Building Confidence with Ease: How I’m Becoming the 3X Version of Myself

0:0010 years ago, I made the decision to build my personal brand that was elevated, yet approachable, and reflected who I was, not just what I did. I created my website with ShowIt because it's true drag-and-drop freedom, so you can easily build and update your site. Plus, their real human support team, game changer. Want to try it for yourself? Head to jasminestar.com forward slash showit for a 14-day free trial and first month free when you subscribe. So confidence feels like fear in the beginning, and then you realize that that fear ain't going to kill you. That fear is not a tiger waiting to mull you.

0:33Welcome to the Jasmine Starr Show, where we talk about business, marketing, strategy, and today, confidence. Dun, dun, dun. I have to tell you that when I put together this podcast, I kind of sort of debated how it was going to take shape. And after writing it out, I simply decided I'm committing to it. I'm committing to sharing my journey and I'm committing to sharing my truth as it stands. I reserve the right in the future to change my opinion or my view of it. Just like anything in life, when you're looking at something in front of you, it will look different the farther removed you are from it.

1:12So this is me standing in front of it saying, this is how it looks in this moment and in this day. And if I am wrong, and maybe I hope I am, I reserve the right to admit that I was wrong and then pivot and change direction on my opinion. So let's start here. With this point in the podcast, I am meeting with a podcast mentor. And we meet about every four to six weeks. And my objective is for him to tell us action items to take for the podcast. And then the team and I go and deploy on it. Now, it takes us about four to six weeks to deploy and get the results from them. And so this is how I know I'm a good mentee.

1:49I am just doing the work that you say. Yes, sir. Thank you. I'll keep on doing it. And so it was under his tutelage that we've been making big strides in the podcast. And we were having this conversation and he went through and he had said something in passing. And it was something along the lines of, well, it's just that your level of confidence comes across and then he said something else. And I didn't hear what he said before and I didn't hear what he said after because the words level of confidence kind of struck me. And so he went on and he finished about the paragraph that he was saying.

2:22and then I stopped and I said, I'm so sorry. I didn't hear what you said. Can we go back to this thing that you said about my level of confidence? And he's like, oh, well, it's just that you're so confident. And I was like, I'm confident, interesting. And then I admitted to him and maybe I had never admitted it to him or anybody out loud. And so I'm doing it here on the podcast is there is the reality of who I am. and then there is the version of me who shows up on the podcast. Who I am and how I speak on this podcast is me. It is the real me. But I said to him, I was like, oh, well, there is the regular version of me, like the 1X version.

3:04And then there is the version of me that people see when I step on a stage or when I'm on my podcast. And that's the 3X version of me. That is like me plus me plus me. And it was like he looked across from me on the computer screen and it hit him too. that the way I show up on the pod is really different than oftentimes I feel in real life. It was a couple of days later that I had this conversation with JD and I said, you know, I don't think anybody looks at me at the grocery store or at the yoga studio and says, huh, now there goes a confident girl. If I was being honest with you, it's actually quite the opposite.

3:41I don't hold myself in what one might perceive as confidence. I am usually the person in the back of the room against the wall. And I am usually, I hate even admitting it. I'm the person who walks into a room and has my head down. I don't look at people. I don't hold my head up high. I don't have a string that is coming from my stomach up through my solar plex, up through my neck, through the top of my head, where there's people who walk into a room and simply say like, cool, I'm here. I'm more like, I'm here. Cool. And so JD had asked me, well, what do you think it is. Why do you think that you come across that way?

4:17And I said, oh, well, I look at it like I'm putting on an armor of confidence. Like I wear confidence like a shield, like an armor. And he asked me why I thought it was important. And I was like, an armor means that I'm going out to battle. And I think on some subconscious level, I've had to fight for everything I had in my life. And so if you're going to fight, why would you not wear something that suits you up for that? If I have to fight to be the only woman in the room, or I have to fight to be the only brown person in a room, if I have to fight to get venture capital or to get a bank loan, if I have to fight for a position to speak on a stage when very few people look or sound like me, if I have to fight to be a CEO of a tech company, why would I not wear armor?

5:15If I am going up against people's preconceived notion of what somebody like me or who looks like me or who sounds like me, why would I not wear that armor? And then I took it a step even further. I said, and you want to know what? While I'm at it, boy, was I on this pretend TED Talk stage. I was like, I actually think it should be inspiring. It should be inspiring because people like me who are not naturally predisposed to confidence, they too can choose to pick up armor. They too can step on a stage when they don't feel like they belong on that stage and then speak on that stage. They too can have a podcast that's climbing the business charts with confidence because it's an armor.

