THE DISCLAIMER: A Close Shave

0:00For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Doggett 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horete. Oh,

0:18Mike Minogue:g'day fellas. Hello. Got a bit more energy today there, fellas?

0:23Keyzie:Yeah, I... It got down bars yesterday, wasn't it? I had a good sleep actually, it was really good. But I did something very embarrassing walking to work today. Dick out. Oh, I was doing dick out. That's standy. Yeah. Still embarrassing. Yeah, why would that be embarrassing? It's sort of a hideous looking bastard, isn't it? Is it? Because of that crook circumcision you've got. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, the scarring. Yeah, with just that ankle sock. Yeah, yeah. Which actually looks literally like an ankle sock. It looks like one of those gold top socks. Business socks. If you want a sort of visual of it.

0:54Keyzie:I don't. I do. So imagine a Shakespearean actor with a ruff. Yeah, that's right. You know, the big ruff. That big ruffled collar. Collar. Then imagine that sort of the colour of dead skin. Yeah, grey kind of look to it.

1:11Mike Minogue:So a Shakespearean actor with a ruff on that's had the plague.

1:14Keyzie:Yeah.

1:15Mike Minogue:And that's just sort of hanging out of your pants. Yeah. And that's sort of slopping around.

1:18Keyzie:No, but what I actually did was I walked down to the end of my street there, to the lights, had me uggies on.

1:26Mike Minogue:Fuck's sake, your ugg boots.

1:28Keyzie:And I was standing there and I went, that's what I said, Keezy, I went off for fuck's sake. I've got my ugg boots on. It's coming to an end, isn't it? It's drawn to your clothes. I had to walk back and change me shoes. Were you wearing a dressing gown as well? No, because we'd already been out for a massive - And he had hair curlers in. We had breakfast and a lovely walk around the city. In your ugg boots? No, in my normal boots. Oh, no, I wore my blondies this morning. No, you didn't. That's such a lie. No, you didn't.

1:58Mike Minogue:Those are gone. Those are in the fucking wardrobe forever.

2:00Keyzie:And so then I got home and put my uggies on. It's interesting, isn't it? Because that's the beginning of the end for you. Is it? That's it. Yeah. I do a similar thing, but I do it on purpose, which is I drop my daughter off to school if I don't walk her. I just go in my pyjamas. Oh, yeah. Because I don't get out of the car. The principal opens the door at your drop-off area. Oh, wow. They get out and then you just take off, you know.

2:20Mike Minogue:The principal does it. Yeah, she likes to have contact. It used to be the caretaker. Yeah, right. And now they've got the principal doing it. Wow. But yeah, like wandering around in your fucking undies, that's, yeah, that's no good. Never mind, you had a good run? You had a good run, man. I did have a good run. Did part of you think about just leaving it and just coming into work? For a moment, yeah. A fucking oath you would have thought. Yeah.

2:40Keyzie:Well, they've got quite a thick sort of plastic sole on them. They do. So it's like. Yeah, but you look like a drongo. Like my daughter wears them around town. Yeah, but she's like cool though. Yeah, well, she's not. Yeah. What on the drive-by? No, she's pretty cool.

2:55Mike Minogue:What colour are your uggies? Brown. Brown. Do they have, like, white fluff? No. Yeah, the fluff. That means you can wear them around the outside. Do you know what I mean? If they've got a band of fluff around them, as if you're going for a walk through the streets of Aspen. Yes. You know?

3:10Keyzie:Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's amazing, actually, in terms of, you know, wearing your pyjamas, the amount of people that do wear their pyjamas around the place. Right. And supermarkets and shit. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Yeah. And pyjamas as well. Pyjamas is a thing. People are just comfortable. No, that's what I mean. You said I'm so comfy. People wearing pyjamas. Oh, yeah, yeah, as well as I, but yeah, yeah. 100%.

3:29Mike Minogue:It's a disgrace. So many people are wearing pyjamas out west. It's weird, eh? What's the difference? It's just clothes. I guess so. No, it's shameless. Yeah, it's terrible. No self-respect. It's a lack of effort. Thank you. Do you, when you're at home, do you look like shit? Do you have your I don't like shit outfit? Yeah. Yeah, I do too. Yeah, totally I do. Because I come in here and I look pretty good. compared to what? I don't know. Compared to who? Just the universal scale of looking good. Yeah, compared to parts. But when I'm at home, like, I haven't had a shower. I've just woken up. I've hopped into my green sweatpants, green hoodie, and put my woolly socks on.

4:04Mike Minogue:I look like shit. And I'm just on the couch. I mean, I look great, but I'm just wearing those things. So I'll be wearing my black trackies, my black hoodie, my crocheted warm winter socks, and then I'll have my Ugg boots on as well. Socks and Ugg boots with crochet warm. Wow, your feet must be on fire. No, it's pretty good. It's cold in the house. Oh, yeah, true. I have my black trackies. Stains and shit all down the front.

