Burnout, Visibility, and the Power of Owning Your Voice | Powerhouse Women Panel

0:00If you've been feeling stuck in your business and wondering if you're the reason it's not growing faster, I have something for you. I'm hosting a free, no-pitch, live class called Three Money Beliefs That Made Me Millions. And I'm sharing the exact mindset shifts that helped me go from million-dollar years to million-dollar months. This isn't fluff. It is a surprising strategy that changed everything for me, and I want to share it with you. Like I said, no pitch, no fluff, just you and me talking about how we shift our beliefs around money to make you millions. Save your seat now at jasminestar.com forward slash millions.

0:33I can't wait to see you there. Do you want to know how to ask for what you want? How to deal with rejection if you don't get it? Do you want to know how to put yourself online without overthinking it? I'm so happy you're here. Welcome to the Jasmine Starr Show, where I empower entrepreneurs to scale from seven to eight figures. And today we're going to be talking about doing that in a really special way because you're not going to hear it just from me. You're going to get the answers to these questions and so much more. But let me back up for a second. I was invited to speak at an event called Powerhouse Women in Scottsdale, Arizona.

1:04It was hosted by my sweet and wonderful friend, Lindsay. She is founder of Powerhouse Women and she has these live events. She invited me to come and speak on what she was calling a podcast entrepreneur panel. I was joined by incredible people. You're gonna hear all about them as we move into their intros in one second. But before we do that, I wanna talk about why this panel and why I'm sharing it on the podcast is it had a very unique view of creating content in a way that is building out a personal brand as well as building it out for a business and how to deal with judgment online, how to deal with judging ourselves, how to get feedback from people when it's welcome and unwelcome and a lot more other juicy tips in finding ways to batch create content and showing up on behalf of your business and using and creating your own marketing to buttress the thing that you want to do.

1:56So if that sounds interesting, and I know it is, and we're just barely scratching the surface. This is an entirely different look on how I show up on stages because most often I am speaking as a part of a keynote. Here, we have this really great vibe with other people on the panel. I know you're going to love it. Let's dive in. You know, obviously we've all evolved. We're constantly evolving. So who are you today? What version of yourself do you want to introduce? And tell us a little, obviously the name of your podcast as well. I'll start with Jasmine. My name is Jasmine Starr. I am the host of the Jasmine Starr Show.

2:27And just two days ago, Lindsay and I were texting and she was talking about this event. And I just want everybody here to know she has put her heart and soul in this event. She has been thinking about you, your experience and what you're going to walk away from. And I just told her, Lindsay, the word that comes to me as you prepare for this event is reveal. It will be revealed. And I feel very proud to say that the version who I am today is I am revealing the next version of myself in all of its ugly beauty. And I am okay with that. So thank you for holding space. You just said reveal. And I was like, and I am revealing a little insightful side.

3:05You're like, you want more from me? Hi, guys. I'm Crystal Williams. If you got the VIP bag, you just got my book. I'm a new author. Yes. If you're not almost 30, the book still applies. Don't worry. And I'm also almost 30, but on the other side. And I would say the phase of life that I'm in is post-metamorphosis. I went through a divorce and a lot of really hard things in the past couple years. And now I just feel like I'm on my butterfly season and it feels so good. So, so good. Beautiful butterfly you are. Hi, everyone. I'm Lori Harder and I'm so excited to be here. You know, I feel like we all get to have an event because Lindsay is bold enough to put this on for all of us to have a stage.

3:48So I'm always so grateful to sit and cry and watch you up here. So it's, I've cried like five times. Anyone over that number? Okay, great. I still have a way to go. I would say the version that is sitting here, oh man, she was hard earned through some major darkness and a lot of pain. And I am so grateful for it. And I would say that the version of me is becoming more audacious and unapologetic. And I think that that allows us to really step into our most authentic selves and we can just let go of what everybody is thinking. Yeah, which is the perfect segue to the topic that I had in mind for this particular group of women.

4:31And it's a topic that in every single group that I mentor in so many of the community conversations, I think is always an area that I hear you and me wanting to deepen. And it is the audacity, if we will, to be seen. and overcome the fears that can come along with visibility in order to get your message out there, in order to make the impact that you're really here to make. And I think along with that comes just this freedom and self-expression to ask for what you really want. Would anyone love a breakthrough in any of those areas today? Yeah? Anyone feel like you've experienced a little bit of a breakthrough in those areas already?

