mate. Yeah, yeah, but what I'm saying is it's new to my eyes. Does it got any birds on it? Because it's got lots of trees and shit on it. I don't know, actually. I think it's just like palm frongs. I'm going to buy you a shirt covered in human cocks. Okay. I'd wear that. And you won't even know. No. I'd say, what is that? Is that human cocks? And you're like, oh, I don't know, actually. I would seriously wear that shirt.

1:14Mike Minogue:Because it's got a cock as a type of bird. So you'd be like, no, that checks out. Yeah. Human birds.

1:21Keyzie:Yeah, I don't know how it's ever come to this, but that's just life, isn't it? Yeah, it is. You just put a shirt on and carry on with your day. You do. You know, fuck it. Who cares? You just get on with your life, eh, man? Look at Keezy dominating that water. Yeah, boy. That's how you do it. I just scalded me. I swear to God that Keezy must drink 10 fucking glasses of water while we do the show. You asshole, eh? And every single time we go to the car, oh, I've got to go wheeze. And then he takes 15 minutes.

1:52Mike Minogue:Okay, now he's added the mustard because he's realised his story isn't even a big... There's nothing there. 15 minutes to piss. I drink most of my water here. Do you know why I drink lots of water? Because it directly affects how much energy I have on the show. Oh, really? If ever I'm feeling a bit like, I'm like, fuck, I bet I haven't drank much water. And then I'll scull a couple of glasses of water. Boom, good to go. There you go, man. And if I get to five o 'clock, the five o 'clock top of the hour, and if I haven't done wheeze yet, that's a sign I need to drink more water.

2:18Keyzie:Right, okay. Yeah, because your body's absorbed it, obviously. You needed it.

2:22Mike Minogue:And it makes, for some reason, it makes me go, and it's always water. It's always because I don't have enough water. And back in the day, I would have drank coffee and blah, blah, blah, but it's actually just water. It's actually just water. I just need water. That's the secret, man. That's what a lot of people don't get, man, but you get it. Yeah, I get it. Water. That's the thing. And arrest me and throw away the key if I need to go wheeze. Lock me up. Lock me up, Jason. Throw away the key. Lock me up and put me in the corner and pull down my pants and have you away with me. Pull down my pants and have you away with me because I need to go wheeze every day.

2:51Keyzie:And look at your swollen, water-bloated testes. I don't store urine in my testes.

2:59Mike Minogue:What? Where do you store it? In my bladder.

3:03Keyzie:Right, okay.

3:04Mike Minogue:I've got a mate who always, it's a joke, obviously. Yeah. But he refuses to let it up, that he believes that your urine is stalled in your balls. Yeah, it's a good one. He's just like, well, it's just where it goes.

3:16Keyzie:I always thought that, you know, when you get the old snip-snip. Vasectomy or circumcision? Yeah, vasectomy, that you didn't jizz anymore. Oh. But I've since learnt. You were pleasantly surprised, weren't you? That you still jizz, but it just doesn't have the sperm. Spermozoa. No, it doesn't have the sperm. It does have the spermapazoa. Spermoapazoa. Is that the liquid? That's just the, yeah, the other shit. Because that was what initially started. And then where's the sperm going? It's just the tasty stuff. Where's the sperm going? The sperm, obviously, you get tied up. So it still produces, your testicles still produce, your testes, of course, still produce sperm.

3:59But they're just absorbed through the walls into your bloodstream. Right, then they just die. Yeah, they're just gone. So your blood is just filled with juice. With sperms. So when you get blood transfusion, if it's from a dude like a hoity J it's going to be full of jizz and STDs

4:20Mike Minogue:wow that seems like a huge decision you'd have to make so like someone's dying and they're like quick we need a blood donor and a hoity J comes over here take mine back in the day there'd be guys that would be like I don't want any of that blood it's got jizz blood so I've got a lot of jizz in my blood because I'm naturally blocked up it's a concern for me because I'm naturally blocked up. I don't know what's happened there. I'm just blocked up, right? So I'm shooting zero jizz, like I've had the snip. So some kind of a natural blockage has happened there, but what if it naturally unblocks and I become a father at 56?

4:57That'd be cool though.

4:58Keyzie:Just a flood of sperm. Not me. Mogi Minogi? He'll be in high school at the time.

