THE DISCLAIMER: Public Speaking Special

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0:14Mike Minogue:Oh, g'day fellas. Backbone. Wait, hello. Fuck, that actually threw me off you not saying backbone there. I forgot. Backbone. My brain was like, someone says backbone here, is it me? How are we going fellas? Bloody good, actually. I went to the gym. That was nice. Nice. I had a good day today, man. That's excellent, Mogi. Had a good sleep last night. I woke up a few times. That's true. But my daughter, she had her first speech tonight. Oh, yes. Great. Just fearless, eh? I don't know if everyone – there will be kids that wouldn't have been in Twitter, I'd imagine. Yes. But they had to do it off cue – they had to have your cue cards.

0:52I remember that. I was very young, I thought, to be doing that. and reading off that, but she just knew the whole thing off by heart. Yes. So I was like, well, you can just do it off by heart. She's like, no, the teacher said we've got to have the cards. It's like, yeah, but the cards are there to help you. And then, of course, she was reading off the cards and it made her worse.

1:10Keyzie:Yes, because you're focusing on that. You're focusing on the cards and that was throwing her. So anyway, she's done that. Only seven. So I get to find out how that went. I just hope she had fun. Yes. She's funny. God, they've got good memories, man. Fuck, I wish I had a brand new memory in me. Yeah. Brand new hard drive Keezy. Imagine that, man. I remember those times very well, Mogi. I had two girls that loved it, were naturals, and two girls that hated it. And actually, interestingly, the one that hated it the most, the youngest. Was the best at it. Yeah, she actually was. And they came up to her afterwards and like, oh, you've got to do this and blah, blah, blah.

1:47Keyzie:You should tell speeches. No, I'm never doing that again. You should do speeches at the UN. Yeah.

1:52Mike Minogue:I was going to say, this sounds like content.

1:54Keyzie:It does sound 100%. I actually, I had to judge them once with another actor, Mark Mitchison. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. I have to, they asked me to do it this year. The finals are next week. I did them last year, but I'll be away in Queenstown, innit? Yeah. So I can't do it, which was a shame. But last year, they were fucking hilarious. Yes. I was hard, but fair. Had them in tears. How old were they? Eight With Mark Mitchison Yeah with Mark It was good

2:28Mike Minogue:Do you remember your first ever speech and what the topic was? I do I did it at St Patrick's College in Silverstream I might have done it I did And it was in third form and it was about cartoons And it was sarcastic But it was about the negative effect of violence on young people And I got to the final I think I came third in the year I could never do a serious one. It always had to be stupid. And I think that cost me keys in the long run.

2:58Keyzie:Yeah. I can't remember my first ever speech, but I can remember my first ever performance at primary school. And I still remember the song. Okay, please stand up. Okay. Here we go. This is great. This is fucking great. And I remember I had an umbrella. Oh, my God. You suck. Well, you were in a little hat. And I think it was like, whoa, whoa. And like, I think I had a raincoat on. Oh, with nothing on underneath. You're a sick bastard. Oh, no. Oh, no. Don't let the rain come down. Oh, no. Oh, no. Don't let the rain come down. Oh, no. Oh, no. Don't let the rain come down. My roof's got a hole in it and I might drown.

3:47What the fuck?

3:49Mike Minogue:How old were you? 15.

3:52Keyzie:No, I was a young buck. I was maybe six or seven. That's pretty cute. That's pretty cute. I don't know why that stuck in my head. Isn't that amazing that you still know that? Yeah, yeah. 33 years later. Formative. Yes. Unreal. They're big, but they do burn a hole in you. And I remember doing one at college, just in front of the class to get into the final. And just because I hated it, absolutely hated it. I was terrified. Yes. And being up the front and at the desks right at the front were two smoke show Swedish exchange students right there. And so you'd stand right in front of them and I was freaking out, freaking out.

4:36Oh, no. And one of them said to the other one, oh, look, his hands are shaking. Oh, no.

4:42Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. You know how good the Hauraki Big Show podcast is? Yeah, I love those fellas. Backbone. Yeah, backbone. You get it. You've got to get around the live radio show. Oh, yeah, when's that? Four to seven weekdays on Radio Hauraki and iHeartRadio. Backbone. Nice. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. Absolute disaster. Oh, no. I got into the final, but I was just like hearing that, and you just go. And then, you know, you're like 15 or 16, I'm going off the cards. My daughter's seven, no cards. Isn't that interesting, man? It is. Also, girls just way better at studying and practicing.

5:27Honestly, dude, when you have a kid, you'll find the fucking memories on these things. They are extraordinary. Like we used to read books to Mogi Minogi. And I'm talking like dense books, like normal books. and you would start reading them to her and she was like two and a half or three and she would just start reciting the entire page. She knew the whole thing off by heart. It was unsettling. Yes. And you're just cracking up and then she's cracking up, just keep on looking at you, just doing the whole. They're amazing. It must be because - The human brain fucking wasted on you, Kesey.

6:10Mike Minogue:Oh, it is. Thanks, man. And that's the moral of the story here. We need a little joke in there somewhere. It must be because they don't have to worry about anything outside of going to school and reading books. It's because it's a brand new hard drive. And it's brand new. It's brand new. And so the other day, Jase, I was having that memory issue, but I couldn't remember the someone who I know very well. Yes. It's like when you search on your mail and it's looking through all the emails and it's just got that wheel spinning around. Yes. Fuck, I know I put it in here somewhere. You've just got so much shit in your brain.

