THE DISCLAIMER: Pool Sharks

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0:15Mike Minogue:Oh, g'day fellas. Hello. Hello.

0:19Keyzie:My daughter's finally got back to me. She's cat sitting at the moment and I like to know she's okay every day. Oh, yes. She's very generally very good. It took hours today.

0:32Mike Minogue:That'll have you worried. So you text every day and say, you all G?

0:35Keyzie:Yeah, I say, how you going? You all good? She's up mind of business. And I give her a little kiss and she goes, yeah, all good. How's your day? Oh, that's nice. Yes. What do you say? Shit. And then I go into a massive monologue about how bad my day is.

0:54Mike Minogue:When in reality it hasn't been that bad. Fuck yeah.

0:57Keyzie:But she was playing pool, it would seem. Up to no good. Playing pool? Yeah.

1:03Mike Minogue:What's wrong with that?

1:03Keyzie:No, it's great. It's good to have a woman playing pool. I've always been for it. I know you've always hated it, Jase.

1:10Mike Minogue:Why is that?

1:14Keyzie:So yesterday it was me terrified of my wife. Today it's me hating a woman playing pool. Is that where we're going? And we're just unpacking it. Of course, it's a parlour game, isn't it, Paul? Yes. Billiards. Yes. Invented Fall Woman. French Woman. Was it actually? We're the only ones that used to play it, yes. Okay, interesting. There you go. I bet that fucks you right on. I'm picking Mogey. You played a bit of pool. I spent a lot of time in pool rooms. A lot of time. Is there anything better than playing pool, smoking darts and drinking beers? I don't think so. And a jukebox.

1:56Mike Minogue:Yes. Those three without the pool, I prefer. Just yarning. Because I find that if I have to now go and play pool, I'd rather just be yarning. No, I love pool.

2:06Keyzie:Love pool. It's good because it never interfered with our yarns. No. I mean, we could multitask, Keezy.

2:12Mike Minogue:Yeah, but our yarns were good yarns.

2:13Keyzie:So you'd be playing pool and then it'd be like, okay, stop.

2:18Mike Minogue:And it'd be like, hang on. Miscue. I'll be back to you in a second.

2:22Keyzie:Miscue. Bounce, bounce, bounce off the table. So anyway, feels. And then it's like, what was I on? Yeah. That's my favourite thing to say. That's when you know you're pissed up. Yeah. What was I on? Am I littleies or biggies?

2:36Mike Minogue:And then you'd be like, hang on, man. What do you think you'll do? Nah, that's mine. You can't play pool. You're a woman. Is that what you used to do? That's shocking. What I used to love is somebody coming in, usually a woman, saying, can I have a shot? Just one. Can I have a turn? No. This is a game of pool. I'd say yes, absolutely. I know. And I was just going to say, there's always a mate that was like, yeah, it's all good. It's not all good. I'm in the middle of a game. Fulfit the game. Yes. I'm over here dominating. Go for it.

3:05Keyzie:Go and put a coin on the table if you want to have a shot. And I've told you, which is a true story, I had my own cue. Oh, yeah, I love that. In a little case. But I used to screw up, you know. I never took the case, but I would have been very, very close because I had the screw up cue as well. Very fine point on mine. He used to get a bit of treatment on the table. Because we had a table at home when I was growing up. So did we. We had a snooker table. He used to get the old fucking crack on the table if things weren't going old Maggie's way when he was about 13 or 14.

3:37Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Beach Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Oh, g'day, mate. Oh, hi, mate. Yeah. Look, if you want the chance to win all our on-air competitions and stuff and get amongst the live conversation, tune in to the Hauraki Big Show, four to seven weekdays on Radio Hauraki and iHeartRadio. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. Do you think it's weird to get the ick for your co-workers? Do you want to root me? No, not anymore. Oh, good. Not since the – I've only had it twice. First of all, knowing that you used to take your own pool cues to pool. I didn't. And secondly – I was 12. Jase was in his 30s.