5:04Mike Minogue:Yeah. I don't know if you guys recall

5:06Keyzie:this. I think I should have it professionally done. In the mid-90s where people were getting blood transfusions because that's when I donated back in the mid-90s. And there was just this outbreak of pregnancies. Right, because of your blood. I can't have your sperm and jizz. Hang on, that's such a, what,

5:26Mike Minogue:so you had a vasectomy in the mid-90s? Yeah, yeah, man. When you were 15. Yeah. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show Podcast.

5:41Keyzie:That's what actually stopped me from getting the snap snap was I thought I don't want to not be able to jizz anymore. Right. You know what I mean?

5:49Mike Minogue:Because you love spraying it around, eh? He loves it. That's your favourite part, is that? Like the messy after part?

5:56Keyzie:Yeah. Yeah, it's my favourite part. You like the shame. The shame of it and the humiliation. Does it look different? Nah. Tastes the same, everything. That's good. I'll take your word for that, Bogie.

6:10Mike Minogue:We might have to put a little warning on this one. Yeah, it still reeks. Yeah. It still reeks. Still burns the skin. Does spoon smell? Still bright yellow. It does, yeah.

6:20Keyzie:Yeah, okay. It reeks, man. It reeks, man. Especially yours. I remember actually reading this very good biography of Oscar Wilde when he was arrested and then subsequently put in prison for homosexuality. That's the gay stuff, Gisey. It's a big word for being gay. Oh, wow. The warden was talking about how it changed him completely and he just became a very broken man, but walking into his cell and it just stunk of ejaculate. Oh, really? And Oscar noted that, did he? No, the warden who was looking after Oscar Wilde. Oh, he noted that it stunk. I thought you'd get there and every sort of cell that you go to would already smell of ejaculate.

7:02Probably would.

7:04Mike Minogue:But also, how does the warden know what it smells like?

7:06Keyzie:Well, he's probably smelled his own ejaculate. smells like.

7:09Mike Minogue:Yeah, you do. No, no. You're not a mile away, Keezy. A mile away? I was going to say someone's jizzed a mile away from here and I'm like, man, something reeks of jizz. Yes. You're a sick bastard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially in the CBD. I can't come down here because it's just, I get a whiff of it from everywhere. That reeks of ejaculate. Yes. See, I feel like that warden's full of shit. Do you want to hear a good quote from Oscar Wilde, Keezy? This might inspire you, man. I think this one in particular. Righto. Be yourself, Keezy. Okay. He was very specific. I'll be Chris Key. Be yourself, Keyzy.

7:42Everyone else is already taken. You want another one? That's a goodie, man. Okay.

7:47Mike Minogue:We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Is that like some of us are aiming higher for that? Yeah, well, obviously.

7:57Keyzie:Come on, Jase, man, I'm learning.

7:58Mike Minogue:I don't know any Oscar Wilde. I can resist everything, Keyzy. But. Except. Oh, except. Come on, Jase. Temptation. Ah, it's funny. The only thing worse than being talked about, Keezy, is not being talked about. Yes.

8:15Keyzie:There's a famous story too, Keezy, when he travelled overseas. What are we doing? And he was going through customs and they said, Mr Wilde, do you have anything to declare? And he said, I have nothing to declare but my genius.

8:30Mike Minogue:If that was me, I'd be like, what a wanker. You'd get the rubber glove on that, but then he'd love that. Shot man Way to go buddy

8:37Keyzie:Oh there's Cool Keezy God he is looking weird these days Jase I know it irritates me When I reference Cool Keezy Well the issue is That no one listening

8:48Mike Minogue:Knows what you're talking about There's a guy that works here That goes past That we have dubbed Cool Keezy Because he looks Sort of nothing really like me The same as There's a cool haughty J That looks nothing like him I'm pretty sure it's an old woman It is Well there was a woman yes And then Cool Mogey Is the guy who walks Really straight up Oh that's right yeah Very oriental. That's right. Yeah, he's great. But he's spot on. So Cool Kesey wears all sorts of snazzy clothes. You know, he's an individual, baby, but he's sort of started getting a bit carried away. He's gone too far. Yes. There's a guy in Levin when I was a kid, and he'd walk around and he'd sort of dress like Cool Kesey, wear a long trench coat, dark sunglasses and that, and you'd often see him maybe sitting on a bench.

9:27We used to call him 006 because he was like a spy. Right. He seemed like a spy, but he wasn't quite, you know, so he was 006, he wasn't 007, you know. But I think he was, I don't know what the right term is, but I think he was mental.