UNHEARD: Wees Technique

0:00Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

0:06Keyzie:Lincoln Park there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time is 26 minutes past four o 'clock. We're talking about horrendous things to do when you're hungover. Yeah. Not that it was horrendous that you went to watch your daughter play, do ballet. That's right. I went to my daughter, six-year-old daughter's ballet recital yesterday. It's a massive school. They do great work, but it doesn't feel like the best thing you could be doing with your time when you're massively hungover, going to a two-and-a-half-hour-long show in pretty brutal heat yesterday here in Auckland. You just reminded me too, actually, Mogi, of another thing that was a nightmare back in the day for me was the old sports tawnies.

0:44Keyzie:Yeah. So it would be an all-day affair. Yes. And so you'd have to go like... I mean, I loved watching my girls play sport, genuinely, but if you're pretty hungover and she's pissing down all day and you're standing on the sidelines just going... Anything that's not the couch, man. Yes, pretty much. I'm genuinely not interested in it. Like you said, the wife's like, oh, should we go down to the beach for an ice cream? It's like, absolutely not. Absolutely not.

1:10Mike Minogue:Someone here has texted her on 3483. Watching junior netball in the rain is a ball lake. Yes. I think you mean ball lake, maybe. Yeah, yeah. But they agree with you, Jase.

1:20Keyzie:A lot of my girls play netball, so I did a lot of that. I basically stayed in the car with my shades on and just observed it from there behind my newspaper.

1:33Mike Minogue:Heaps of texts coming in on 3483. The worst thing you have done whilst hungover, someone here jackhammering. That would be pretty tough hungover. That wouldn't be great. That wouldn't be great at all. G'day, fellas. I went to my mate's funeral hungover. A bunch of us caught up the night before. I then shat the bed the morning of the funeral. Not good. Although, could be worse. Yeah, 100 % could be worse. Yes, but that is pretty bad. Ballet show, Sunday morning, three hours long. Little kids are cute, but this was an adult first-time ballet class that they were watching. It goes on to say, I don't want to see your mum looking like a sausage and a leotard on stage under mistletoe.

2:14Mike Minogue:No. Worst thing was my mate's daughter's first birthday a couple of years ago at Butterfly Creek, which is up here in Auckland. I know the place, yes. almost died waiting for them to feed the alligators. Felt like I was going to faint, but there were kids and alligators everywhere. So it's just, it's not good, is it?

2:30Keyzie:I told you the other day, fellas, on the podcast outro, my wife booked us tickets to a choir. Oh, yeah. I wasn't hung over or anything. But it was two hours long, and it was an older choir. Yes. Of enthusiasts. Yeah, that's right, enthusiasts. There's plenty of enthusiasts in it. And as soon as the first note hit the air, There I went.

2:54Mike Minogue:We've got Lyle from Auckland on the line. G'day, Lyle. G'day, boys. How's it? Yeah, good, mate. Yeah, good, mate. Hey, what's the worst thing you've done while hungover? Well, back in the day when I was first going out with the missus, she's a scientist, and we went to a native bird release in a fenced predator-free, and it happened to be on a Sunday morning.

3:17Keyzie:Right.

3:18Mike Minogue:Right, so you were hungover, and what were they doing? they were releasing birds. Releasing endangered bird. Right, okay. And you were hung over doing that. Yeah, that sounds bloody tedious. So, you know, it was a windy road there. Oh. That was tough. Yeah, right. Luckily, she picked me up. Yeah, right. I do remember the bird was a stitch bird, I think. A stitch bird? Oh, that's worth the trip, man. I've never even heard of a stitch bird. Tiniest bird you've ever seen. So when all the kids lined up, they all opened the box. They were so fast, you didn't even see them come out. Yeah, right. They should call them the hoity-joo.

3:55Mike Minogue:And then, you know, the paper were there and everything, and I'm like, is that it? And then we'd go for a walk, and I had to sit under a tree for a while, because I was just, oh, that was pretty crazy. Yeah, good on you, Lyle. That's an excellent story, mate. You hold the line, old pug's not going to hook you up with something good.

4:09Keyzie:What about you, Keezy? Because, I mean, I know you don't have kids and stuff, but yet, I was going to say something. Should I? What? I probably shouldn't say anything if you announce that I'm alright I promised I wouldn't say anything yeah yeah no no

4:24Mike Minogue:stop announcing that I'm having kids I'm not having kids no we're not it sounds like you're announcing no but you've announced it three times if there's one thing I know if anybody's going to announce the fact that your wife is pregnant it's going to be you yes totally I'm not going to do it

4:38Keyzie:but you've been hung over a few times in your life Keezy what's the worst thing you've ever had to do

4:43Mike Minogue:probably this show right now The Hauraki Big Show weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki.

4:50Keyzie:Yes, indeed. David Bowie there on the Radio Hauraki big show this Tuesday afternoon. The time, 23 minutes past five o 'clock. Fellas, I'm a little bit worried that I'm getting old. I've had a couple of things going on lately. Well, one of them is that I keep losing everything.

5:05Mike Minogue:Old fogey mogey. Old fogey mogey is losing his car keys. He's losing his wallet, his sunglasses, pretty much everything. Marbles. If I can carry it around with me, I can lose it. I haven't lost my balls yet. No marbles. Oh. Yeah, nah, what? Whoa. You need a fanny pack. Cheers. Cheers. Well, Christmas is coming. Cheers. Okay, good. Keep that in mind, brother. That's actually a really good idea. If you just had a fanny pack with all that stuff in it, it could be a, you know. Oh, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Happy holidays to old Mogey coming up. This is exciting. Hey, guys, I went to a cafeteria the other day, a cafe they call them here in Auckland, and as further evidence that I'm getting old, I was speaking to the waitress there and a dad joke formed in my mind, clear as day, right in front of me, in my mind's eye, okay?

