OUTRO: Twiddling Your Green Thumbs

0:00Keyzie:For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok. Or Broad Doggy. 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horeke. Yeah man. Hello. G'day fellas. Hi guys. Welcome back. Yeah, welcome back. Welcome back. Good long weekend was it? It was a good long weekend. Yeah, no, it was lovely. A little bit of sun in that fellas. Yeah.

0:26Mike Minogue:Bloody good. Another one this weekend? Is it? No. Oh. Sorry, man.

0:31Keyzie:There must be one. I feel like there's one Jew again pretty soon. Don't we have a flurry of them? No, there's not. The next one's Easter. And then after Easter is Anzac Day. They're in the same month. Right, okay. You've got a bit of a wait. Yeah. I was Googling this yesterday. Yeah, after the long weekend. So this is good, isn't it? When's the next one? Yes. I'm liking this. It was really weird, though, wasn't it, guys? On Saturday, like, shit, it feels like Sunday. But it wasn't. Yeah. You see, it was Saturday. Was that weird? It was out of it, eh? It was spooky. Do you guys do anything fun?

1:04It was like when it's raining. Out of it, that is.

1:07Mike Minogue:No, it's not just when it's raining, Mogey. It's weird sometimes, like when it's hot and really humid. What's that about?

1:12Keyzie:My wife kept saying throughout the weekend, oh, we've got another day. Ooh. For that very reason. Thinking it was a Sunday and then going, oh, no, hang on. You'd love it. Hang on. Hang on a minute. I've got it wrong. We did have some fun. We went out to a water slide park.

1:28Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah. Here in Auckland. Yeah, out at that berry joint out at Riverhead. Oh, okay. Yeah. Fucking hell. They are printing money out at that joint. Really? There was a thousand people there. Yes. They've got the water slides. They've got a bouncy castle set up, which is a separate sort of a thing. And then you go and pick your own strawberries, charge you a million bucks for that. Yeah. You go and pick them. You pick them yourself. Get them yourself. Here's a bucket. Go pick them, you piece of shit. Yeah, here's a bucket. Go fuck yourself. They sell ice creams. Yeah. They sell pizzas. Fresh fruit.

2:02Mike Minogue:Oh, I've been out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great spot. It was really good. It was really good. They are having a few issues at the cafe. I was patient. Yeah. I was patient. Were you? I was. Yeah, good. But waiting forever, you know. Young people? Yeah, that's a trick, isn't it? And it's a funny thing because you employ young people, but you have to pay them the minimum wage, even though their brains hardly even work. Yes. You shouldn't be paying them anything. you should be paying them 15 bucks an hour and they get to learn how to do things because really why would I employ a young person if I have to pay them the same as someone that's got a brain do you know what I mean you should pay them less it's worth my while now they're an idiot but I don't have to pay them fuck all so it kind of works out they get a bit of experience what would the cut off be on that in terms of minimum age minimum age yeah So you have this bracket of minimum wage up here, and then you have this other bracket of you're a fucking idiot, and he's$15 now.

2:59I think probably$20. $20 is the minimum? I think$20 is when you're going to minimum wage.

3:04Mike Minogue:Something like that. Or even$18, I don't know. $15 to$20 is where you're on. Yeah, you should be paid less. You just should be because you're living at home. You're hopeless. And also when you get that kind of money, you just quit your job. You're like, who gives a shit? Yeah, totally. But we ordered a margarita pizza. And I've been up there long enough to know that I shouldn't just take the box and assume that there would be a margarita pizza in there. So I opened the box and there was some kind of a sweet chilli chicken number in there. I said, I'll have a margarita plate. And the young lass there, bless her, was absolutely freaking out.

3:41So she had to get her manager, who was also 15, to come over and was telling her it was all good, it's all going to be totally fine. And then we're waiting on a cheeseburger and chips. Yes. And we got nuggets and chips. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was just funny. It was all good. But, yeah. Because eat free sandals. And it's only, you know, 45 bucks for a pizza. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not as bad as that. But, yeah. But it was a beautiful day.

4:08Mike Minogue:When you ordered it, did you call it a Mogirida pizza? Mogirida. No, my wife ordered it. For some reason, I had a daydream of you ordering. Can I just get one Mogirida pizza and a Mogirida burger with fries, please? I don't know why that popped into my head.

4:23Keyzie:The thing is, too, about those strawberry picking places, you pick shitloads of strawberries, and then you take them all home and go, what the hell are we going to do with all these strawberries? But I will also say there is nothing. There's probably something better than this. You can think of a couple of things. But eating a strawberry fresh off the bush that is warmed by the sun. I agree. Holy fuck. It's pretty delish. That is unbelievable. And you never have them like that. You never have them like that. They're always cold and shit.

