THE DISCLAIMER: Jase Is Dying

0:00For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Dog It. 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horeke.

0:15Keyzie:Oh! G'day fellas! Backbone. Hello. Bit of phlegm there jizz, you've got to clear out that morning vape jizz.

0:27Keyzie:I had an eggplant-y kind of pasta last night. I've got to be honest with you, fellas, I'm feeling a bit dicey today. That's right. They'll only affect your steamers. Yeah, but the good thing is I've done my steamer. Have you? It's always been my dilemma when doing breakfast. It interrupts my steamer flow. Traditionally what happens is you do it right at the end before we're doing the old potty. The potty there. Go out for a 45 minute. Yeah, well, it does take me 45 minutes.

0:58Mike Minogue:Whereas today we're doing it 5.48 a.m. right now. Boom.

1:03Keyzie:How are you going, Keezy? You seem in a hurr of a mood.

1:08Mike Minogue:Based on what? Yeah. No, but you, I just. You've been here for 30 seconds, show up late, and then you start saying I'm in a hurr of a mood. What do you mean I show up late?

1:15Keyzie:I showed up at 20 to 6.

1:17Mike Minogue:No, you didn't. I was here at 20 to 6. All right. Nah, I'm in a great mood. Oh, good. Had a good sleep last night.

1:23Keyzie:Oh, awesome. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. How many coffees have we punched already? Is that your first of the day? Just my first, man. Oh, good on you, man. I've been awake for about three hours, so I'm all good. Had my glass of water, Keezy.

1:34Mike Minogue:I've got a glass of water here. I've got pretty much a full coffee. Haven't even started on that yet. And then I've got a little Tupperware of just a bit of music.

1:41Keyzie:Oh, God. And you've got a little up and go there I can see as well.

1:45Mike Minogue:Yeah, just stuff.

1:46Keyzie:Yeah.

1:46Mike Minogue:No, just stuff. Tied me over.

1:48Keyzie:So good, Keezy, man. What's wrong? The up and go stuff, man. It's no good.

1:53Mike Minogue:You should be having tofu and desiccated chicken.

1:56Keyzie:Funnily enough, my youngest daughter said to me the other day, Dad, do you think I could survive on just up and go? What did you say? I said, well, probably, but it wouldn't be very good for you. Exactly. Because it doesn't have a lot of nutrients in it. No. It's sort of like in the Weet-Bix realm, where it's sold as sort of a whole food. It's not, Keezy. You've got to stop eating Weet-Bix, man.

2:23Mike Minogue:I fucking hate Weet-Bix. Weet-Bix are all good.

2:25Keyzie:I love Weet-Bix. Ew. It's like my little treat. It used to be my treat at night would be a big bowl of Weet-Bix with about eight teaspoons of sugar on it. White sugar? No, brown. I go brown now. Really brown? Yeah. I tell you what, it is a different world out there this time of the day, walking through the city. I really like it because there's very few people there, but she's pretty grim as well. Right, okay. The cops haven't come through and cleared them out yet. Yes, and there's a lot of rats. There's a lot of rats in the city. You always see rats. Yeah, I do. Did you see one this morning? Yes, I saw a number of them.

3:00Keyzie:In Elliott Street, where all the little food stalls, the outside food stalls are. Yeah, yeah. Just scurrying all over the place. It's a sign of a healthy economy. I think so. When you've got a lot of rats around Keezy. It means that people are throwing things out into the bins. Or, for example, you might have a top radio DJ walking to work and a homeless guy launches a pie and hits him in the chest and just falls on the ground. Yes. You know, that's rat food. Yes. You know? It's not going to waste. It's not going to waste, Moggy. The rats are eating it. The rats will eat it. Or, you know, maybe that homeless guy picked it up.

