THE DISCLAIMER: Birthday Back Paddock

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0:15Keyzie:Oh, g'day friends! Hello. Hello. How you feeling, Jase? See, rearview mirror was in the 600s. Really? What's that about, man? That's bullshit. What are we voting on here? What are we doing? What the fuck was going on? What are we doing? That it's a great song. Exactly. Did you guys vote for it? No, I did last year. You did, didn't you, mate? I did. Yes. But I'm outraged. I am filthy. I'm okay, thanks, Keezy. I'm a little sore.

0:46Mike Minogue:Yeah.

0:46Keyzie:I'm a little achy. But other than that, I'm tickety-boo.

0:50Mike Minogue:What have you been doing, Mogey? Working. Working for you, actually, today, Keezy, you fucking arsehole. Why are you working for me? What the hell? Hey, man. I'll work for you, brother. Might have something for you, Keezy. Might have something for you, brother. Oh, God. I'll let you know. Oh, God. A little something for old Keezy over here.

1:09Keyzie:Is it in the sort of October area? Is it going to be around then that he has to potentially do this? Cancel the old Japan trip. This could be for years, Jase. Wow. This might be a long-term obligation for old Keezy over here. Obligation. That sounds great. Yeah, you'll love it. You'll absolutely love it. Nice. But you never know. Keezy will probably fall apart. nothing will happen. So what I'm not doing is getting your hopes up. Yeah. I don't even know what it is. I know.

1:33Mike Minogue:What if it's something I'm not even interested in? Oh, you'll be interested. Oh, is it like cars or buzzies or like NRL or something? But yeah, good day. Jolly good day. Oh, beautiful. Isn't it great? I was up at my desk at five o 'clock in the morning. Wake up, get up. Yeah. Sun comes up. Bloody beautiful morning. Go for a walk. All of that's true except I didn't go for a walk. Oh, I was going to say. Good for you, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and Jace went for a four-hour walk. Yeah, how did that go? How badly did you two lose his fight?

2:03Keyzie:It shooed us up and spat us out, mate.

2:05Mike Minogue:It fucked me up, man. It fucked me up. It was like watching Cameron tour Cameron. Cameron tour Cameron. Nice.

2:13Keyzie:And at about the midpoint, he said, I think, Hoity J, it's time for you to take me out to the back paddock.

2:19Mike Minogue:I actually said, I don't think I'm going to get any better at golf. It might be back paddock. Yeah, right. It might be a lost cause.

2:25Keyzie:Yeah. How many holes did you play? 18 today. nonetheless it was shit but beautiful day as you say Mogey and at the end of the day it's a bad problem to have it's a good it's a bloody good it's a beautiful spot it's fucking hard to walk but it's all good

2:42Mike Minogue:yeah yeah yeah we're blowing the cobwebs out Mogey yeah that's what it was all about man what do they say there my

2:51Keyzie:I've got something along the line of is it my wine is too sweet My steak is too Something great You know like Thank you very much I've never heard that before

3:04Mike Minogue:So the audience wouldn't have heard that My lobster is too buttery My steak is too juicy Ah So having Something really great going on But you're still finding reason to complain Yes Oh no it wasn't great Yes That was shit It was fucking brutal You went for a nice walk I said to Jace I'm out playing golf A lot of people Keezy And most of the people listening Would have been hard at work Probably hard at work now Listening to you complain about One round playing 18 Yeah, well, they didn't do like the best they did. It wasn't a double bogey. Literally, the entire day, the best hole I got was a double bogey.

3:34Mike Minogue:What does that tell you? That you suck? That I fucking suck ass. But I knew that going in. A fat ass. I'm there just sucking on it. I think you're eating it. And I was saying to Jase, I was like, this might be my best ever birthday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's quite good. How long did that take? Four minutes before he brought up his birthday. Keezy, you love your birthday. Happy birthday, man. How old are you, Keezy? Happy birthday to you.

3:58Keyzie:Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Keezy. Come on, man. Happy birthday to you. And many more. Thanks, guys. It was weird, actually, because I was speaking. Havap! Oh, hooray. We don't do that. Havap! No. Hooray. I was speaking in my life. Oh, hooray. Thanks, Bugs. Why was he born so beautiful? Why was he born at all? He's no other use to anyone. He's no other use at all. I've never heard that before.