5:58Not visible to anybody else. Yes, right. Now I saw it, I read it, and I went, no, in my head. I was like, no, I'm not saying that. She left the waitress and then I told my wife, I said, geez, that was close. I nearly said a dad's joke. She said, what was a dad's joke? And I told her what it was and she says, oh, shit.

6:15Mike Minogue:Jesus. Oh, God. That's not good. Now, I'm assuming that time is going to come where I don't think that's not a go. I'm just going to start saying it. You just fire it out. Is that how it worked for you, Jase? Because obviously you've got four daughters. Yeah, look, they're just constant. They don't stop now. Dad jokes. They just pour out of me.

6:31Keyzie:Yeah.

6:32Mike Minogue:So if I was to say to you, Dad, I'm hungry, what would you say?

6:36Keyzie:Go and get a job and pay for your own food, you sponge.

6:41Mike Minogue:Right, I thought you would have said, hi, hungry, I'm Dad. Yeah, that would be. Is that not? That's another one. Yeah, okay, cool. Right, so do you want to tell us what the dad joke was? Well, I think context is the key because I thought my wife was bloody harsh on me, actually. I could see her falling even further out of love with me as I described it. But I said to her, in my defence, I didn't say it, I only thought it. I recognised that it was a terrible joke and I didn't say it. Surely I get some respect for that. She said, no, you don't. Right. So can we play this out, Kesey? Is that all good, man?

7:11I want you to can you be the waitress okay okay alright the waitress yeah she was the waitress okay yeah I'm the waitress yeah you're the waitress and I'm just sitting down at the table and it's me and my daughter Mogie Minogi who's six years old and my wife as well whose age doesn't matter Keezy it's none of your business alright

7:30Mike Minogue:so who's playing so is Jace playing someone Jace you can be my missus if you want man oh yeah I'll just I'll just be sitting here okay okay okay here we go Hi there. Hi, how are you? Good, thanks. Would you guys like something to drink to start? Oh, yes, please. I think I'm going to have an espresso with some hot water on the side, and I'll get a fluffy for my little mate over here. And I'll have an oat flat white, thank you. Okay, no problem. And would you guys like some colouring pencils as well? Oh, yes, please. And can I have some for my daughter as well?

8:11Mike Minogue:So that was the dad joke. So that was the dad joke. I thought you were going to say, not for me. To be fair, that was a funnier dad joke than I thought it was going to be. Yeah. It's not too bad. It's not too bad. It felt shocking. Because my wife's talking divorce.

8:25Keyzie:Yeah.

8:26Mike Minogue:Yeah, right.

8:27Keyzie:I mean, it's not great. I don't want to. No, thanks. Yeah, I just don't want you to be too hard on yourself. I mean, it's a shocker.

8:33Mike Minogue:Yeah, right. Because the other problem as well is the waitress, early 20s. now if I'm saying that joke to somebody who's older sort of my age it's sort of like you're just an idiot anyway but it is just sort of young people think you suck anyway so coming in with a joke like that you know you're going to get hit with some real fake laughter good one Mogey The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki

9:04Keyzie:The Offspring there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Friday afternoon.

9:10Mike Minogue:Hey, fellas, you might notice Pugs-san's in the room. Ah. Yes. Hello. Hey. Here he is. Hi, guys. Pugs. Hey, first time in the new studio, guys. Pugs. You loving it? Yeah. Oh, man, so good. That's a different thing. I'm not loving your cap. Okay. Pugs. I'm not loving your turkeys. Pugs. Yeah, turkey shit. No, seriously, though, Pugs, I've got a boner pic with you, man. Oh, what? I got a boner pic. You mentioned something yesterday which I thought was disgusting. What? You said that you went for a run, which is great, but you said that you needed to do wheeze and that your pants were too tight. And so instead of undoing your pants, you knelt down and pulled your pant legs sideways and peed out the side of your shorts.

9:51Mike Minogue:What say you? I have a few corrections to make there, Keezy. Right. First, before I get to those, thank you for your compliment on my running. Okay. Really appreciate that. I just said running was great. Yeah. I'd say your running was great, but yes, go. 4K working on nice man well done yeah I appreciate it it was really hard there you go secondly there was no kneeling involved oh because that's the Jerry Collins method yeah that's the Jerry Collins before the during the hucker no just after the hucker oh right kneel on the field and get your peace out and then urinate on what was the cake tin I believe it was the cake tin yeah right on national telly yeah love that love that from him really really love that from him there was no kneeling it was simply pull the pant the short leg as far across as was appropriate to avoid any splashage.

10:39Mike Minogue:Right. And the reason they weren't too tight, the waistband was too tight because I was about to go for a run and I got them the perfect amount of tightness that they wouldn't do any falling while I was running. So the drawstring was really tight and I couldn't be bothered getting them back to that perfect tightness. Was this into a toilet? Yes. Oh, right. Sorry, Chris, if I can say in the privacy of my own home, if that's okay with you. I was wondering, I want you to know that, and I can't speak for you, Jase, but I knew nothing about this bone to pick and I don't support it at all. I don't support it at all.

11:08Keyzie:I do the same thing when I'm wearing jeans.

11:12Mike Minogue:Jase. Jase. No one believes that your penis goes all the way down to the bottom of your jeans.

11:18Keyzie:Has she got a bone to pick, Keezer? Not with me.

11:20Mike Minogue:That's bullshit. I got a bone to pick.

11:25Keyzie:I'm with Mogi on this. Oh, that's a surprise. And the fact that you had a bone to pick without informing Mogi and I what you... because I would have never have allowed your bone to be picked if that's what the bone to be picked was.