6:40Keyzie:Totally. Your memory is just fucked. Oh, shit for Brian. In terms of, I remember very well, you know, girls in speeches were always very well prepared. Yes. Because I used to do debating as well, and I used to hate debating girls because they were always so, especially dancers in school for girls, because they always had like really clever little riddles. Right. Ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba. Ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba. And you go, yeah, whatever. Well, you've got a massive range. I think I've told you this. I remember, because I did speeches at school when I was at Dilworth all the time, and I remember one time the judges, and this is no word of a lie.

7:24Keyzie:Here we go. I think I've told you this. Circle it. Have you got it? No word of a lie. Here we go. I gave my speech, and then the judges. In tears. No, were talking me through what they really liked about the speech, and then they said, but Jason, you need to be aware, and it's probably just nerves, but you tend to touch your testicles while you're doing, I'm not bullshitting, in front of the entire fucking school. And I'm like, well, fuck, because I think I did. Like when I was doing speech, I would grab my balls. Pull on your sack. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's a comfort. It's a comfort. Totally. And it was just like, okay, well, you could have maybe left that bit out.

8:06Mike Minogue:Or just like taking me a side up. Save that for later. Far out. It's a good thing to do, isn't it? I still remember the girls in my class, their cue cards would be amazingly decorated. You start the year like that, it's like, I'm going to be neat this year. And within two days, it's turned into shit thrown at the wall. New stationery. How good was new stationery? I couldn't, yeah. I loved it. Yeah. What role did it? Sorry, Kees. Duracell, mine. Yeah, I know. I could never keep the bubbles out. It was fucking useless. I sucked at it as well. I remember once. Why did you Duracell it? Complete waste of time.

8:41Mike Minogue:Because you could print out little draw pictures and then put them under the clear Duracell. The book looks cool. It always looked like shit. Yeah, it's amazing, isn't it? Put some plastic over all your books. Yeah. Good shit.

8:52Keyzie:I remember I was so obsessed by stationery and particularly erasers, rubbers. Yeah. And I remember I was given this massive eraser. It was just like a big bar of soap. basically and I went now I don't want to just use all that up so I cut it into cubes

9:13Mike Minogue:oh my god you cut it into smaller races

9:17Keyzie:no bullshit I cut it into cubes and I had one for each specific day

9:23Mike Minogue:and how long did that last?

9:25Keyzie:a year

9:26Mike Minogue:what did you actually do it? yeah yeah totally I would have had best intentions but is that ADHD or? I think it just means you're a fucking loser Yeah, it's just embarrassing. When you're doing your debating, what position were you? First, second or third?

9:40Keyzie:I tended to be first. Oh, did you? You'd set up the argument, lay out what your team was going to be talking about and give some of the initial arguments. Yes. I was third. I never did a debate. I'd do rebuttal. Yeah, rebuttal. Which I really enjoyed. Yes, you'd be good at that too. Less preparation, you see. Yeah, totally. You had to pick out what the other speakers said and fucking drag them for it. Destroy them. Yeah.

10:02Mike Minogue:I'd probably be good at being one of the other speakers. But Hoity J would come and, G'day, you mad bastards. G'day, you mad dogs. Yeah, blah, blah. That would be good, actually. We could have a debate against breakfast.

10:15That's not a bad idea.

10:16Mike Minogue:That could be all right. Because you put the jackets on and the ties. Yes. And you put the, what is it? The subject. What's it called? It's the proposal or the moot. The moot. Is it the moot? Yes, the moot. And you're the for or against, pro or something. Yes. The topic has to be something that's like, you know, not anyway. Yeah, that's right. Slightly esoteric, kind of. So we would do something along the lines of...

10:49We could come up with something. Violence in cartoons. Yeah, that's right. But something more personal than that. That The Breakfast Show sucks. For example, if we would be negative, and then they would be positive so they would have to agree with the moot. Yes, it does suck.

11:06Keyzie:That the breakfast show actually sucks. Yeah, that would be funny.

11:11Mike Minogue:And we'd be like, oh, yeah. It'd be a hard one to argue. The Elvis? I've never done a debate. I think I'd enjoy it. Yeah, they were good. I was glad to stumble across that.

11:22Keyzie:Yeah, I did them for years and speeches. It was good. And drama. It is good. I never did drama. Yeah. Never did drama. My next door neighbour, she was the mother of nine, and she taught drama, but it never occurred to me. I just thought it's a pretty quick way in Levin to get your head kicked in. Yeah, fair enough. But I also don't really understand it. It starts off awesome. Speech and drama.

11:43Mike Minogue:It's great. In the beginning of the first couple of years, you're running around playing games. Oh, yeah, because you did it. Yeah. And then the year after that, you're like, all right, cool. This is Betolt Brecht. We're going to read all of this thing, and we're going to memorise it all, and then you have to do a monologue, and then you have to write a journal, and it was just like turned into all the theory and I was like, oh God.

12:01Keyzie:My wife's doing her first drama class with the kiddies today by herself. As a teacher, eh? As a teacher.

12:09Mike Minogue:Aren't they all different ages?

12:11Keyzie:Yeah, they are, but I think today it's all like nine-year-olds or ten-year-olds. Oh, that's good. So it's more a case of, we're going to put a video on and just watch that, eh?

12:20Mike Minogue:Yeah. Listen to the big show, 4 or 7 weekdays, Radio Haraki.