OUTRO: You Can Lead A Horse To Water...

0:00You good to go, Jase? Yes. Turn it down. Yes. For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok. Or Raw Doggett. Four to seven every weekday on Radio Horete. Oh, g'day, fellas.

0:22Keyzie:Now, look. Let's just get it right off the bat here. What? But we need to lay off the filth. Mogi, I'm looking at you especially. I've seen how you've... You just said come on, guys, as soon as we came in, and I'm the piece of shit. I see how it's permeated deeply into Keezy's soul. And now he's dropping the most atrocious lines.

0:50Mike Minogue:So what he's talking about is, what's the song that goes, oh, Puddle of Mud Blurry? Yeah. You know, we take it all away. And then when I walked in, I said, and you shoved it in my butt. And Jase was like, Keezy, that's disgusting. And I was like, it's just a little joke, man. It's fine. This is what I'm talking.

1:08Keyzie:Now, I also want to reiterate. Music lyrics is filth. That's absolutely right. This is not an excuse to then indulge in filth like you just did. But I was just explaining. Yeah, that's right. And can I say that Keezy used to hate because I always sing along and put filth into lyrics. Always have done. Really? And Keezy never liked it, but now it's grown on Keezy. That's what I'm saying. That is what I'm saying. So, Jay, sometimes, you know, the show's going to take turns here and there, and you just have to go with it, man. Keezy also made another comment to me yesterday, and I'm not even going to go near repeating it.

1:43Keyzie:What was it? Can you say what it was or what people have? No, I cannot say what it was. What people have? And I was just like, Keezy. What was it in reference to? Oral sex. Yeah, what was it? No, I'm not telling you. I have no idea, man. I've got no idea what it could be. Pugs also, I mean, he's a filthy bastard anyway by nature. He's now dropping some clangers.

2:08Mike Minogue:Can I just say, I don't love Mogi's adding filth to lyrics, right? Because me adding shoved it in my bar, it goes along with the lyrics and it makes sense. Whereas Mogi will be like, no. No, you can do filth. I'm only saying no because I take exception to that. I'll do some very good work around those lyrics. When you shove on my buzzies or something, it doesn't even make any sense. No, it's much filthier than that.

2:35Keyzie:It's much filthier than that. It's also filthier, definitely.

2:37Mike Minogue:But I feel like I finesse it a bit more.

2:40Keyzie:Because what I'm in danger of is being permeated myself. And I, every now and then,

2:48Mike Minogue:You are filthier.

2:49Keyzie:Now that I get, when I'm at home, a clanger will come out and I'll go, fucking mogie. Hang on a minute. My wife will go, excuse me? And I'll go, oh, that was Mogi. That was Mogi talking. That was fucking Mogi. Can I say, I take great exception to this. At the start of this year, I said we need to clean this show up. Yes, you did. And I was met with nothing but resistance from the two of you. And so here we find ourselves. No, no, no, come on, Mogi. I was saying we can't have this kind of content. People turn it off in their cars. They don't want to listen to it with their kids. We need to broaden our audience, fellas.

3:27We've got to think big. We've got to grow this show. And you both said, fuck that, Mogi.

3:32Mike Minogue:No, no, no, no, no. Like, that is like, I don't know. I can't even think of a metaphor to explain Mogi suggesting that we clean. Nevertheless, I did. Didn't I?

3:42Keyzie:And then instantly you broke it. Yes, that is absolutely true. You did mention that, and then you were straight back into it, leading the cause of hell. Charge, thank you. The charge, yes. And I was just like, ah.

3:56Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. Jase, I know for a fact that you actually like filth, though. No, I don't like filth. And here's the thing. You're always ripping ass.

4:09Keyzie:Keezy was a sweet young kid when he started this show. Was I? And he's with the soul of a 70-year-old man, if you will. Still have it. But now it's just permeated. Yeah, an old man. Filthy old bastard. Yeah, he's a filthy 70-year-old man. Like what he jizz. Who's just high on the prescription drugs. Hang on a minute. Who's always talking about having a huge piece, a sex swing in the house, dillies? Not me. A case full of dillies? I will fully acknowledge the sex swing. And the dillies. The dillies. But, you know, that's not... And talking about having a massive downstairs. That's you guys setting me up for that.

4:52Keyzie:That is you guys going, go on, Jay, say it.

4:55Mike Minogue:You can lead a horse to water, but we're not making him drink, man. You can't make him jizz. And look, even me, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him jizz.

