THE DISCLAIMER: Footy Stars

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0:14Keyzie:Oh, g'day fellas. Backbone. Hello. Jeez, we had some technical dramas. It's going to be a slightly shorter potty today, so we need to talk really quickly, okay?

0:26Mike Minogue:Well, no, I think we just do this shorter but the same sort of speed. Yeah. But we just ramp up the quality of the chair. Right, okay. So it's like a concentrated sort of like this is really good, shorter but it's really good. Really focused. Yeah. Sometimes shorter is good, you know. Yeah, I agree with you, man. But not height-wise.

0:47Keyzie:Well, I mean, it depends if you're a scrum half it is. That's true. You know, you don't want to be a massive six-foot scrum half, Keezy.

0:55Mike Minogue:You know Jase can't pass with his left hand, man? I do. Have you noticed that?

0:59Keyzie:It's a sore spot.

1:00Mike Minogue:We've been chucking around the footy, and it's like, Jase, pass with your left hand. He's like, I can't, but you won't even try, man.

1:04Keyzie:Yeah, no, well, like, Kesey's trying to get me into a social rugby team. No, prems. Prems. Well, he's not. He's just annoying you with it. Yeah. And I know that if I actually played a game of rugby, I'd have a heart attack within five minutes. Someone would deduge me, and I wouldn't get up again. One of those things when you're at school and you're just like, oh, I hope that guy gets it because I can smash him. Yeah, I can smack him. That guy I can smash. 100%. Well, you know it. Yes. And then that person gets the ball and everybody just goes, yay, and they try and smash that person. But like – My mate used to be like that and he'd just throw the ball over his head.

1:41Oh, the ultimate coward move. The runaway throw the ball over your head. It was smart.

1:45Mike Minogue:Just quickly, Jase, so you're not keen to play a season of Prems at halfback? No. Because college rifles are interested.

1:51Keyzie:I remember the amount of grief I used to get doing umpiring, and that was just through Moon TV. And, you know, it's very hard to be taken seriously. But that's as a ref or umpire. I'm just imagining you putting the ball in the scrum and taking an eternity to get round to the number eight's feet. Exactly. Exactly. And because I'm a top radio DJ, I'd be targeted, Keezy. You could commentate it as you went. When he spins it wide to Keezy on the burst. Boom. Yeah, because I'll play with you. He'll also play in the Prems. Yeah, he'll be on the wing. Sure. In really tight shorts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%.

2:29Why tight shorts? And never get the ball. No, that's right. Just freezing, just teeth chattering out there on the wing. Yeah, just chattering. Hugging yourself.

2:37Mike Minogue:But my jersey's nice and clean. Yeah, yeah. 100%.

2:39Keyzie:You don't get dirty or ever go on the ground the entire match.

2:43Mike Minogue:What position did you play, Moggy? I played, excuse me, second five in wing, and then they put me at fullback. Wow. Which was a nightmare. I hate fullback as well. Because I was so unfit. Yeah. And also when someone breaks through. For that. And it's like, oh, cool, so I'm just going to. I distinctly remember one of those occasions, actually, Keezy. Distinctly remember that. They score between the posts? Well, it's one of those ones where you can either go as a two-on-one. So it's a simple case of draw and pass. What did you go for? I went for the intercept. Did he dummy it or pass it? He passed it.

3:20He did pass it at least. Yeah, right, okay. But that always sticks with me. I should have put one of them down. One of the guys' names was Omar Hidani. I should have just smashed him. Yeah. I went to school with him. I went to primary school with him. If he hears this, just know, you'd be saying, oh, at the moment he'd be saying, oh, you couldn't smash me, Mikey. I would have absolutely smashed you to pieces, Omar, and you'd know it. What year was this? Oh, should we go back a ways now, there and there. Yeah. What would that be? 90. 93? Yeah. Oh, mate. 1993. How about you, Keezy? Five.

3:57Mike Minogue:Two. Two. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Oh, g'day, mate. Oh, hi, mate. Yeah. Look, if you want the chance to win all our on-air competitions and stuff and get amongst the live conversation, tune in to The Hauraki Big Show, four to seven weekdays on Radio Hauraki and iHeartRadio. The Hauraki Big Show Podcast. Why don't we line up you and Omar again and we can replay it? We should do it again. And so Hoidi J, was Omar the one passing or catching? Catching. So what we'll do is we'll have Hoidi J running, passing it to Omar. Yeah, Jase, I just need you to throw one up so he has to catch it over his head and it just opens up his ribs.

