Building a Business (and Marriage) with Your Spouse: Behind the Scenes with my Husband, JD

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0:32I can't wait to see you there. Welcome to the Jasmine Star Show, where today I have hands down my most favorite all-time guest. This guest is probably going to get 10x the amount of downloads, 10x the amount of views. This person is about to blow your mind with the insights that he's going to share. Ladies and gentlemen, I could not be more excited to welcome my husband and my business partner, J.D. De La Torre. Yes. It's 10x, baby, 10x. 10x, okay. Well, you know, thank you for having me. You're welcome. I feel like we're at home. So I'm in my element, but I am very nervous. Yes, we were nervous.

1:14And then today I walked, you were getting Luna dressed for the day. And I walked in and I said, I'm so nervous for this podcast. Like, I want to show up. And before I could even finish the sentence, you're like, oh, you're going to show up so nice. And you're going to show up like you're going to make the world want to love you. He's like, you should show up how you really are. I was like, wow, bro. No, actually, maybe that was me flirting because when you said you were nervous, I kind of got, I was just like, she loves me. If I make her nervous, but in that, because what I was really thinking was the lineup that you've had on your podcast recently is just mind blowing.

1:49I'm like, I look up to these people too. And all of a sudden, when you asked me the other day, I was kind of like, oh, 10X less, 10X, no less. Okay, do you want to start there? Do you want to start? Like, look, we could be 100. We could be 100 about why I asked you to be on the podcast. How it happened. How it happened. How it happened. Oh yeah. How it happened. We were flying to New York. So we, we booked a flight last minute. It was last week on Thursday. We flew out and we were sitting next to each other. And so Jasmine kind of reaches out over to me and says, Hey, I need some help. You said, I need help.

2:21And I said, and you said, don't roll your eyes and don't give me an answer. You have to think about it. And whenever she starts with that, I always roll my eyes because it's like, it's one of those, it's inevitable. My eyes just automatically roll when she says, don't roll your eyes. So I rolled my eyes and I said, ask. And then she said it again. And I said, okay, I'm not going to roll my eyes again. You have to just tell me. And then she kind of was like, you were hesitant. You didn't want to ask. And so I thought it was something pretty big. And you said, can you be on the podcast and i said let me think about it and then i said i mean yes i said yes but i'll think about it so it was kind of like a half yes and and then you said thanks so much and i said we have to shake on it you have to shake you're like no i'm not going to shake yeah i didn't shake on it because i was just you know i kind of wanted to work out the details the fine print i wanted to talk about the agreement and then i was sitting in the chair and i was like, but do you see how, like, do you see how stressed I am?

3:18And do you see, like, we've had conversations around like how you can help me. I was like, if you do this, you're helping me, like you're helping me when you do this. And, and you're like, but jazz, like, I just let, let me think about it. I said, so that's a yes. What I say is a yes. And I was like, shake my hand, shake my hand, shake my hand. I was like, I'm not going to stop. Shake my hand. And so then you just shake my finger. I gave you a finger shake. Yes. I grabbed it. Our fingers connected and that was our finger shake. Yeah, no, that's so, so it's crazy because I did need a discussion because I had no idea we're going to do this setup with Max and Aisha and have the whole, I know we're going to be in the office by ourselves, you know, the way that we kind of have done it.

3:55We've done it once before like that. And so that's how I envisioned it. So I'm glad I didn't see the five breaks. And I didn't, I said, okay, do you agree to be on the podcast? Oh yeah, and I thought, yes, right, right. So that was last Thursday on the flight. back home, you said, Hey, I was already planning the week. I said, Hey, what's the week look like? I have things with Luna that I want to like kind of accomplish. And you said, Oh yeah, just be ready on Wednesday's the podcast. I gave you six days. I thought it was like a two month, you know, runway or, you know, but yeah. So now here we are.