4:18Mike Minogue:The OG is the Ugg boots. Oh, yeah. Do you remember that? Like in the first year. I remember you hating it. No, you guys just being like, oh, you know, you've got your Ugg boots on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just had a look on my face. I was like, what? Ugg boots? You had a look on your face every day. The amount of times that Keezy used to roll his eyes, he'd just be like, ooh. Because I had to sit here silently just going, oh, my God. Just watching two of the best go at it. Just go. Just taking notes.

4:42Keyzie:And our Ugg boots. Just taking notes. Well, I mean, that's the first thing I do when I get home, Keezy. What, play pools? No, is put on my uggies. Screws his cue together. Yeah, uggies. I put on my uggies, and then I screw my tool together. The old chalk. How good. We should have a pool tournament. It's not the same without the smoking, though, I've got to say.

5:04Mike Minogue:You guys will smoke me. I don't really play that often. I don't enjoy it.

5:08Keyzie:Why is that? I don't know. I don't mind darts.

5:11Mike Minogue:Darts is all G. But even that, I just want to get on the post and watch the footy mess.

5:16Keyzie:You shouldn't do the darts with your asthma, Keezy.

5:18Mike Minogue:I'll sit with the chicks, man. What?

5:19Keyzie:You shouldn't do the darts with your asthma. No, throwing darts.

5:23Mike Minogue:Oh, okay. God, man. It's like, have you ever heard of the sport darts? Come on, man. You've performed on New Zealand's biggest stage for darts, Jase.

5:31Keyzie:I used to like playing darts with darts. What was your nickname? That was kind of like my signature was I had a dart up the side of my mouth and I'd be throwing the darts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mojie.

5:43Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So because Mojie was cool hat Mojie. Were you just, Oh yeah, what were you? Were you DJ Hojie J? Jace the Nass. Oh, Jace the Nass. So this is when me and Jace played darts for the tournament thingy that I did in Hamilton. I was, I came out to you, you can leave your hat on. Cool hat Mojie. And I was cool hat Mojie wearing a fucking uncool hat. And Hojie J, you didn't come out to the, oh, Bombay, what's the time Mr. Wolf was it? It certainly wasn't a...

6:15Keyzie:No, I think it was the... Down, down, down. It was that. Jase the Nuss. That's right, and you put a head on backwards and speed dealers on.

6:25Mike Minogue:And I remember that guy, the famous 180 guy, reading it off a piece of paper. And now make some noise for Jase the Nuss and Cool Hat Moggy. And then a very small section of the audience. So there were thousands of people there. Sitting way up the back of the cheap seats. We're like cracking up. Yeah. Everyone else, hey. On that note, I met some people down in Wellington at that live event. They had called their cat Mogey. Old Mogey. Old Mogey. Really? They had. They showed me photos of their cat. Old Mogey. That's a good name for a cat. Old Mogey. Old Mogey, yeah. Nah, did you say nah, Bird Shit Chris?

7:01Mike Minogue:Bird Shit Chris is the way to go, man. Yeah, man. Ah, yeah. That was a goodie, the old darts, wasn't it? Yes.

7:09Keyzie:Well, it was like everything, you know, in the pub when you were playing pool. You could smoke darts in cafes. Yeah. It was the bomb, man. It was the bomb. I'm happy with it not being in cafes. Yeah, that's fair enough. I think you should be allowed to have vaping in. Yes. But, yeah, anywhere around food, I suppose, it's all G.

7:31Mike Minogue:But the problem is if you don't smoke it or even vaping and then you've just got a cloud of this horrific smelling shit.

7:37Keyzie:I tell you what. I have to be really careful in town with my vape. You do. You blow out and you forget people are behind you and they just get this, or you blow out in front of you and there's this huge cloud of vapour. You have to be careful when there's people standing behind you when you launch into like a number 10 on the volume and you're singing Jolene at the top of your lungs when people are trying to have a conversation. Well, it's a good song, man.

8:04Mike Minogue:It is a good song. You've done that to me before.

8:07Keyzie:Well, I'm not apologising for that.

8:09Mike Minogue:No, I'm not asking you to. I'm just saying you've done it. And we walk together very rarely and only a short distance, and you've done that to me a couple of times.