5:52They too can become a version of themselves, that 3X version that's not naturally their version, but they could choose to be that. And then he just like looked across from me and he was just like, what would it look like if you didn't have to fight? And I was like, oh, you see right there, this. I'm fighting words. Fight in words right there. See, I'm glad I'm wearing my armor. And he's like, well, what if the confidence could be easy? Like, what if you could still choose to be confident, but not wear armor? Could you be confident without the armor? Because the armor is signaling to your brain, signaling to your subconscious that you're ready for a fight.

6:36and he's like all of a sudden people look at you on a stage and you're sounding a lot like this and then they listen to you on your podcast and you're sounding a lot like this and it's diametrically opposed to the 1x version of people who are listening to you so you show up as 3x and everybody's at their 1x and they look at you and then they think what I think that sometimes people look, I think, I could be wrong. I could be wrong. But I have been told that people look at what I do and then they say, I can't do that because that's you. You are, and then whatever it is that they think I am, like fill in the blank, right?

7:18You are more confident or you're more well-spoken or you're more whatever, whatever it is. They say that's that. And then what I started realizing in the past few weeks is that I am actually putting myself at opposite ends of where people actually are, even if the version that I'm putting forward is a pumped up version of me. So why are we even having this conversation? Right? We're like, great. Well, Jasmine's going on a personal deep dive. It's actually us getting into the business of business. My mentor had said that oftentimes, like my listenership is a mix of men and women, but it is mostly women.

7:56and it's mostly women because men don't naturally listen to women specifically speak about business and men don't really have a tendency of listening to women who speak about marketing because the default rationale would be well that's a woman that's a way that a woman would do marketing and i'm not making this up this is what literally people have told me to my face in all actuality with no negativity or no like snarkiness that's just what they said and so for the contingent of men who are listening, shout out. Thank you. I'm here for you. You the best of the best. You the real G's. And then for the women who are here, I have to also acknowledge that I come across with hard edges.

8:35And I also know that that is not the norm. I know that when I talk about my daily schedule and I'm like, okay, I wake up at 4.30 every morning and I work out six days a week and I have a schedule and my computer is closed at 6 p.m. and I do this and I do it. It's very like rigid, stringent, like traditionally men are classified as like, oh, they're the hunters and the women are the gatherers. And somehow I have found myself straddling the two lines of just like, no man, I'm a hunter. Like you put me in a jungle and I'm going to hunt. And at the same time, I'll also gather fruit. So I straddle the line between these two things.

9:11And I think that oftentimes like people who listen to me be like, oh, she's too hard edge as a woman and she's too much of a woman for men. I told my mentor, I said that could possibly be like a disadvantage. That if I was more warm and fuzzy and if I came from the it's okay and we could all do this and we're going to band together and we're going to take bubble baths and we're going to journal our way to success and we're just going to be the best versions of ourselves. Like I think I would have a larger listenership. And then he asked me, if you were not your 3x self, would you be more relatable?

9:45I said, statistically, probably. And then he said, do you want to be anything other than your 3X self? And I said, no, I don't. I want to be the most confident version of myself, even if I'm not feeling that way. Because I can take an action before I feel something. I can logic my way as to why this is going to be beneficial for my life and my business before I feel that way. And if I have to logic my way into feeling and being a 3X version of myself, I don't want to be 1X to make other people feel more comfortable. And so this is me drawing a line in the sand, understanding and knowing. And actually, it was a bittersweet acceptance.

10:33I might never top the charts of business and entrepreneurship. Maybe likely not. And I'm okay with that. And so this is me making a bold declaration that the people who I'm serving on this podcast is a small segment of people. And it is with this small segment of people that I'm going to be 100 % of my 3X self. And I'm not going to make any apologies for it. And I want to be very clear that the version you're listening to, the version that you're seeing, is not naturally confident. I choose this. I become it before I feel it. And I believe that this is something that we can all do. Now, how do I show up as confidence and still build with flow?

11:12Like JD had said, can your confidence be easy? And so that is what I began doing a lot of deep dive work on. So I believe it took me some time and I wrote all of this down in my Moleskine journal. How can I do this? How can I show up with confidence and embody ease? And my answer was by doing it with others. like by doing it with you here on this podcast. I decided that I'm going to be 100 % unapologetically my 3X self 100 % of the time because I'm going to be doing it with you. If you've made it to this point in the episode, if you're volunteering or not, you're going to be a different version of your confident self.

11:50I believe that because there's something that I've set up until this point that didn't push you away. If you're still here, you're interested. So just because you're interested, how do you choose to be 3X confident with ease. That's what we're going to be talking about today. I want to do this in three simple steps. Number one, acknowledge that confidence feels like fear in the beginning. When you're confident, it feels like fear in the beginning. And then you realize that fear won't kill you. So confidence feels like fear in the beginning. And then you realize that that fear ain't going to kill you.

