3 Steps to Rewiring Belief and Building Unshakable Confidence

0:00You're not struggling because you're incapable. It's the success you want is asking you, be uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is the price you pay to live a different life. And if you want different results, you're going to have to make different decisions. When you think of the words baby steps, what comes to mind? Maybe you think of your baby taking the first step and then happily falling on the ground after they take their first view. Or maybe you think of an Animal Planet show where you see a newborn horse or a baby giraffe trying to walk. I remember the first time Luna took her first steps. It was the pandemic.

0:34We were building a house and we were living in a tiny little apartment and she was slow to walk. Most kids are walking, I don't know, 11, 12 months. She was 16 months and I was like, I don't think my baby's ever gonna walk, but which was fine with me because I just wanted to carry her around for the rest of my life. So it was much delight and much chagrin that I saw her take her first steps and I was screaming for her. I scared her. I was like, oh my God! Because the thing we all know is like babies from our own babies or babies that we see in the animal kingdom, they're learning to take their first steps and it's so beautiful because they're just trying they don't think they're failing they just think they're trying and we have to think that sometimes what happens when baby steps don't feel like they're working okay when i was in college my mom was diagnosed with brain cancer that was the cancer of the central nervous system and cancer of the brain my school was about 30 minutes from my home so i would often drive back and i would care of my mom and our siblings.

1:27And my mom had brain surgeries and chemotherapy and radiation. And it was all so aggressive that she spent many months and many years in bed. And so there was like one really particularly long stretch of her being in the bed. And she worked with the physical therapist to gain strength and walk for more than just like a few steps at a time. Let me tell you, watching my mom relearn how to walk was a mind flip moment. When she was 22 years younger, she was watching me take my first step. And then all of these years later, I felt like I was watching her take her first steps all over again. But here's the tricky part.

2:05She began to sob and cry when she couldn't take more than a few steps at a time. And it felt like it was impossible for her to do what she wanted to do. My mom, even if she didn't say it out loud, she felt like she was failing. Now, my dad and my siblings, all of us, we were cheering her on. We believed in her. But if she didn't believe in herself and if she didn't believe in her first steps, nothing we said mattered. And all these years later, hear what I know to be true. If you don't believe in you, it will never work. Your dreams won't work. Your work won't work. You'll never get other people to believe in you.

2:38Now, is that hard to hear? Does it sting? Maybe I just offended you. I totally get it. But it's still true. In fact, if you look back at the things in your life that didn't work out the way that you had hoped, it's most likely because you stopped believing in the project, in the job, in the people, in the outcome. Maybe you stopped believing in yourself. And while you can't control things or people that aren't you, you can control your belief. So how? How can you control your beliefs when it feels nearly impossible to control your beliefs? Now, I'm going to walk you through three steps that will help you build unshakable belief from the inside out.

3:15So let's dive in. These are things that just worked really well for me, and I hope they do the same for you. Part one, we're going to focus on clarity. So most entrepreneurs get stuck because they're identifying the version of themselves who struggled. But belief doesn't grow when you keep on consulting the past. Belief grows when you intentionally direct your attention to who you're becoming. Not who you were, not your past failures, not what you got wrong, you grow when you direct your attention to who you want to be and where you're going. So I want you to imagine your future self, the version of you that's already hit your next goal.

3:50Okay, cool. Now let's have some fun. It's time for you to envision your future, right? So there's the you you want to become and there's your future. Now, this isn't about your far-off future or your dream life of being a millionaire. Okay, that's lovely, but for now, I just want you to focus on achieving what you want to accomplish in the next 90 days. Now, I want you to put yourself in that future. What does your morning routine look like? What time do you start working? What are you wearing? Where are you working? Are groceries delivered to your front porch? Are you taking a walk in the afternoon?

4:21Are you baking or crafting or doing something fun over the weekend? Like literally paint a picture of that life. And then I want you to hold that picture of that future life, of your future self in your mind. And I want you to feel it from the inside out. And I want you to watch yourself outside of yourself. This former version is looking at that future version and being like, that's the life that I'm living. That's how it feels when I've accomplished what I've wanted. That's what I'm wearing. That's how I'm living. That's what I'm driving. That's how I'm eating. That's how I'm going through my day.

4:50I want you to hold all of that image. And I know it sounds super woo, but I'm literally like, when we hold our breath, we're depriving our brain of oxygen. If we deprive our brain of oxygen, we're not thinking as clearly. So if I'm like, imagine that thing and take a deep breath in and take a deep breath out, you will imagine who you are in the future so slowly that you become that person. Why? Because you are asking yourself today if the future version of you is hitting snooze five times. You will ask that future version of yourself as much as you hate going back and forth to the grocery store, getting those things.