4:41Yeah, so you can hammer it.

4:43Keyzie:You've just reminded me of a situation. Hit-a-noi, actually. Hit-a-noi. Me. I used to play flanker, and I remember there was one game and we had our biggest. How old were you when you were playing flanker? Seventh form with third formers. And it was the biggest crowd that we'd had on the sidelines at home. Four. No, there was quite a number, and we were winning by two points with about one or two minutes to go. You butchered it. And this guy got a break and I heroically, as the last man standing, sprinted after him and was about to deduce him in the corner and he just sidestepped me and scored under the bar.

5:24Keyzie:Fuck yeah. And we lost the game. I remember that so well and everyone was just going, oh, fuck, Jase. What did you do? Did you dive? He was going down the sideline and I was cutting across. Oh, and he stepped in. And he just went, dush. And I just stopped and went, ah. Absolutely done yet. He did me. He totally did me. Far out. But it was because I was running at full tit. Yeah. So that when he changed direction, I was like, oh, I was fucked. You're committed.

5:52Mike Minogue:They always step in, and it always works. It always works. Yes. Don't know why. So this is why when we play Collar Drifles next season, which is coming up soon, actually. No, it's next year, going into winter. You'll be able to redo that and fucking nail it, man. You just have to start doing your shuttles, Jase, running your shuttles. You'll have to do the beep test. I'll get you a headgear. Oh, you're going to need a headgear. Yeah, totally. Do you want shoulder pads? Yeah, probably. We'll get the full American football. Gridiron kind of look. Knee support. Some of the kids when I used to play wore, and even through high school, wore shoulder pads and shit.

6:30Yeah, there was a period there, especially with the NRL where they were doing that, and then they got rid of them.

6:35Mike Minogue:Yeah, because it looks fucking weird.

6:36Keyzie:Did you guys play with any guys that went on to do really well? I played with a guy. He was in the first 15, but he was two years younger than me called Slade McFarland. Oh, yeah, he was good. Was he Taranaki? Yeah, no, Blues. He played the Blues. Did he? Yeah, for quite a while. He could play the Blues. He played for the Blues. I'm pretty sure it was the Blues. Well, I was born in. At school, he was like a unit. Right. He was a hooker. He was a big guy. But then when he left school, he just went, and became this enormous man. Oh, no, that's not who I was thinking about at all.

7:12Mike Minogue:I think I played against Sam Kane once. He's a monster, isn't he? Right. Before he was like, yeah, this was probably like 14 or some shit. That's it.

7:19Keyzie:I played against a few good cricketers. Adam Porori I played against. Porori. Do you know he climbs Mount Everest? He was so, he played for St. Kent's. Hateable. I get that vibe about him He must have been hot A lot of people don't He's a good looking fella Yeah And he had all the gear Oh yeah And he also had some idea as well Yeah he was a good player Yeah But he just rocked me up the wrong way Yeah Do that to a lot of people though You would have been jealous I'd imagine Yeah probably Because I had my like flared Yeah Sort of Cricket pants Because you looked like shit

7:53Mike Minogue:And sucked at cricket And couldn't climb Everest Pretty much Yeah it's not a great combo You got down there

7:58Keyzie:He hadn't climbed Everest at that point But you could tell he would. He would. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we'd hear all about it. He'd write a book about it.

8:06Mike Minogue:Whoa. Me and Everest. My own personal Everest. With me, Perore. Perore. Perore. Perore. So you're not keen then on that? Because I'll tell them we're not keen for rugby.

8:21Keyzie:Absolutely I'm not keen. 100%. I think you'd be really good.

8:25Mike Minogue:I think so as well, man. You've got one good season left in you. Let's just go and carry our all, man.

8:29Keyzie:One tackle and that would be the end of me. Let me put it to you this way, Jase. What's the downside? Can you imagine someone smashing me in a tackle? Yes. How I'd react to that? Oh, you wouldn't like it.

8:42Mike Minogue:You'd get up and you'd go, all right, mate, that's how we're going to play. Then you'd flatten them next time they got the ball. I know what you're like, man. You're a tough little bastard. And then you'd be out cold. That's true. I'd nail them. But he can't tackle with his left shoulder. Oh, he doesn't know how. No. Oh, God. So he put his head in the wrong place. He's out. Old Hoity J's out again. He's having a little kip on the pitch there. Hey, this is the big show. Full of seven weekdays. Hodaki.

9:09Keyzie:Jays Day.