OUTRO: Urethra Special

0:00Keyzie:For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Doggy. Four to seven every weekday on Radio Hode Aki. Yeah, man. And then drama. Drama. Before we get into the drama, did you shave today, Keyzie?

0:23Mike Minogue:Yesterday.

0:24Keyzie:Oh, okay. Was it yesterday? I thought you were going to shave on tomorrow morning. That was your plan. Yeah, I'm going to shave tomorrow morning.

0:30Mike Minogue:Oh, as well. Well, I mean, two days later, yeah, probably. You're a smooth bastard, man. I had a shave today, Keezy.

0:36Keyzie:Yeah. I normally don't shave, you know, all the way down. I haven't even showered today. Oh, no, you look fucking cooked. You look like a scarecrow. Yeah, totally, man. You wait till you see me in shorts. Just a mishmash of clothes that someone's found. Totally. I got home and things happened. I was meant to have a shower and I just didn't have time. Have you not showered since golf? No. Gross. I squirted some smelly shit on me, you know what I mean? We should get to the drama. Yeah, mogey, mogey. Talk us through it, mate. Okay, fellas. So this week, I think it was Monday or Sunday, I woke up with real sore kidneys.

1:17Oh, a left kidney. Yes. And just tried to walk it off, walk it off. You know me, Kesey, I'm a backbone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So real, and then it seemed to get better over the course of the day, and then it would be, it's a constant ache, but sometimes, especially in the morning when you wake up, it's like, oh, fucking hell. Right. Like really sore. But I barely feel it, I guess, because I am, as I said, Kesey, remember, a backbone. Backbone, yeah. And so that's been going on all week. And I just, I got to today, and with, you know, considering we're going to Fiji tomorrow, I thought, do I really want to be suffering from something severe, a severe health emergency when I'm in Fiji, when I'm in the islands.

1:59Mike Minogue:No, you do not. A trip I went on recently, oh, it was a couple of years ago, a woman had a severe health injury whilst in Fiji. Somebody died of a stubbed toe when I was there. She got something in her eye which turned into a severe eye infection and then she took an eye, not that. She didn't get ejaculate in her eye, Mo. Come on, man. Easy, you are a sick man. But yeah, she had to take a two-hour IRB, boat ride back to the mainland, went to hospital. They then had to – she was sharing a room with a dead person on one of the gurneys. Wow. That's shit chast. She then had to be flown back to Auckland.

2:38The dead person would be put on the floor.

2:40Mike Minogue:Exactly. And then she flew back to Auckland, and then they could properly look at her eye, and they told her that she's going to be blind for like a year, and it might not ever come right. Oh, that's all good. And that was one of our friends. I've been blind for fucking 30 years. You definitely don't want to do anything. Yeah. Well, on the bright side – so anyway, I didn't want to do that, so I went to the doctor today, and I just said, look, I just want to get a blood test and a urine test just to see where things are at. He did it there and then. So he said, urine is all tickety-boo. There's no concerns in there, except that there are traces of blood, which means you've probably got kidney stones, or a kidney stone.

3:18So it goes down there, and it's sharp, and it cuts the inside of your kidney, which leads to bleeding, obviously, and shows in your urine. And then now that I've thought about it, that is actually the pain that I'm feeling, which is what I had six years ago. I had it before, and I've just done a little search on whether it's true or not, but on ChatGPT, if you've got polycystic kidneys like I do, apparently you've got more chance of getting kidney stones. So that is good shit. Now, if there's a time you want it, it's right before you go away for 10 days to Fiji. Because when I tell you the pain of these things is absolutely beyond belief.

3:55beyond belief. Now, when I first, I was just telling Jason about this, but when I got these the first time, I'd been working myself to the bone, working on Wellington Paranormal all night. Then I'd come home, Jason and I had done talkback. We were giving notes. So I'd give notes on the edit during the day and then I'd sleep for about three hours a day. Great. And that was for six weeks. Finally finished on the last day, I was showing my daughter how to do a headstand and I wasn't even halfway through my bed and I was like, oh, fuck, what's that, man? And I went up to the bedroom to get away from the missus because I didn't want her to see me in pain because she'd never seen that before.

4:31Because you're a backbone. Because I'm a fucking backbone. Yeah. Anyway, I just thought it'll pass and then it got to the point I was like, ah, fuck. I think I have to go to the hospital. My God. So I grabbed Zar. She goes, do you want to get an ambulance? I was like, no, an ambulance is all good. So we jumped in the elevator because we were staying in apartments. By the time I got to the bottom floor, I said, get me a fucking ambulance, man. This is out the gate. Yes. Then they, on the phone to the ambulance, by the time, they eventually, I said, you don't need an ambulance. You need to be dead before you can get an ambulance in Wellington.

5:02So that was good. Went there, put me on a morphine drip, which was amazing. Yes. Fucking amazing. And then normally you pass it really quickly, but I didn't. And then they let me out the next morning. It had gone. Then it'd come back later that day. They put me back on the morphine drip. It didn't touch the sides. So A-class opiate being pumped into your veins, and it didn't even knock even a minuscule edge off the pain.