4:54Mike Minogue:Yeah. Real good, man. My mother-in-law's got a little strawberry patch, and you'll just go down there and forage through and just find it. Why does that sound like filth? Come on, man. She's got a little strawberry patch down there in Canterbury, and every now and then I'll sort of rummage through it. And there'll be like only two or three red ones. Yeah. But, Bo, they are beautiful. Succulent.

5:15Keyzie:Yeah. I tried to grow strawberries once in my little garden there. Yeah, we grow them. It was not successful.

5:20Mike Minogue:Right. That's crazy. Did you try going outside and ripping ass next to them? Like you do with your tomatoes? I should have. It might have helped me. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast.

5:35Keyzie:I tell you what, fellas, trying to tidy up my garden at the moment. Fuck, what a nightmare. I'm just going to get two big jerry cans of petrol. Why are you tying me that? Wow, because. Because if we don't, it's going to be bush real soon. Would you consider getting the landscape around? Oh, we have. They did the front of our house, and it looks beautiful. But you've elected to do the rest of it yourself? Well, not landscape, but just lawns and poisoning shit.

6:02Mike Minogue:Why don't you just pay, like, go on a website.

6:05Keyzie:I'm not paying anyone, Keezy. I know, I know.

6:07Mike Minogue:If you're going to come on here and gutsake about it. I mean, I love the content. There's good content. Yeah. But my mate, Guy, he paid some guys like 500 bucks. They rolled up in a van. There was three of them. They trimmed everything and hauled away everything in like four hours. And it cost like eight bucks. And it cost eight dollars.

6:22Keyzie:Can you get Guy to get in contact with me, please? Were they called three guys?

6:26Mike Minogue:It was called three guys in a van. Three guys. Three guys in a van for eight bucks.

6:31Keyzie:It's like the Truck Brothers that did my moving for me. That wasn't what they were called. They actually was, not the Truck Brothers. Oh, you got it wrong. Oh, you called them bros because they were mouldy. Oh, no, they weren't actually. One of them was. One of them was of Asiatic descent. Oh, yes. And the other was Pākehā. Oh.

6:50Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah.

6:51Keyzie:Palang. So it was a... Real menagerie. It was a melting pot. It was a melting pot of people.

6:57Mike Minogue:But, yeah, we just pay someone to come and clear that shit out, man. Because that sounds like punishing work. It is punishing. It's exactly what you use your money for.

7:06Keyzie:I can't be fucked.

7:07Mike Minogue:It's almost... You can't be fucked, what, paying someone or doing it?

7:10Keyzie:No, I'm doing it. Pay someone. Today, seriously, I was like, oh, fuck, this is bullshit. It is bullshit, man. But the thing is, we're hiring people all over the place at the moment, and it's costing us fucking fortune.

7:21Mike Minogue:Yeah, you've got dog squad money, man.

7:23Keyzie:I don't have any dog squad money, Keezy. You don't smoke durries anymore? I know. Do you vape? No, I don't smoke piss. I don't drink piss. You'd think I'd have lots of money. Yeah. And I do. But I'm just not. No, it's good. It's all good.

7:42Mike Minogue:This is the thing that I realised a couple of years ago. It's like I'm better off doing what I do for a living to earn a certain amount of money and then paying someone who's way better at that job than I am.

7:50Keyzie:I totally agree.

7:51Mike Minogue:Do you? Yes. Except you can't part with the money.

7:54Keyzie:Well, no. As I say, we've got the front part now. This is kind of just manual shit. It's not landscaping. No, but it's shit that has to be done by someone. Yeah. And then they're going to do the lawns, or so they say. Yeah.

8:09Mike Minogue:I don't know, man. Just get someone in there.

8:10Keyzie:Do you think I can just sort of wander over there and stand on the driveway occasionally and just peer over the place? I don't know why you'd bother. I don't think it's an issue, the landlord just sort of showing up. Yeah, just turning up and letting yourself in. Funnily enough. Now, can I ask you what's happened to the duck? Walter had to go. Where's he gone? Funnily enough, just on that, yeah, he's in the apartment. He's got his own little place. We do have a family. It's got a one bedroom on Queen Street. A mother duck and about six chicks, chicklings. Six chickens? Also known as ducklings.

8:46Keyzie:Ducklings that now permanently hang out in our backyard. Right. That seems to be their safe place.

8:54Mike Minogue:Oh, how good. Are you talking about your old house's backyard? Yes.

8:56Keyzie:I don't have a backyard in my new place. No, you don't. Well, unless you call a massive park in the entire city my backyard. I don't. I don't either. Okay. The tui's gone. Oh, good. Or he's changed his tune, which is another possibility. Might have died. Well, this is what I'm a little bit concerned about because given I've been rousing the neighbours up, if that bird turns up as a corpse in the backyard or something like that, the figure is going to be pointing squarely at old Mogi and I had nothing to do with it. Ironically, I've started waking up at 4 o 'clock anyway. He's trained me to wake up at 4, but he's not even there anymore.