5 Steps to Self-Trust That Change Everything

0:00We need to make sure that people can see themselves as a decision maker, not the decision itself. They're in control. And that changes the energy and the perspective of what they ultimately decide. I'm going to be honest with you. It's not easier tomorrow. And it's not easier the day after that. And it's definitely not easier next year. And here's the crazier part. It's not just a matter of wasting time. There's also opportunity costs. How often do people consider the price of not taking action? Okay, we'll stop right here. Welcome to the Jasmine Starr Show, where we talk about business, but there is no business if there is no trust.

0:38And so what I'm going to be talking about today are the five steps to self-trust. So when we talk about trusting ourselves, what we often do is we look into the future and say, oh, that's a risk and I'm full of doubt and I'm not sure. But there is also the cost of not taking action. Like literally speaking, inaction. Not doing what you know you want to do for a particular reason. So not doing what you know you want to do. Now, most people believe that the reason is real. That's a real reason and it's good. But I would challenge that line of thinking with every fiber in my body. When we think alone by ourselves, we are only using our own experiences to guess what could happen in the future.

1:22Now, the issue with that is like, that's a singular perspective, and that's never reality. And so what I mean is that 99 % of the time, it doesn't happen the way you think it should happen or the way we hope it should happen. So if that's true, that 99 % of the things won't happen the way that we think, the way we increase the odds of something actually happening is by giving different perspectives, asking people about their experiences, and considering the best possible outcome. But what we also need to consider is the opportunity cost of not taking action. So what's an opportunity cost? An opportunity cost is the price you pay for not doing something.

2:05It's easy to make a decision to not do something, but I'm going to invite you to look at it from a slightly different perspective. If you are not calculating what you could potentially lose by staying the same, if you aren't thinking about what you could lose by staying the same, you really don't understand what you are truly losing. Okay, so let's break this down by an example. If you're dating and you want to find a partner and you decide to not get on a dating app, you might think that the cost was simply not getting on a dating app. The opportunity cost needs to be evaluated by not having the opportunity to meet more people, to get more exposure, to help you refine what you're actually looking for in a partner.

2:51You've lost all of those opportunities. That counts for something. If you're on a weight loss journey and you decide to not join a gym, maybe you're not sure you're follow through. Perhaps you don't have enough time. Maybe you're worried about how much it costs. Okay, all of those could be real reasons and all of those could feel right, but you're not just making a decision to not join the gym. You're making a decision to not give yourself the most opportunities to succeed. Now, I am not saying that all of your reasons aren't good or true. They probably are good and they probably are true. But what I'm saying is that you have to calculate both sides of your decision.

3:30The cost of making the decision and the cost of not making the decision. That is the only way you understand the cost of losing the opportunity. Now, I know people say, Jasmine, you're so about it. Well, I'm passionate about this topic because so many people are robbing themselves of what they want simply because it's easier. It feels safer to say no or not right now. Or they'll say, I'm gonna wait. I'm gonna ask my partner. I'm gonna think about it. I'm going to pray about it. Okay, great. But when you say those things, you're not just making a decision to not do something. You're actually paying the cost against your future potential, your future opportunities to get the thing you want.

4:18Because I am not sitting here saying, like, you're not making a decision about something you don't want. You've already decided, wow, that sounds really great. That job, that opportunity, that trip, that person, I have decided I want it, but then I'm going to come up with reasons why it's not going to happen. Now, I just use examples about dating and going to the gym. Y 'all, I know I'm not a love specialist or a fitness guru, so let's bring this a little closer to home. I'm a business gangster. I say that with humility, but I also know it's my truth. Building businesses and making money are what I do in my busy time, and it's what I do in my free time.