5:28Is that future version doing that? Or is that future version, building out an online shopping list to help it get it delivered to my front door so I have more time in my day. And as you continue to think yourself, that future version, what decisions is he or she making? Now I want you to ask yourself today, who is that person? Who is she? How does he think? How does she act? How does he recover when things don't go perfectly? Like really think about your future self. Now what I want you to do is to write down five bullet points to describe your future self. Just keep it super simple. Maybe things like, I don't wait for motivation.

6:02I create movement. I keep promises to myself. I expect obstacles and I plan for them. Okay, cool. So now here's the key part. Instead of trying to become this person overnight, right, we're shifting our beliefs. I'm gonna just believe something else tomorrow. No, choose one identity shift and then practice it today. That's what literally your beliefs will change when it's just one thing, just one. I am somebody who follows through. I'm someone who takes the next step even when I doubt myself. I'm someone who learns the skill instead of judging myself for not knowing it yet. So belief grows when your actions match the identity you want, not the identity you're leaving behind.

6:43So I want to pause here. The human brain will look to the past to predict the future. But what we're asking is if we want to change our beliefs and get a different outcome, We have to look to the future to inform where we are today. And when that version of ourselves is doing exactly what we want to do, we ask the today version, if I'm not doing it today, can I get it in the future? Part two, proof. I want to talk about evidence. Oh, I love me some evidence. I went to law school. I am so obsessed with having for, looking for. I'm collect evidence. In a legal case, that is the only thing that matters, okay?

7:22Evidence. Not he said or she said. It's just what is actually true. So belief doesn't grow from willpower. It goes from proof. Now, a lot of business owners, well, they underestimate themselves because they judge their success only by like a big result. What people said. It went viral. It got a lot of likes. It did all these other things. Okay, fine. But like, it's not just the big results that play into success. Instead, what we should be looking at are the small pieces of powerful evidence that business owners, you, are becoming the person and the type of person who succeeds. So if we're looking for the future version of how we want to act and we're not looking at the past to inform it, we're looking at the future.

8:08And then we're going to start controlling one thing that we can change about our behavior to change our beliefs. And then we're going to go to proof. We're going to collect evidence. I'm doing small things every single day. then becomes the next natural step of collecting evidence. Collect micro wins, not giant, overwhelming promises like I'm a loo 30 pounds in 30 days. I'm talking about simple, doable steps. So instead of saying, I'm going to post daily 365 days a year. Okay. I mean, I want that for you. I love that. But if you're not setting yourself up to win, you're going to go back and say, see, I'm always a failure.

8:41See, I never follow through. How about you first benchmark a micro win? I'm going to post three times this week. Instead of I'll change my entire offer, my business week. No, I will refine one part of my offer today. Because small wins create momentum. And momentum is how your belief grows. Momentum doesn't start from you going from zero to 100. It goes from you going to 10 and then 20 and then 30. And then you look back and be like, whoa, I went from zero to 30. I can now get to 100. So we've arrived at the last and final part. That's part three. That's resilience. Now, we've talked about proof.

9:14We've talked about evidence. I want to talk about something that a lot of entrepreneurs overlook, your nervous system. I know it's a business podcast. We're talking about the woo and the body. Okay. And I want to be very clear. I am not a science expert. I am not a doctor. You're not here for health advice. But I have done a lot of research about how a nervous system can be controlled to help entrepreneurs and high-performing professionals. Okay. I'm going to be ultra clear. You don't struggle because you're not capable. Like, do you know that? Like, you're not struggling right now because you're not capable.

9:46You are probably struggling because success asks you to stay in discomfort. Okay. You're not struggling because you're incapable. It's the success you want is asking you. Be uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is the price you pay to live a different life. And if you want different results, you're going to have to make different decisions. The average American is overweight. If you don't want to be overweight, you have to make unaverage decisions. The average business goes under in less than three years. If you want your business to last more than three years, you have to make uncomfortable decisions today.

10:24And here's the thing. Most people were never taught how to be uncomfortable. We were never taught how to stay in discomfort. effort. So when fear and doubt, like they totally spike, I just want you to take 30 seconds that will change your life. I should know. 30 seconds saves my life daily. I know it sounds crazy, but y 'all like, look at it. Do this. And when it doesn't work for you, I'll refund you the money you paid me for this advice. Okay. For 10 seconds. That was a joke. I'm not charging you for this. Y 'all, I'm not going to refund you anything. Just do it. And your family will thank you.

10:59Your friends will thank you. Your coworkers will thank you. For 10 seconds, take in slow, deep breaths. 10 seconds. For the next 10 seconds, relax your shoulders. Relax the neck. Relax the neck. And for the final 10 seconds, simply say, I can do hard things. I have done them before. I am doing them now. 10 seconds breathing, 10 seconds relaxing, reminding yourself, if it didn't kill me, then I am sitting in discomfort. So I make uncommon decisions. So I get uncommon results. Now this teaches your nervous system that discomfort is not danger. You're not, a lion is not going to grab you. Your life is not threatened.