5:15Just walking into the room? Okay, so I'm going to start off with a question around visibility. And when we hear about creating content, you know, we're in this content-driven society. We all have podcasts that we publish content on, different platforms. You know, showing up consistently is important. But I mean, I can say like for the last year, it just was not possible for me to show up as consistently as I was putting pressure on myself to show up. So what is a practical strategy that each of you use? And we'll kind of just go down line in the same order, even when you're feeling insecure or feeling vulnerable, or maybe you're in a season that you're like, I just don't got anything to say.

5:55And I feel like Jasmine, you are someone who I really look up to in this way that you are so consistent with how you show up and serve your audience. What does that look like in a season where you're just like not feeling great about yourself? Well, the reminder and just the truth of it is it's not always easy and it hasn't ever been easy. When people look at something and think that looks easy, it's because that person has put a lot of time and work and energy behind it. But to be totally honest, I had the opportunity to speak to a few of you before I stepped on stage and we all stood out there in line and there were people who came up and said, just thank you for your podcast.

6:35And what I heard was a deep resonance of saying, you got out of your own way when you didn't want to do it. I can't tell you how many times I don't want to do it. Posting content most days, I don't want to do it. I don't want to create content most days. I don't want to write. I don't want to speak to empty rooms. I don't want to create podcasts that nobody listens to. I don't want to write newsletters that very few people open. And yet I do. And I did because I got out of my own way so that we can connect and you can see what's possible for people who don't want to do it. And then we do it anyway.

7:13So good. Krista, what does this look like for you? Because you just came out of a big season. A book launch is like content creation, visibility on steroids. It's like the Super Bowl. I took a month off and watch Love Island. So that was my burnout treat. I was like, a new episode is out in the villa. So I was taking my time. So I honored that. You know, to be honest, it was a really busy season launching a book. Anyone here want to write a book? Yes. Maybe. I mean, okay, I saw this. Maybe this if you want to write a book. Lock the elbow. Yes. Lock that elbow. I got you if you need help, but it's a big season.

7:50It was super busy. We were doing the most and I knew that I could do the most because I was going to honor the rest after the fact that I didn't want to be visible. But when I'm scared of being visible or putting myself out there, I have to remember that my calling cannot be governed by my circumstance. What I came here to do cannot be governed by me feeling sad, me feeling ugly, me hating my outfit, me being tired. Like when you are aligned to a bigger mission to serve, to a bigger mission for whatever it is that you want to do, it makes everything make sense. I'll be like, oh, I don't want to show up.

8:23I don't want to do this. And it's like, it's not about that. It's about what I'm here to do from a mission standpoint. And the second thing that I'll do is the practical point. I'll create tons of content when I'm in the mood. You guys know those times where you're like, I'm vibed today. And you're just like, no, I was like, the hair is herring. Like the lightest lighting. I am like in the mood. I will just go create so much content. It'll be like eight hours. I'll just do everything so that on the days when I don't feel good, maybe I'm in my luteal, maybe I'm just not feeling it. I can rest and chill.

8:54So practically, it's really great to just go for when you feel good and use that momentum to create all of the content that you can batch. Okay. I think that one of the very magical things about being in rooms like this and also having friends like this appear and having clients. How many of you have coaching clients or are in groups or masterminds or things like that? That is such a superpower. Most of you raised your hand. So when I don't feel like making content, I borrow other people's stories. So that's one of my tricks is to really think about, okay, what did we talk about in that group?

9:29What is someone really dealing with right now? Because it doesn't always have to be things going on in your life. You know, when you're going through something, it's like you feel like you're pulling out of every hat and nothing is coming. It's like the well is dry. You have nothing. So I've always gone into other people's wells. Like, what are they feeling? What are they talking about? How could I maybe talk into that and what they're going through? So I'll borrow people's stories all of the time. And also, I think when I'm really in it, when I'm really struggling with something, I will not tell the story because I don't necessarily feel ready to tell that story yet or I'm still really in the center of it.