4:56Not only is business my career, y 'all, it's also my hobby. Now, some of you are going to roll your eyes and be like, this girl needs to get out more. Maybe. But if you ask me to go to a concert or go to a professional sporting event or spend the weekend at a fancy hotel, or I could choose to talk business with people, I'm choosing business. Always. I literally love it that much. And people think, you're tripping. Maybe. And here's the thing. Don't get me wrong. I love concerts. I love sports. I love a fancy getaway. And I enjoy those things often. But if I had to choose, it ain't even a choice.

5:29It's business all day, every day, and twice on Sunday. So if we're going to talk about the calculating the cost of not doing something, an example I'm going to use that is near and dear to my heart is the fact that I speak with, okay, here's the thing. I wrote this episode, and I'm saying this episode, and I know that I'm going to be just taking a lot of people off. But I'm going to speak my dang truth. And if it rubs you the wrong way, it probably rubs you the wrong way for a reason. And I say this with a lot of love and respect, but it's just the truth. I speak with hundreds and hundreds of women every single month about their ability to start a successful online business, to cultivate and create a successful business, and to build a powerful business that leads to financial freedom.

6:16Some of those women make the decision to pursue this new opportunity, but here's the crazy part. The majority of them do not. Now, at first, I was completely and totally confused because they will tell me or they will tell people on my team that what we've created and what we offer is exactly what they're looking for. In fact, I'm going to give you a behind the scenes sneak peek. We literally ask people to rate their excitement, their potential, and whether or not they believe that this opportunity is in a line for them. So we use a scale one to 10 with one being, no, I totally hate it. It's not for me.

6:56And 10 being, this is exactly what I'm looking for. I am extraordinarily proud to say that over 90 % of the people that we speak to, they rank the offer objectively, just the offer in itself, like at eight, nine, or 10. And sometimes people will even rate it a 13. Okay. Like they are literally telling us this is exactly, and we use the words exactly, this is exactly what they want and need. Now, I began to get really confused when after they were rating so high on that scale, they had a hard time committing or saying yes to the program. And what I began to do is study the psychology of what is really happening when somebody says, yes, this is what I want to do.

7:41And then they make a decision to not do it. Now, I didn't want to have an opinion about their decision. No, I wanted to understand the psychology of what was making them second-guess themselves. Accept fear as a constant state of operating or simply in its like easiest to understand terms, why would they let doubt rob them of an opportunity? So then I got curious. I started creating data points and finding commonalities between their responses. And then I created a pattern chart. Okay. I know. I know. I know I'm a total nerd. I'm a nerd. Y 'all, I love fake eyelashes. I love high heels, but I love data.

8:24I love analytics. I was born a nerd. I will die a nerd. And I love human psychology. And you're like, Jasmine, this is a business podcast. I know. I know. You want to know what business is? Human psychology, data, analytics, and money. If I want to deeply understand business in general, I need to understand the psychology of why somebody buys and why they don't. This episode, to be clear, is not about why somebody buys or why they don't. This episode is making sure that people understand that in order to make the best decision, they have to calculate the cost of not making that decision. In order for me to give a full picture around what I discovered, I need to break down what I believe the real answer is why people are saying no.

9:11So this is not about my business. I might be using my business as an example, but I want you to put your business in here as to why you might be able to understand why somebody might be saying no. They're common objections. So three of the most common reasons why somebody says no to an offer is, number one, I don't have money. Number two, I don't have time. And number three, well, I've tried it before and it didn't work. Now, these three reasons, they're known as universal objections, which basically means these are like the excuses that most customers will use again and again. So if you're saying, if people are telling you, oh, this is too expensive or I don't have money, guess what?

9:50Universal objection. You aren't a special snowflake. This is what everybody uses. So your potential customers or clients are saying these things to you. Okay, so good. Trust me, this is totally normal. I'm pretty sure you have found successful ways to overcome these objections. If you haven't, I'm going to link in the show notes to episodes that I have done and I have created to overcome those universal objections. I got you. But today, I really want to focus on the objection that exists but is hardly spoken about out loud. I'm bringing it to the surface, y 'all. That is an objection that sits squarely in your client's mind on a subconscious level.