4:28It's Wednesday. I actually think that this is a week from that conversation. This is a perfect description of our relationship. It's, I have an idea. don't roll your eyes. He will inevitably roll his eyes. I will somehow cajole him into doing it. And then you will always be on a shadow of a doubt. Here we are, like we'll be married 20 years in September. And there has not been a single idea that you have been, no, you say, let's go. That's true. And you always, every single time, just do it bigger than what's stated up front. it's always case in point this is bigger than what was stated up front that should say a lot about like i want to treat you the way that we treat all of our guests top notch produce make you in a good light we want to hear your frameworks for life hey hey you know the thing though is i don't ever have to say or i never i've never had been on a podcast i don't not rehearse or practice or even speak often.

5:29So I really don't have anything that's kind of, I've said a hundred times. I wish there was something that I've just, oh, I've said this a hundred times. I can just easily say it. Oh, I know what you say a hundred times. Oh, don't even go there. Come on. Like what? What do you think I'm going to say? Why did you leave that on the floor? Come on. I've said that a hundred times, but come on, that's not fair. People are not going to get anything out of that. That is not a 10X idea. So let's see if I have any 10X ideas for you. Okay, so this is the thing. So maybe we should start there. my husband and I, we've been together basically our whole lives.

5:58And so when he says, I haven't said something a hundred times, I literally on a weekly, I've said a hundred times. Why is that thing on the floor? Yes, yes, yes. That's not podcasting talk. So that's podcast. Okay. So I want to make it as easy as possible. I just want us to talk. I want to give people like maybe like a little bit of a look in our lives and in our business. We are co-founders. We have done everything together. We are 50-50 partners. And then the relationship has changed and the roles that we play. But right now, how would you describe me as a business partner in three words? Let's see.

6:35I would, easy, easy hands down is you're a leader when it comes to a business partner. I feel like you lead, you always want to bring our entire team. You want them to be empowered, but you always want to bring them along. So you're one of those never leave anyone behind type people, leaders. So a leader for sure. You're also very fair. I think fairness is huge for you. It's just a core principle inside of you that when you get an idea or something comes your way, you don't think about yourself only. You think first of the person that you're going to be interacting with and then you try to come with the best win-win, I guess, scenario.

7:17So you're very fair. And let's see. Oh, you have tenacity, tenacious. You're tenacious. You just never give up. I have never met anybody who can get beat up so much and still wake up the next day and do it again and again and again and again and again and again. And that's I love that about you, Jasmine. I feel like I'm proud of you. I don't know anybody else that's like that. So you're the most relentless, tenacious person I know. gangster tears hey hey hey i love those words thank you they feel very true thank you okay so okay okay so a little bit of flip side how would you describe me as a wife in three words different uh very different yeah i feel like in our house and our with us as a wife as a as um i don't know as a unit that we are three i think you're a futurist i feel like you're always you take whatever our dreams are you you assess them and then you always are thinking of okay so if we want Luna to get involved with being a tennis player, maybe even a champ one of these days, she should probably take tennis classes.

8:22And so where I'm just like, you know, I'm going to go outside and play with her in the park and we're going to throw some balls around. So like, when I bought her all the tennis outfits and the shoes and the balls, that's right. That's what makes us a good. And I love that. Yeah, exactly. So it's like, it's, it's, it's that it's pretty cool to see a futurist. I would say you're generous or I would say kind, but in that kindness comes generosity you're very kind to our family and everyone around us so our extended family as well but you're very kind to us because you you always ask what do you guys want to do and all you want to do is be around us which i think is very very kind so i think you're very kind and i love you so just fyi i just i'm thinking some kind of um it's okay you're loyal fiercely loyal So yeah, I feel like you are always, always, always, always, always about your family.

9:17You always want us to be thought of included. So yeah, you're pretty awesome, aren't you? I do think though, honestly, I think that they just, I know I don't, I'm your, I'm your biggest cheerleader, me and your mom. And I just feel like, yeah, I love you, man. I like, I love those qualities about you. I feel like that's what keeps me always in love with you and excited to get in your head. And then speaking of getting in your head, don't get in your head. I see you getting in your head. Don't get in your head. It's great. This is the only people who are going to listen to this are people who just want a different insight.

