Emotional Intelligence in Leadership: How You Can Develop, Practice, and Improve It

0:0010 years ago, I made the decision to build my personal brand that was elevated, yet approachable, and reflected who I was, not just what I did. I created my website with ShowIt because it's true drag and drop freedom so you can easily build and update your site. Plus, their real human support team, game changer. Want to try it for yourself? Head to jasminestar.com forward slash show it for a 14-day free trial and first month free when you subscribe. Now, I want you to remember that emotional intelligence is a continuous journey. I mean, you can't brush your teeth for eight hours on January 1st and say, oh, wow, I'm good for the year.

0:34Like, I'm done. Welcome back to the Jasmine Star Show, a place where we discuss business mindset and today developing and improving your emotional intelligence in your leadership, even if you don't consider yourself a leader. I want to be real. If you start a business, it will require you to lead. Lead messaging, lead your customers, lead your team, and lead yourself on days when that is the last thing you want to do. In a certain way, I've come to know this to be true, but I didn't accept it until I was forced to step up as a leader. So I've told you before, but my dad immigrated to this country from Mexico and enlisted in the United States Marine Corps, which is how he got his citizenship.

1:10Now, he didn't have a proper education. He didn't know how to fully read. And so he took a lot of jobs as he started his family. He cleaned septic tanks. He was a kitchen cook at a university. He sold shoes at Big Five, and he even took weekend jobs as a gardener. When I was 13 years old, he started a backyard Bible study in East LA with about eight people. And a few years later, it grew into a church of thousands of people. Still to this day, His church is one of the largest churches in Los Angeles. Now I'm sharing this because I sat front row to the evolution of my father becoming a leader. In his words, he went from being an immigrant beaner to a legitimate pastor.

1:46Now I know that sounds like an article that you would read in like chicken soup for the Christian soul, but it was anything but that. In fact, watching my dad get ridiculed, excluded, pigeonholed was pretty much a guarantee that I never wanted to lead, ever. I didn't want to be in a position where people looked to me and depended on me and like worse, publicly criticized me. No, gracias. I think that explains why in the first decade of my business, it was just run between my husband and I. That's it. But then we started to scale the business and we needed to hire people. And it was right then and there that I had to make a choice in the same place I'm going to stay or I'm going to grow.

2:27And by choosing growth, I also begrudgingly chose leadership too. When I look back at the last seven years of having a team, I can honestly say that it has been the hardest thing I've ever cultivated. But it also makes me the most proud. So that's why this episode is special to me. I want to share how my business has changed when I learned more about leadership, but also how my life changed. So we're going to go over what it means to be emotionally intelligent, a framework that I love called the Goldman Framework, which breaks down emotional intelligence into five key areas. and I'm going to give you a journaling prompt for each of them because y 'all like this isn't easily trackable.

3:05Like there's no insights tab for emotional intelligence. Like what are the analytics? So we're going to have to monitor and improve it ourselves. And on that note, I have two action steps for you to take right now as I'm sharing. And so by the end of the episode, I believe it's going to make a huge difference in your leadership. Now here's a side note. Throughout this episode, you might hear me refer to emotional intelligence as EI or EQ because that sounds for emotional quotient. And you'll hear me use EI or EQ interchangeably. Okay, so let's get started. What exactly is emotional intelligence?

3:39I like to think of EI on two different levels. The first level is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions in a way that help you and your team remain productive and achieve your goals. Now, I consider this to be the greatest business skill as an owner. Why? Because it helps you stay calm under pressure. communicate effectively and build a trusting and honest team. You'll also make better decisions, saving you time, energy, and money. Now, the second level is taking those first level skills and turning them outward and focusing those emotions on others. Now, this doesn't mean that you become like a dumping ground for your team and everybody else's emotions.