3:34Keyzie:I don't know. And there's a domino's. I kept on walking. I acted like it didn't happen. Was that four years ago? Yeah, that's cool. Five years. Yeah, good. That's what you've got to do. And you've got to avoid eye contact. You love making eye contact. You've fallen into that mistake before, haven't you? Yeah, oh yeah, I have. I've fallen down that track. Because you can see from quite a distance. You go, okay, okay, no, no. You've been involved in conversations with, well, probably billions of homeless people. Yes. And mentally disabled or differently abled people. Yes. People in mental crises.

4:05Yes. There's one recently put his hands on your shoulder who's saying a prayer for you, was he? Is that what he was doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wouldn't you, Keezy, in your life, wouldn't you love to see just from 80 metres down the road, Like you've walked with Jase, you've come up to these lights up here, he's going one way, you're going the other. I'll see you later, man. You've gone the other. You're about 100 metres away and you're waiting at another set of lights now and you see some fella. And I'll turn and just check on Jase. Yeah, just look in and, oh, yeah, double take. And there's some fella approaching Hoity Jane and thinking to yourself, oh, God, don't talk to him, Jase.

4:42And then Jase, the next thing you see is Jase pulling off his headphones going, sorry, what was that?

4:46Keyzie:That's exactly what happens. So what was that, mate? I actually felt really bad the other day when I was walking to work because they were up by Sky City there and the bus stops there. That's where a lot of people hang out. That's a kind of party zone. And there was one guy sitting there chowing down on something and he saw me from about 10 metres out and he was like, oh, and he just started pointing out. I had my skull candies on. He started pointing at me. and, you know, chatting very loudly by the looks of it, and I just went, gave him the thumbs up. Yeah, yeah. Good on you, mate. Kept my skull candies on and kept walking.

5:26Keyzie:I felt quite bad about that because he was going, oh, as I was walking past. Right. I should have gone, sorry, mate, what was that? Yeah, I think he was going to give you his map, his treasure map. Yeah, yes, to his millions. Millions.

5:41Mike Minogue:The Horaki Beast Show, weekdays from four. on Radio Hauraki. Ha ha ha. Now that's good listening. And it's live. What are you listening to there? Oh, me? Oh, sorry. I was listening to the Radio Hauraki Big Show. Right. Four to seven weekdays. Yeah, that's quite specific. And I heart radio. What? Cheers. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. We had a guy text in last night, Jase. Oh, my God. the best text to come back to now can you just it's got a swear word in it so if you've got kids in the car this is the worst one and it goes like this it goes oi you cunts better stop dissing farmers so that was in response to because we didn't check the text machine obviously after we did meetpattynip69 and we were saying about how the farmer was coming to the big city to get hot pot so obviously someone took offence that's so good so it feels like we should probably start the show with that or at least have some It's getting the reaction like that It's hard to resist We should double down on it Oh we have to More chat about farmers coming to Auckland Actually why don't we have it The big smoke That you were coming into work this morning Walking in and you tripped over You know three or four farmers Farmers Because you know what they're like When they come to the city To the big smoke Yeah good Alright some farmers here will be good Oh god Fuck it is funny when you come in And then you check the text machine Because you haven't looked at it in ages Yes They're loving it.

7:13They're loving it. Now, that was a treat last night, a bit of the old, I went to bed. Yes. Honestly, at about 10 past eight it was. Wow. What was I doing? I was watching Maura Lane. Fuck, it's good. I thought you were going to watch something new. Fuck, it's good. Well, I did. And I was going, and then I didn't. And then I was in bed, and a mate texted me a video of the opening credits of Slow Horses. And I was like, ah, yeah, beauty, it's out. So I got up and watched the first episode of that. Oh, wow. What's that on again? Apple.

7:42Keyzie:I can't get into that at the moment Why? I don't know Like I know I'm a fucking ignoramus with this stuff Yeah But for some reason I have tried persistently As has my wife To get into it I'm paying for it But for some reason it's I don't know It's just fucking me off Have you got it on your phone?