9:52Like we don't have to, this is not teaching. Today is a different podcast. And so we just do it. We get to document it. So that like years from now. It's for all the people that I love. Actually, the people that love you. I think this is, this podcast goes out to the people that love Jasmine. It's DJ Thunder Nights. this podcast is going out to the people who know but seriously hey i love them if they love you i love them so okay this is okay this is for us it's document we're document i like hearing that you're good you're good okay so no more knowledge um yeah no more well no no okay so how would you describe how we first met because i think every every origin story starts with oh maybe i understand or i explain a little bit more i know why that person is the way that this thing is and so a lot of the times when we meet people in a professional capacity and then we tell them that we met in high school and then they see our dynamic, it colors it differently.

10:38So how, how do you describe how we met? I, we were kids. We were 17 years old. We were, I feel like our first meeting, there weren't that many fireworks. I feel like the fireworks came on our first date. I think our first date was fireworks, but first meeting was completely random, caught me off guard. I wasn't even we were at a fundraiser and we were a high school fundraiser you were in charge of a booth I think you were were you making food no um the cheerleaders did a routine oh you were dancing it was a fundraiser to raise money for like needy families during Thanksgiving and so the cheerleaders were collecting food and then we did song and dance and same same same well we were I was we were I was in charge of entertainment as well so I remember being there and my entire family was there and uh we jasmine and i shared a mutual guidance counselor and so he made he came over to my family and you were right next to him and so he decided to introduce us and um it was just a quick hello i wasn't expecting uh hey you know you guys want to get to know each other it was kind of a very nice to meet you that's awesome that you're here and then as we were i was i was we i was leaving and my little sister needed a ride home.

11:53So I was taking her home and I was walking away, going to my car. And I remember you just called my name and you're like, Hey, I turned around and I did. I went up to him. Yeah. I went up to him. So that was, that was our first meeting. That was our first meetup. I thought it was very like, it was just like, get to know you. So I think the fireworks happened. Okay. We're going to talk about the first date for a second. Cause I think that that colors into it. So the mutual, we went to different high schools, the counselor introduced us we were at different schools I was senior class president and you were ASB vice president so we were in like council leadership and things like that and we met and I did go up to him after because I thought to myself I probably like I remember it like it was yesterday I talked to him and I thought to myself oh my gosh he's so nice and he's so smart and I hand it to heaven so this day my first thought was he's so charming he wasn't flirty It was just like, he was so charming.

12:50And I was like, I think I'm charmed. So anyways, we go our own ways and I go up to my friends and I said, I think I just met this guy and I, he's so nice and he's cute. And my friends. And so at this point in time, I hadn't had a boyfriend in high school. I would go to like our school dances with my girlfriends. I was just definitely like dork. I mean, I was, I was fun. I was just dorky. Anyway, it doesn't matter. And so then my friends were like, go and say hi to him. Go and say hi to him. So I did something I've never done, but Hey, it played off. Like I went up to one, I've approached one guy in my life and snagged that brother.

13:19So anyways, I go up to you and I was just like, Hey, like, it's nice to meet you. I remember, I still remember your bangs. You had bangs. He brings up the bangs. That was like your look. It was like a look. You had a whole thing going on. I had very hard bangs. And yeah, we just said we'd see each other on the field one day when we played, when we were going to go play against your school. I was playing football all the time. And then unbeknownst to us, our counselor got involved again and asked if we wanted to communicate via letter we write letters to each other and he would kind of just drive and be our be our correspondent like our courier courier yeah he would like we would write letters to each other like in first period i would write him a letter and then i would give it to the counselor and the counselor would go to his school yeah and give him then he'd wait and get a letter and then the next day the letter would be returned so we started that was fun writing letters yep we started writing and then finally i kind of got tired of i i like writing but i just thought we should talk I feel like talking would probably get a lot more than a page or two of hard thoughts.