11:46Your bank account is not threatened. Your mind is just hardwired to be like, this is uncomfortable. Get out as quick as possible. Well, that's where most people quit, but you are not most people. Where you are in that discomfort, it's called progress. It's called growth. If you've ever seen a plant trying to come up from the ground, it ain't easy. And next, I want you to normalize something. You are supposed to feel awkward. You are supposed to feel behind or unqualified in the middle of your journey. That's why it's called the middle. It is awkward and you feel like you don't know where you're going.

12:17But that feeling is not a sign to stop. It's a sign that you're in the exact place where growth happens. When you are nervous about clarifying your niche, when you reach out to people on social media and they don't respond, when you invite people into a launch and then it's crickets, when you post on social media and no one engages, all of that is normal. You are supposed to feel awkward, supposed to feel behind and unqualified in the middle of your journey because you haven't arrived. You're not at the beginning where everyone's going to root for you. Oh, we believe in you. And you're not at the end.

12:51Oh, you're a success. You did exactly what it is. You're in the middle where nobody believes in you and nobody's sure that you're actually going to get to the other side. It's supposed to feel that way. If you feel safe, you're not playing big enough. And I just want to remind you, you're not alone. Everyone who has started a successful business has been exactly where you are. Every single success story that you see, oh, the ones that sold for billions or millions, but once it's now vacationing on the niece of France. No, you're me vacationing on the coast of France. That was somebody who once felt awkward or behind or disqualified.

13:26They just don't talk about it in the middle. But what did they do in the middle? They push through and so will you. So now let's have a little bit of recap. Belief builds through three main steps. Clarity. Know who you're becoming. Don't use the past to predict. Look and see yourself in the future and begin to ask yourself today, what do I need to do to become that person? How do you change those beliefs is by acting as if your success is already a foregone conclusion. That success that you see, it's already done. Start acting that way today. And if you're like, I am not sure I can act that way today, good.

14:03Now we're into part two of proof. collect the evidence that you're capable. And so how do you collect the evidence that you're capable? You make small micro wins of saying, I'm gonna fulfill on the thing I said to do come hell or high water. Because I have to tell you, the thing that I have seen with business owners again and again is like, I want to do this. I will change. I am ready. And I have no doubt that they are. Except for the fact that their current circumstance isn't painful enough for them to make a different decision. I think I heard a quote over the weekend from Tim Ferriss. And he had said, people will choose predictable discomfort than unpredictable pain.

14:38So a lot of times people will just stay uncomfortable for a long time instead of making the decision to change and be in pain to get a different outcome. I don't want to be predictably uncomfortable. I want to be so uncomfortable that it's so much pain that I'm going to make the changes to get these bigger results, which leads us to our third point, which is resilience. I want you to train yourself to stay grounded when things get really uncomfortable. Resilience is not the ability to keep going. Resilience is the ability to get back up after you've been knocked down. That's a different level.

15:14You're on this long, hard journey through the desert and you're like, ah, that's called perseverance. Want to know what resilience is? Walking through the desert and it's hot and you alone and then a robber and a thief comes and knocks you upside your head and you fall into a pit and you got to climb out of that pit and walk all over again, again and again and again. That's resilience and that's the game of entrepreneurship. And you need to ask yourself, if I'm not willing to do that, I wonder if I am willing to pay the cost of what it's going to take to get the results. Because what I will tell you is that people love looking at other people's results saying, I want those results, but they're not willing to get up out of the pit.

15:52So if you want to learn the tools for building proof and evidence, I'm going to be sure to link to a podcast with Heather Hansen in the show notes. She has an awesome framework for how to collect that evidence and make it happen. If you want to learn how to stay grounded, I'm going to link to a podcast with Erin Weed. And she walks us through her head, heart, core exercise that she uses to make aligned decisions. Like if everything's gone sideways, how do you get back and make those aligned decisions? We got incredible feedback from her episode and Heather's episode. Now, if you practice these three steps, the clarity, proof, and resilience, you will rebuild a level of belief that feels steady and strong and totally and entirely yours.

16:35Not because you got lucky. Not because things just got easy. But because you learned how to believe in yourself once again. One aligned action. One moment of proof. One resilient breath at a time. And before I end, I should probably mention, my mom is walking now. She turned her doubt into belief and it changed her life. She's a powerful example for me. And I hope that her story can also give you hope that you can change your future when you believe in yourself. And I hope, I really genuinely hope that just like my dad and my siblings, we were rooting for her and we said, we believe in you. She had to believe in herself first.

17:14So I hope that after this episode, you are believing in yourself first. And if you are so lucky to be around people who will root you on even when you don't believe in yourself, I hope that you thank those people today. So on my end, Papi, Mommy, Bianca, Alexandria, Zoe, thank you guys for always believing.