10:27I know, psychology, we're getting woo, except we're not. There are thoughts that we all believe on the deep inside of our brain that we're not even conscious of. They call that subconscious. So your job as an entrepreneur is to bring the subconscious thoughts, AKA the thoughts that exist, but people are not really aware of them. We wanna bring them to the surface. We need to make sure that we are aware of this soundtrack in their mind and then ask them to decide if they still wanna listen to the thing that is keeping them small, the thing that is keeping them stuck or the thing that's keeping them afraid.

11:03So before we move on, I want to remind you of one thing. Your future customers and clients came to you because they said you had something they wanted. Okay? You had something they said they wanted. So please keep that in the forefront of your mind as I get into what I'm going to say next. If you have the answer or the solution to their desire and they are not saying yes, there's something bigger at play. If I am making an offer and somebody says, that is what I want, and they say no, there's something else going on there. So let me back up and use my business as an example. I will tell you that after watching and engaging and studying hundreds and hundreds of sales calls, the pattern I saw based on data and analytics is not the common excuse we were given as to why people wouldn't buy.

11:58Yes, of course, we were told people didn't have, guess what? They don't have enough time. They don't have enough money. They have tried things in the past. Those are not new excuses. Those are not novel reasons why. They are common. What I discovered was something bigger at play. When I paid very special attention to the words people were using, and when I noticed their body language, when I noticed the way that their eyes shifted, when they gave certain responses, these were all body and psychological clues to what was happening below the surface. So what I discovered, which I'm not even sure the people that we're having these conversations with, I am not even sure that they understood this thing.

12:37But let me just tell you, outside of the universal common reasons why somebody didn't buy, like I don't have time, money, or I've tried it before, was I discovered that what she wasn't saying, but the pattern was clear as all get out, was that our clients, the people who we wanted to be future clients, didn't trust herself. Ooh, okay. Now somebody can hear this and outright deny. They can refuse that. That's not what happened. That's what was going on. But I want to go back and I want to tell you that I have studied. I have cataloged data. I have created a pattern chart of the similar things that I saw and that I experienced.

13:14With the women I spoke to, it was not a matter of not having money. We have a ton of financing options. And here's the thing. If you want money, you will find money. If if you if you had your baby and something happened with your baby and it was gonna cost ten thousand dollars You would find the ten thousand dollars. That's just it because you wanted it So it's not a matter of not having money because we can find a way to get money We've seen it again and again and it wasn't a matter of time Like these busy women knew how to make time for what they wanted. It's very clear You will make time for something you want.

13:47So and it wasn't about trying something in the past that didn't work What I discovered was a lack of trust to make a decision that, yes, it would cost her her time and money and effort. It was a lack of trust that she could do it and make it work. And I just want to pause there. We all have doubts when we make an investment and when somebody is making an investment with us. There's always doubt, always. But if we can overcome the objections for time, money, or something has tried before in the past, which successfully is good business owners, you can and you should, then what belies it is that I don't know if I trust myself that I will stick with this plan this time and that when I put something out, it will work.

14:36That's mistrust, not in the offer, but in oneself. So if you have found yourself in a similar situation or you're a business owner who wants to help a prospective client work through this, I want to share a five-minute framework that empowers somebody to build their self-trust in less than five minutes. So one thing I want to make very clear here is that my approach to sales, I am not trying to sell you. I'm not trying to convince you of something you don't need. I want to be very clear. If you tell me that you want it and it sounds perfect for you, then I'm going to ask who you want to be to make the decision to get exactly what you told me you wanted.

15:16Pause. I will never convince you of something you don't want. You tell me you want it, great. Who do you need to become in order to make a decision to guarantee that you get the result that you so desperately want? Amen? This is a five-part framework that you can use to work yourself or a prospective client through in under five minutes. So let's get this party started. Okay, step one to building self-trust is to name it. As a business owner, if I'm sitting with a prospective client, my goal is to clearly name her fear. I might say, can I reflect something back to you? It doesn't sound like you're unsure about the program.