4:18Like, no, not at all. It means that you can recognize and understand what your team members are feeling, even if they don't exactly say it. Because let's be real, a lot of times your team isn't going to come out and tell you how they feel. EI allows you to respond with empathy and handle disagreements with compassion and find solutions that address both the situation and the underlying emotions. Now, some of you might be like listening and thinking, okay, Jasmine, it's not my job to figure out what other people are thinking and feeling. And to that I say, you're right. It's not your job. No, but it is your job to lead your team to victory.

4:53And it is your job to create a motivated and engaged workplace. And it is your job to lead by example in a way that you want your team to behave and react in situations. The bottom line is that happy, supported team members are productive team members, which means reaching your goals faster and achieving success for your business. So while it's not your job to be a mind reader, it is your job to develop emotional intelligence as an investment, not just in your team's well-being, but in the future of your business. Oh, let's pause right there. Just have a moment. You do not need to be a mind reader and you don't need to be an emotional dumping ground.

5:32But what you need to do is to create a space for you to understand and approach your team with empathy to say, how do you be your best? Because then the business gets your best. So I think we might need an example here. So let's say a team is gearing up for a launch and they're having a brainstorming session around a marketing campaign. Now, the emotionally intelligent leader, let's call him Dolovan. Well, he notices that Sarah, you know, she's usually a reliable contributor, but she's sitting there quietly, diligently taking notes, but she's not offering input. Now, it was pretty obvious that she was going through something in her personal life.

6:07So instead of pressuring her to speak up, Donovan smiled, just acknowledged her presence. And later he sidebarred and he asked Sarah to share her thoughts within the next two days. And she was happy to, and she completed and she enhanced the team strategy. Now let's flip the script. Linda, the leader of another team, was frustrated by the silence of one of her team members, Carlos. And she let it show. She said, come on, Carlos. Like, you can't just sit there. You need to contribute to this campaign because you've known about this meeting for a week. Okay, Linda, Linda, Linda, listen, Linda. Carlos, who was most likely going through a tough time personally, he had valuable ideas, but that public shaming, oh man, you know that that shut him down completely.

6:50and then he just disengaged altogether. Now, here's the difference in the end results. By the end of Donovan's session, his team felt energized and accomplished. And within the next day or two, they had a well-rounded strategy that incorporated different perspectives, including Sarah's contribution. Now, by the end of Linda's session with her team, feeling the pressure to be loud and immediate and had choked out valuable contributions, leaving their campaign underdeveloped and it lacked depth it could have had if Carlos had been participating. Okay, so let's pause here. Two different leaders, two different leadership styles, but the team members each were dealing with their own stuff.

7:30Now we have to leave space for people to have human emotions in a business capacity. Now, if this was an ongoing situation, I get it. That would be one thing. But emotionally intelligent leaders understand the importance of holding space for people to have bad days, for people to be human, for people to be going through life situations. Now, here's a perfect example that I learned from bettering my emotional intelligence. In team meetings, I love talking fast, thinking fast, and moving fast. And as we were preparing for a launch, I had a manager point out that one of her team members was brilliant, but she struggled jumping into fast-paced conversations.

8:07Now, the old version of me would say like, listen, I don't talk fast, she listens slow. She needs to get in. Okay, I would have wanted her to get faster, but now I've learned that meetings aren't about speed but about space. I have learned that I need to give the team space to add their insights and I do this by leading a meeting and denoting when I'm gonna be calling on specific team members if they would like the chance to speak up. So I wanna talk for a moment about why emotional intelligence is more important now than ever before in leadership and here are a few reasons that come to mind but before we do that, I wanna close the loop on that example that I had just given.

8:48I now tell the team in advance what the meeting will be about. I will then tell the team, this is where you have the opportunity to jump in. So if you don't jump in, that was your spot to do it. I'm not wanting everybody to speed up. I'm giving them advance notice for the people who process slower to say, this is your time to jump. And when that time comes, I want you to say how high, yes, and amen. Let's go back to number one. We live in a world of constant connectivity. Emails ping after hours, group chats interrupt vacations, and that feeling of being on, like I'm always on, I'm always on. That is pervasive.

