THE DISCLAIMER: Acts Of Service

0:00For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horeke.

0:15Keyzie:Oh, g'day fellas.

0:19Mike Minogue:Hello. I've seen the name of this podcast has been changed, hasn't it? Has it? It is the disclaimer. Oh, how good. I like that name. I think it's good. Yeah. The disclaimer. Yes. So when we plug it on the radio show, we say, oh, and here's a clip from the disclaimer. Yeah.

0:37Keyzie:I think so, yes. Our podcast is a disclaimer. And it saves us any admin if we get a bit filthy. Just assume it's going to be. Filthy. Penis. Cuck. Penis isn't filth, Keezy. What do you mean? Nothing wrong with a penis. Some of the ones I've seen. Oh, true. Shockers. Shad. And I've seen a few.

0:56Mike Minogue:I've seen a lot. He's had a nap. I've had a nap. Yeah, he's got nap eyes. I had a nap and I woke up in there at 22. Had an hour-long nap while I was out. And then I had a shower and then I made a coffee. You can see that here. I'm not lying. You feeling bulletproof now? And I had a little sandwich that my wife had made for me. I brought that in. That's over here. Walked out the door. Didn't put on any deodorant. Do my hair. Anything. I was halfway down the road and I was like, oh, Jesus. Was it I look and smell like shit? I'm the man. Was it your second shower? It was actually. I can't leave the house without a shower.

1:33Right. But I'm trying to do less because just the bills. We're trying to see what are the things that have an effect on your bills, specifically electricity, electricary. The house that we live in, it's got underfloor heating in the bathroom. Lovely. Yeah, it's nice. But we've got like 400. It's crazy. It's like a$400 a month electricity bill, which is fucking outrageous.

2:02Keyzie:Well, especially this time of year, it's your heaters generally that really – I remember we used to almost double our bills during winter. Well, we've got a heat pump and one other heater. So the heat pump should be all right. But, yeah, so we don't use the underfloor heating, but fucking hell it's cold. It is. Cold without it. I'm actually amazed because we've only got one small gas heater, and you know what our ceiling is like. It's really high. It is a high ceiling. This isn't going to warm the place up, but it bloody does. The only thing is we don't have anything in our bedroom, so we have to warm up other ways.

2:43Keyzie:Boom. Yeah, I hear you. Shagging, man. Rooting. Hot water bottle. Hot water bottle. I used to love a hot water bottle.

2:52Mike Minogue:I've never seen my wife as happy, seriously, as last night. She went to bed. She was really tired. We watched the end of Outrageous Fortune. Another great episode. God, it's fucking good. Was I in it? Nah, thank God. Nah, but just fucking brilliant. It's just so funny. This one's about the grant. I'll talk about it on TV. On the TV segment. But while she was in the bathroom brushing her teeth, I had already pre-boiled the jug, filled up her water bottle. Oh, yeah. And then I was like, oh, my God, put that in the bed where she sleeps. And then I put it in. And then she was like, oh, man, I really want to fill up my water bottle.

3:23Mike Minogue:I can't be bothered. Open bed was in there. Yeah. She's like, babe. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. And then I went in there and I was like, what? She's like, that's so nice. Acts of service. Boom. Acts of service. The Horaki Beach Show, weekdays from four on Radio Horaki. Oh, g'day, mate. Oh, hi, mate. Yeah. Look, if you want the chance to win all our on-air competitions and stuff and get amongst the live conversation, tune in to the Hauraki Big Show. Four to seven weekdays on Radio Hauraki and iHeartRadio. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. We talked about this yesterday, my wife and I, I think acts of service and physical touch are our main two.

4:10Mike Minogue:Yeah, totally. Looking out for each other. Mine's not acts of service. Mine's kind words and physical. Words of affirmation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're all good, man. I used to actually lie on my wife's side of the bed before she got in. Like tell lies? Yeah. I love you, babe.

4:31Keyzie:And just wriggle around until it was sort of warmed up and then wait for her to come to bed and then move across and my side would be freezing. See, that's simp stuff right there.

4:43Mike Minogue:That's too far. There's nothing wrong with you. That's pathetic. What a piece of shit. That's kind of creepy. That's nice. I do and my wife found out this morning Because I make her a coffee every morning I've only really realised Because I've been trying to work out what her thing is But she loves acts of service as well She doesn't like getting out of bed in the morning So I make her a coffee So the tradition is coffee for her And a piece of toast in bed For my daughter who jumps into bed on my side Just drags crumbs and shit all through it Which I then lie on when I get to bed at night It's good stuff, good wholesome stuff But because it's so cold I take the coffee cups there and I fill them up with hot water.

5:22Nice. Before the coffee goes into it because otherwise the coffee cools down in the freezing cold cups. Well, that's where your power bill's going, mate. That's right. But my wife got up and she saw it and she said, oh, my God, you're heating up the cup. I said, that's right. I do that every morning for you. And I never tell you. I never tell you. Now, you owe me.

5:42Keyzie:I don't expect any praise. Little did she know it was the first time you've done it. That's very common practice with your cups of tea as well. People sort of warm up their cups and stuff. Well, that's not true. I've never heard of it. I've never heard of it. Oh, really? I'm the first guy to do it. Okay. Old moogie over here. Yeah, that's true.

5:59Mike Minogue:It's called mogeying the mug. Yeah, you're moogie the shit.