14:15I'm in chemistry. What are you doing? Exactly. It was one of those. It was pretty silly. But I'll never forget our first call. I called your house and I was so nervous because I wanted you to call me for some reason, but I forgot to put my phone number. Of course you do for some reason. I said, call me when you get a chance. And I guess I ran out of a space. I remember that paper was full, so there was no room for my number anymore. And maybe I just forgot. It was God. it was god like making you call me like a gentleman because i said i didn't have your number call me here's my phone number and so then he called me i just worried because i i don't know i just picked up this oh i'm gonna speak to your parents or something i felt like your parents were gonna answer the phone it was back in the day when the landlines were a thing so i called but you answered and i just remember we spoke for hours hours i think it was like four hours yeah four hours something like that i think your mom actually picked up the phone twice and said get off the phone and I respectfully got off the phone after I cowered for hours.

15:08Yeah. But I, it happened again the following day and the following day and the following day. And so that's just how our relationship, I feel like that's how it started. It started as a true friendship. And then, so when we did see each other for the first time, our date, do you want to talk about that? Or are we, I think we're good. I think we're good. I think we're good at this story. I think we're good at this story, but there was just one detail. We have to share the one detail about the date. Yeah. It was amazing. How do you know? How do you know what I'm thinking with the one detail? Well, just tell me, what is it?

15:36What is it? What do you think the detail is? We got serenaded? No. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like, so that first date is crazy. I had never been to a Starbucks and we went to Starbucks or actually was, was it Starbucks? It was Starbucks. Yeah. But he had never been to a physical bookstore. He'd never been to a Starbucks. And so we go out to, we go out on our date and those two things were there. I was just like, I love bookstores. I mean, you guys, I was, I am. And you acted like you liked Starbucks. So I acted like I liked Starbucks. because I was like, oh, let's do something. I got a cup.

16:04I remember my hand was hot and you're like, hey, that's what these are. These little, you told me what a Java jacket was. That's not what they're called. Like a little, I don't know. At the time, at the time, you told me how to hold a hot coffee in my hand because I was just trying to hold this coffee, trying to be tough, but I was bringing my hand off and you're like, put one of these coats on. So anyways, we went and we sat down and we had coffee and I'll never forget this two, these two kids came, came next to us. No, there was like four. Four? Yeah. It was like a quartet. I thought it started.

16:31Oh yeah, you're right. it started with two and then they added on and they just wanted to sing boys to men and they started singing songs to us and they were super romantic songs and i just thought this is cool i was we're just saying they were just sitting at the table next to us and they were just like it was like the whole boys to men track i should have got their phone number it would have been so cool the contact information to see what they're up to i know it was fun it was just good it was just you know it was one of those things i felt like those sparks were in the air that's when i think the fireworks happened and um do you we can you you want to talk about no you because jasmine always said no i would never kiss on our first date i would never kiss on our first date but those guys who sang that's why i wish i had their number i could write them a little letter and say thank you because that was that was it that was it i think that uh you you hey okay right now uh we're just gonna let that we're just keep that in our daughter is sitting just off camera we uh at the time of this recording, we have decided to homeschool our daughter.

17:29And so while we are working and recording together, she is just off camera and she just asked her dad for a snack. And so he didn't get one high maintenance demanding woman in his life. He got two. So we're just going to keep on rolling with it where she's going to be popping in and out as as it is. But as far as you spilling the tea that we kissed on our first date, my mom is watching. He's totally lying. I can't believe it. When we go back to think about how we first met. The second big decision for us outside of getting married, we dated nine plus years before we got married, all with good intentions.

18:04But like the next biggest decision after deciding to become boyfriend and girlfriend, dating long distance, getting married was when we decided to work together. Right. So can you talk about when we made that decision and like, how did it look? And what were you, what were you, what was your perspective? What were you going through? What were you thinking about? I think you and I have always been entrepreneurs at heart. Like we always talk about business. You were going to business school or you were actually well, yeah, you, you, you, I have a business degree. Yeah. You got to, you were studying business and then I just, I didn't study business, but that's all I would ever do and talk about.

18:40I remember at that time when we were getting married at 25, I thought I was going to have a barbecue truck at certain i don't know like a high-end food truck which before food trucks were a thing yeah he was very he was very avant-garde so so i was already you know thinking about businesses and i don't know i i just feel like you and i we're like you've been my best friend ever since you know high school and so uh there goes luna yeah i just think uh i had i had i had a best friend before you and i just remember like we would say like anything like Like, hey, do you want to start this thing together?