10:08But what I will do is kind of talk around it and just say, hey, I want to be really real with you guys. And I think that's been a superpower of mine is honestly, having the podcast has forced me to be really authentic because you can't be inauthentic after eight years of having a podcast. You guys like you eventually just start going, well, here's where I'm at. Like, here's what happened today. Here's the stuff that happened. Here's what's going on in my life. But I kind of like will dance around that and share it. And I think that is, I honestly think that's why every single woman up here you're resonating with is because we will bring you on that journey and just go, okay, if I'm going to do anything today, like if I have to do this podcast, who could I talk to?

10:52Who could I just be so real with and say, this is actually what's happening in my life? And I think it's so powerful when we're there. I don't want you to skip over it because, you know, I can go and listen to Jasmine's like best work all day long. and is it going to shift me? Absolutely. But I actually want to hear when she's in the muck because that's when it resonates the most with me. That's when Krista's like, oh God, this is like so hard and she's sharing that and doesn't want to talk about it. That's when we feel the closest because those are such human things. So I think instead of feeling like you have to show up perfect or do the perfect content, sometimes the perfect content is when you are right in the mud and you're sharing exactly where you're at.

11:34Yeah, so good. I feel like the only thing I want to add to that is for those who are like really in it, in it, I remember it was early June last year and I was starting to realize that this season was going to really ask me to slow down more than I ever had before. It was before I really let myself fully come undone. And I remember I booked a two-day podcast shoot with my team. And I kept telling myself, I'm like, if I just batch enough content, I can go away for the whole summer and just heal and take the space that I need and not be ready to talk about it. I wasn't ready to talk about it yet, everything that was going on in my personal life.

12:13And that was something that showed me the resilience that is required in order to grow the community that I know I want to grow. And I let it be okay that it felt good to continue being consistent with the podcast, but I let it be okay that my personal social media was going to become kind of a graveyard, right? It's like, where is she? You know, just let them think that you like, you know, you just are coming back with like Taylor Swift with a new album or something. Like she just is so mysteriously disappeared. Let them wonder. But I let it be okay. I asked myself, I was like, where is it important for me to be consistent no matter what?

12:52And how can I set myself up? How can I ask for help? How can I batch ahead to then allow me the space to truly grieve? And I'm so proud of how I was able to do that because for the most part, until I was ready to share, no one really knew, like no one really knew that I had skipped a beat. And it took a little bit, like I had to dig pretty deep to do that. but I was so proud of myself because I didn't want to let the podcast go zero dark 30. I didn't want to disappear in that way. It was important to me to keep showing up. So ask yourself, where is it actually important for you to show up? And where can you just give yourself grace that maybe just right now it's not as important?

13:36So I think when I think about visibility and the fear that can come along with it or just the things that has triggered for me, a lot of it is tied to realizing now how much I kind of had my identity or my self-worth a little bit attached to being liked or what people thought of me. I wanted, it was very important that I was perceived in a certain way, which can have you in a chokehold if you just want to be free to show up as your authentic self. So, you know, visibility can trigger these wounds, what have you learned or how have you learned to separate maybe your identity or your self-worth from what people on the internet say?

14:18And does it ever get to you? So, okay, I'm going to be honest. I worry I'm going to push some people away, but I just say what I'm going to say and it's going to land where it's going to land. I don't struggle with that. Yeah. No, wait, but here's the deal. That's important to hear because now those of us that do know that it's an option. I do. I feel a little bit of guilt around that. And I don't want to feel, I don't want to feel guilt that I don't struggle with the self-worth of me putting things out on the internet. I want you to like me. I don't care if you do. And I say that with all humility, because I have, listen, y 'all, I've been in therapy for plenty of years.

15:02I have a lot of other baggage. That's just not one of them. And if there's anything that I could ever do to you, or excuse me, say to you and that has been done to me publicly, it has been done. It has been bad and it has been ugly and I didn't want to get out of bed and I struggled with depression. And through all of that, it still didn't mess with my self-worth because dare I say it, and I know it's okay for me to say here, my identity is in God. Yeah. And so anybody can say anything and have opinions, but their opinions don't pay my bills. I create for the people who care and I create for those who don't.