6:02Keyzie:We alternate the coffees, and I often -

6:05Mike Minogue:You go burnt one, undercooked one, burnt one. You go burnt one, your wife's delicious one, burnt one.

6:13Keyzie:I am genuinely guilty of gaslighting my wife quite a bit on that front. And what do you say there? She'll go, oh, whose turn is it? And I'll go, yours. Right. And she'll go, oh, is it? I thought I did. No, that was me. Is it hard to gaslight her when you're giving her the silent treatment at the same time? It's good because a couple of times she's been – one time she was out in the kitchen and I heard her go, hang on. Yeah. No, I didn't. She remembered. I once convinced a girlfriend that she... I'd already jiggled in bed there. After I'd ripped a fart, I once convinced a girlfriend lying next to me that she'd done it.

6:53That is disgusting. You're a real catch, you know that? I really am, eh?

6:58Keyzie:I'm a piece of work. You're a shocker.

7:00Mike Minogue:Well, you did put on a bit of a gaslighting clinic yesterday on the show with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never been gaslit like that. In what way? Yeah, you're imagining things, Keezy. I was like, wow, this is what it feels like, man. You can see how it worked. But yeah, hot water bottles, fellas

7:14Keyzie:Hot water bottles, there you go I think we might don't have them anymore, actually But I did like a hot water bottle They've got them now And it's a great invention I saw one, I saw them in the shop there And I thought, nah Then of course my wife bought one But they're three feet long I was thinking that last night

7:34Mike Minogue:I was like, man, a long one would be nice You like a long one, don't you, Kizia? Yeah, dick-wise

7:42but also disclaimer baby how wide was it just the right words for you brother yeah good you can take it it is not as wide as the traditional one but sort of like you get the like so my daughter's got it and she gets like a snake yeah it's pretty it's pretty good yeah but again water but try and use it to water the garden we don't we never do we never have that's a lie but if in an ideal world we'd water the garden with that shit water

8:08Keyzie:Because that's the one thing about a hot water bottle is that you're constantly having to manoeuvre it. Like I have it down by my feet initially. Were you going to say tootsies? Tootsies. And then you have to sort of move it around a bit. Tootsies, yay.

8:25Mike Minogue:Last night, so picture me, it's 11pm, I'm in bed. Yeah. I'm lying. Oh, yes, your wife. She's fast asleep. The Shakti mat is on my, I've pulled back the covers, put the Shakti mat down, I've lay on top of it. Old man Keezy, they call it. I've got my legs, my feet are up so that my knees are pointing up, if you know what I mean. Yeah, I do. I've just brought them towards my body. I've put a water bottle on my feet. Heels to Nass. Heels to Nass, not quite, but yeah. Yeah. Hot water bottle on my feet and then a little cushion on my chest here with my laptop on it. You've got one of those breastfeeding pillows.

9:01Mike Minogue:And then I was, nah, I want one though. You mean the triangular ones? The ones, yeah, yeah. And I was watching a guy on YouTube camping in Alaska with my hot water bottle on my feet and my shark team.

9:13Keyzie:I love that stuff. It's so good, eh? It's really good.

9:16Mike Minogue:When I'm going to sleep, it really makes me sleepy. Yeah, it sounds good. Oh, it's going to get cold.

9:20Keyzie:What I love in those environments is hot tent camping where they construct a little hot box in their tent. I was just going to say hot box, and you love hot box. And they put a little tube out the tent and have fires inside their tent. Those stoves are amazing It's really good I love it Yeah I've got an electric blanket So I guess I'm rich Is that Yeah that'll be That'll be why you have A massive bill We had a chat about this What we do is It just takes the edge off Yes And we've got the flannelette sheets And then just turn the bastard off Every night It goes up to nine Yeah We have it at four Fucking nine Every night we get into bed It's the same thing Which is You can't get it up Oh god Oh god Oh god Don't worry about that, Mogi.

10:07Keyzie:She's raging. Jase, just admit that you can't get it up. I can't get it up, fellas. Just temper her, you know, it'll poke its head up and then go.

10:22Mike Minogue:What were you going to say, though? You hop in bed and it's really cold. Yes, it's like, Jesus. Do you have the blenolet sheets? Yeah. But they are better than the summer sheets. Yeah, cotton ones are fucking brutal. Yeah, they are. I can't believe you. Keezy, your wife would love a flannelette shit. She hates them. Does she? She loves, she, I've figured this out, she's very much form, I'm very much function. Right. You know what I mean? So like she loves the look of how her bed looks. Oh, yeah, right. And once it's warm, she loves it. And in summer, she loves it. Right. But I'm like, yo, let's put some fucking fluffy bastard.

10:50Warm shit on this bastard.

10:52Keyzie:No, they're good. I like a bit of flannelette.

10:56Mike Minogue:Oh, totally. And when we go down to her parents' place, the bed we sleep in has flannelette sheets and an electric blanket. She doesn't want either of those two things up in all kinds of places. but she loves it down there yeah it's really nice down there not in my house but our bed looks nice not in my yeah it's fucking mental isn't it nah it's all G oh no I'm not saying it's not good put a little water bottle in there man why would you assume that well I don't know you said fucking mental fucking mental case hey listen to the big show wait listen to the big show radio show four to seven weekdays let me just say up the warts yeah man up the fucking warts