19:17And it would always be something that we just did. And so like with you, it was so natural. Like, hey, do you want to start a business together? And it was never a, let me think about it. It was always, of course, what are we going to do? Okay, but let me go back and like, let's set the scene. So at the time, you were working with a startup, a telecommunication startup. And you were in sales for the startup. And it's during that time where I kind of start sorta. I'm working part-time at my dad's church and I'm building out things. Hi, baby. Oh, gracias. okay it's for peekaboo thank you okay thank you okay okay peekaboo you watch we get our snack um i think she's good okay if we don't mind no we're just rolling with it we're just rolling this is literally doing life and business and so we're just we're just this is what we're gonna do yeah it's and so okay you just gotta let it go you just gotta let it go you just i mean because or else we're just stopping every five minutes.

20:14We'll just hear her making snacks. So yesterday we were setting up the setup and Max, our lead videographer, I'm sitting here and he's setting the camera up and then Luna sits in this chair and she says, welcome to my podcast. And then she goes, and she talks about this orange bike that she has and then she says, okay, mom, your turn. And I was just like, okay, okay. I think she's a natural. I feel like she did better than me. I know. So you'll hear her making a sandwich right now. You're going to hear her making sandwiches and you can tell she's a child of the, of the OC. It's like she wants pumpkin seeds and she wants almond butter and an apple.

20:49Yeah. And so she's just going to be floating around in the background. We're just, we're just, yeah, she's surviving and thriving. And yes, do we allow her to use knives? Absolutely. We do. We do. I know. We're going to get someone to hate. We're going to get someone to hate. They're a butter knife. They're a butter knife. It's fine. But she's actually very good. She's very good. She's good. She's good. JD was with a telecommunication startup. I had just started off with photography and I had been doing this. like you were shooting with me, but you were working five days a week with the telecommunication startup.

21:15And then on the weekends, I was like, Hey, can you help me out? And can we shoot together? And it's at this time that the business grows to a certain degree. And then we have a conversation over dinner. And this is when we're living on Guinevere, I think. Right. Yeah. No, no, not yet. We were still on Pickering, I think. That was, yes, we were, that's when we started the business. So when we started the business, but when you, when you decided to move and join me. Yeah, we were at Guinevere. You're right. Yeah. So I feel like I didn't want to leave. I wanted to see the startup through actually.

21:44So I just remember thinking, I want to see this thing through. I actually feel like there is, the startup was one of those companies where it was going to have an exit strategy. And it was all happening as planned. And so I thought, I would love to be experienced like a full sale. Yeah, exit and everything. So I thought when that happens, I'll go full time and we'll transition into wedding photography. So for about a year and a half or two, I was just kind of working Monday through Friday. And then on the weekends, we were shooting weddings and I loved it, but it was, I just remember how I was burning out.

22:16I was burning out after about a year. I was just kind of like, okay. Yeah. You're working like seven days a week. We started taking on a lot. And then I got to a point in the business where I said, I'm going to need more. I need additional support. So it's either I hire somebody or the weddings were getting even, here's the thing. They weren't big weddings yet, but they were, they were asking us to travel. So we were now flying across the U.S., which, you know, we're going to the most random cities in the world in the U.S., but it was it was it was part of the fun. I thought it was like it's part of the excitement of our startup.

22:46And so then I had asked if you would join the business. Yeah. And so then where is your head at then? Oh, I was excited. I knew that it was going to be it was going to turn into I knew that it was going to turn into a bigger business. I just I knew it was growing. Why? I genuinely, like, I don't even think that we talk about that. Like, why did you think that? Because things were in such alignment, like, uh, the, the momentum, like the, you weren't just shooting weddings at this, at that point, now you were being invited to speak and our, our, our minds, you and I would just come home after a speaking engagement and would think of all the businesses that we create on top of the speaking and education.