5:09Mike Minogue:Can we get a t-shirt, Pugs? Can you order 1 ,000 t-shirts?

5:16Keyzie:You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him jizz.

5:20Mike Minogue:Can you write that one down, Jason?

5:23Keyzie:No, that's quite funny, that one That would be a really good That would be a good t-shirt I'd wear that So many people would wear that And so many other people would say What is up with your t-shirt? My wife wouldn't like me wearing that No Well, this is the other thing that concerns me Is your lovely wife Don't be fooled by appearances, man She's a shocking bastard She is a bit filthy Is now having to put up with Keezy dropping absolute shockers in the In the home environment But is that true? You don't know that that's happening? She rang me up She calls me in tears In tears Saying what's up with old Keezy I mean he is Is that what you call the old Keezy?

6:11Mike Minogue:He's so filthy at the moment No, my wife has quite a dirty sense of humour at times. Yeah. So does mine, actually. Yeah. You guys are shocking.

6:21Keyzie:It's rubbing off on you guys and you're bringing it to work, and I've had enough. Here's the thing. My wife can get away with saying stuff at home that I would never get away with. The racist stuff. No, she's not racist. You say it in anger. She has said some absolute clangers, and I'm like, excuse me? That would be more shocking than you, Mojie. Yeah, right. If I were to even delve into that area, she would cane my ass.

6:49Mike Minogue:You wish. Well, look, how about we just make a promise right now? Well, why don't we do it today? Let's do the zero filth extravaganza. All right? I'm just looking at our planning sheet to see if it's possible. What have we got? Yeah, no, we're going to do it. We're going to do it. Explaining the thromber. Sending Jase on a farewell tour. The whorefrost in Twizzle. Your topic is the whorefrost. Well I saw a video last night It's called The guy said We've got a whore frost In Twizel I've actually heard of that Yeah thank you Yeah So what am I meant to do about that Sports preview I guess that could be misinterpreted So we have to ditch the whore frost I don't know how it would be Do we have to do it today The No Filth Friday I don't see why not Well it's come up today It makes sense from a podcaster's point of view That they'll hear this And then they'll hear the show The Zero Filth Yeah yeah yeah Special Zero Filth Friday Yes Is that new thing Yeah totally man No it's just a today We'll see how we go.

7:41Mike Minogue:Okay. We'll see how much it. Does that mean we have to rename the Throbber? No. Which is? We're not six, Keezy.

7:49Keyzie:We're not giggling at Throbbers. Come on, man. Grow up. Yes, we are. Throbber. Oh, that's so rude and dirty. See, that's your 70-year-old man coming out. Well, hang on.

8:00Mike Minogue:Am I six or am I 70? I was so confused. Okay, we'll keep the Throbber then. But everything else looks pretty clean. Jase joins a good bitches baking group Can't have that That's filth No it's not What are you going to do with it It'll end in you You know What Being disgusting In what way I don't know Whatever disgusting way Your amazing mind can think of It is an amazing mind I'm not excited for the show now I'm actually I am

8:31Keyzie:Because I Because I see Like old Pugsun in studio he's kind of our barometer yes thank you that's the word I was looking for and sometimes of late he's been head in hands going oh no that's how I know that we're doing well because his PC level he's very sensitive so I know if he's going redlining we've nailed it

8:55Mike Minogue:yeah we're right on the edge there he's like a very very precise like when an earthquake's happening what are they called? There's the old, Richter scale, right? It's the old version. But anyway, very precise one that shakes even if there's an earthquake like 200 miles away. He's constantly shaking. He's just, oh, yeah. He's quivering the whole time. Okay, there it is. And so it's good. Whereas if we had Jason. If you look out the window and he's got his head in his hands, you know, that's, mwah. You've nailed it.

9:26Keyzie:Okay, yeah, maybe I'm misinterpreting that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how much we've been knocking it out of the park because he hasn't taken his head out of his hands. For the last week. Yeah. Well, I'm trying to figure out... Well, actually, why don't we also do a big poll? Is the big show too filthy? Binding Referendum. When are we doing that today? We can do that today. Big poll. We've got to keep it clean, Keezy. We're better than that, man. Let's see if we are. We are better than the filth that comes out of your mouth.

9:54Mike Minogue:Okay, so you're telling me we're going to do a show that relies on genuine clever humour and wit. Yes, correct. Rather than just knob gags. Yes. Okay, your funeral. This is the big show, 407 Weekdays, Radio Hauraki.