12:29That fear is not a tiger waiting to maul you. And once you realize that fear won't kill you and you continue to push through, you get a little bit more confidence every single time. I actually read this quote from the Smithsonian Magazine and they wrote it this way. When you realize what is an actual or real threat, you can relabel an experience and enjoy the thrill of it. So essentially, the more that we move past our fear, we're going to get into a place of control. If I can look at a situation and say, no, that's not fear. That's just something I haven't done before. No, that's not fear. I've been here before and I didn't die.

13:11If I didn't die, I'm still alive and kicking, so I'm going to try it again. I once had a mentor tell me that we can feel pain, but we don't have to suffer. We can be in pain. We don't have to suffer. So if I am in the place of pain in a new situation, I don't have to suffer around it. I just have to acknowledge this is new. It's hurting. It's uncomfortable. I'm not going to die. I don't have to suffer. I have to persevere. When we can control that experience of saying, okay, I've been here before. This isn't a real life and death threat. I can choose confidence or I can choose fear. And sometimes when we choose confidence, it feels like fear.

13:59But the minute that we continue to push through, what are you? You're confident. You're not fearful. So when I am having conversations around when I felt fear, I felt like I made a list to tell you when I felt fear. And guess what? It didn't kill me. And in fact, made me feel confident. I felt fear hiring my first employee. I felt deep fear firing my first employee. I had deep fear with my first employee leaving on very bad terms. I had dreadful fear with one of my first employees leaving on amazingly well terms. I was afraid to hire. I was afraid to fire. I was afraid of somebody leaving on terrible situations.

14:47I was afraid that somebody was going to leave on great conditions. All of that happened. And guess what that actually was? It was me making the confident decision to hire, making the confident decision to fire, making the confident decision to have somebody leave awfully and still say, I'm better because of it. I did not succumb to the fear. I wore the armor. But now when I go through new things, I can say, do I want to pick up the armor or do I just want to be confident with ease so I can show other people what it means to be confident despite the fear? Step number two, when it comes to building out your confidence is to admit what you don't know.

15:26So a few months ago, I was invited by the editor of Goss Magazine to have an interview. And part of that interview, the issue will be released in January of 2025. And so we're having this conversation, like literally six months in advance. And I'm going to be published in the magazine. And she was talking about like, well, as you're publishing your photos and story in the magazine, we need to know more about your story. But more specifically, what you wanted to know is like, where are you headed? And I've been pretty open on the podcast that like I'm building, I'm building in dark corners. I'm building on my own.

15:59I'm building with the solace of my team. I'm building. And what we're building has yet to find a name, but we're building. And we just take these simple, ardent steps towards that. And so as we do that, it's important for me to admit what I don't know. And so when she says, well, where are you going? I wanted to tell her, but then I felt like a fraud. I was like, you're not going to show up in this interview and be fake, be you. So then all of a sudden I said, well, I'm going to admit that I don't know how I'm going to make it happen. And then I admitted, I don't know all the pieces to make it happen.

16:35And then I admitted to her, I don't even know if it's going to work. And the minute I admitted what I didn't know, I was free. It was kind of like, I don't know if you're familiar with like Eminem. He's most popular for his rap skills. And there is a scene in 8 Mile, the movie with Eminem, where the whole goal is for Eminem is to call himself out in the rap battles before anybody can call him out on it. So the minute that you rob your opponent of them talking trash about you, they have nothing to talk trash about because you said about yourself first. And so all of a sudden in this interview, when I was able to admit, I don't know, I was freaking free to dream.

17:16I was free to like outline what I believed what it could be without feeling like I was beholden to it. By admitting what you don't know, it allows you to be confident because you rob anybody else of saying to you, well, you don't know how you're going to make that work. You don't have all the pieces. You don't even know how you're gonna make can happen. I know, honey, I said it first. I'm okay embarrassing myself first. In fact, it is embarrassment that gives me power because if I own my embarrassment and then later on look back at that embarrassment and say that embarrassment was actually me calling my shot in advance.

17:49That was me being Babe Ruth and pointing out to the outfields and saying that's where the home run is going to go. What you call embarrassment is me calling forth and foretelling. so a lot of people will do that admit what they don't know because then it feels like it betrays the sanctity or the veracity of their business and I am here to tell you that you could choose to believe that to be true or maybe just maybe you could try it on and admit what you don't know so you have the freedom to say I'm going to build without knowing every piece that is required to build the last and final step of building your confidence because you know we're doing this together.

18:24Step three is to share your best ideas for free as a test. Share your best ideas for free as a test. So in my past lives and careers, when I decided to become a photographer and I started teaching photography when, let's just be real, I had no reason teaching photography. I was teaching myself. I was literally teaching myself photography and then I would just put it on the internet. I'm like, anybody else who like learns like me, you're going to learn photography like this. when I started pivoting away and teaching branding and marketing content to other entrepreneurs, I got together with my friend, fellow co-business owner, him is Promise Tangerman, and we created a series called Brandologist, where we were teaching business owners how to build their brands.