15:52It sounds like you're unsure about yourself following through. Is that fair? Okay, what am I doing here? I'm removing the pressure and I'm making sure she feels seen and understood. From a psychological perspective, I'm making sure that I'm separating her from her decision. We need to make sure that people can see themselves as a decision maker, not the decision itself. They're in control. And that changes the energy and the perspective of what they ultimately decide. Now let's get to step number two of our self-trust framework, and that is to normalize it. Name it, then normalize it. After I get her answer about whether or not it's a fair assessment, and nine times out of ten they're saying, yes, that's what's happening.

16:35Then I say, honestly, the women who say this are the ones that I trust the most because you're self-aware. Most people would never admit that. But I want to ask you something. Has not trusting yourself ever actually helped you change? Okay. Why am I asking that? I am asking this specific question because I want to disrupt their thought pattern. The brain is actively trying to protect itself and come up with a thousand reasons. This is not going to work. This is not going to work. This is what? No, no, no. It's my job to simply ask if not trusting yourself has ever actually helped you change. 99 % of the time, they will tell me that not trusting themselves has not helped them change.

17:17Okay. So if I'm saying thinking that way has not helped you, okay, so then what now? This leads us to step number three of our self-trust framework, and that's to shift their old identity. So I might say something like, you're using your past behavior as proof of who you were, but what if it's actually proof of what you haven't been supported in yet? Okay, if you've never had a one-on-one coach, if you've never had a proven system, if you've never had personal accountability, would you agree that having those things would give you a different outcome? This program can give you a new way to succeed because it's different from anything else you've done before.

17:57Does that make sense? What did I do there? I created a distance between you might, that might have been true in the past, but it won't be the same here. So I want to be very clear. What I'm trying to do with this question is to help them rewrite their own internal narrative. I can't tell them what to think. They have to think it on their own. They must come to it on their own. They must believe it from on their own. So from a psychological perspective, it's moving a person from a state of I can't to a state of maybe I haven't yet. Step four of five in the self-trust framework is to shrink their fear.

18:41So based on my research, I know I'm trying out here trying to sound like a scientist. My science is basically doing the dirty, scrappy work of keeping track of the calls I've had, collecting data, finding patterns. So that's it. I'm not trying to act like I'm like a Harvard out here with my studies. This is my own study doing my own way. You do your own study and then you share your insights with me because I would love to hear. But from my research, what I discovered is that my prospective client is mostly afraid of adding more to their very busy and overwhelming life. If my prospective client is already overwhelmed, she is deeply worrying that this offer is going to add to her overwhelm, even if it's something that she really already wants.

19:20So if I want her to say yes, I need to shrink her fear down. I might say something like, let me remind you, this program requires five to seven hours a week. Could you commit one hour a day for something that could change your income in your life? So what I'm trying to do here is to contextualize her fear of overwhelm and then shrink it to a small commitment every day. So I might continue and say something along the lines of, this is not about perfection. Okay, I'm gonna pause here. Hold on. I'm gonna back up. One of the patterns that I noticed with the clients who said yes to our offer, I noticed the pattern when I was coaching a lot of them is like they self-identify as perfectionists.

20:02And so what I need to do, which if you're a perfectionist and a business owner, like bless your heart. Now, if we were in Texas, you know exactly what that meant. That meant like, come on girl, that is not gonna work for you. Perfection in business doesn't work. It just doesn't. You kill yourself, you beat yourself up, and then you expect to have this great outcome. So if perfection doesn't exist, then what we need to do is call it out in the beginning to self-identify. Like, listen, I understand it might be about perfection, but that's not what's going to be here. And so what you're doing is you're shifting their identity from, I'm a perfectionist, it has to be perfect.