4:43Mike Minogue:How old are you? 11. 25. No. 13. Bugs. The Horaki Beast Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Horaki. Oh, g'day, Matt. Oh, hi, Moe. Yeah. Look, if you want the chance to win all our on-air competitions and stuff and get amongst the live conversation, tune in to the Hauraki Big Show, four to seven weekdays on Radio Hauraki and iHeartRadio. The Hauraki Big Show podcast.

5:15Keyzie:I was speaking to my wife about half an hour ago, and I mentioned it. I said, oh, it's old Keezy's birthday. She said, oh, it's his birthday today. and I went, yeah, it is. And she went, oh, that's cute. Did that annoy you? When you said it's old Keezy's birthday and she said, is it his birthday today? And you said, well, what did I just fucking say? I didn't say that. You thought it. And then she said, oh, that's cute. And I was like, why is that cute? He's 35, for God's sake. Nothing cute about it.

5:41Mike Minogue:He's on his last legs. Was it because we play golf on my birthday?

5:44Keyzie:Yes, maybe. Can I ask, how are your partner's rebirthdays? Mine is meticulous.

5:50Mike Minogue:What do you mean?

5:51Keyzie:She knows everyone's birthday. She's got a calendar. She never misses one. I miss them all.

5:58Mike Minogue:Yeah. Well, Facebook tells you everyone's birthdays.

6:01Keyzie:Wow. If you're on it. If you're on Facebook. He's too busy ploughing through the old... Yeah, my busies. I tell you what, I tell you what. My busies. I made the mistake on Instagram there of commenting on a Trump video. And you know how I feel about that. And it's under my name. What was your comment? No, it was on a video that he was on, and I just, in the comments, made a comment about it. And someone had a go at me, and they went, hoity jizz. Was that all they said? No, no. They banged on a bit. Yeah. But anyway, I thought, oh, yeah, okay. But I liked his comment, and I thought, that's a good thing to do with people like that, is when they give you shit to like their comment because what do they do with that then?

6:55Keyzie:That's right. They go, oh, oh, he liked my comment. I hope it puts... Did he realise I was dissing him? Did you delete your comment? No. Good. I hope it puts it in my feed so I can see. What did you say? Oh, no. We don't do politics in this place. You brought it up. Yeah, I know. But it was just that thing of, you know, I've had one of those, I've had a couple of little run-ins today. I'm looking forward to the other one. And I'm like. Oh, I'm looking forward to the other one. Did you ever run it? Yeah, with a stranger. Fuck you, man. Yeah, yeah. Here we go, the Mold Hoodie J. Oh, this morning.

7:27Mike Minogue:No, no, after we left. No, no, after we left. From golf.

7:33Keyzie:And I have a little ritual. I will tell you on the show. Right, okay.

7:36Mike Minogue:Look at old Keezy. Was it once you were back home in town? No, no, no. It wasn't someone at the golf course? No. Okay, good. That's what I was worried about. No, no. You guys are banned. It was left. So Horty Joe's fucked it up. We can't even play at the course anymore.

7:50Keyzie:They're so lovely out there, though. They're really nice. But anyway, good day.

7:54Mike Minogue:Yeah, man.

7:58Keyzie:How'd you go comparatively? Well, here's the thing, Mogi. Here we go. I had a couple of rounds of 91 out at Waitakere. That's fucking good for me. And since we've been back, I've had a couple of blowouts. I think, what was I today? Keezy 102 or something horrendous.

8:16Mike Minogue:I don't give a fuck, man.

8:18Keyzie:Keezy was about 187 or something. Yeah.

8:21Mike Minogue:The funny thing about playing with Jase is he'll go, I've had like three, I've had two triple bogeys in a par on the last three par threes. And I'm like, cool, yeah, I had three triple bogeys and then I triple bogey the next one. And then I triple bogey. But he's still the one effing and jeffing about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

8:38Keyzie:Well, he's got higher standards than you.

8:39Mike Minogue:That is the thing. I've got no standards.

8:41Keyzie:And I was about to say to Keezy, because when you're looking for positives, when you're looking for positives when stuff's not going well. And I was about to say to Keezy before he played his shot, well, you know the good thing that I've noticed, Keezy, is you're not losing many balls anymore. But I held off that comment, and then he played that shot straight into the bush. Oh, damn it.

9:02Mike Minogue:And then I teed it up again and did the same thing again.

9:05Keyzie:Into the bush, and I went, oh, I'm glad I didn't say that. That was the one silver lining that didn't exist. It's a hell of a game. It is. Tell him a guy. What's happening tonight then, old Keezy man? Bit of lovemaking.