15:34If you don't like it, don't subscribe. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. But that's, it is, it was actually a radical moment for me. There was a season where I really got to learn this lesson. The rhino moment of that season was a situation that revealed to me just how much my identity was too tied in with how it was being perceived. And I remember a friend at the time saying, they were like, why do you care? And the attitude they said it was, I got that they actually didn't care. and to a Midwesterner, you know, who had some very deep rooted people pleasing tendencies. I just didn't know it wasn't enough.

16:11I didn't know it was an option to not care. So it's important to hear that. What about for you, Krista? Yeah, I'm a little bit similar because who wants to be seen here? Like who wants to be more visible, be on stage? Like, yes, like almost all of you to survive in this industry and to be on stage, to be visible, to be public means people might perceive you. People might talk about you and people on the internet are not my boss. God is my boss. So that's who I'm reporting to. That's who I'm with. And I'm not going to be listening to anyone on the internet, what they have to say to me. Now has that been sculpted over time?

16:42Yes. Have I had times and moments where I thought I was a piece of a loser, fat, ugly, you know, all of the things that people have said for sure, but it's given me some thick skin. And it's also given me a lot of time in therapy to really find and cultivate a deep self-worth outside of what people have to say. So I'm not saying that I'm immune to it at all, but it's really something that I've really chosen to take in therapy and really use as a way to deepen my own belief in myself and what I do. But I think at the beginning, it's going to be the deepest practice for most people. I mean, most of us are people pleasers.

17:16Most of us deeply care about what others think of us. And so it's really beautiful that we all have the opportunity to use our work to heal, to use our work to become the women that you came here to be. And it's such a beautiful space of entrepreneurship, like all your wounds, all your issues, all your stuff, it comes up in business. Like your entrepreneurship is a spiritual practice. It's an act. So you will be shown where you need to heal and love yourself more. And I know it's painful, let me tell you, but it's also such a gift. So good. I love that. What about for you, Lori? So I think everything that we are signing up for and all of our big dreams in this room and all the things we want to do are going to do exactly what Krista just said.

17:55and it's going to show us exactly where we think we're solid, but we're actually super weak. I'm kidding that I'm old recently and I'm like... I know. And now when I'm up here, I'm like, what lesson should I pull from? Because I'm old now, so I've got lots of bags of tricks up here. Okay. So with that said, you guys, was I the person who deeply cared? Yeah. That's all I cared about is what people thought. Midwestern girl, born and raised, restrictive religion, all that was ever told to me was how you're acting, how you're being, like this is all very important. And self-worth wasn't a conversation.

18:30It was really like, are you being a good girl? Are you showing up humble? And as you all know, being an entrepreneur kind of has to break those rules of what people think is a good girl, of what people think is humble, of how you should show up. And so I think especially for me, I've always wanted to be liked. I was a kid who was bullied growing up. So for me, it felt like life or death. Anybody experience that? Like it feels like life or death if people don't love you or need you or want you. And it wasn't until it's like you think you're working on it and you think you're solid. And it wasn't until probably 2020 when I was like, okay, I'm ready for my next level.

19:09Like I'm feeling good. Anybody in here like, let's go to the next level. Like you're ready. Like you're solid. You're waiting for it. Okay. Some of you aren't raising your hand now because I'm building this up. Like And it is. Okay. Do I want to be canceled? Exactly. You're not going to be canceled. Okay. Maybe. But anyway, scratch that whole thing. Let's go back. Okay. With that said, I was like, you know what? My higher self feels like I want to call in a bigger challenge. And that was when I had started a company called Light Pink. And I, at this point, for me, disappointing people felt like my biggest fear.

19:44Like if I disappointed people that I cared about, like, I want you to think of all of your mentors and things like that in your head, does disappointing them and disappointing your family or friends or people who you really care about feel like one of your biggest fears, like having them question you or, you know, let them down or whatever that looks like. So in 2020, I decided to raise money from my mentors, my best friends, my peers, my family to fast forward about a year and a half, not be able to get this first idea to the finish line and having to let people know, hey, that first idea didn't work.