9:23But this alone isn't the issue. It's just how the world is today. And sometimes it can even put employees at ease, staying in the loop knowing, hey, nothing's on fire. It's only an issue if the leader has unhealthy expectations of an immediate response or constant availability from the people they're leading. Emotionally intelligent leaders create a culture where staying connected feels less like, oh, a constant obligation and more like a way of staying informed and engaged when and if it's truly necessary. It's common for the team to write Slack messages over the weekend or ping me when I'm vacation, but we don't have the pressure to respond.

9:59I want to create a culture where the team can run each at their own pace and respond giving their working hours. If someone sends me a message or an email over the weekend, I don't have to respond if I don't feel it's necessary. and I want the team to be able to do the same thing. Number two is attracting and retaining top talent. Leaders with high EQ understand that the best employees are looking for more than just a paycheck. They have a deep desire and a hunger for purpose, growth opportunities, and a sense of belonging that they treat that team as such. These leaders go beyond simple like, oh, great job, simple praise, or offering criticism or constructive feedback.

10:38They do that to help their employees develop their skills and advance their careers. And I believe this creates a win-win situation, motivated and involved employees who feel valued to contribute to the company's success, while leaders benefit from a high-performing and loyal team. Can I get an amen? Okay, number three, I am just going to say it. Things are heavy for people right now. Mental health concerns, global uncertainty, and personal and economic challenges are all the realities that employees are facing right now. and emotionally intelligent leaders, they understand this period. They can recognize the signs of stress or burnout and create a supportive environment where employees feel comfortable asking for help.

11:20Maybe they need time off. Now this creates a sense of trust and loyalty and this ultimately leads to a resilient and more productive workplace. Emotionally intelligent leaders prioritize not just the results, but the wellbeing of the team for the people who achieve them. For example, made me really proud as a leader when I saw my podcast producer speak up for herself in her schedule. In Slack, she asked our podcast project manager to please assign episode assignments at a specific pace to ensure that, hey, I can stay on track. She wasn't asking for less work. She was asking for the work to be distributed differently so she can manage her time more efficiently.

12:01And that helps her ensure that she has weekends free for her family. Jack Welch, he's like, the former famous CEO of General Electric. And he said it best. No doubt emotional intelligence is rarer than book smarts, but my experience says it's actually more important in making of a leader. You just can't ignore it. I love this quote and to really understand why, let's get into the Goldman framework. This framework developed by Daniel Goldman breaks down EI into five key areas. Now I'm gonna pause here. I'm gonna give you the five areas and then we're gonna break them down one by one. self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.

12:42Now, by understanding these five areas and incorporating them, you can tap into potential for yourself and for your team. Hallelujah. Let's go. Okay, starting with number one, self-awareness. This is the foundation of emotional intelligence. And there are three main ways that you can improve this. Number one, know where you are. One of two action steps I have for you at the end is going to tell you exactly where you are in this area, what to work on and the how. So we're gonna get to that a little bit later. Number two, seek feedback. Ask your team members and mentors for honest input. Number three, reflect.

13:19Regularly ask yourself what went well in different scenarios and what you could improve on. Okay, let's get into your journaling prompt. Describe a recent situation where you felt a strong emotion like anger, frustration or excitement. What triggered this emotion? How did you react? Now for this second area of this framework, we have self-regulation. This refers to your ability to manage your emotions in a positive way. Something I like to do is practice a simple breathing exercise for two minutes. I inhale for a count of four, I hold for four, and then I exhale for eight. So let's do this. We're gonna practice right now on the podcast.

13:59I am gonna be counting you down. You're going to inhale for four. hold for four and exhale for eight. I am telling you this has changed my freaking life. I'm going to count this down in three, two, one. Inhale, four, three, two, one. Hold, two, three, four. exhale seven six five four three two one that breathing cycle you do that four to ten times this naturally calms your nervous central system y 'all repeat this cycle a few times to continue to calm your mind and regulate your emotions i know it sounds so simple but it is life-changing But I understand. Okay, this might not be doable. Or it's like, that's really awkward.