8:03Mike Minogue:No Oh because it's not an Apple phone

8:05Keyzie:No No Let's try to log in It was fucking great Excellent It was hilarious It was just all of the things Fuck it was good Gary Oldman must love that role It's very funny He was very funny in it Back to his cruel best What season's that? Six I said that to my wife last night My brother-in-law said What season's this? I said six My wife said is it? Are you crazy? Have we watched all of them? What did you say? I just laughed How many episodes per season? We skipped season two and five.

8:43Mike Minogue:Yeah, that shit. Why don't we try to log in on your phone today and see if we can figure out what the issue is?

8:51Keyzie:Well, I'll try again. We should do it live. But, no, let's not do that because I'll be effing and jeffing. That's good stuff. Give the people what they want. See that aubergine? It's burning me. I told you it's shit, man. It's burning me. Did it taste good? Yeah, it was yum. It might be a tumour. It might not be the eggplant at all. It could be. It's probably the tumour. Yeah, it could be. What do you think is going to get us? What do you think is going to get you? Oh, it's going to be that. What, a tumour? Well. What about a heart attack? Yeah, a heart attack. I quite often get chest pains. Actually, we were walking along Ponsonby Road.

9:30Keyzie:We walked up our, you know, down K Road all the way to the end of Ponsonby. Came back, had ramen. I was walking back and I was getting really bad chest pains. and my wife was there and I was like, I'll just shut up and get on with it. Yeah, back plan. It was stabbing into my heart. You don't think there's nothing wrong with that? Eating ramen and going for a walk? I'm currently dealing with a health crisis of my own making at this point. The end part? No, but I think I'm right. I think I'm dying.

10:07Keyzie:At least you go to the doctor. We should be tapping into this at least once a week. Hoity J updates us on his health. I know what it is, and it's like, oh, well, what's the fucking point? Don't worry about it. It's probably cancer, is that what you're thinking? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the place you go to. Yeah. And the thing is, you're probably right. Exactly. If it's going to be anything, chances are, I think, what is it, 50 % of people, that's what they get? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not good. What about, is it prostate? No. I think the prostate's all G. You've got a healthy stream? I mean, you guys can check it if you want.

10:35Keyzie:Healthy stream? Yeah, pretty healthy stream. powerful stream. I went through a period there of having a staccato stream, but it just sorted itself out. Like years ago, though. You can do stretches for that, baby. You can. You can. You just grab your helmet, Keezy. Do you know you can... Did you know that, Keezy? I do that a lot. If you've got staccato wheeze and stuff and your prostate's not going too good, there's little exercises. If you can't get a full erection, for example... You get your pelvic floor going, Keezy. You heard about your pelvic floor? Your pelvic floor.

11:04Mike Minogue:Yeah, I'm just writing all this down. This is good stuff. is good stuff. Kegels, yes. Kegels. You can flex your nuts. Yeah. You tighten your nuts. You should probably go to the doctor, Jase. And then release it. Don't you think you should go to the doctor? I know. Why don't you have a look at it after you've sorted out his Apple TV?

11:21Keyzie:Why go to the doctor so that they can tell you what you already know? Exactly. And then you have to pay 50 bucks and I'm still dying.

11:30Mike Minogue:That's so fucked up. You have to pay 50 bucks and I'm still dying. What could be worse than dying? paying 50 bucks. There are people in your life that would like you to be around longer. Oh yeah, I know. But like who? Yeah, his family. Like who? I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. What's worse than having cancer? Having cancer and getting paid 50 bucks. What's worse than that? Having somebody lie to you that people love you. Yeah, okay, fine. No one does, okay? But I just think it's probably... Nah, I'm in good health, man. No, you fucking... For fuck's sake, it's so stressful. Look how worried Pugs is.

12:05Mike Minogue:yeah he's freaking out hey this is the big show 4 to 7 wow breakfast today and tomorrow oh god we're about to start and Monday I need to get a water fellas

12:15Keyzie:to wash the aubergine down