5:35Mike Minogue:You should have got an epidural, man. I should have got my head chopped off.

5:39Keyzie:I remember -

5:40Mike Minogue:But get the full spine-numbing.

5:42Keyzie:Spinal, yeah, spinal. I remember one of our teachers at our school had them, and he was a really mild-mannered dude. Yeah. and he said when he was talking about them afterwards, it was fucking agony. Yeah. Because you've got to imagine like a stony, crystal-y kind of little blob there just going through the veins and stuff. Well, it's not even so, Matt. The problem is ultimately it's in the kidneys, and so it's trying to get out, but it's making its way into your urethra. Yes. Which is in your penis. So it's coming out. So you've got to piss it out. So it's going down your fucking piss hole, and scratching the fuck out of your urethra.

6:22Keyzie:Yeah. So sometimes they can be so big and they can tell this from a scan that they have to laser them in your body because it will not make its way through. So what I was trying to do today was get a scan, an ultrasound, to find out if I've got them and also what size they are. But I couldn't get them because they're full up because the time is, what is it, quarter to four? So I couldn't get in there, so I'm just going to Fiji and hoping for the fears. Yeah. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. Apparently if you, when you pass them, if you put a little sieve there.

7:07Keyzie:I was just thinking that. Then you capture the bastards, they are worth a bomb. And they make like rings and shit out of them. Now that's right. Now listen to this. A study comparing renal colic, which is the pain from a kidney stone, Kesey, versus childbirth. Yeah, because I've heard that this is the same as childbirth. Found that among women who had experienced both childbirth and kidney stones, 63 % said that kidney stone pain was worse than childbirth and 16 % said the two were similar. So you're talking about four out of five people say it's as bad or worse than childbirth. I would imagine, because I don't know if you guys know this, I'm not a woman, but that childbirth would be a kind of generic, wavy, generic throbbing pain, whereas your kidney stone would be a very sharp, gnarly, specific pain.

8:03The other thing is that you know when childbirth is over because you've got a baby. Yes. But you don't really know when you're – I at no point knew that it was over. Can you start pissing into a sieve? and then kept it. Now that rings a bell actually. I think that's what I did. Yeah. So every time I went for a piss, I had to piss into a sieve so they could tell if I passed it or not. Or a colander.

8:24Keyzie:That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If the sieve's being used. That's a good idea. A colander's probably got too big a hole in it. With just someone's hands. Can you piss into - You just catch it.

8:32Mike Minogue:Yeah, I'll catch it. I'll catch it. Can you piss into a sieve and then once you're done with it, like take the little thing. Yeah. And then just hide it in one of Jace's salt grinders. Yeah. And just not tell him. And it's uric acid. And then after a year. It's calcified uric acid. After a year, be like, hey, Jase, man, you've been having plenty of salt lately? And he'd be like, yeah, why? He'd be like. Yeah, guess what? That was in my down series.

8:54Keyzie:Yeah, because I carry around and have with me at all times a salt shaker. Do you? That's weird.

9:01Mike Minogue:My pop used to do that. Really? Salt and pepper in his jacket pocket whenever he went out for dinner or went anywhere because he's from that generation. No longer with us. but he's from that generation where all they ate was just like boiled meat yes it's so like when pepper and salt came out it was like you fucking put heaps of it on yeah yeah um but that's that sucks moggy man yeah it's not great man it reminded me great is if i had it happen after i got back yeah totally yes after the 10 days this it reminded me of when we were going to hoody jay's batch and then you got sick the day before i mean obviously it was double booked and we had a shit time oh Oh, yeah.

9:39Keyzie:I mean, I won. You won. Definitely you won on that occasion, man. But it reminds me of that, and it's a damn shame. It is, yeah. I mean, look, I'll be honest with you. The pain isn't so bad that I can't drink through it. I was going to say, maybe drink it. Very, very clear about that. Drink through it, yeah. I will be. Well, I imagine the alcohol will dissipate it. Or make it worse. We're going to find out one way or the other. But, yeah, I guess the longest it can go through is a couple of days. But what I am worried about is golf. So I think I'm probably just going to drive. I don't want to make it – I don't want to exacerbate it or expedite.

10:13Mike Minogue:Right, so that'll be interesting because that means there's three and two. I'll still be – I'll be out there. You'll come? I'll come. I'll drive – I'm assuming we've got buggies. I hope so. No, we definitely will, yeah. Yeah, so I'll be involved with that for sure. Yeah, okay, cool. But also I'm more and more tempted to just go hard and then just have it happen and it'll be done in a couple of days, you know? Yeah. Definitely still take the club, see how it goes. Yeah. Oh, wow. I'm going to pay the fucking motherfucker.

10:39Keyzie:Might put your putting off a little bit, though, if you're passing a kidney stone. Maybe that's what you've got, Jase. Yeah, quite possibly. Fucking putting.

10:49Mike Minogue:Fucking hate it. Come on, man. It's all G. Listen to the Big Show, 4 to 7 weekdays on Radio Hauraki. On Radio Hauraki. On Radio Hauraki. Radio Hauraki.