14:55Are you just deep breathing? Yes. Okay, some people are like, I can't do that in a meeting. I can't do it on a call. But I wouldn't ask you to do what I have not done. And I still do. I'll be honest when I tell you that having conversations around tech gives me anxiety. I am talking about off the Richter scale, off a freaking high rise, high anxiety. When I started a tech company, I had zero tech experience. When I would sit in tech meetings, it felt like everybody was speaking another language because they were. I cannot tell you how many times I'd sit around in this big conference table and I would silently do breathing exercises.

15:33Like inhale, hold while people are talking. Exhale for eight. I am doing this because my nervous system was panicking because I did not know what the heck was going on. But the panic stopped me from thinking or understanding. So the minute I regulated my nervous central system, it opened my brain to actually see what was going on. In fact, I started training myself to take deep, huge breaths before asking a question so that my nervous system was regulated. Now, I own my awkwardness. I am a better leader because of it. But if you're not quite there yet, here are three things you could do. Focus on your senses.

16:12What can you see? Hear, touch, taste, smell. Okay, grounding yourself in your senses is actually proven to help you detach from overwhelming emotions. Now, let's talk about engaging with your relaxation response. Unclench your jaw, soften your forehead, remove your tongue from the roof of your mouth. All of these things tell your mind everything's okay. And the last tip to help you self-regulate is to find gratitude. Think of three things you're truly grateful for and allow yourself to actually experience gratitude in your body. Okay, so now for your journaling prop. Think of a time when you reacted not so great due to strong emotions.

16:59How could you have used like deep breathing or another technique to manage your emotions in the moment? I wanna pause here and just like take a second for what we just went through. We're talking about emotional intelligence, but we're also talking about how it manifests itself in anxiety, stress, and in our bodies. So what we just went through was taking a few seconds to regulate our central nervous system. Why? So we can understand the emotions that other people are experiencing. Why? So that we could lead from a place of empathy because we understand what it means and feels like in an anxious body to be in the workplace.

17:35Ooh, we, let's move on to a little bit more zen. I wanna move on to key area number three, motivation. Actually, I want to take this a step further and say intrinsic motivation. This is the deep-seated desire to do something because you find it fulfilling. Y 'all, I could write a whole podcast episode on this topic alone, but I'm going to leave you with three statistics I found while researching this topic. Intrinsically motivated employees are 43 % more productive than those driven by external rewards alone. This is according to Gallup. Employees who report high levels of intrinsic motivation are more likely to stay with their company, aka retention.

18:20That was also according to Gallup. Organizations that foster a culture of intrinsic motivation see higher levels of innovation and creativity. That was according to NCBI. Now, okay, for your journaling prompt, remember this episode is all about taking action. How do you develop emotional IQ? How do you become a leader? What are your own personal motivators? How can you align your leadership style to better motivate your team members based on their unique needs? For example, I have a deeply intrinsic desire to empower entrepreneurs to scale their businesses. I also deeply believe in the power of beating the odds, especially for underrepresented business owners.

18:58I can honestly say that every person on our team is deeply motivated in the same way for the same reason. Now, it doesn't have to be to the same extent as mine, not at all, but they're motivated in the same way, which helps retention. execution, and getting results. So here's a quick review of where we're at. Key area number one was self-awareness. Key area number two was self-regulation. And key area number three was motivation. Now let's move on to key area number four, empathy. During your next team meeting, I want you to choose one person and focus on actively listening to them, both verbally and non-verbally.