23:28And then we could start doing print and magazine and having like a content strategy and then having a content team. And we're just like, none of that stuff happened overnight, but we were just like, every night, we're just like, whoa, we could build this business into a pretty big business where it can sustain the both of us. And we can actually start, we might actually build a company. It was like, do you want to build an actual company? And so, um, yeah, it just got real, real fast. Okay. So that was like our origin story. And so now that people understand how we met, how we decided to become business partners, and then people are pretty familiar, I think, on the podcast, like how we've iterated, like the things that we've done and how we continue to grow.

24:07So I want to know right now, after going through all of that, what do you think is the best? And what do you think is the worst part of working with me? Ooh, I think it's actually like one of those, like, it's all encompassing. So that's the best part. It's all encompassing. We're always around each other. We get to do life together. But I think the worst thing also is it's all encompassing, which means it's hard to turn off and have like this, okay, what are we right now? Are we having, are we always business partners and where is there room for husband and wife relationship to build? And, and then if it does build, like how much does it get?

24:44Like two hours of our, you know, day or does it, how do we treat it? So that gets and a lot more attention. And that was really hard because I don't know, I feel like we'd been dating for nine years before we got married and then we were married for a couple of years. And so I just felt like it was the new thing for us. And it was the new exciting thing. The business was always the new and exciting thing. So it always kind of just overpowered our relationship. And it wasn't until a little bit later where we said, we need to have some balance because it was just, there was, sometimes we just we at different times i would want the relationship side to to kind of take precedent and like take over and then you would too but it was it was never at the same exact time so we were always feeling like we were missing each other so yeah i feel like that was and jd is a pisces and i'm an aries and so he's very much like thinker and feeler and love and emotion oh And I'm definitely fire, go, drive.

25:45And I think that the all-encompassing nature of the business. Give me your feelings in three points. Yeah. I was like, tell me how you're feeling. Keep it limited, short, concise. Let's go. Yeah. Okay. So on that vein, in your opinion, there's not a right or wrong. In your opinion, if you could remove one thing about me or from myself, what would it be to unleash my greatest success? What do you think is in my way? What do you think is in my way? That's a big question. That's a huge... I don't know. That's a lot. That's a big... Hi, baby. Come here. Hey, mama. Come here. Come here. Want to hang out with mom?

26:20Oh, no. Let me see. Wow. We love your snack. Okay, great. Beautiful. Great. Enjoy. Enjoy. Enjoy. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Okay. That's your third breakfast. That's her third breakfast. Yes, it is. That's her third breakfast. Our daughter loves to cook for herself. She takes after her dad. thank god thank god that two people in this house cook one of them is you know she's a critic she's she critiques now she actually will probably critique her own food yes yes um okay so big question okay so part of the reason why i'm asking this is a deep question this is a deep one it's not like uh i know what's my favorite color this is no i know okay so part of the reason why i was asking was because peter the the if i if i take the thing out or you said one thing that would you can take out yeah like what do you think unlock only unlock like the success in you yeah like what do you think as a business partner when you look because i can look at like a couple people on our team and i'm like oh this was just removed you'd be freaking unstoppable yeah yeah um hold on mi amor mi amor i i would say if i could remove fear the fear of being responsible for a team family the fear of losing what we built uh the fear the self-doubt i feel like the fear so fear encapsulates all these things then i think you would unlock something but at the same time i don't want to take something out that's actually you're working on like you are actually working on these fears already so if i could take out fear and replace it with trust which you are already working on, I would put it, I would put trust in that place so that you could have some self love and self compassion, things like that.

28:07So I wouldn't want to replace it without filling it with something or, and I, and I also don't know if I want to replace it because it's making you who you are today. It's, you're actually, you're working, you're doing the work to try to actually get fear, dispel fear, but it's still, it's still a big, it's hard to, it's hard to erase. I think, okay, so right before we turn on the cameras, earlier today, we had a recording with a guest by the name of Amy Sangster. And Amy brought in this beautiful Santal 33, or like Le Labo candle. And it was so nice. But what she doesn't know is that this morning, JD goes through and he preps the house for our guests.