20:31So I will tell people, now let's get back into this sales idea and conversation. Remember, I want somebody to trust herself. So if I want her to trust herself, I have to guarantee that it's not about perfection. So I say, it's not about perfection. It's about small, consistent moves. You told me earlier you wanted to leave your 9-to-5 job so you had more times with your kids and financial freedom. My question to you is, do you want to be in the same spot this time, like in six months or next year? I might even, okay, so I'm going to extend it even more here. I might say something along the lines of, I've seen women with less time, more responsibilities, and more doubt than you create consistent 10K months.

21:11The difference wasn't talent. It was a decision. I want to remind you, I'm not here to convince you. You get to decide who you want to be in this moment. The version of you who stays here, stuck in your nine to five, in debt, not having time with your children, or the version who learns how to make a clear decision to change her life and build financial freedom. Who would you like to be? So let's pause. I have not told this woman anything. I have asked her, asked her to name her fear, asked to normalize her fear, asked to shrink her fear, asked to contextualize what it actually means. And then I'm inviting her to a decision.

21:56Who do you want to be? Do you want to trust yourself that you can make it work? Or would you prefer to stay here with this perception that you're safe, but you're actually not counting the cost of not making the decision. So let's peel back. In the beginning of this episode, I talked about the cost of inaction. In this next step in the framework, it's to remind everybody that there is a cost of not saying yes. But I can't leave people there. What I need to do leads us in step five of the self-trust framework, and that is to invite them into power. And this is very important for me. Just as a side note, my whole life, I grew up very poor, brown, and a woman.

22:37And I think that for a bit of my life, I took on this identity that I was powerless. Like, I couldn't make things. That somebody outside of me, that something, someone, some entity was saying, no, I couldn't do those things. So if I couldn't do those things, then it wasn't ever possible. And then I realized that powerlessness is a decision. And that if I decided that I was going to be powerful, that I had to take ownership. And this is what I want to do with every single person who sits across from me, you right now are watching this video or you're listening to audio and I'm doing the same thing to you.

23:05I am inviting you into power. It is not against you. It is always for you. And all you have to do is make a simple decision to think differently. So step five of this framework is to invite them into power. And I might say something like, I've seen women with less time, more responsibilities, and more doubt than you create consistent 10K months. And the difference wasn't talent. It was a decision. So I've said that. Then I'm going to move into, I am not here to convince you. You get to decide who you want to be in this moment. The version of you who stays seer, like stuck, and then I'm going to use their words, like stuck in a nine-to-five, stuck in debt, stuck hating your boss, or the version who learns how to make a clear decision to change her life and build financial freedom.

23:49Who do you want to be? And I end with a question because I'm going to say it again. I am not here to convince. By this time in a conversation, they have already told me that they are 9, 10, or 13 on a scale of 1 to 10. If they tell me that is what they want, if they tell me that's what they desired, all I'm going to do is invite them to decide, to claim their power and make a decision to change their life. So I started this episode by asking if we understood the cost of not making a decision. Now, I create specifically two people in mind. Number one, for the woman who needs to know that her indecision is costing her greatly.

24:35And then number two, for entrepreneurs who are working with clients who are struggling to make a decision and then giving them a framework to communicate with deep empathy and understanding and then inviting them into power. So now what I wanna do is I want to review our five-part framework to self-trust. This is for somebody. If you are struggling to make a decision, please follow this framework. If you are an entrepreneur guiding somebody to make a decision, please use this framework. So the five-part framework to self-trust is number one, name it. Number two, normalize it. Number three, shift their old identity.

25:12They are not that person anymore. Four, shrink their fear. And five, invite them into power. I created this episode for women to be empowered to make decisions that will change their life and help them build businesses for financial freedom. Here are the end. Now, if this episode was helpful or enlightening, please let me know. I want to hear from you, and I truly appreciate your feedback. You can send me a DM on Instagram. You can find me on Instagram at Jasmine Star. If you're watching on YouTube, Thank you. I appreciate you. You can leave a comment. Thank you again for watching and listening to The Jasmine Starship.