19:33Pay attention to their body language, the tone of their voice. Try using the tell me more technique. So when a team member expresses a challenge, ask clarifying questions with the intent to understand. Instead of offering solutions immediately, use phrases like, huh, tell me more about that. Or how can I support you? Or what do you need from me? Most of the time, they're able to solve their own problems themselves, but they just want to feel supported. They want to know that you understand how difficult it is for them. Okay, so now for your journaling prompt. Think about a recent interaction with a team member.

20:06Did you actively listen to their concerns? How could you have demonstrated a greater empathy in that situation? Now let's move on to key area number five, which is social skills. Here is one super, and I mean super simple way that you can start to improve in this area. Using positive reinforcement. Catch somebody on your team doing something right. Take a minute to offer a public thank you, highlighting their specific contribution. Now I'm telling you, trust me, it will fuel them. I'm going to pause here for a second because so often we think that it has to be something really big, but oftentimes it's the small details that make it feel really big.

20:45I concluded teaching a live course experience called Your Biggest Launch Ever, and it was co-created with the president of Social Curator, Katie. Now, Katie and I built this thing from the ground up, and she was so integral in making sure that we built out a community and people felt supported. she was legitimately taking care of people one-on-one so at the end of the course I stopped and I said I can't end this course without taking the time to publicly thank Katie and all of these students were doing a live course experience and we're teaching it in zoom and they're like the chat went wild for her and people were clapping on video and I think the entirety of it took maybe less than a minute and she took the time to send me a message after and said I just want to say thank you.

21:31It felt so rewarding. Wow, y 'all, 60 seconds so that we say, I see you, and it changes the way that the team shows up for the big vision. So now I want to focus on your final journaling prompt. Recall a situation where you provided real-time, highly personalized, positive feedback. What was that response? How did other team members react? Now, I want you to remember that emotional intelligence is a continuous journey. I mean, you can't brush your teeth for eight hours on January 1st and say, oh, wow, I'm good for the year. Like I'm done. Okay. So same thing for emotional intelligence. By incorporating these tactics and journaling your prompts into your daily routine, you're going to become a more highly intelligent emotional leader.

22:14I want you to create a more productive, safe work environment for your team. And I want you to hit your goals faster. Okay. So before we get into your two action steps, let's do a quick recap. Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others in positive ways. And there are two different levels. Level one, self-management, focusing on understanding and managing your own emotions because it allows you to stay calm under pressure, communicate effectively, and build trust with your team. And level two, social awareness, recognizing and understanding the emotions of others.

22:49It allows you to respond with empathy and handle conflict constructively and find solutions that address both the situation and the underlying feelings. So why is EI important for leaders? It creates a positive work environment. It attracts and retains top talent and it supports with employee wellbeing. And we saw how Donovan, that emotionally intelligent leader, like, you know, he handled a team member going through something personal. He created space for Sarah to contribute later when she was feeling less overwhelmed, which resulted in a well-rounded strategy. Now, remember Linda, on the other hand?

23:23She pressured Carlos to speak up publicly. And in a way, he felt shame shutting down immediately. And it led to an underdeveloped campaign. So let's now get into your two action steps. I'm going to link to a free EI quiz from Psychology Today in the show notes. And you're going to see like wherever you're listening to in the description, that is going to touch on all five aspects of emotional intelligence. It shouldn't take you more than 10 minutes to finish. and then you can identify an area of EI that you want to improve on and set one to three goals to improve it. This should also take about 10 minutes.

23:58Now, if you got just one thing from the episode, I would be so grateful for you to take a few seconds to subscribe, leave a review and share this podcast with somebody who it might benefit from. The reason I am passionate about talking about emotional intelligence is because I wish somebody would have talked to me about the importance of not just managing my own emotions, and sharing with the team how I'm doing it, but giving space to the team to do it as well. I will tell you that collectively, this team has elevated with our emotional intelligence and we're getting like better results because of it.

24:31Look at me, I'm stuttering because I'm so, so, so, so excited about it. Y 'all, thank you for listening and watching the Jasmine Star Show. It is an honor and a privilege to connect with you and increase your emotional intelligence along the way.