4:30Keyzie:A big grey old sweatshirt and my Ugg boots. Do you wear undies underneath you? Yes. You do? Sometimes I don't. It's annoying, isn't it, Keezy, when you put yourself away but you haven't really shaken enough and there's just piss all down your leg. You're saying that happens to you every day and you love it. Because you're a shocking birth. So you look like shit and you smell like wheeze. I've covered them. But no, but to answer your question. Yeah, that's correct, Jase. Yeah, for about an hour. For about an hour. Well, basically until I shower. Which is at two. Well, yeah, it depends what's going on.

5:03Because I might just work from home. In which case, I'm not getting dressed.

5:06Keyzie:Yeah, yeah. The Horaki Big Show.

5:08Mike Minogue:Weekdays from four on Radio Horaki. You know how good the Horaki Big Show podcast is? Yeah, I love those fellas. Backbone. Yeah, backbone. You get it. You've got to get around the live radio show. Oh, you? When's that? Four to seven weekdays on Radio Horeaki and iHeartRadio. Backbone. Nice. The Horeaki Big Show Podcast. Do you ever have those days where you just stay in your I look like shit clothes and then you go to go to bed and then you go, hang on, I haven't had a shower. Yes. And then you just go to bed anyway? Yeah. Yeah.

5:44Keyzie:Yeah, I do.

5:45Mike Minogue:I haven't had one of those in ages.

5:46Keyzie:No, neither, but I have had those days. You're right. You know what I mean? Where you just go, oh, fuck it, who cares? What kind of shaver do you guys use? An epi lady. Well, funnily enough, I use - I believe that. It's a bit something or other, but it's a - The blue one? For the woman's, for woman.

6:07Mike Minogue:You use a woman's razor?

6:08Keyzie:You know, a twin. A twin, I'm on a triple. Yeah, I'm on a triple. Anybody worth their salt's on a triple. Is on a triple, yeah. If you're on more than that, you're pretentious. You're a prick. Yeah, but they're shit. Two blades is plenty for me. No, it's not enough.

6:23Mike Minogue:You need three, man.

6:24Keyzie:You need three. Because you've shaved, Dave.

6:25Mike Minogue:You've had a shocker. You've just shaved, and you're prickly as. Why were you touching me? No, I can see it. Yeah. Yeah, I was touching you.

6:33Keyzie:I shaved yesterday. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You need to treat yourself, man, to a Mac 3. Nah. Have you ever used one? I love this. You wouldn't even know how.

6:41Mike Minogue:He's still got the bulk pack plastic bag of the thin blue Bix. Yeah, they're the ones. Fuck off you have those. Yeah, I do. I'll send you a pick. Have they got the floral thing up the side? No, they're blue.

6:53Keyzie:You wouldn't know that they're necessarily. There's also the orange ones that are the same thing. Yeah, no, I don't like the orange ones. They've got to be the blue thin ones.

6:59Mike Minogue:Out of curiosity, talk us through your shaving process. Okay, get my dick out. Okay. Your face shaving process. because mine is shaving gel. Rub it on my face. They're foaming. Where are you though? You haven't started from this. I'm in the bathroom. I'm in the bathroom. I look like shit. Where are you though? We're in the bathroom. My house. Standing in front of the sink. My house. I'm standing in front of the sink. My back is to the bathtub. Yeah. And I'm looking in the mirror. Now under the sink, it's a drawer I've opened. We're already different. Right side, my stuff. Left side, Lucy's stuff.

7:30Mike Minogue:So I've grabbed out my shaving gel and the part that makes me different is I have two razors. Where was the shower in this setup? bathtub's behind me showers not literally we are in your process of the day when did you last shower this is after my shower thank you because your skin's all soft and supple supple I've got two razors one for down strokes to take the head of it off and then one for a closer upward shave because I noticed that I'm with all respect for you Keezy

8:02Keyzie:that's fucking

8:02Mike Minogue:but when I knew I was doing this is going on the show This is going on the show This isn't even that fucking interesting Kesey has two razors That is weird That is just so Jase walked outside with slippers on 100 %

8:17Keyzie:Unnecessary You expect that though don't you

8:18Mike Minogue:But it's just so My oldest one My oldest one Is the down I go boom boom boom Get the worst of it off And then use my newer one To do the final clean shave And it lasts fucking ages that way My razor heads Lasts ages Whatever man Shocking Come on man Don't yuck my yum No Talk us through your process Well my process is to talk about your process On the radio show That's number one Every time you shave Number two Is I have a shower I shave in the shower In the shower Have you got a mirror in there No Do it all by feel Kesey I know I know I know my face Like the back of my hand So I have my shower I might be conditioning My wig What do you call it again My hat So that's sitting on a post in the corner and while that's conditioning

9:10while that's conditioning I shave