OUTRO: What A Day

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0:15Keyzie:Oh, g'day fellas. The Big Show. Yeah, man. With Keyzie.

0:20Mike Minogue:Friday Big Show.

0:22Keyzie:Come on, man. Pugs set me up today because normally he plugs my headphones in, but he didn't today and he made me look like a fool. Oh, that's not the only thing making you look like a fool. No, I'm sure. How's your day been, Philz? I'll tell you, do you want to know about my day? Yeah, sure. It's been a hell of a day, all right? You guys know some of my day, but here's some more of my day. I'm trying to remember the bit at the start. So I got up and we had somebody coming over to fix some stuff at the house. So I had to clean the house because you can't have people coming to the house. That's a tip.

0:57and having it look like how you live in a house, which is how they live in a house. No, but it can't. But you have to pretend like every day, you know. So I spend the morning, I'm putting the washing on, I'm cleaning the kitchen, I'm running all the washing through, a whole bunch of stuff going. I've got my daughter there with me. I'm up at like 5.30 because that's when the wife gets up to go to work. So doing all that carry on, I'm loving it. Old Mogey's loving it. Well, you're an early bird, Mogey. You're an early bird. I'm an early bird. Yes. And then I hear that you feed the cat meows. Then you've got to get the cat immediately into the litter tray.

1:43Right, okay. Immediately into the litter tray. Yes. So the cat goes in the litter tray, all good. Then I'm sort of wandering around and I'm like, can you go and check the litter tray again because I can smell. Poos. She's like, no, there's only wheeze. The daughter's only wheeze in there. It's a big one, though. So she goes and puts that. She takes that and puts it into the toilet. She's doing good, actually, with that. She's not complaining. I'm wondering. I'm like, still smells like shit, man. So I walk into my bedroom. So the smell of shit is really strong. I have to move a whole bunch of stuff.

2:15My daughter agrees. It's probably in that room. I move some stuff on the bed. The cat has taken a massive shit in the middle of our bed. old bitch Chris and so that was that was mint so pick that up now for the five billion I've never washed a duvet in my life oh they're a bastard the amount of time the length how long have I had that the cat six weeks eight weeks washed it five times I'm effing and jeffing now I'm not happy

2:45Mike Minogue:what do you think it is about your duvet that attracts poos and wheeze I tell you what man if you have people wandering around cleaning up after you that's the first place I'd be taking a shit. Being very comfortable. When you think about it, okay, the toilet's good because you're keeping your house clean. If I've got servants, first place I'm taking a shit is on the middle of someone's beautiful white bedspread. I would love it. Have you seen Birdshit Chris doing it? No, because I tell you what, Birdshit Chris would be flying against the fucking wall in record time if I caught it. I tell you what, man.

3:18But I think what we need to do is have two separate litter trays because if it's got a humongous piss in the tray.

3:24Mike Minogue:I thought you were going to say beds. One for shitting. A dummy bed. Yeah. Then if it's got that piss there, it won't go in it because it's dirty. So it regards that as dirty. So it only wants to go somewhere clean, which is the middle of our bed. What if, yeah, true, okay. I was going to say, what if you put, every morning you spread cat litter over your bed? Yeah, that's a good idea. Let's encourage it. So then I've got a bunch of emails that start coming in. Oh, not good news, Keezy. Really? Oh, just like the pressure's mounting on old Mogey. Oh, God. Okay? So that's going on. Something else happened that I was fuming about.

4:02Something happened anyway. So I go in there. I've got to sort these emails out, put the coffee down. I'm typing away there. I then spill my entire coffee all over the keyboard for my computer. I look at that. I stand up. I grab the keyboard, and I smash it on my desk. Is this at home or at work? This is at home. At home. I smash it on my desk. Have you ever done that before? Probably. No, I wouldn't do that at work. And I immediately felt a billion times better. That's good. Just got it out. Yeah, got it out. And then I cleaned up all the coffee. Now, when I smashed my keyboard on the table, it sprayed coffee all up the wall.

4:43So now I'm cracking up while I'm cleaning up. Got to clean the floor, wipe everything down. Fortunately, the keyboard still works. But then I've got to clean all this stuff up and then I've got on with my day. Keezy, sorted everything out by the end of the day, all tickety-boo. But I did need to get that out because that was a cancerous tumour that I was holding inside. Yes. So that's been my day. And then you know the rest of my day.

5:06Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. How was your day, Jase?

