THE DISCLAIMER: Dole Life, With The Fellas

0:01For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Doggett. 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horeke.

0:16Keyzie:Good afternoon, gentlemen. Back bonus. Hello there. How's everyone going today? Yeah! Beautiful day, actually. A bit windy. A bit chilly. A bit stunning, though. A beautiful day, man. Bit nippy. Bit nippy. Stunning. Bloody beautiful. Very happy with that day out there, man.

0:33Mike Minogue:The problem is you live in the CBD now,

0:35Keyzie:and so there's big buildings blocking you. I've got so many problems, I don't even know where to start with me. There's big buildings blocking you. Have you got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one? Nah. Oh, a bitch is one. I've got a hundy problems. But what? What were you saying, Keezy? Because I live in the CBD. Why? Because there's tunnels, wind tunnels.

0:57Mike Minogue:What the hell's a CBD? Why? You're adding an extra letter there, Jase. There's too many letters you made. No, because the big buildings block out all the sunlight and shit. Out west, it's just fucking bright blue everywhere, trees. Burnout smoke. Refuse. Fireworks. Dog poos. Yeah, there's dog poos out west. Grafancy.

1:18Keyzie:Nah, no. Abandoned cars.

1:20Mike Minogue:I think, Jase, you would admit that you have seen more action of that nature living in town than out west.

1:26Keyzie:Actually, yeah, just on that front, you've just reminded me. Three arrests today.

1:31Mike Minogue:Outside your house? Yep, three. Fuck yeah.

1:33Keyzie:One at about 7.30 in the morning, an absolute horror of an argument. What time? About 7.30. An absolute doozy. What was the problem? I don't know. There was just a lot of F-bombs. Bit of silent treatment. A lot of F-bombs being dropped, and then the police van turned up. Bit of a tussle on the pavement there. Oh, yes. And then the cops running off because someone else is running off down the street and there's a bus coming. So they're obviously looking to get on the bus and piss off. Oh, that's a good getaway plan. Yes, the cops were like, no, no. Stops 50 metres up the road. Yeah, but there were three of them today.

2:10Keyzie:It was full on. I don't know what it was. Maybe the wind. The wind? Well, Thursday. And Thursday. Thursday is a, because back in the day, the dull day used to be a Tuesday. For me, it was Thursday, Mark. Then they started mixing it up and it could be different days. Yes. Different days. That was good because then you didn't feel so much like you're a bludger, even though you were, because it got spread out a bit, you know? Yeah. Because when it was just the Tuesday, everybody knew you were a bludger, you know, when you're getting your money out of the bank, et cetera. Yeah, yeah, for sure. For sure.

2:42Mike Minogue:Yeah. You should go on the Dole, Keezy. It's good fun. Well, I was just thinking I've never been on the Dole. I wonder if I ever will be on the Dole. You pretty much have been, though. You've been a student. Fuck yeah, yeah. Doing jack shit. For three years, I was probably the equivalent. Yeah.

2:56Keyzie:I like the idea my tax dollars are going to people that are just chilling. Same. Because I did that for a while. Fill your boots. 100%. You need a bit of time out sometimes, man. And let me tell you, you're not living the life of Riley. No. By any stretch of the imagination. Oh, God, no. But what you get to do is just have a little bit of a think. Yes. A bit of a chat. Talk about the state of the world with your mates. Play chess. Get stoned. Drink piss. Yes. And eat toast. And eat toast, yes. It's sort of, for some reason, wallow around in your own filth. It's not a very clean... No, it wasn't for me.

3:35Keyzie:What if someone came along... Well, that's because you can't afford cleaning products.

3:38Mike Minogue:If someone came along and was like, hey, fellas, you're going to go on the dole for one year. Yeah. Would that be all G? But why are they saying that? If it's compared to what I'm doing now, then no, I'm not keen on that. I've already done that. But if you're going to pay me to do it, then I'll do it. No, no, you're just going to pay me. Because I'm busy. I'm too busy to do that. But if I was forced to... For a year. It would be fine. Because I know I can do it. Same. As compared to doing alone, I couldn't do alone. I couldn't go out into... Oh, the TV show alone. Yeah, yeah. I couldn't go out into the middle of nowhere and survive.

4:13Mike Minogue:The Horaki Beast Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Horaki. Now that's good listening. And it's live. What are you listening to there? Oh, me? Oh, sorry. I was listening to the Radio Hauraki Big Show. Right. Four to seven weekdays. Yeah, that's quite specific. And iHeartRadio. Wado. Cheers. The Hauraki Big Show Podcast. Hang on, Pugs has got a hot take on this, fellas. If it was 100K at the end of the year to go, if you were on the dole for the whole year, would you do it? No, it's still not enough because I'm busy.

4:56Keyzie:What do you mean if it was 100K they were going to give me?

4:59Mike Minogue:You go on the dole for a year and that's all you get, but at the end of that you get 100K. But you have to do it now. You would do it? I'd do it. Well, what about if the other way of doing it was something's happened in the world and everybody has to go on the dole and the question is how would you cope? My answer to that would be absolutely fine. Same. I'd be okay as well, but I'd get batshit in about three months. Yeah. Yeah. I'd get batshit because I'd run out of stuff to do. No, you wouldn't. You've got your video games. Nah, they get old real quick. For me, gaming is something that I have to do once I've done other stuff.

5:38Mike Minogue:Otherwise, it gets old real fast and you feel like a piece of shit. I think you'd be right because you do stuff around the house. You do gardening. You do all sorts of different stuff. It's all freak easy.