19:10When I started really teaching six and seven figure business owners content, I started a podcast tour. I was going to different cities, connecting with different people to create education. Now, when I was creating content for photographers, when I was creating content for six-figure business owners building their brand, when I was creating content for seven-figure and eight-figure business owners on the podcast, as we expand into go-to-market strategy and marketing strategies, the feedback that I am getting and the feedback I got was what empowered us to build trust with the audience. When you are sharing the best of what it is you have, the market makes it better.

19:51And because they got it for free, they want to give it back to you in abundance by saying, hey, have you thought about it this way? Can I connect you with this person? Oh, well, if you taught it this way or if you laid it out, it would be better and more understandable. And I'm like, thank you. You're sharpening me. So when you give away your best content for free as you're building business to build confidence, if you don't feel like you're exactly confident, give your best stuff away for free. I'm going to tell you why this is the best thing. Well, you have less pressure because you shared it for free.

20:19If somebody don't like it, refund them. It was free 99. Secondly, people want to support you because it's free. They're like, I can't believe I got this information. I'm going to show up for this person just differently. And lastly, when you share your best content, you create a community of people who appreciate you in the way that you share it. And when you create a community, when you have people who want to support you, when people are inordinately sharing your free content with others, that is what helps build trust and build a community. And that community will then become evangelist for what it is that you sell.

20:50So essentially what we're seeing is every single move, step one, step two, and step three, you're building confidence just by stacking proof. When you get stacked proof that fear doesn't kill you, when you get stacked proof that confidence oftentimes feels like fear in the beginning. If you can admit what you don't know, if you can share your best stuff for free to build trust, what does it prove? You're stacking. You're stacking proof that you can actually choose to be confident when you do not feel that way. And so my whole focus in 2024 has been to share my best ideas for seven-figure and eight-figure business owners.

21:34I'm just stating that out as the facts. Now, people are looking at this and they're consuming it like, oh, she is? That's the behind the scenes strategies. And if you didn't realize there's a strategy, that's how good you know it is. Just saying. That's my personal belief. So the podcast has been slowly moving away from social media marketing strategies and into seven and eight figure go to market strategies for marketing and who we're bringing on on the podcast has all been carefully selected to buttress this belief for who we are serving. and we're showing expertise and we're showing what it is I do behind the scenes of my business and for other business owners.

22:11On YouTube, the second way that we are building out a new audience of seven and eight figure business owners is to serve the people who I am and once was on YouTube. We post the podcast, we post vlogs, we post keynote sessions. What am I ultimately trying to do? Give my best stuff away for free. The third thing that we're doing in 2024 is a summer accelerator for seven-figure business owners. It's a free series. I'm like, I'm literally going to share the best thing I got for seven-figure business owners. Three marketing strategies to increase visibility, how to streamline your processes and scale your business, a time management framework, everything that I needed to do because you can muscle.

22:52When you're starting your business, you can literally force your way from$0 to$100 ,000. You can force your way to do that. You don't even need to be the best. You just need to be dedicated and obsessed. You can easily build $100 ,000 business. You can. You should. Now, the climb from building$100 ,000 to a million, that is brute force, sharpening your teeth, and refining what the offer becomes, and finding ways to fulfill on that offer without completely burning yourself out. The minute you get to a seven-figure business, you will have the cold, hard slap in the face of realizing that you cannot run a seven-figure business successfully on your own.

23:30You need to have support. Now, the degree of that support really depends based on the size of the business. But when you're at seven figures, you need to have a team and you need to scale. I need to start speaking to that so clearly and precisely without feeling the necessity of wearing an armor of confidence and instead choosing to be 3x confidence with ease. So how do you build your confidence armor with ease and flow to achieve 3x goals, right? We're talking about being the 3x version of you. Why are you not achieving 3x goals along the way? Number one, acknowledge that confidence feels like fear in the beginning and fear won't kill you.

24:11And if you are not killed, you will rise and try it again. Number two, how to build your confidence is admit what you don't know. And number three is to share your best ideas for free. Remember that confidence comes from stacking proof. So your objective every day is stack one piece of proof to prove that you are in fact confidence and you can act confident before you feel confident. That is what many best business owners do. And that is what I believe you can do for yourself. This podcast, these videos are a labor of love. We make them for you. Thank you for being on this journey. If you could be so kind, take a picture of where you are listening or watching this podcast and tag me at Jasmine Star.

24:56It is when you share the show that you empower others to learn and grow alongside you. Let us pay it forward so we could play a bigger game together. I'm Jasmine Star, and I just want to say thank you for watching and listening to The Jasmine Star Show.