5:17Keyzie:It was really interesting, you know, because speaking of -

5:20Mike Minogue:quickly how bad your day was. His was way worse. Yeah, I know.

5:25Keyzie:Well, no, it just reminded me, talking about cat litters, and when we moved into the apartment, because Jez is very good, she always uses the litter. But when we were in an old place, she always did it outside in the end. Right. And for about five or six days, there were no poos in the litter at all. Right. That's suspicious. What? But there was no smell of poos, and it was like, what's going on there?

5:56Mike Minogue:Was she just constipated, maybe?

5:58Keyzie:Well, my daughter was beginning to freak out, and it might have been just the change of scene, and she was like, hang on, I'm not shit until I know what I'm doing here. Yeah, they're not big watery drinkers. You have to really put them in front of the water bowl to make them drink it, and the poos on this cat are very pebbly, very pebbly poos. Yes. And you actually have to end up putting water into their wet food to make their poos a bit more consistent. But now what she does, she does midnight steamers. Oh, yeah, right. So she goes to, when we go to, I'm not looking at you in particular, Keezy.

6:36Mike Minogue:Are you sure? Because you've got a massive grin as well while you're saying it.

6:38Keyzie:But she, and it's when we go to bed and she does a midnight steamer. And what I've also noticed when she does do poos always, God, she fucking is fucking around with it for a long time. They love her buries. They're very good at burying. They just scratch and scratch for literally 10 minutes. They bury it. Oh, 10 minutes. Yeah, 10 minutes. Yeah, that is annoying. Well, she's bored. The cat actually buries the piss and the poo. And the poos. Whereas the dog just flicks it. Throw cushions on it. So the dog would take a dump, then turn around and look at the poo, and then be flicking dirt under its legs, while looking at the thing it should be covering.

7:17Yeah, you're right. Useless.

7:19Keyzie:Absolutely useless. It's massively choking. The cat's amazing. You should see it shit on my bed.

7:24Mike Minogue:And I like to picture it shitting on your bed and then it like grabs a few throw cushions, some of your shirts. Yeah, that's right. Socks all in a nice pile.

7:31Keyzie:And the issue too, the issue now have is however much you wash it, there is going to be the smallest iota of smell that she detects. Yeah. And so she'll keep doing it there. Yeah, yeah. We've got to get some help with it. The problem we've got is we missed her vaccination, so we can't let her outside. So we've done that vaccination. Now we've got another one next week, and after that she'll be able to go outside. That might change things. What about old jizz?

8:00Mike Minogue:Have you taken her out at all? Old jizz.

8:01Keyzie:No. Poor bastard. I think she's kind of settling in now.

8:07Mike Minogue:Okay.

8:09Keyzie:Your cats hide outside. My daughter put her on. People watch this from the window. Yeah, going, fuck, I wish I could get it. Sorry. It freaks us out because it's really high up, and she just sort of goes right to the edge and walks from one ledge to the other. And we're like, oh.

8:26Keyzie:But my daughter put a harness on her the other day for walking. They don't like it. It was one of the funniest things. She was like, what the fuck is this on my body? The dance that they do trying to get it off, yeah. She was like squirming her body around and going, what the fuck's on me? Yeah. She didn't like it.

8:44Mike Minogue:But if you try it again and then take her outside and she associates it with that. Well, you've got to keep on putting it on until they get used to it, and then you take it out. It takes ages. So we're doing that with our cat as well. But I don't know that I want to be walking the cat in the park.

8:58Keyzie:I mean, that's fucking weird.

9:00Mike Minogue:That's a huge humiliator. I reckon that's hilarious.

9:02Keyzie:I mean, my daughter would be in. She wouldn't give a fuck.

9:04Mike Minogue:No, but she'd be fine. Well, it's that kind of a neighbourhood, though. There's another mad bastard out here, and this one's walking a cat. I mean, you're having a new flavour. If I see your daughter walking a cat, I go, oh, that's funny, a cat on a leash. But if I see you walking a cat, like that's really funny.

9:18Keyzie:Look at this fucking old reberger over here. But I also will say that there's a lot of dogs in that part. Oh, yeah. And a lot of dogs that are not on leads.

9:26Mike Minogue:In the middle of the city?

9:27Keyzie:Yes.

9:28Mike Minogue:What the fuck?

9:29Keyzie:Their owners don't put them on leads and they just trot around and it's like,

9:32Mike Minogue:oh, I don't know that I'd be that confident with jizz in a little harness