5:47Keyzie:I would spend a lot of time fishing. For compliments? Yes.

5:53Mike Minogue:For boogers out your nose, your honker. For change down the back of the couch so you can buy some darries. Fishing your fucking jee-banger out of your ass. Fellas, please. It's good stuff.

6:08Keyzie:It's very different now for the young folks out there getting on the dole. I tell you what, my daughter's tried. No cerebral.

6:18Mike Minogue:Daddy's on dog squad money. Yeah, exactly. In terms of trying to get on the doll. But if she moved out. Really? She would then be able to get it.

6:27Keyzie:Yeah, but then she'd move out and have to try and find somewhere to live. She should find somewhere to live first. Eat about 90 % of what she gets. 100%. God, I hate it, baby. 100 %? Well, pretty much a hundy. Hundy P. You get accommodation allowance, which is separate, and then you have your living. Yes. You know?

6:46Mike Minogue:Yeah, right, okay.

6:47Keyzie:I remember I got off the dole and I worked, and my first week of doing this job I got paid 700 bucks and I was like, holy fucking hell. Yeah, that's right. That is amazing, which it is and was back then. I just couldn't believe it. I didn't know what to do with myself, so I got massively steamed. Yeah, that's right.

7:14Mike Minogue:Yeah. Save none of it. No, of course not. If you're single, 25 years are over, you get$372 a week. Sure. If you're single and 18 to 19 years living at home like your daughter, Jase, it's$276 a week. Living at home, that's pretty good. And if I was you, I'd take the lot. But she can't because old Horty J's dog squad money.

7:38Keyzie:Yeah, because what do they call them? Means-tested. Means-tested, yeah.

7:42Mike Minogue:And it's pretty fucking low, like the amount that they'll say, no, you can't have it. And it's like, well, that's actually not a lot of money at all. No. But, yeah,$370 a week, tough. Well, it's not easy. No. They're not there to encourage you to do it, but you can do it. My brother-in-law has just moved into a place, St. Mary's Bay, overlooking the harbour and the bridge and all that,$200 a week. Wow. So he'd have$176 up his sleeve. You can live on that. Is he flatting? He's flatting, yes. Of course. Yes, Luke, yes, yes. Right, yeah, cool. Yeah. That's a good spot too. It's a great spot. It's a beautiful, you said it's a better view than you've got.

8:21Hands down. How many people in the flat?

8:23Mike Minogue:Five total. Five total. Weirdly, he's on a, it's got two kitchens. So it's on a, there's a self-contained unit to one side. They must have grand living there or something. And then there's another side that's got most of the bedrooms. Is it an old villa? It's not a villa. No, no, no. It's an old, it's sort of a, maybe it was built in the 90s or something like that. Right, okay. I was going to say, because a lot of those old weatherboard ones, they're like split down the middle and turn into two dwellings sometimes. No, no, no. It's somebody who had money at some point.

8:50Keyzie:That was my sort of flatting life in Ponson being all around those areas where just massively old villas that were falling apart and freezing cold.

8:59Mike Minogue:Yeah, fuck. Well, it's like Dunedin. Freezing cold. Dunedin's like that, except for it's colder. Yes. Like my flat in Christchurch was a shithole. Going back to that now, weatherboard bungalow, I had a giant room with a giant bay window.

9:10Keyzie:Weirdly, like the place, my joints were really nice, but they were just fucking cold and old. They weren't done up or anything like that. But they were really pretty nice joints. It's weird, isn't it, the system we've had for building houses? Yeah. They don't have to be cold. They just have to keep you out of the wind and the rain. But outside of that, you can get fucked.

9:32Mike Minogue:They don't have to be cold. They don't have to be warm. They don't have to be dry. They don't have to let light in. No. Yeah, back in the day, no one really got it. But the style is because it's the shaky aisles. So it's all the weatherboard and everything because of earthquakes. That's why they're in that style and there's not a lot of brick around. Yeah. But Jesus, she's cold. Like in the UK, I think people from the UK come down here and they're shocked. Yeah, because everything's brick there. And double glazing and all that sort of stuff. When you find a house that's got gas internal heating.

10:04Game changer. Oh, God, what a life. Yes. What a life.

10:07Mike Minogue:I've never had that. I've never even seen that. I've had that. It's unreal. You see the vents on the floor, you know? Oh, along the, okay. These little vents that are about maybe 150 mil by 80 mil or something like that. Right. In the corners of each of the rooms or somewhere in the rooms, and it's just pumping out from down below the house. Beautiful. Gas, gas, just firing up. See, my dream combo. Burning up those fossil fuels. Is the Horty J combo, except for you got rid of your wood burner. It's the wood burner for when it's really cold and you want to be in the lounge and be cosy and the heat pump.

10:40Keyzie:I still miss... Yeah, you want the gas.

10:42Mike Minogue:I miss my fire. I like cutting wood and lighting fires. No, no, no. You definitely want the fire. You want one of those mass ports that it's either sort of cold or a billion degrees and you're walking around in your undies. I love that. Yes. But then the central heating means it's not like a heat pump. You've got this one system of heating under the house or wherever it is, and then it's got vents off to every room in the house. So every room in the house is warm. You don't go, oh, shit, now I've got to go down the hallway and it's fucking freezing and your bedroom's freezing. The whole house is just beautiful.

11:13Keyzie:That's exactly what it was. So our lounge would be toasty as, and then we'd walk down the corridor and be like, fuck, a completely different environment. And I used to fantasise and have designs in my head of tubes going out from the fireplace into the rooms. Well, you can't get that. Yeah, I'm sure you can.