20:16I'm so sorry that I just burned through a million dollars of your money and people who I look up to. And I just remember I'm saying this story fast, but you guys, it was one of the darkest experiences of my entire life, disappointing the people that I care about most in a way to me, that it felt out of my control. And I think that was one of the biggest moments where I had to dig in and go, what do I think of myself? What are my intentions? Why am I here? What am I made of? How long am I going to stay down here? Who's around me? Did I set up a really good team for myself to help me get out of this?

20:56And that those were the moments for me that like after something happens like that, and I know it's happened to everybody up here, something similar in a different way. When you get so shaken, when everything, when you get shaken and everything gets shaken away, that's the only time that I feel like we really start to get to answer that question of, do you actually know your self-worth? And do you actually want to know what you're made of and go to the next level? And so if you're afraid of that at all, I will tell you, I would live through that again, 10 times to be the woman that I am sitting on the stage.

21:33Yeah. Amazing. So let's pause here for a second because we hear that story. And for the people who struggle deeply with self-worth associated with performance or accolades, what we do is there's a tendency to think of yourself much worse than what the reality is. We sat in a room with the most impressive people, mind-blowing people. And we sat in a large U-shaped room and there was about 50 people in there. And we all went around to say something and Lori spoke up and she talked about her deep shame and embarrassment. People in the room had given her considerable amounts of money. And she sat there as a completely broken woman.

22:10And I sat across from her. And all I wanted to do was say, can you please be nice to my friend? Nobody is thinking the way that you're thinking about you. So number one, if this is something you struggle with and you put words to it, people will absolutely tell you it is not as bad as you are making it. And number two, bring people in on the journey because they want you to win. But if we keep people away, we self-isolate, we go into a vortex and we keep people at a distance. Yeah, that's so good. So, so good. Yeah. So if each of you could travel back in time and you could go back to the version of yourself who is sitting in a room like this, starting to wake up to this bigger vision that you have for yourself, knowing you're meant for more, wanting to put yourself out there.

22:56If you could give that version of you one piece of advice, what would you tell her? You want to go first? Yeah. So I started my podcast in 2020. I started it with a, like a snowball mic from Amazon. That was like$19. I think we all started with that mic. Okay. Uh, with my laptop and garage band and zoom. Okay. So it started off with nothing. And the thing I would go back to her and say to her today, don't stop. Don't stop when the downloads aren't there. Don't stop when the downloads are there. Don't stop when the downloads drop. Don't stop when they say those things. Don't stop when they misconstrue your words.

23:37Don't stop when people have opinions. Keep going. And I say the very same thing to myself today because it's the very same thing that I would tell every single woman in this audience. If you don't stop, you can only win. This is just so good. I'm just like, oh my God. Similar to you, I started the podcast on the closet floor. We were in a dirty, dingy closet. Me and my best friend just like, kiki-ing, talking for months. Before we released, it was horrible when we released. Like, we released our first episode. A friend texted me. She goes, was that meant to be the first one? on purpose people are like yo I went to all the way to the back I'm like the back back I'm like what that's not supposed to be there so it was a complete mess but what I would say to that girl just back then that started the podcast on the closet floor that had a really big dream and had purpose or felt like she wanted to find purpose I so desperately wanted to feel like I had a life of purpose was that you cannot deny the calling of your soul and I feel like for so long I was just hiding.

24:44I was shrinking. I was contorting. I was saying things people wanted me to say. I was pretending that I wasn't a big, powerful person. And I was just kind of like negotiating my truth, negotiating everything. And I just would be like, girl, your soul came here to do something. You came here with purpose. You came here on mission. And I believe that for every single one of you. I'm not special in that fact at all. Like it is truthful that your soul came to this earth to do something. And so I would just honor, I'd be like, girl, you got to just stop playing small, stop faking, stop negotiating your truth and just know how powerful you are.

25:19Okay. So all of those things, I absolutely feel like I need to go back and say all of those things to myself as well. But for me, I feel like sometimes I have to say these like very harsh statements to myself, maybe not harsh, but like a little opposite of what I think so that I can like really understand something that I need to do. So I'll explain. I would go back and say to myself that cringe is the secret. Yeah. So I want to share a quick story of Lindsay and I going to an event recently and we were backstage. So Lindsay spoke on Saturday. I got to speak on Sunday. Like what a dream. Okay.